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Author Topic: Some clarification  (Read 5709 times)
Albert
Guest
« on: November 17, 2004, 05:00:00 AM »

Thanks to all who posted some comments to my original post.  Here are some clarifying points.

The idea that she refuses to leave her country or come to USA is a little overstated.

First, I told her (and all women that I make contact with) that I am free to live anywhere in the world, which is true.  So this is not something that she just came up with on her own.  i.e. the idea of staying in Ukraine.

Second, she didn't say she refused to leave Ukraine, just that she preferred to stay since I could live anywhere.

Thus the main point is not that she won't leave Ukraine.  It's that she wants to work full time while living in Ukraine.  That, together with my gut feel that most of her free time will be spent with her family or worrying about her family, is my main concern.

Further, I have not even asked this lady to marry me.  We are both very cautious and analytical persons, and haven't jumped into the plans for or even talked about marriage at this point.  But, we have discussed enough around the edges of a long term relationship that I have gleaned the info about her preferring to work full time, remain in Ukraine, etc.

Actually, I not even sure this lady is that anxious to get married to anyone.  She was not on a MOB site, and we met through a professional relationship.  She might be perfectly willing to have a long-term non married relationship, which would be fine with me.  She was involved in a loveless (and even sexless for several years) marriage and knows that marriage does not go hand in hand with happiness.  She was also in one of those marriages where the husband was less stable and successful in his work situation than herself and wanted her to earn the money and turn it over to him.  So she also knows that marriage does not translate into financial security.

Yes, I am aware that the lack of marriage will mean she probably can't live in the USA anyway.

Right now, we are both extremely happy with our relationship, except we are not together full time.  Her child has another year left of high school (after this current year).  The child is very gifted and goes to a private Lyseum science school where they teach at a high level somehwhat like our Advanced Placement courses.  When they finish this system they can go into third year courses at a 5 year university.  She feels it would be best to have the child finish under the current system in Ukraine and get started in a university there before she can think about drastic changes in her life.  I agree with her completely on this.

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slimjimco
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« Reply #1 on: November 18, 2004, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Some clarification, posted by Albert on Nov 17, 2004

Perhaps you could just use a fiance' visa for her to show her America.  Use a convienent time, and send some money to the parents while she is gone.  She might piece things together, and see that things could still work.  Say that there is a chance for another future fiance' visa later.  She might find some ways to work around her "responsibilities" in the future.  If she sees opportunities for planning, these ideas would be her ideas, and might open the door to a future together.  At the least, you would have several months in America with her.
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BC
Guest
« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2004, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Some clarification, posted by Albert on Nov 17, 2004

Alebert,

Personally it sounds like you just need time together.  To let the relationship grow.

My wife's best friend in Moscow works for Philip-Morris as a Vice-President.  She has never been married and no children.  She wants both!  Desperately!

However, she is unable/does not want to give up her career.  She will if she finds the right man, but she has no time to find him.

Give it time.  Grow together.  Discover each other.  Things happen for a reason.  If you are comfortable and really enjoy her, why question!  You will know and she will know when/if it is right.  Love is not analytical!  You can't determine when/who/where/how!  It just happens.

BC

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LP
Guest
« Reply #3 on: November 17, 2004, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: Some clarification, posted by BC on Nov 17, 2004

[This message has been edited by LP]


...Your wife's friend sounds like she possesses one of the same qualities many of the guys here use to justify avoiding domestic women: She puts career over family. Not that I think how she feels is wrong but it's interesting to see this starting to happen. As things get better over there more FSU women will begin to feel the same way, it's just a matter of time.

Women are the same the world over and as their equality and oppurtunity catches up to the West everyone will have to deal with these issues. There is no stopping it, nor should there be. MOB women are only "better" because foreign men view them with a bias based totally on their own self-centered wants and needs, all the while blaming domestic women for doing exactly the same thing. It's an enormous double standard shrugged off with ease by the true believers of MOB.

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Travis
Guest
« Reply #4 on: November 18, 2004, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: Re: Some clarification, posted by LP on Nov 17, 2004

Your last few posts I completely agree with...maybe I need to have the lead levels in my water checked :-) j/k. I know, probably not funny but I had a long flight! My excuse; live with it :-)
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BC
Guest
« Reply #5 on: November 17, 2004, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: Re: Some clarification, posted by LP on Nov 17, 2004

I agree.

However, I do want to point out that she not only takes care of herself, but also her parents, grandma, and brother.  That is one thing that gets lost in the translation.  I am amazed at the family loyalty in Russia.

BC

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