red flag?

[Oscar]

... in response to good advice-one small addition, posted by KenC on Nov 1, 2002

I spoke to my girl this morning..  She said she might be going to Kiev early next week to do a one or two day fashion show (she's in Dnepro) and she was excited because she might be able to make $100-$150 plus they would be paying for her train (not 1st class I'm sure).  I asked her what she would do with all that money? LOL!  She said she was going to use it to pay for her trip for her and her son to go to Warsaw for their interview!  I told her no, that I would be paying for that and that she should just blow the money on herself.  Can you believe that?

[KenC]

... in response to Ken- A follow-up on the money thing-, posted by Oscar on Nov 3, 2002

Oscar,
Sounds like your fiancee has the ole Russian pride thang going quite well.  The only time I had ever sent money to Lena was for her to purchase suitcases for her trip here.  I envisioned a couple of mega large suitcases on wheels.  (The kind my ex would take for a weekend get away)  Instead she brought her belongings in two duffle (sport) type bags.  These weren't even as large as they can come.  Oh, yeah, and she had change too.  LOL.
-
This type of mentality doesn't go away after marriage either.  (I know I've told this before)  This past April I was admiring the digital cameras at an electronics store.  She told me to buy it for my pending birthday.  I told her I didn't want to spend the money at the time.  She said that she would buy it for me with money she had put away from grocery/household money.  Well, I ended up with the camera ($600+) and a new portable phone for my office ($150).  All from money I had never missed.  She has gone to her "stash" more than once when it was needed by the "family."  Amazing.
KenC

[Quasimoto]

... in response to good advice-one small addition, posted by KenC on Nov 1, 2002

You are one hell of a lucky man Ken!

[KenC]

... in response to Re: Whow! I just passed out!!!!, posted by Quasimoto on Nov 1, 2002

n/t

[robobond]

... in response to good advice-one small addition, posted by KenC on Nov 1, 2002

Oscar, Ken, others,

I agree with both of you -- sounds to me like you both found a couple of "keepers" and I wish you the best of luck.  

The current communication on this board gives me inspiration to continue pursuing my AM/RW quest which, if I look at it too logically & closely, at times appears to me to be a sick & perverted blend of masochism boarding on an outright death wish, sexual fantasy approaching an LSD trip, paranoia like when alien spiders land on your shoulder, political immersion spiced by weird James Bondish/CIA/KGB twists, adrenaline thrills that would make Evel Kneival pale, and writing cryptic (Cyrillic?) letters to Dear Abby.

After a couple of regular posters would not reverse their regressions of publicly and rudely revisiting their childhood playground fights, Patrick was forced to amishly shun them.  Things seemed better but they got pretty damn dull and quiet around here.  

Now things seem to be picking up and I now see the healthy spirit of differing opinions resuming.  I’m not singling the two of you out (you just happen to be here right now), but if the board were to level out at about this latitude, I would be most happy.  I think lot’s of others might begin/resume contributing their opinions and experiences IF this continues.

I sincerely hope that all of “the elders” can now realize the value of “agreeing to disagree” and keep their guns in their holsters.  This is self-serving because I feel that I, plus numerous others who just now seem to be posting, have much to gain from hearing the advice, difference of opinions, and experiences of others.  Without that, this board just resembles an AOL chat group, and I’m too damn old for that.  I feel that it’s only a matter of time before (1) Mr. Putin starts realizing that we are spiriting away Russia’s best women and (2) the light bulbs start getting too bright in the minds of other American Men.  These two occurrences could/would queer this whole damn thing and ruin the whole process.  

“The time to buy a stock is when no one else wants it, NOT when the land rush is already on...”

Bob  

[KenC]

... in response to Re: good advice-one small addition, posted by robobond on Nov 1, 2002

n/t

[Oscar]

... in response to good advice-one small addition, posted by KenC on Nov 1, 2002

You are completely on target..  I guess I am referring more to things like giving her money for helping to get her paperwork done for the K-1, which can get a little expensive with translations etc., getting the physical exams.  But if she is asking you to buy her new coats and clothes, jewelry and on and on while she is still there, I think that spells major trouble!  My girl is paying for her own English lessons, but I don't think that would be unreasonable for a guy to pay for IMO..

That is really amazing what you said about your wife and Christmas... I don't have my girl here yet but I can't get her to take a dime!  She did let me pay for her physical exams for her and her son but that's it!  She pays for her own English lessons and is working extra hours so she will be able to bring Christmas presents with her for my whole EXTENDED family!  

Makes you feel pretty good..

[landscaper]

... in response to red flag?, posted by chevy on Nov 1, 2002

wow. seems great to me. i hope to get some letters like this.
if she doesn't work out with you I would like to write her.

[DJD]

... in response to red flag?, posted by chevy on Nov 1, 2002

I can't see anything here that would send up a red flag yet.  After all, you have only exchanged two emails. You wrote "she likes me from what she read about me and has hopes our communication will lead to something good."  I see nothing sinister in this statement.  She qualifies her feelings by acknowledging that she only knows what you have told her so far, and she expressed a hope that your correspondence will continue.  Asking that you be honest with her, and that you not lead her on, sounds like a reasonable request to me.  She said "if I am not serious about pursuing a relationship ...." I am interpreting this to mean that you be serious about the process, not that she is currently "serious" about your relationship right now, after only two emails.  Put yourself in her shoes, I realize I am just speculating here, but I have seen enough in Ukraine to know that corresponding via email from an internet cafe (especially if she is trying to write in English) is a tiresome and expensive (for her) effort.  

You are concerned about the age gap, and maybe you should be, but again, it is too soon to tell.  She did contact you first, so that could also be a good sign.  

My Marina's comment was that if you distrust her at this early point in your relationship, will distrust be a problem in the future?  Since I don't know you, I have no answer.  My motivation for responding to your post is that I would not like to see you pass on an opportunity for happiness just because you have read so many stories about scammers and such.  I started reading this board approximately the time my fiance was arriving in the U.S., and have found alot of the information useful, and have appreciated the help I have received from others.  However, I also realize that if I had been reading this board while I was just beginning my search, some of the experiences and opinions expressed would have scared the heck out of me.

Just give her a chance.  Who knows, after a zillion emails, phone calls, and visits, you could end up happily married to a wonderful woman.  Think positive.

Dan D.

[thesearch]

... in response to Not Necessarily, posted by DJD on Nov 1, 2002

"However, I also realize that if I had been reading this board while I was just beginning my search, some of the experiences and opinions expressed would have scared the heck out of me."

Good post. About your comment above. Knowledge can be empowering or disempowering depending on the person and how they  react.

For me, before I found this forum, I ran into a couple scammers. There were red flags but, I was too trusting. Had I been armed with the advice of the seasoned guys back then with my first contacts with these ladies, I would have picked up on those first scammers most likely.

Then, I shifted to being too suspicious which caused its own set of problems, then I found a place of middle ground.

Everyone has to find that middle ground sometime or the potential for problems goes up either because of not seeing the scammer or seeing a scammer that is not and acting inappropriately. With being too suspicious, you can damage a budding relationship quite easily.

My advice is if you are suspicious, do not reveal it. If your lady is a scammer, she will be more likely to slip up and reveal more red flags if she does not sense that you are becoming wise to her.

[wilmc]

... in response to Not Necessarily, posted by DJD on Nov 1, 2002

My compliments.  This is a really positive and thoughtful reply.  It represents what this forum should be.
Thank you.

[Globetrotter]

... in response to red flag?, posted by chevy on Nov 1, 2002

Yes!!!