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Author Topic: red flag?  (Read 9643 times)
chevy
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« on: November 01, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
I got an e-mail from a woman from russia.She saw my posting on a website. She is 24, I am 48. I exchanged an e-mail with her. In her second e-mail she talked about the fact that russian men drink a lot and that she does not like that. That she is a very serious minded person, educated, plays classical piano and all that.
 Then she says she is serious about finding a relationship and love
and that she likes me from what she read about me and has hopes our communication will lead to something good. She asked that I be honest with her and if I am not serious about pursuing a relationship with her to tell her.
  Is it unusual for these ladies to be so certain of something so soon? I know some people know what they want and are mature beyond their years. But, she is only 24 and I am 48. Isn't that a large age gap for any woman? I have a feeling this could be a scam and really be some guy trying to set me up for a future request for money.Her name is Olya from Cheboksary.
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keithandkatya
Guest
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to red flag?, posted by chevy on Nov 1, 2002

Unless I missed something... where is the red flag?? You say she says she likes you and hopes that it will lead to something good... is there something else you are leaving out??  Of course these girls are looking for a better life and you have to be mindful of that... but how many times have you met an american girl and the first question from her lips is what do you do for a living??  so that is something to chew on...  I would also say that many of these girls have been through alot of nonsense from American guys that are window shoppers and not serious about their quest for a wife. Of course you should be careful and not marry the first girl you write (unless she is the right one of course).  You should be honest with the women you write and honest with yourself... do alot of soul searching before you make a decision. I was in contact with my future wife for a long time before making the trip... but each case is different... and everyone is different... and last but not least... the age difference should not be the deciding factor in my opinion... the maturity and nature of your relationship should be... some  people 48 have the maturity of a 16 year old and some people 24 have the wisdom of someone 48... I can only say that my wife who is in her late 20's has more smarts then most of the women that are my age (47).  So be guarded, be careful, use your head... (not the little one) but also have an open mind and heart in your pursuit... good luck,
Keith
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robobond
Guest
« Reply #2 on: November 01, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to red flag?, posted by chevy on Nov 1, 2002


Chevy,

Re: "Is it unusual for these ladies to be so certain of something so soon? I know some people know what they want and are mature beyond their years. But, she is only 24 and I am 48..."

I remember when I was 24... I knew absolutely everything that there was to know and I was invincible.  

I also remember when I was 48... I had a quadruple bypass operation which caused me to seriously reflect on my life... I came to realize that I didn't really know didley-squat.

Either the knowledge curve, contrary to accepted opinion, actually works in reverse OR I was pretty damn naive/immature at age 24...

I think the real wild card here is not whether she is a scammer (which I see no evidence of) or not, but that it's almost impossible to predict what she will be like when she grows up.  "Odds" are that the marriage would not make it to your retirement date - at which time you'll probably be dreaming of golf, fishing, maybe your grandchildren AND asking your doc questions about Viagra - while she is hitting her sexual peak and toying with the idea of popping one more baby before her biological clock strikes midnight...

Don't be thinking with your wrong head.

That's my rant.

Bob
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Globetrotter
Guest
« Reply #3 on: November 01, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: red flag?, posted by robobond on Nov 1, 2002

Exceptional rationalization...well written and well thought out.
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LP
Guest
« Reply #4 on: November 01, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: red flag?, posted by robobond on Nov 1, 2002

..rant it was! My compliments.
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thesearch
Guest
« Reply #5 on: November 01, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to red flag?, posted by chevy on Nov 1, 2002

From what you have written this is not a red flag IMHO. However, the fact that you questioned such means to me that you need to record it as a yellow flag. You may sensing something that is not tangible (intuition) - then again you may be are being just overly cautious.

As far as wanting to know that you are serious. I think what she is referring to is are you serious about the process and that you would not write to her just for the sake of doing something out of curiosity. There probably are a lot of guys who dabble in some letters to these ladies who simply are not serious enough to really ever follow through.

Continue to write and if she is a scammer, you will get red flags eventually. Some of these scammers are very clever. They will wait to build a relationship over time with correspondence and then when they think that you are deep enough into it - they will then start asking for money for some reason or another.

About the age thing. First of all, IMHO, at age 24 there are going to be a lot of women who really do not know what they want. Of course there will be exceptions, I have seen them. However, 24 is 24. I personally would not prefer to be involved with a woman in her 20's. There is no right or wrong to this only successes and failures and there are predictable ways to improve your success rate and ways to challenge such. Getting a woman a lot younger than you is a predictable way to increase your odds of failure. However, that is all relative.

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Oscar
Guest
« Reply #6 on: November 01, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to red flag?, posted by chevy on Nov 1, 2002

I received many emails from women unsolicited when I had my "stuff" out there etc..  This is not unusual.  I still get an inquiry once in a while even though I have not been looking for the past 8 months, having found my girl.  As far as her being serious and wanting a relationship and "cutting to the chase" as it were, this is also not terribly unusual, from my experience. Most of these women do NOT mess around, they ARE serious about finding a mate and they are often not very shy about expressing it.  I personally found it refreshing, no BS, no games, just honesty (of course just like here, not ALL there are honest).
From what you have described she has written about, I think this is common for many of these women.  They usually KNOW what they want, they are usually NOT wishy-washy, and they don't play a lot of games IMO, so I see nothing from the little you have said, to cause great worry.  Just ask LOTS of questions and never forget the golden rule- NEVER SEND MONEY TO A WOMAN YOU HAVE NEVER MET IN PERSON!  No self respecting RW will ASK you for money never having met you!  Until you have solid cause (her asking for money, for ANY reason!) I say learn more.. ;-)  But do your due diligence "research", check some of the web sites, like FirstDream, that list known and suspected scammers..

Regarding age differences-  This has certainly been discussed here at great length.  I personally feel that past 20 years is pushing it but there are guys here who have greater age differences than that and are happy, so it is a pretty personal thing.  I do believe that a 24 year old RW equates more to a 29 year old AW (I just figure an "average" of 5 years greater mental maturity).  But if you would consider yourself less than an average looking guy, and the RW is a stunning knockout model, you might want to stop and take a reality check... ;-)

My 2 cents.
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Quasimoto
Guest
« Reply #7 on: November 01, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: red flag?, posted by Oscar on Nov 1, 2002

On my first trip to Ukraine, I met a lady that I eventually got listed in Jack's agency. She is from Lvov and about 33 now I think. I saw her through the car window as I approached the vehicle. I almost dropped over. She was a ravishing red-head. I thought to myself, how could she even consider a plain looking guy like me?

We went to lunch with our translator. She asked me what I was doing in Kyiv and what I was looking for. I told her that I was looking for a good affectionate stable loving women. That I did not drink, smoke, or womanize. That more than anything I wanted to be a husband and a father. She started crying right then and there!!!! It wasn't because I was magnificent, that is for sure. It was because she had never met a man who thought the same way she did. She held my hand for the next 4 hours. As it turned out, she was just a little too much woman for me. She was a little intense about our relationship, and for me, I just wasn't ready to get married after one week. Never had sex either. She said it was for marriage! Most beautiful skin I have ever seen, and she could make a good meal out of an old shoe.

Steve
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robobond
Guest
« Reply #8 on: November 02, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: Knowing what they want, posted by Quasimoto on Nov 1, 2002

Steve,
If she's over 45, send me the contact information!  Seriously, I think that sometimes you have to be the thinker and the conscience of the relationship - meaning back it off if it seems to be in no one's best interest in the long run.  There appear to be some wonderful women over there that are just a little too eager to jump off the bridge without thinking.  However well intentioned she might be it wouldn't do either of you any good for her to come over here just to be disillusioned at a later date.  I ran into a similair situation and she felt that she was in love with me before I even got there.  She was one of the nicest and most sincere women that I had ever met and was capable of meeting all my "wifely" expectations.  But the "speed" of it all scared the hell out of me and I backed off thinking she really hadn't thought this out enough and I would have to be the rational one in this circumstance.
Bob
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Quasimoto
Guest
« Reply #9 on: November 02, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: Re: Knowing what they want, posted by robobond on Nov 2, 2002

Hi Bob,

I think she is about 33 or 34 now, though she doesn't look it. She is actually more attractive than her pictures. Her ID at Jack's agency site is 213 . She more resembles the bottom photo. The top photo is just too hard or studio to really represent her. She was a woman who knew what she wanted. By the way, she is not 5'8". I don't know where they came up with that, but she is about 5'5 or 5'6". She is very intelligent and interesting. A little tempermental, but not more so than most of them. She is a proffessional actress and was in one of Ukrain's most famous movies, ROXALANA. She was also a TV personality, but she really has no ego.

Steve
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Stevo
Guest
« Reply #10 on: November 01, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: red flag?, posted by Oscar on Nov 1, 2002

just as there are for everything said on this list.  I sent my wife money when she asked because she was in desperate circumstances concerning the health of her mother.  It could have been a scam, but it wasn't. So you need to be careful, but not a total paranoid about the situation.  Let the circumstances dictate what your response is, if and when a woman your corresponding to ever asks for money.
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Oscar
Guest
« Reply #11 on: November 01, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to There are exceptions to the 'no money' r..., posted by Stevo on Nov 1, 2002

Let me reiterate-  NEVER SEND MONEY TO A WOMAN YOU HAVE NEVER MET IN PERSON!  You happened to take a complete chance Stevo, by your own admission.  You were very lucky, but I will venture to guess that 98% of women who ask money of a man they have never met are likely scamming him!  How's that for paranoid?
If a woman you have not met asks for money, you simply tell her that you have been instructed not to send money to any woman until you have met in person and you have decided to marry.  If she dumps you, that pretty much gives you your answer.  If she doesn't, accepts your criteria and quits asking, you may have found something worthwhile.  Better if she never asks you at all!

I have been told all of the following-
1- "I need money because my Mother is sick".
2- "I need money because my my Father is sick".
3- "I need money because my my child is sick".
4- "I need money because my my dog is sick".
5- "I need money because my my cat is sick".
6- "I need money because our roof fell in and we cannot afford to fix it".
7- "I need money because my agency will not let me continue to let me write until my bill is paid".
8- "I need money because my I lost my job and cannot afford the internet cafe anymore".
9- "I need money because I must quit my job because my boss says unless I sleep with him, he will fire me".
10- "I need money for English lessons before you come here so I can tell you how much I love you in English when I meet you at the airport".
11- "I need money so I can buy a tourist visa so I can come to visit you".

There were many others! LOL! And the amazing thing is that every one of these lines have worked at some point on some poor guy!

Nope- I stick hard and fast with the golden rule-
never send money to a woman you have never met in person!
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Stevo
Guest
« Reply #12 on: November 02, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to I say be completely paranoid!, posted by Oscar on Nov 1, 2002

I wouldn't by any stretch of the imagination declare it pure chance that I wasn't scammed.  That's the point, if you have very good correspondence, you can pretty quickly figure out the scammers, esp. if they ask for money early on.  It is when the correspondence keeps going for a long time and then the request comes in...is it real or a scam?  You have to use your judgement at that point and decide what's real and what isn't.  Can you be wrong?  Of course, but there are no guarantees...even after you meet in person.  So in my case I could have been scammed, but the odds were in my favor.  I know how to read people, esp. women!
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robobond
Guest
« Reply #13 on: November 02, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to After 9 months of correspondence..., posted by Stevo on Nov 2, 2002

Stevo,
Yup, "In the BOOK OF LIFE, the answers aren't in the back."
Bob
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KenC
Guest
« Reply #14 on: November 01, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: red flag?, posted by Oscar on Nov 1, 2002

Oscar,
Nice post and good advice.  I would like to add one thing though.  You said, "No self respecting RW will ASK you for money never having met you!"  I just would like to point out that meeting a RW shouldn't change her attitude towards asking for money.  I would be suspicious of a woman that asked for money even after meeting her.  There have been posters here that were sending their ladies(?) large sums of money after meeting them that had to completely change the woman's lifestyle.  Big mistake.  
-
From my experience, the pride in the RW shouldn't change after meeting her or even after marriage.  My wife's first Xmas here can be used as an example.  She insisted on getting a Xmas job to earn her own money to buy gifts for me and my children.
KenC
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