Has anyone thought........

[BC]

that maybe the shoe should be on the other foot.

We are all so self righteous that the WOMAN has to make the ultimate sacriface.  What about the man?  Do you love her enough to go and live there?  That is a question that you need to answer.  

On all these boards, and I have been on them for since their inception, the male is the one that is always on the side of right and the woman on the side of wrong.  Who said so, other than our own male ego.  

The gentleman clearly states that he is in an economic position to live where he wants, is not close to his family, etc.  Has he ever heard of a virtual office?  I am not picking on you....I am just using you as an example.

Maybe we should open our eyes and MINDS that this should be a 2 way street.

FYI....I have been married to a RW for 4 1/2 years..still going strong....many problems....many highs.....Wouldn't change any of it!

Still lurking,
BC

[LP]

... in response to Has anyone thought........, posted by BC on Nov 16, 2004

[This message has been edited by LP]


...you're refering to Albert but since you didn't post under that thread I'm guessing.

Me thinks you're missing the point. What you say is fair enough if both were willing to go either way but she won't. Imho the worst thing he (or any person) can do is remain involved in a one sided relationship where there is a demonstrated disparity of feelings. This especially applies when a marriage is being considered because it requires total commitment.

Nor do I see a woman making the ultimate "sacriface". Where I come from that means much more than leaving an impoverished country for a better life all around. And I've lost count how many times I've read these women said they wouldn't go back home for anything after living abroad. Would your wife? And if so, would you follow her without reservation? Talk is cheap ya know. You're certainly entitled to your opinion and it's welcome but perhaps if you're gonna throw these kinds of stones you should do it from the FSU, it's further away than a glass house in Florida.

[BC]

... in response to I assume...., posted by LP on Nov 16, 2004

Exactly my point.

All the men are wanting the woman to choose!  You included, based upon what I read.

To put everything straight....Yes I/we would move to Moscow/St.Pete in a heart beat if certain things were in place.  I am not in a financial position to just drop everything and move, but I have interviewed with jobs there, but had to decline for various reasons.  So...now who is living in a glass house?

The men on this board, and others, give great advice, but for the most part only from the point of view of what the woman should do.  When I read Albert's post, not picking on you Albert, but we only see/read/hear what that poster wants us to read.  However, what has he discussed with the lady?  How has he presented himself to the lady?  I bring this up due to his financial status that he told us about.  Did you ever think that maybe she wants him to make the decision to move there?  Does this mean she doesn't love him?  Does this mean to her that he doesn't love her enough to commit to her?  There are 2 sides to every coin.

Everyone is so quick for the scammer.  This lady this...That is a red flat...There is a red flag.  What makes everyone so self-righteous and the lady the demon?

Take it how you like it.  I am only expressing that it does not seem anyone looks at both sides before commenting on the side of the righteous.

BC

[Travis]

... in response to Re: I assume...., posted by BC on Nov 17, 2004

"What makes everyone so self-righteous and the lady the demon?"

You've obviously been fortunate enough to not meet my ex!

[LP]

... in response to Re: I assume...., posted by BC on Nov 17, 2004

...at least in principle. But the fact remains most MOB women want a foreign husband for the better life it offers. They could find one of their own kind at home if they felt otherwise and lets face it, the vast majority of the population does exactly that. It's not about love, only chumps buy into that. How much MOB activity does one find in developed countries? Further proof it's all driven by economics is there are far more FSU scammers than foreign men "scams". It's no wonder men view it from the "demon" perspective you mention...and for good reason.

As far as living there it's simply a quality of life issue. Maybe you haven't much to fulfill yours other than a spouse and job but many others do. I would not only be unable to earn what I do in the FSU but probably wouldn't even be employable in my profession. Not to mention I'd be out of luck doing most of the things I do for enjoyment or owning some of the toys. Many of those options simply don't exist over there. It's not only about money you know, not all quality of life issues can be resolved by cash. And (set your faces on stun) there is more to life than women. You can always tell those who feel otherwise in this biz, they're the ones who go live there just to find a mate. Besides, living in Moscow or St Pete is a far cry from where most men would have to live to be with a lady. The FSU is a great place to visit but to live there long term simply because some woman wants you to is just plain looney and only a desperately lonely or dependent man do such a thing. Not that I think the US is all that great either but let's face it, if one is financially able there are far better places to live while searching for (or after finding) a mate than the CIS.

Albert has further enlightened and only he can whats best for him. Frankly, I wonder why he would even ask a bunch of yahoos on an internet board such a question anyway. However, his concern that she'd spend much of her time with her family is valid. When two people are truly in love they try to minimize physical seperation to the extent practical. The very fact Albert would ponder this question suggests hasn't much high level experience with women. And in a country with so many to choose from why would anyone waste time muddling through a similar situation? There is no single soulmate for each of us out there, that's pure bunk. I remind you every man who gets into this does so to do whats best for *him*, not the woman. It should be the motivating force behind nearly every descision he makes, at least while searching. Otherwise why even get involved?

On the other hand, you'll get no argument from me many MOB men have no higher priority than finding a mate and seem very codedpendent on them for "happiness" once found. Such men are guilty of some powerfully queer behavior at times so it's not accurate to lump them in with the rest of the male population in how they approach "command" life decisions.

[WmGo]

... in response to Well, I see your point....., posted by LP on Nov 17, 2004

I agree in totem.
Good analysis whipper snapper.

[TimInUkraine]

... in response to Well, I see your point....., posted by LP on Nov 17, 2004

Only desperately lonely or dependent men? Wha...? I'm telling my wife on you, LP. When she gets home, and I finally have someone to talk with, that is.

[ARTILLARY]

... in response to Re: Well, I see your point....., posted by TimInUkraine on Nov 18, 2004

Thanks for the info and for the people who contacted me. There are several good ideas. I have also heard that it's better to draw the money in local currencies. For those of you exchanging money now, right before the last primary election, cities outside places like Kiev and Odessa were paying 5.65 and higher. After the election it went back down to 5.40 or 5.38. I imagine this weekend it will be back up. Forget Kiev, your lucky to get 5.25.

[ARTILLARY]

... in response to Re: Re: Well, I see your point....., posted by ARTILLARY on Nov 18, 2004

Sorry, I sent the prev. message in the wrong thread. It was supposed to be under bank cards. Arty.

[LP]

... in response to Re: Well, I see your point....., posted by TimInUkraine on Nov 18, 2004

[This message has been edited by LP]


...to guys who move there just to find a woman or because the woman they're pursuing wants them to. I fully understand business, ect, is more valid and know several guys over there for those and other "good" reasons. Still, I suspect even in those cases the FSU is choosen primarily because it's cheap, not because of the quality of life it offers. There are far better places to live and pursue business oppurtunities after marriage than the FSU and one doesn't have to be that well off to do it.

And a guy that lonely before marriage almost always becomes codependent afterwards. It wouldn't take very much to make him do anything based on his mate's wishes, including "downgrading" his country of residence. After all, these are often the same guys who get scammed or did something bizzare during their pursuit. As I've said before, the value people place on something is inversely proportinal to a prior need and the perceived contribution it makes.

MOB women aren't *that* special. Love is love, it's based on genuine admiration for who a person is, not country of origin, beauty, youth, ect. MOB women are only "better" when viewed through a guy's own self-centered needs. Do men who marry them honestly believe they've stumbled upon some great secret of happiness no one else knows about? While there are billions of people the world over married to their own kind just as happy as a foreign guy/MOB woman? Lol, right.

Have you read other boards? Show me places on the internet where men wax poetic about domestically married spouses (in any country), where they place women on pedestals in general, or otherwise go on and on about a relation most men would simply consider a normal part of life. (Forget all countries, just point me towards an "in country" board where I can see FSU/Latin/Asian men doing it...and they know these girls better than anyone.) Nope, the "happiest" of these grooms are foreigners, men who weren't wrapped too tight to begin with and whose emotional cupboard was bare prior to "getting lucky" (their words). Lets face it, the real truths in this endeavor aren't about the women...they're about the men.

There are exceptions of course and many guys don't rave but my observation has been there is an emotionally unstable, disfunctional personality type among MOB men and it's more common than anyone is willing to admit. Try and get one to fess up to it though and see how far you'll get. It's also why the public's negative perception (in all the countries involved) of MOB has more than a ring of truth to it. I've met some fine people in this game but I believe the further one distances himself from the truly screwed up folks the better off one is. As for the girls, I like them too but I'm not blind to the facts, nor do I believe them to be exceptional. They offer a bigger pond to fish in, nothing more.