I'm home, I'm married, I'm happy

[Luther]

Hi everybody, and thanks for the message while I was gone Howard, and also Stephen for the greatest Dubya joke ever.

I spent a month in the area of Panabo City and resorts around Davao, and returned home feeling like I'd been gone about a week.  And very sad to leave my wife, her big happy family, and the closest thing to the real world that I have ever seen, as a spoiled white boy from the suburbs.

My wife Jovie is everything I had come to believe she was from the many hours we'd spent on the webcam.  Though I would not recommend the route of proposing marriage to someone you've never met, as far as I can tell at this early stage, it worked for me.  It helped that we are so dang old.  Obviously there will be hurdles to overcome in the future but the same can be said about living alone with one's head buried in the sand.  I am very happy about taking this step, and my number one reason for saying this is that the woman I married is the kind of person who will challenge me, make me stronger, and contribute a positive, happy, and healthy attitude to my life.

It was very hard to leave her there after spending so much time together for a month, but Jovie was strong and there was no emotional scene at the airport.  Plenty of that in the nights preceding my departure.  I buried myself in a good book on the long flight home so I would not think about what I was feeling.

Arriving back home in the land of plenty was the biggest culture shock I've ever experienced.  Way scarier than landing in Manila, my first time out of the country.  The concept of living alone till Jovie's visa is approved seemed nightmarish for the first day I was back.

Jovie is a wonderful, strong, happy, tolerant woman.  Her family, as Howard has shared with you all before, is top notch good people.  There are a few brothers among her 11 siblings who are relatively well off financially (businessmen), but for the most part they are simple rural folk who are happy to live a relaxed life, raising their kids and working hard enough to get by.  Jovie is a very popular lady.  Everywhere we went she ran into people she knew and they were always full of grins to see her.  And of course eyeing the white guy and wanting to know what that was all about.  Even in Davao and Tagum City which are adjacent cities, we always ran into her friends, relatives and co-workers.  Jovie's boss talked to me for a half hour and made it clear that I was stealing a prime asset from his office.  He was one of 50 wedding sponsors.  While I'm on that topic, let me just briefly say that giving a Filipina the chance to walk down the aisle in front of her family is one of the greatest gifts you can give her, and I am very pleased with how it all came off.  We hired a video service so the traditional wedding and reception are all available to my American family and our kids if we are lucky enough to have any.

There were over 300 people at the reception, including strangers--laborers from the neighboring banana plantations who came for the free food and the show.

My one-phrase summation/generalization of the Filipino character (compared to ours) is: "no worry, no hurry."  Most of my attempts to stress out about this or that were ignored or laughed off, and I am happy to report that my high stress level stayed off center stage and I enjoyed almost every minute of the time I was in the Phils.  Encouragingly for our future together, Jovie never once overreacted to any of my flaws or the little surprises that were bound to come up when we actually met.  I am also happy to report that we did not agree on everything; if we had I would be worried that I had wasted my money on a fiction.  Jovie is a genuine, sincere, and well-liked person, and I am extremely proud that she is my wife.

I could go on, and I will at a later time.  I need more days to catch up on business at home before I launch into the real travelogue.

Thanks to all of you for putting up with me and keep those Bush jokes coming.

Luther

[Humabdos]

... in response to I'm home, I'm married, I'm happy, posted by Luther on Feb 19, 2005

Looking forward to seeing some of your photos:-)

Hum & Sallie

[Luther]

... in response to Re: best wishes and congratulations to y..., posted by Humabdos on Feb 19, 2005

Jovie wouldn't let me help pack the suitcase for my return trip: "Just take your rest, hon," something I heard a lot.  It turned out she wanted to sneak that durian candy in that I had tried very hard to give away to the family at Manggahan.  Apparently she had taken it back from them as soon as my back was turned!  (Submissive?  Maybe some other Filipina is submissive!)

She also packed the photo album so photos will be posted soon on my website.  If there's a better place to post them let me know, but since I have my own site I assume that will be easiest for me.

And Jeff, let me know how to get some to your Asian sweetie site.

Thanks to everyone for your best wishes.  It is nice to be back in Portland now that the culture shock is worn off.  Leaving the Philippines was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

[Jeff S]

... in response to photos, posted by Luther on Feb 19, 2005

Just e-mail to me at captainjeff@usa.com. If you don't have a scanner or digital camera, let me know via e-mail and I'll send you my snail mail address, so you can mail them in. I'll scan them for you then send the hard copies back along with a cd.
- Jeff

[Keith NC]

... in response to I'm home, I'm married, I'm happy, posted by Luther on Feb 19, 2005

Best of wishes to the both of you.  Looking forward to seeing the pictures.

Keith

[Ray]

... in response to I'm home, I'm married, I'm happy, posted by Luther on Feb 19, 2005

…and best wishes to the bride and groom.

The long wait and paperwork drill are no fun, but time will pass faster than you think. Just keep busy and communicate daily if you can.

The good news is that I-130 petition processing has gotten much faster recently.

Stephen is waiting anxiously for the pics :-)

Ray

[Luther]

... in response to Congratulations..., posted by Ray on Feb 19, 2005

I hope to get Jovie a computer and phone line for her house.  Right now daily communication (except email) means either expensive phone calls or getting up at 2 a.m. to chat with her when the internet cafe is open.  If she had her own computer our schedule would open up considerably.  She could give the computer to her family when she left for the US and it would be a huge asset in the education of her nephews who live in the house.

Apparently it is no cheaper to buy a computer there than it is here and I've learned my lesson about trying to do the internet with older computers.  There might also be software to buy and I'd have to walk her through downloading all kinds of protection from spyware etc.  Assuming that Portland's "Millenicom.com" (the world's greatest internet provider) is not available in the Phils, does anyone know of a provider in the Davao or Panabo City area that they can recommend?

[Ray]

... in response to daily communication, posted by Luther on Feb 19, 2005

Hey Luther,

I guess the Internet access charges over there have recently gone down considerably.

I ran across this while looking for some other info. If she had a PLDT landline, I see that they have prepaid Internet access cards. Doesn’t seem too bad at 20 hrs for P100. They also have an unlimited access plan for P750/month and DSL in some areas.

http://www.pldtvibe.com/Login.asp

Ray

[Luther]

... in response to More info, posted by Ray on Feb 20, 2005

Thanks Ray.  She's looking into the charge for having a landline put in, as well as the waiting time.

When she comes here the computer and internet access would be very handy for her three school age nephews in the house.  Their father was a frustrated professor and he would love to see his sons complete their education.  I've only owned a computer since 1995 and only been on the internet steady since 2001, and I don't know how I ever lived without one.  (Or was that real life BEFORE I had a computer??)

[Ray]

... in response to daily communication, posted by Luther on Feb 19, 2005

Hi Luther,

Having her own computer would be a nice idea, but unless things have changed drastically in recent months, I think she will be here long before she can get a land line installed. The Internet service over there is relatively expensive and has limited usage per month without additional charges. Ask her how long the waiting list is for installing a land line.

Use those prepaid phone cards to make short, frequent calls. Just hearing her voice will keep you going for another couple of days :-). And don’t forget to send cards and letters too. It will make her day to receive some mail and she will need them for proof of valid relationship at the interview, especially since you guys had a short engagement.

Ray

[Jay]

... in response to I'm home, I'm married, I'm happy, posted by Luther on Feb 19, 2005

Hi Luther,

Welcome home! Must have been quite an experience,

Congratulations to you and Jovie. I wish you both all the best. Pictures! You must post pictures! :-)

Take Care,
Jay