Hi All,
Haven't been around in a couple of years, but I clicked over today and read some of Scaught's and Frank O's stories.
For those I haven't met, I've been on the boards for about four years now.
I'm happily married to a Ukrainian woman, and have been for over 2 years now (she has her green card, Social Security number, etc.)
I've met dozens of AM/RW couples, including some on this board. I've met people with great marriages, lukewarm marriages, and people who have gone through hell on earth.
This is what I have concluded about FSU women:
They are survivors.
(You can't live through a breakup of a country and not learn how to survive.)
If you marry a woman from the FSU, this survival trait will either be your biggest blessing, or drag you through a hell that you can't imagine.
If the woman is basically self-centered, her ability to survive will consider her self-preservation only. She'll marry anyone to get out of her bad situation... she'll do anything, say anything to get the man to fall in love with her (which is often far too easy...) Once here, she will be on the lookout as to how she can improve her situation.
She will cheat on her husband without a second thought. If he doesn't provide for her the way she wants (or the way some other guy provides for her girlfriend) she'll move on to the next guy she can find.
Whatever it takes.
All of this is completely justified in her mind as she is just doing what she has to do to survive.
It's like anything else... you can talk all day long about your high morals and how you would never personally do anything illegal or immoral... but if you are starving, and a loaf of bread is in front of you, you'll steal it rather than die.
Some of these women have lived like this for so long that their morals have been lowered to the level of their survival.
It doesn't make her a bad person.
It makes her a desperate person. The trouble is that morals drop easier than they raise. Once a human goes into survival mode, it is very hard to get them out of it.
So, is it hopeless to find a good woman in the FSU?
No...
First off, not all women in the FSU are in survival mode. A lot of women live in difficult situations, but don't consider it horrible.
Secondly, many women in the FSU have a very fatalistic attitude towards life. They basically accept their lot in life, and deal with it as best as they can.
Thirdly, if a woman has decided to survive with you and your family (meaning she is not self-centered) then she is the best partner you can imagine. NOTHING will shake her loose.
I have seen this used against some women by idiot husbands, unfortunately...
It is amazing to see what some of these women put up with.
I know of a young FSU woman who's husband cheats on her regularly, and she just puts up with it. (She is in her 20's, trim and sexy... he is 40 something, horribly overweight and an idiot...)
Another couple I know, the man was out of work for over a year (refused to take a job that was beneath him) and she was pregnant, and worked to the eighth month of her pregnancy to support the whole family.
In both of these cases, their husbands were complete jerks, and the women would have been completely justified if they cut and run -- but they didn't. They stuck it out, even though they both had their "coveted" green cards, and could have easily left.
In fact, I have seen more FSU women accept losers for husbands and try to make it work than I have women who have scammed their way out of a marriage and made the man's life hell.
In my case, Viktoriya is an amazing woman, and I am very lucky to have her as my wife. She has a heart of gold, and everyone who meets her just loves her. My family adores her, and have taken her in as though she has always been here.
She is the perfect blend of a woman who dresses up and looks drop dead gorgeous, and who takes off the makeup, rolls up her sleeve, and works hard when she needs to.
She's everything I always wanted in a wife.
So... what's the secret? How can you avoid the first kind of woman, and find the second?
I wish I knew.
There is no formula.
I know of some people who used an agency to find their wife, and it worked... and some who paid a lot of money to an agency, only to have to pay a lot of money to their divorce attorney later.
Viktoriya and I met without the aid of any agency. But that's no guarantee either.
I guess what I am saying is that it *IS* possible to find and marry a wonderful woman from the FSU.
I would say that for a guy who has dated a lot here, and who isn't in some sort of a panic to get married... this is very doable.
For someone who is not very adept at relationships... who is off to prove something to an ex-wife/girlfriend... who has set a timetable as to when they WILL get married... it is a very dangerous proposition...
IMHO
