Please help me

[John LV]

I really need some advice from anyone who has either been through this before or knows what to do.

I'm 35, my Russian wife is 26, we were married about 1.5 years ago in Las Vegas. To make a long story short, I have found out recently that my wife has been lying to me about many things. She has admitted that she is in love with another man, and has been cheating on me, she has taken her stuff and moved in with him. I could go on and on, but I don't think there would be any point.

I have no choice but to file for divorce from her, and I believe although I'm not certain that I can do this myself in Las Vegas? Can anyone tell me what will happen from there? Do I notify the INS of this? Should I tell the INS first before filing for divorce?

She has spent my money, I bought her a brand new 22,000 dollar car which she has taken upon half moving out of our place.

Yes this is a nightmare for me, I believed her and trusted her, and I'm devasted by this, even as I write these things I'm hoping that I'll wake up from a bad dream.

But I know I must be a man about this, and do what I must do. When I think about all the money it cost me in telephone bills, and the money I sent to her, the two trips I made to see her, the waiting for almost a year to bring her here, the cost of the wedding, and all the things I have done for her it makes me want to throw up and get sick to my stomach.

Ok, enough crying about this, I need some advice, what should I do first? I don't want this girl to use me any longer, I want to get my car back from her so I can sell it and get out from the payments, and the high insurance I have from her rolling her previous brand new car I bought for her.

Once I file for divorce, what will happen? Will the INS send her back to Russia? Will they arrest her, or will they notify her she must leave? How can they find her? I really don't want to be vendictave about this, I'm not that way, but at the same time I don't want to be played the fool either.

Please give me some advice, I'm feeling weak and cannot think very straight right now.

[Streetwise]

... in response to Please help me, posted by John LV on Nov 23, 2002

2 brand new cars in 1.5 years? And I suppose it was the REAL Elvis who did the honours in Las Vegas?? The tone of this post reminds me of some of the emails I received from RW's (they didn't exist either!) But why bother to make the post? Maybe it's from an RW with bad intentions who wants some tips on staying ahead of the game!

[robobond]

... in response to Please help me, posted by John LV on Nov 23, 2002

JohnnyLV,

I think this is what the group is trying to say, although they are not so direct to actually say it.  I'm pretty damn blunt so I'll say it.

It's about time you send out another post answering the questions that have been asked of you.  I, like others, don't really enjoy J___ing Off into the wind. If you're not for real, people here are rightfully gonna try to jump on your s___ & screw you real bad, self included.  Capish?

your friend, Bob

[Travis]

... in response to Please help me, posted by John LV on Nov 23, 2002

First and foremost, see an attorney and file for divorce...MONDAY MORNING! Don't attempt to do this alone. The last thing you need is emotion to come into play. An attorney will remove that aspect of the case, which is what you need. I think many other things depend on the state you live in. You may be able to change the locks on the house if you owned the home previous to your marriage. I think if she voluntarily moved everthing of hers out, then that constitutes legal seperation. Again, I think this depends on the state you live in. By me, I am not an attorney! As far as I've been able to ascertain, you cannot withdraw the AOS. John F is correct regarding it's duration. I can't speak of it's legality or if it may be challenged in court (I may very well let you know in the future!). Deportation in my opinion isn't likely because it would be difficult to prove she did not enter into the marriage in good faith after a year and a half. I may be wrong, I don't know the whole story. Though there are other factors: Is she a person of good moral character?!?!? The burden of proof is on the beneficiary. Good luck.

[Charles]

... in response to Please help me, posted by John LV on Nov 23, 2002

Sorry about your situation.  As a lawyer, I certainly agree with everyone that you need one.  Since you haven't been married that long, divorce should be relatively painless in most states.  I think your biggest problem, however, is the I-864 if you signed one.  If she gets a green card in spite of the divorce, by arguing that she and you entered into the marriage in good faith, but things didn't work out.  If INS agrees with that position, you are potentially on the hook for a long time.  You need to start assembling a case to oppose any green card efforts by her with INS by showing that she entered into the marriage in bad faith.  If you have limited resources to spend on lawyers, I would suggest putting your money with someone who can get you off the I-864.  IMHO that's your biggest legal problem.

[robobond]

... in response to Please help me, posted by John LV on Nov 23, 2002

I have a general question re: the I-864 (Affidavit of Support) for all of you who are knowledgable.  In your haste to help John LV, you all jump right over the heads of everyone else not well versed on the subject.  You would be doing a great service for these people by providing more info. on this subject as I feel not understanding this document, as well as not having a prenuptual agreement, present substantial financial risks in marrying a foreign bride.  Not meaning to take the romance out of life, I think it's better to understand all of this BEFORE stars are in your eyes, your heart is beating out of your chest, and your brain has relocated itself in your other head.

Please, someone start the ball rolling on "Affidavit of Support 101" to include and not be limited to:

1.  What is I-864? (before you start laughing, remember there was a time when YOU did not know this...)

2.  Under what conditions (and when in the Fiance Visa process) must this be executed.

3.  What is the AM committing to and what are the specific financial consequences?

4.  What is the time frame for one's exposure after this document is executed?

5.  Etc.

I know much of this info may be available on the net, but I think a newbie would benefit from the personal nuances and experiences that you individually might provide.  While many of us have at least one experience with getting a Divorce, the I-864 is unique to immigration law.

Thx in advance.

Bob

[Dan]

... in response to Re: Please help me, posted by robobond on Nov 23, 2002

Can be found at this link -- http://www.ins.usdoj.gov/graphics/formsfee/forms/i-864pkg.htm

There are also links to FAQ's and other related material.

It's worth a read.

- Dan

[Stan B]

... in response to Re: Please help me, posted by robobond on Nov 23, 2002

I brought my notarized I-864 to our AOS interview and I was told that my office doesn't require this document and they didn't take it from us. I've also heard on this board that it was found to be unenforceable.
Our interview was at the end of this summer.

[Jack]

... in response to Please help me, posted by John LV on Nov 23, 2002

But how long did you know this woman John? You don't tell us important things like this! How can we help you not knowing all the facts? And didn't the bj at the front door as the two of you met for the first time tell you anything John?

After much, much thought to what you have written, after feeling your pain and anger, knowing what you must be going thru, ohhhh, the hurt of it. What to do next? An attorney, the INS, the local police, the Russian mafia, cancel car insurance, no need to pick-up this months script of viagra, so much going thru your mind at this low time in your life, John, what to do next? You want, need, ask for advice John? My advice, I will say from my heart to yours, moooo troll.

[BubbaGump]

... in response to (^?^), posted by Jack on Nov 23, 2002

Like Oscar said, he's been married all this time and this is his first post.  I doubt the whole story.

[Oscar]

... in response to Please help me, posted by John LV on Nov 23, 2002

If your story is true, you have my sincere sympathies, if it is not, you have my sincere sympathies...

Odd that after having been through the entire process with a woman from first visit, k-1 then marriage (and now divorce?) that this would be your first post here...

[Jeff S]

... in response to Please help me, posted by John LV on Nov 23, 2002

Sorry to hear of your plight John. As everyone has suggested do get a good lawyer. Interview a few, ask divorced friends who is the best in your area, etc. Get the best you can possibly find and follow his advice.

The thought that the INS might hunt her down and deport her is pure fantasy. They can't even get their act together to deport convicted felons, drug dealers or known terrorists. Someone would have to prove (not just demonstrate) that the entire marriage was a sham. All she has to say is that she went into the marriage in good faith, but you were (useless, abusive, impotent, unfriendly, unloving, demanding, or any other adjective you'd care to pick) and there goes the proof.

The best two pieces of advice I've read in these responses are 1) DON'T BE A VICTIM and 2) PROTECT YOURSELF. Forget all that vindictiveness or revenge nonsense. It'll just make you look bad and maybe create some bad karma down the road.

Best of luck to you.

- Jeff S.

[wizard]

... in response to Please help me, posted by John LV on Nov 23, 2002

John:

First I would like to express my regret & concern with regards to your situation... Human emotions are not easily read or understood... Your soon to be X MAY have had the best intentions during the begining of your relationship, but once in this country she saw new opportunities not afforded to her before... None the less, you are where you are and at this point, PROTECT YOURSELF...

I went through a similar situation with my first wife... Although she was an AW, the situation is very similar...

If she has vacated your home, change the locks on the house ASAP... Then immediately have your attorney file for divorce based on her abandonment of the marriage... I would not go for a quicky divorce in Las Vegas... It IS important that you file for divorce FIRST... Your going to need an attorney that is not long distance, that can provide you with advice as this process plays out... The courts are not going to notify the INS about anything... It's up to you to make sure that the INS is notified and has copies of your documents pertaining to the case... This may be your only hope to get relief from the AOS... Probably not... Hire a private detective to get the scoop on her current situation; address, boy friend's name, place of employment, etc... All of these details work in your favor when the case goes to court... Document everything, information is power... When she arrived in this country, how much you have spent building & nurturing this relationship, when she left you, etc... Dates, times and amounts are important to build a case against her in the judge's eyes... Did you put the new car in your name or her's??? If the car is in your name, hire a repo-guy to just go and get it... Even if it's in both your names, go get it... It sounds like the bank loan is in your name since you are making the note payments... Close any joint any bank/credit card accounts and open new accounts in your name only... Cut off all support...

I know some of these tactics may sound cold and harsh, but you MUST get past the notion that things are going to work out and that you can fix things... You have been betrayed, accept it... Get cold, get hard and protect yourself emotionally, monetarily and physically... Pull the knife out of your back and don't be a victim... She will get the message very quickly that she cannot walk all over you and that things are going to go her way... We live in the most litigious society in history... Use it to your benefit... Make HER life misserable... You may want to have your attorney sue her in civil court for emotional cruelty or fraud... Sue for the money you spent to bring her her and build this relationship...  It may not go anywhere, but will surly cost her and her new boy friend in defending the suit...

I am not a lawyer and these suggestions are based upon my personal experiences... So get a lawyer ASAP and get the ball rolling... I know it's not pleasant, but unless you take the offensive, your gonna get screwed...

Some here may disagree with my advice and so be it... I only speak from my own experience and what WORKED for me... My X did not get the time of day from our divorce proceedings...

Best wishes and good luck...

wizard

[WmGo]

... in response to IMHO, posted by wizard on Nov 23, 2002

yeah, very good advice. My only disagreement would be that the goal is for the man to protect himself and advance his own interests, not to make the woman miserable, although that will probably happen just by the man standing up for and protecting himself. Good post.

[mudd]

... in response to IMHO, posted by wizard on Nov 23, 2002

n/t