Now that the pissin contest has died down...

[Jeff S]

There was a thoughtful post made on the Russian Board about how a wife was adjusting to life in the US. Here it is:

http://www.planet-love.com/wwwboard/russian/messages/87396.html

Back when my wife first came, she also had some trouble acclimating to life here - and she already had a driver's license, knew how to budget money and live in a high-cost society, had been to the US numerous times, and many of the other little details that many Asian women don't necessarily automatically come with. I think it was just so foreign a place, so far away from her friends and family, that the few phone calls home just didn't cut it. Sure it was fun for the first few weeks, but after a few months and for the first two or three years, she had ups and downs but was generally lower than before. Only later, did she really come around to her usual cheerful self.

I'd be curious how the adjustment period went for others, especially you ladies who read this board. What was expected and unexpected? prepared for and not? How did what your fiance explained to you compare with what you actually found? How long did it take before you started feeling like you were home? What do you really miss about back home that the US doesn't have. What advice would you give to other ladies thinking about taking the plunge?

Just curious.

- Jeff

[NoNamePinay]

... in response to Now that the pissin contest has died dow..., posted by Jeff S on Apr 7, 2003

Hi Jeff S,
Good Questions
How the adjustment period went for me?
My first two years here was difficult for me to adjust because of;
1. Communication (I was always in my *tampo* sulking mood because I misunderstood what my husband's really meant of what He said.)
2. I couldn't go to the place I want to go because I couldn't drive and I had to depend on my husband all the time.
3. I wasn't sure what to cook for him and I felt bad/worthless when my husband made his own food to eat when he came home from work.
4. I miss my family & friends back home
5. I wished I had somebody to run/go to when my husband & I had a disagreement.

What was expected and unexpected?
-I already expect that when I came here you'll meet all kinds of people, nice & not so nice.
-Have to work in order to earn for a living.
-Marriage's Life have ups & downs.

Unexpected:
-You have to say/tell your husband what's in your mind, Be open to each other. Let your husband know what's bothering you, be prepared for a raised of his voice but at least you already conveyed to him your feelings .
-Admit your faults when you know you've done wrong.

Prepared for and not?
-Being a housewife & a mother have a lot of responsibilities and I wasn't sure if I'm prepared for it or not.
-The worries & headaches of Budgeting (my husband let me handles the money & paying bills & sometimes, it's hard to budget if only one person have the income because of the never ending expenses & bills to pay, but I learned to budget within means.)

How did your fiance explained to you compare with what you actually found?
-He told me that life here in the US is differrent than in the Philippines and that everything would be new to me, but I found out that it's more easier here
because of the luxury & convinient way of living. Yeah, sometimes I miss the traditional way of living and I will probably still do when I'll go back to the Philippines although I'm spoiled now .

How long did it take before you started feeling like you were home?
it didn't take that long for me I think because of my husband and I always have to consult each other's opinion and go for what we have agreed.
I feel like we are a team and that makes me feel at home.

What do you really miss about back home that the US doesn't have?
The family close-knit, family helping each other, some of the food that
I couldn't find here.

What advice would you give to other ladies thinking about taking the plunge?
If they feel that is right for them GO FOR IT! but remember, to have love, courage, determination, & patient to go along with it.

My husband & I are approaching our 9th-years together as husband & wife and I can say that our marriage is still going strong and we like it that way.

NNP LOVES HER HUSBAND & DAUGHTER

[NoNamePinay]

... in response to Re: Now that the pissin contest has died..., posted by NoNamePinay on Apr 8, 2003


I noticed that I've got a few typos in my post I must have been half-asleep this morning Oh well nobody is perfect.

differrent-different
convinient-convenient
Admit your faults when you know you're wrong
be prepared to hear a raise of his voice

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Now that the pissin contest has died..., posted by NoNamePinay on Apr 8, 2003

I will remember your post to help me find my future wife

[NoNamePinay]

... in response to Re: Re: Now that the pissin contest has ..., posted by Peter Lee on Apr 8, 2003

Hi Peter,
Good Luck on your search! Hope you'll find the one you're looking for... as what they say *There's always one for everyone*
Best wishes,
NNP

[Carr]

... in response to Re: Now that the pissin contest has died..., posted by NoNamePinay on Apr 8, 2003

...is not to say "I hate you when...." but to say "I hate it when you do that.......".  Attack the behavior and not the person.  This is one of the most positive things I learned from my Chris.

And being the footloose that I am, not being able to drive didn't stop me from going places.  I took the bus everytime I went to downtown Seattle, no matter if the bus ride takes an hour to get there. I miss riding the bus....

[NoNamePinay]

... in response to One thing I learned here...., posted by Carr on Apr 8, 2003


Hi Carr,
that's another good tactic, "hate the behavior but love the person" I'll remember that next time .

riding/taking a bus was out of question then because we live 30 miles from the city and we don't have no bus service here even a cab won't come this far.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Now that the pissin contest has died..., posted by NoNamePinay on Apr 8, 2003

You husband is a lucky guy.

- Jeff

[NoNamePinay]

... in response to Very nice thoughts, NNP..., posted by Jeff S on Apr 8, 2003


You husband is a lucky guy.
- Jeff

and so am I

Thanks,
NNP

[NoNamePinay]

... in response to Re: Very nice thoughts, NNP..., posted by NoNamePinay on Apr 8, 2003


(*!*)

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Re: I mean a lucky woman hehehe N/T, posted by NoNamePinay on Apr 9, 2003

.. when I tell her I'm a lucky guy.

- Jeff

[madmal]

... in response to Now that the pissin contest has died dow..., posted by Jeff S on Apr 7, 2003

I tried to get her to post, but Doan didn't want to.
She's happy for me to relay some thoughts.

When Doan came to Australia it was to a house that was new to both of us. I had taken possesion of the keys 3 days before leaving to 'fetch' her.
She therefore felt a lot of ownership in painting and decorating the house and starting a garden of her own.
We started a vegie patch with many of her favorites.

We live in a country town of about 13,000 people, most of whom know me (being the local Pharmacist).
People are very friendly here, so instantly knew who she was and treated her well.
Having had a huge picture (about 30 inches by 50 inches)of our wedding in the front window of my pharmacy for several months also helped recognition. (No point being shy about these things)

Less than 2 months after arriving we travelled to Perth (the big-smoke) and here she was able to buy almost all of the foods that she craved. We also ate at several Vietnamese Noodle houses to whet our appetite.

I'm very happy to eat Vietnamese food every day. So I guess cooking the sort of food that she would at home was helpful to Doan.
I tried a few of my western favorites on her in the early days. But she wasn't too keen on some of them. Particularly creamy pasta sauces. Dairy products are almost non existent in Vietnam because most people don't have a fridge. I think this means that many asian people don't have sufficient of the enzymes required to digest dairy products, so they feel sick after eating them.  After a little while eating them they can tolerate them well.

Doan became pregnant not long after arriving in Australia.
This was a mixed blessing because it made her want her family's support more, but also meant she found some friends who were also pregnant.
Doan also commenced english lessons at the local college, where she met many more friends.

The event that really made Doan feel at home was the birth of our daughter, Maily. She was now part of an Australian family. Australia was well and truly her future.

What would Doan say to other ladies?
She would say that staying at home is very boring.
That it takes a while to find some friends, so you will rely on your husband for a few months.
Make sure you find yourself "a good husband that will understand his wife and look after her, and won't go drinking after work"

Mal

[Jeff S]

... in response to Doan's experience.., posted by madmal on Apr 8, 2003

Great to hear your story.

I also like Vietnamese cooking and have it often at a resturaunt nearby my office. Tom cuon chen don and mi noodles are my favorites, but bho ko and cha gio come in a close second.

My wife also spent the first couple years at the local community college in ESL classes. She found lost of friends there and got a taste of the amazing cultural diversity here in Southern California - nearly half of the people are from another country or the children of immigrants.

It's funny about dairy products. Japanese don't care for them much either, even though they have excellent food preservation techniques and equipment. Don't know if it's lactose intolerance, a historical bias or For instance, the only people I know who don't like cheese are all Jaapnese. My wife grew up in a family with lots of international business ties so was familiar with all sort sof food and had even been to European chef's school. Funny, though, she considered French cuisine to be elegant and Italian to be "fast food" (spaghetti, pizza, etc.) but the really nice, elegant resturaunts around here are mostly Italian with dishes like osso bucco, scallopini, marsala, nice seafood diahes, etc.

Doan must be the center of innterest in a small town. If you're outside of Perth, there must be plent of wide open spaces.

- Jeff

[madmal]

... in response to Thanks Mal and Doan., posted by Jeff S on Apr 8, 2003

Jeff S
"If you're outside of Perth, there must be plenty of wide open spaces."

You could say that.

To the west the nearest town is 250km, to the north it is 600km and to the south 400km.

Suits me fine.

I only have to drive a few kilometres and I can spend all day fishing without seeing another person.
Of course that creates it's own problems if you get bogged or the engine stops running.  A mobile phone is essential.

Mal

[Febtember]

... in response to Now that the pissin contest has died dow..., posted by Jeff S on Apr 7, 2003

Q:How the adjustment period went for me?
Answer:Pretty smooth.Even my filipino stomach easily adjust to american food.American were very nice.

Q:What was expected and unexpected?
Answer:I expect opposite to what my life here now.Before I came here I expect my life would be worst than my life in P.I As what I know from the very start that my husband  tell me he is a farm laborer,I expect he work like what you called red neck.I already prepare my life to be  farm laborer wife with no fancy house,no car,maybe the money he earn good enough for a living.But I was so determine to marry him even if I know that this is what I expect and I'm ready to face the challenge of life because he is the only person I found after  long  time searching  of a filipino who holds strong faith like what I beleive.Thanks God he give me more than what I pray and expected.
I expect american  most especially my husband to understand what is hardship so by that he can narrate what it is like living in poverty but I found out he know no hardship and most american  know  no hardship.After all, I understand later that life here is much better , more advance,and have more surplus too. I expect american eat three the same meals everyday.No they don't.They will surely complain if you serve the same food like what you eat in previous meal.My husband don't understand why I eat rice always and keep asking me why I never feel bored eating those rice.Because this is what we use to eat.I guess more american would be starve first to death before trying to eat same stuff everyday.I never expect most american love pets like cat and dogs.

Q:What do you miss back home that U.S does'nt have.
Answer:Thanks so much for the communication and transportation at least it help us lessen our homesickness.Because of the fast transportation nowaday all the food you thought you gonna miss ,already here in U.S.A even cosmetic product we use in P.I already here.Maybe the only thing I miss is that talking to them back home in person or face to face.

What Advice would you give to other ladies thingking about taking the plunge?

My advice:Be always ready what life bring you here.Don't dream too high.Don't think all positive before coming here be much better think negative so by thinking negative you already prefer yourself what gonna happen and you won't be disappointed if the positive things you expect won't happen.Always remember life here in U.S is not like what you see on T.V or in the movie.Most especially learn how to cook  so your husband never complain and be a good housekeeping.

Q:How long did it take before you started feeling like you were home?
Answer:Until now I feel like I'm still living in a dream.Do this is all real?If this is a dream PLEASE don't wake me up because I'm still learning to feel like this is my home.I'm not use of this better lifestyle so too hard to say I'm already feel like I'm home.
Raquel