Here's a shocker.....

[snowwego]

... in response to Here's a shocker....., posted by Mark H on Aug 11, 2002

I was lucky i went over for one girl and only one girl and it has worked for me. Not usall for this to happen

[Oscar]

... in response to Here's a shocker....., posted by Mark H on Aug 11, 2002

Mark,

You might consider writing a personal ad.  If you place a personal ad a couple of weeks before you leave, you will have a bunch of letters and photos waiting for you when you get there.  This way you will not feel like you have "cheated" on your #1 or anything because you have not been writing to or calling these women before you go.  Once there, if you hit it off great with your #1 girl, great, you don't need to contact any of the women who answered the ad.  If you don't feel like your #1 is "the one" after you get there, you can start contacting the women who were interested enough in you to answer your ad.

If you just start writing to girls in agencies, you will have "started" a relationship with them by writing and they will certainly be upset if you never contact them once you are there, and you will likely also feel bad just dumping them.

If you do decide to place a personal ad, a couple of things-
Be sure to have a local address and phone number for the girls to call and ask questions about you and to send their photos and letters.  You will get a much greater response than if they have to send their stuff (at great expense to them) all the way to the USA!  So you will need an agent or representative in the city you are going to.

This is how I met my fiance.  She saw and liked my photo and what I had to say and she responded, along with many others.  She had never been in an agency and had no desire to join one.  She just happened to see my ad in the newspaper and liked it.  

For what it's worth,
Oscar

[Zink]

... in response to Re: Here's a shocker....., posted by Oscar on Aug 11, 2002

If the girl he's thinking of meeting lives in the city where the ad is run, what will she think of it? There is a very good chance she will see it in a local paper. Could kill the budding relationship they've already got going. If the ad is run in a different city then you get travel/logistics problems. I like the idea of ads, just not this late in the game.

[Oscar]

... in response to One problem., posted by Zink on Aug 11, 2002

If the girl he is writing to is from an agency (I think he said she was), then she is likely writing to all who write her as well!  Didn't he say she was writing to 3 guys??
If so, I don't see why it would be a problem.  
I made it clear to all the women I wrote to and spoke with by phone before going that I would be meeting another woman there.  There was only one woman out of 18 I had written and spoken to to who said it wasn't for her, that if I was coming to meet anyone other than her, she was out.  So I told her where the door was!  No other woman was offended or thought this unreasonable, that I would be meeting another woman, coming so far at such expense looking for a soulmate.  
I was writing to quite a few women and also ran an ad, but none of them ever saw it..  Maybe I was lucky?? LOL!

I could just never recommend going to meet only one woman you have never met...  So I would do whatever I had to to make sure and have some backups..

Just my 2 cents,
Oscar

[greg2]

... in response to Re: One problem., posted by Oscar on Aug 11, 2002

Honesty.

At this point in the game, if he runs an ad, he needs to tell her. The truth is not going to hurt him. He wanted to come to meet just her. His friends (here) told him no do not do this. He is doing it to be practical, but the whole reason he is making the trip in the first place is because of her. If she does not like him, or vice versa, his trip may not become a total waste. But the facts are, this trip is really centered all around HER. The only reason that he is running an ad for that area, if he decides to, is because of her.

If she does not understand this, he does not want her anyway.

The other option is to not run an ad but use every source he can to make some introductions in the area that will not be so visible. Also, to find agencies in the area he can contact when he is there if needed.

[Zink]

... in response to Re: One problem., posted by Oscar on Aug 11, 2002

Good points. I wasn't thinking about the fact she was already writing many guys.

I've got no problems with going to meet one girl. But I definitely advocate backups. It is a lot of time and money wasted if meeting the wrong girl was the whole reason for your trip. I guess I've been lucky that I've always connected with my #1 choice. Just haven't met the lady I can't live without yet.

[Alfred]

... in response to Re: Re: One problem., posted by Zink on Aug 12, 2002

Even though the woman that he is going to meet may be writing more than one man, seeing his personal add will still have a negative effect on their relationship.  It explicitly states that he is less than 100% commited to the relationship.

[tim360z]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: One problem., posted by Alfred on Aug 12, 2002

Just how in Sam Hill can any mentally and emotionally balanced person be 100% committed to someone they have never spent 1 second with???  Maybe someone desperate.  Gggeezzz!  And I am a  bit of a romantic.  Most girls I have met from Russia and Ukraine are very very practical.  You have to be to live there.  To be committed...ya gotta have a real in person relationship...not a pile of emails and translations. To ever become 100% committed to 1 person you have never even met seems...delusional.  Now,  I still do beleive in magic happening---but keep your eyes wide open.  But,  there is no relationship here...just virtual pitter-patter.  Hopes and dreams,  smoke and mirrors.  You can bet that the girl is not 100% committed to this "relationship" with a guy she has never spent 1 everlovinsecond with.  In fact,  she would probably think that if,  after a few emails and this guy is 100% committed to "their relationship"...that he is 1 crazy Americanitz.

[Jack]

... in response to Huh???  Thats Delusional, posted by tim360z on Aug 12, 2002

Come on Tim, don't hold back, express how you really feel about it!

[tim360z]

... in response to don't hold back, posted by Jack on Aug 12, 2002

Hiya Jack,

That was it buddy.  I hope I wasn't too,  well,  you know...like LPish on that one.  I just can't conceive how anyone with a balanced brain can ever consider he's got a "relationship" with zero in-person time. Let alone,  100% committed relationship.  Now,  perhaps I am kinda old-fashioned,  or I grew up in a poor neigborhood,  or my life's experience is lacking,  but...I just don't think you got a relationship until you spend time together in the real world.  Methinks.

[Oscar]

... in response to Gee,  Jackie Bragg.......Methinks, posted by tim360z on Aug 12, 2002

Hey Tim,

You know, some people are ready enough to get married in their lives that they really can make a decision to love sight unseen.  When you realize that still much of the world marry without ever having seen, let alone dated the person they end up marrying, it helps put it into perspective.
Love, like marriage, is, in my opinion, a choice we make.  There are many men who go to the FSU and say that they found a hot, fantastic woman or women etc, yet they still don't choose to get married, they aren't ready for whatever reason, often they don't even know the reason.  So they sabotage it unconsciously, thinking maybe her ankles are just a bit too thick, or she just isn't quite slender enough or her hair just isn't the right color etc.. they just aren't very good at committing.  
But some men are very ready and may be able to make that decision without meeting, based on things other than appearance alone.  I admit it would be the rare guy that could do this, but some do and I personally won't put them down for it.  Perhaps they are wise not letting their little head do their thinking for them! ;-)

[KenC]

... in response to Re: Gee,  Jackie Bragg.......Methinks, posted by Oscar on Aug 12, 2002

Oscar,
Please tell me you don't think it is OK to decide to marry someone before meeting them.
KenC

[Oscar]

... in response to you have GOT to be kidding, posted by KenC on Aug 14, 2002

Ken, I am saying that for some people, it can be their way and it can work.  This is where the term "mail order bride" actually originated you know.  It was a guy working next to another guy laying railroad ties in the 1800s and one guy says hey, do you want to write to my sister back in Ireland?  The other guys says sure.  They write for a year and they decide to get married, he sends for her, end of story.  This kind of thing happened all the time.  
And with the advent of the internet, many are doing it this way again.  I have heard of many people who have written and decided they were the right ones for each other before actually physically meeting and did get married and are happy.  I actually know one couple personally that did exactly this and they are really great together.  It's a very interesting story.

There are more people in the world today Ken that marry people they have never dated before than those who date first and I can tell you that their divorce rates are MUCH lower than ours!  What do they know that we do not?  That love is a choice we make..

Is it for me personally?  No. Is it possible?  Certainly.  If you believe that loving someone is a choice, it is very possible.

Oscar

[tim360z]

... in response to Re: Gee,  Jackie Bragg.......Methinks, posted by Oscar on Aug 12, 2002

is doing the thinking there or which quadrant of the brain. However,  in life,  one can be lucky.  But...not always.  There is the question of human dynamics face to face,  in real time.  No letters,  no emails,  no telephone calls...just face time...one to one.  It is far easier to "fall in love" than to maintain a day in and day out healthy relationship for life.  And this education does not begin until you are married.  One may wish and want it,  one may have a fantasy,  but there is no substitute for real life in realtime.  In marriage,  one should exercise some degree of judgement in choosing a spouse.  And it is far easier to jump into it with a "leap of faith"...than to get out of it.  Is it possible to fall in love in letters??? Sure.

[Rags]

... in response to Re: Here's a shocker....., posted by Oscar on Aug 11, 2002

Please return any photos with a short "thanks, but no thanks" note to any lady who writes you that you are not interested. Show so manners for those that follow in you footsteps. These ladies don't just have tons of photos to squander and if you are not interested, please return them. Show some American class.