Newbie advise: FOLLOW/REPLY UP TO THE GROUP

[outwest]

... in response to Re: If I were starting over...., posted by Andrew777 on Mar 22, 2001

http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/maganak

[Andrew777]

... in response to mag anak, posted by outwest on Mar 22, 2001

Thanks, I'll check it out

[Zebson]

... in response to Newbie advise: FOLLOW/REPLY UP TO THE GR..., posted by Andrew777 on Mar 22, 2001

Andrew, about the lying area part of your question. I guess that it depends on the filipina. Some can be fanatically honest and truthful too...But I think one aspect related to this lying is what often happens in an accepted practice of hiding the truth in order to save face of some kind in the culture. But generally, if that someone that I was in love with came right out and lied to me when I knew they were not telling the truth or I found out. They had better have a da*mn good reason/explanation for it or I am, "Exit stage left" on them relationship wise.

Zeb

[Andrew777]

... in response to Finding the truth in between the lies......, posted by Zebson on Mar 22, 2001

Yes, and the practice of hiding the truth in order to save face sounds right. I never thought of that one. Also, (my experience) that many if not most Fil. families are so super tight that not matter how much she loves you, you still come 2nd. My ex Fil. GF of 4.5 yrs. was torn between fam. & me. & I would, on occasion, give her an ultimatum : Them or Me. If you read my 1st post, you'll see my story and why I need a new one. Geeeesss! I just want to settle down w/ a good Fil. lady I can count on & we can be #1 4 each other. Simple as that.

Thanks 4 the reply, Andrew777

[Dave H]

... in response to Re:  Finding the truth in between the li..., posted by Andrew777 on Mar 22, 2001

Andrew,

When you say family, I assume you mean her kids. I hope that doesn't include siblings too. It looks like she has not cut the apron (and maybe purse) srings from her children.

Provided that my fiancee considers me to be a good husband, I believe that she will put me (us) first. I know that the relationship is young, but she has already demonstrated this to me. I do not take advantage of it. Her family will be a very close second, certainly. I have seen this with her younger sister, who makes certain that her Kano husband is not taken advantage of by her siblings or mother. Children are another matter altogether. When they enter the picture, we all move down a notch, at least while they are still young and under the mother's care. ;o) I am finding this is happening already with my own children. I don't mind, they need a "real" mother.

If you marry the wrong woman, you could end up the "cash cow." Always the outsider, being milked for all you're worth. Hopefully, we will marry Filipinas that are "lactose" intolerant. ;o) Hey Kevin, I am already working on my tan. ;o))

Dreaming of the land of milk and honey,

Dave "Brown" H.

[Andrew777]

... in response to Milk and Honey..., posted by Dave H on Mar 23, 2001

Yes, Dave, she hasen't. And, we have lately had no life together.Andrew777

[kevin]

... in response to Re:  Finding the truth in between the li..., posted by Andrew777 on Mar 22, 2001

about who should really be #1 in a family relationship.  You speak of the family (parents and siblings) as taking priority over the husband (and possibly children, if any).  In the stereotype sense, it seems that if (being the husband) you were Pinoy, you would be #1.  But if the husband is a Kano, it's different.  

I beleive that there really is a prevalence of Pinay women holding potential husbands to two different standards.  If he's Pinoy, than it can and will only be a marriage for love and he will be #1.  If he's a Kano, than he's just good for the money and a means to serve her own kind.  He'll become her doormat, but the money pickin' is good.

The difference, true love shares mutual goals together.  Quid pro quo love means affection in exchange for one-sided material/monetary gain.  If it's quid pro quo "love", the affection is temporary and will turn into quite the opposite.

Speaking for the majority of us Kano's on the board, we're seeking a Pinay who will hold us to the same standards in a marriage as if our skin was brown instead of white.

- Kevin

[Carrisse]

... in response to I've recently wondered . . ., posted by kevin on Mar 22, 2001

No, Kevin you are mistaken in your belief.  We have no double standards when it comes to choosing a husband.  Your statement sounds like Filipinas are discriminatory.

I agree with May, we were taught to value our family (parents, siblings) but we are also taught to value our immediate family all the more (spouse, children).

But, you have to learn to accept our family as we are willing to accept yours.  How many of you address your in-laws as Mom and/or Dad?  And treat them like your own?  Have you noticed how Filipinas do that?  We are setting an example hoping that you guys will pick it up.

Learn to love your wife's family and she will love you more for it.  If you have a hard time doing so, learn to co-exist with them.  Family is family, they are the ones we will run to if things get rough.

[SteveB]

... in response to Here's the deal..., posted by Carrisse on Mar 23, 2001

Carrisse,,,I always enjoy your insights into Filipina/American courtships.  Too often there are generalizations made about different topics and questions.  My fiance and I have talked about this subject of what is # 1 in our relationship.  Our relationship will come first, but, our families must remain first in our hearts. If we can help them, and if we can afford to, or if we need to, we will help them.  My mother is 74 years young.  She lives on 400 dollars per month,,,,sometimes i help her,,,doesn't mean that Vivian's and my relationship won't be first.  We will help as a partnership.

[may10]

... in response to I've recently wondered . . ., posted by kevin on Mar 22, 2001

From birth,  we experience the love and warmth of our family and recognize that family will always come first.
BUT,  together with such teaching from our parents,  it is
also made clear to us, that once married,  then priority will have to be our family....meaning, the spouse, and eventually, the children.
Therefore,  spouses of filipinas  and/or filipinos, need not worry for they surely will be THE priority once married.

[Zebson]

... in response to Re:  Finding the truth in between the li..., posted by Andrew777 on Mar 22, 2001

Andrew, as you may well know there is no perfect recipe for finding another soulmate...But in reflection and after all the years of relationships, I found myself going back to the basics in my approach to who I wanted to be with. It's obvious this answer will vary too, based upon different mens values, expectations and also the conditioning they have received about what and how they view a potential relationship. To be honest for me...the first thing I looked for in my soulmate was someone that I was physically attracted too. Because for me, I have to be visually stimulated enough to feel comfortable about maintaining both a mental, physical and emotional connection with another woman, also I looked for healthfulness along with this first area, do they take care of themselves, etc..Secondly, I wanted to be with someone I could communicate with and that has a good heart..loving, caring, thoughtful and genuinely kind and with integrity...Thirdly, I wanted a woman that is educated, intelligent and somewhat independant, In other words, capable of handling things herself up to a point, yet also aware of her need for a man and soulmate to balance and make her life complete.. And Fourthly I wanted a woman that had a strong spiritual side, believed in God and had some strong basic traditional values. Another thing that many guys may or may not be into, but that I have learned over the years is...that if I am going to marry a woman I am also looking at what she is going to bring into the partnership...not just oh darling I'll give you anything to make you happy butterfly type romances where you loose your head and can't think about the reality of how things might possibly go, both bad and good in 5,10 or 20 years down the road.....This is where for me in this day and age friendship and equality I feel should play a strong role in getting to know a woman, especiallly if you are a little older like me (I don't have the patience or time for headgames) Find out just how much she is expecting and what type of person she is too. Anyway..These are just some of the areas I focused on when I embarked upon finding a woman that I could love and would equally offer things to make me complete as a human being. I could go on..but that sums it up for how I approached things. Oh and on a side note, one of the things I did not mention was that procreation was not in the picture for me. Not because I can't have them either. But, I honestly have never had a desire to have children. And so I am probably one of the low percentile men that can't be put into that category of wanting to pass on my lineage, even though I guess I understand it to a degree...One of the things I feel strongly about also is the problematic reality surrounding about how many people want to just have children without fully realizing the intense responsibility attached to bringing a new human being into this world...Anyway that's a whole different subject...So it's been a difficult search to find a woman that feels the same way about all this too....but thank God I have.

[Andrew777]

... in response to Finding the right soulmate...my approach..., posted by Zebson on Mar 22, 2001

I fully agree w/ you. And I sure hope I can find same soon.