Thank you for your concern!

[Jimbo]

... in response to Some thoughts while rocking my baby to s..., posted by SteveG on Mar 31, 2001

It could be a description of what Sally and I went through when she first came here.  You express yourself in English very nicely.

Howard - Please see my personal story below, under Bear's "My Opinion" post.  I only hope my experience can be of some help to you, in any way.

Jim

[Cecil]

... in response to Some thoughts while rocking my baby to s..., posted by SteveG on Mar 31, 2001

Hi Mr. H!!

I too followed the wonderful story in the Howard Chronicles and I am sadden to hear that things are not going as you expected.  I think that Melly is completely right in her advice.  You said that you feel like strangers but when you think about it you are in fact strangers.   Sometimes we delude ourselves into believing that letter writing and long phone conversations are a adequate substitute for being physically together.  Before Ayesha came here, the two of you had only been together in person for maybe a week.  You thought that the two of you knew each other from the letters which you wrote but in fact you were a stranger who she needed to spend lots of time with to be comfortable.  Howard, some Americans believe in "quality time" which means spending less time with someone but making up for it by greater effort.  The truth is that there is no substitute for YOUR love and attention.  I think that women find it difficult to fully enjoy a sexual relationship with someone who doesn't spend time during the other 23 Hrs. to truly know them.  My advice is to take some time off and become Ayesha number one best friend again.  Well Howard, here is another single dude telling others about marriage.  My prayers are with both of you.  It is great to have you back!

Cecil

[cc]

... in response to Thank you for your concern!, posted by Howard on Mar 31, 2001

Howard, how about children? Have you talked with Ayesa about it? This would worry me the most: not being "physical" with my wife, even 6 months after marriage... There is something seriously wrong here, which I don't think can can be explained away by "cultural differences" especially if she was affectionate before (in the PIs.) -

My heart goes out to you!!!

[Howard]

... in response to how about children?, posted by cc on Mar 31, 2001

cc,

We had already decided to wait at least until we were married two years to have children.  If it happens earlier, fine, but we had hoped to be more stable in our life together before we start a family.

H

[nealtl]

... in response to Thank you for your concern!, posted by Howard on Mar 31, 2001

Why not try to be less mature do something at the spur of the moment silly and stupid like a teen ager would do,this will really surprise her
tneal

[jon]

... in response to Thank you for your concern!, posted by Howard on Mar 31, 2001

Howard,

You're doing a great job talking about the problem to us.
You have all the answers but just do not realize it.

The photo stuff.  Get interested or at least seem
interested- no more shoe boxes. Grab some of the books and
tell her you are interested in looking at them and you want
her to do it with you.  That you want to hear what she
thinks of this or that picture.  Drag her out and buy
another book and make her help you put pics in it.

Remember how close Philippine families are.  You need to
start emulating that a little better to get things to
improve.

Jon

[Jimbo]

... in response to Re: Thank you for your concern!, posted by jon on Mar 31, 2001

Filipinas love photos, that's a fact!  Whenever I take Sally to a new city I tell her that we miss half of the sights because we spend so much time taking photos at the first sights we visit )

When I look at her shots in Hongkong before I met her, I say "Where did you learn all those poses?"  Filipinas are experts in poses and backgrounds.  She's got more photos of me since we met in 1998 than I have of myself for the previous 44 years! LOL!

Jim

[Bear]

... in response to Re: Thank you for your concern!, posted by jon on Mar 31, 2001

called Panorama that alternates your background picture.  Then I took all our pictures that I have scanned and put them in a file.  Then had that program rotate them every 5 minutes.

Bear

[Carl]

... in response to Re: Thank you for your concern!, posted by jon on Mar 31, 2001

Howard
I agree with Jon, I have pictures of my wife everywhere. on my computer as well. some of both of us together. I am a camera buff. If there was no other sign, the many pictures showing her would let her know just how much I love her.
Our album is full!! One thing that has really counted with her is the way I show my love for her. It has impressed her Filipina friends also. You do not have to show weakness to show love. The way Ayesa is keeping the pictures, shows she has some deep feelings for you. I hope what ever is troubling her is only a temporary thing. I believe it is from what you are saying.  
God be with you and Ayesa.

[Dave H]

... in response to Re: Re: Thank you for your concern!, posted by Carl on Mar 31, 2001

Howard,

Ayesa keeping pictures of you is good. Pictures of you and her together are very good also. No pictures is bad. Simple...but very true. I knew that there was a problem when my wife (ex) stopped wearing her wedding ring and took the pictures of me out of her wallet. Everyone else's pictures were still there. She made up some kind of story which I halfheartedly bought. Months later, I saw the picture of her new "friend" in her wallet. I realized then that it was a bigger problem than I had thought. ;o)

Dave H.

[Dave H]

... in response to Re: Thank you for your concern!, posted by jon on Mar 31, 2001

Jon,

You are right! I am not good with the photo albums or putting out pictures either. Even with my own kids. It doesn't mean that I don't love them. My ex wife hardly has anything to do with our kids, yet has pictures all over the house. I have made a special effort to buy picture frames and place pictures around the house. I see that my kids appreciate it. I have displayed pictures of my fiancee too. I am having my sister-in-law make a photo album. She made an artistic album of my family to take to my fiancee on my trip. My fiancee, her friends and family loved the album. I had pictures of my late parents, family, my baby pictures, kids, house, car, town, etc. It showed her what my life in America was all about. One of the first things I am going to do when she arrives is get a family picture together. I am also going to take a picture with her and I alone. Then I am going to frame them and place them where everyone can see inside my house. I am going to put the rest of my boxed photos into albums, with her help. I have a craft store near my house that has many artistic ideas to make photo albums.

Dave H.

[Windmill Boy]

... in response to Pictures..., posted by Dave H on Mar 31, 2001

Diamond Dave H (in the rough, rather than in the buff or that purple G string thing  ha ha ha)

One of my best computer investments has been an $ 80 page scanner.

While I was unemployed this past summer in NY I took the opportunity to scan any photo's in moom's house that I could find in the various locations where they were tucked away.  I asked my mother many questions and wrote down most of the answers along with the pictures while she is still alive to tell me about them.  All in all I scanned around 1000 photos of my life and my nuclear family and burned them to discs.  The scanner also has a great program installed for labeling and even fixing color balances from those 1960-1970 photos that have blemished somewhat.  I did it for Security if a fire should ever ravenge moms house. I could also spread the wealth of photo's with my brother and sister in law in michigan if they ever want to access it.  Actually the copy they have is more just for safekeeping along with my pastry recipes.

I am using the scanner now a days to scan my expensive and heavy pastry books and burn them to disk.  I am working on the 18 th one now.  If I get that dream position in Asia  I would rather bring 2 or 3 discs than lug 500 lbs of books with me.  I am to the point that I am scared to buy new books with my moving history and I wish they were released in CD form.  But I am ahead of my time.  I had this book transfer idea 8-9 years ago already  at least i am able to do it myself now.  An upstart market niche business for someone burning books to CD's maybe  but not for me.

Just a suggestion.

That Windmill Boy

[Dave H]

... in response to Re: Pictures..., posted by Windmill Boy on Mar 31, 2001

...but just don't burn the pastry.

Hi Windmill Boy,

Long time... ROFLMPG-stringO!

That is a good idea about scanning books and pictures and burning them onto CDs. I am a bookworm. I had better start today so I can finish before I die. LOL Seriously...it would be great to see more books on CD. I saw one cookbook on CD the other day. I am going to start burning a disk of my favorite recipes. I picked a fine time to start a diet. ;o) I also have many scanned photos that I will be putting on disks and will make copies for my brother.

I will come visit when you get that dream position in Asia. ;o)

Dave H.

[Stephen]

... in response to Pictures..., posted by Dave H on Mar 31, 2001

Stephen took lots of pictures when he went to the Philippines. He took pictures of my niece and nephews, my parents, friends, the streets, buildings, airports and everything. When I got here, it took me a week to put all of them in the albums. Now, when I look at those albums I feel as if i'm not away from home.

Tess

[Pete]

... in response to Re: Pictures...& photo albums..tess, posted by Stephen on Mar 31, 2001

It's a good thing...I took pictures both times I was over there as well as digital video of me and my fiancee with her cousins and friends....lots of silly moments to reminisce on. I suggested to her that she take pictures of all the things she's familiar with before she comes here....even pictures of her front gate or family room...anything to help with the homesickness.