The last days of my Trip and Final Thoughts.

[BruceS]

I haven’t felt this good since high school with a women. The chemistry is there, the communication is there, the friendship is there,
and the respect is there.
   Sunday we both decide we need to go visit the 2 churches that we
liked. She told me that for some reason she always feels better after going to the church and I agreed with her. There are 2 churches beside each other; one
old real old and the other slightly newer. We go and do our thing. I haven’t
a clue what her thoughts were, but I knew mine and from both of our
emotional reactions we must of been looking for the same answer. We both
feel better now and we go do some last minute shopping for things to take home. After dinner we are lying on the couch and I’m thinking about the
past weeks and how good I feel about us.

   I’ve made my decision, so I look in her eyes and say The last 3 weeks
of my life have been happy, joyful, and fullfilling and I hope you feel the
same. She says Yesss in that beautiful voice only she has. I then say I feel
you are my native soul, we understand each other, we can dicuss problems
without an arguement or having to make the other the guilty party and that
I feel like a complete soul with her in my life. I ask her to be my best friend, to be my wife and the mother of our child that we both want.

   I thought AH OH what am I doing! She was silent for a short period of
time and replies....I feel same as you and I’m sure we are native souls. It
would make me happy and joyful to be your wife.

   I’m happy as hell, but also sad as in 2 more days I will be back home
again and won’t see her till the paperwork gets down. The last 2 days we spend
enjoying each other, but also at times thinking of my departure home. At times
we both have water welled up in our eyes. It won’t be long though until we
are happily together again.

   The day I leave we have breakfast in the morning and momma is telling
my lady that her son told her last night he doesn’t want me to go home.
Another postive sign for us. Well the trip back sucked when I got to JFK
and they cancelled my flight, but I won’t bore you with the details. The airlines
took care of me, but extended my vacation another day for me.

   To end this trip report I’d like to make a disclaimer to it. This worked for
me, but your mileage may vary. There are many ways to look for that special
one. I chose my way. It worked and no amount of money spent would be
too much. I feel all will be well for us. Yes there will be discussions about
things, there will be problems (anytime a man and women are together things will
pop up). So yes I’ve thought about that. Will it work....that’s something to
come
to fruit yet. I’m sure we both will do whatever is needed to keep each other
happy.

   As I speak we have worked out what momma will be doing. She will
be staying with my lady’s best friend for 6 months and the other 6 months
with relatives. One obstacle out of the way. Mostly paperwork left now.

   If you feel you have the need to private mail me feel free to. If you want
to comment on the list please do so as that’s what this list is for, but don’t
bother posting if all you want to do is flame.....me, the way I pursued my dream, who I used and the like. I don’t need to read it and others don’t need
to read it. Feel free to discuss other ways to meeting a lady, other questions
to ask when writing, or anything helpful to someone.

   Good luck and blessings to all who are pursuing their dreams.

Cheers,
Bruce

[Travis]

... in response to The last days of my Trip and Final Thoug..., posted by BruceS on Jul 3, 2002

Thank you very much for this report. Sounds like things will work out great for the three of you! My own adventure really begins in three weeks when my fiancee finally arrives. I wish it could have been earlier, but we had some circumstances to deal with first. I think our timing isn't so good, she considers 75 degrees warm...Southeast Texas in August is a long way away from 75 Oh well, at least I will get my moneys worth from the swimming pool Thanks again for a great post and good luck to you all!

[Phillip]

... in response to The last days of my Trip and Final Thoug..., posted by BruceS on Jul 3, 2002

In many ways, this is the best trip report ever posted here.  You were well-prepared and logical, yet considerate and open to the lady.  It was detailed without being too personal and showed your enthusiasm yet in a balanced, calm way.  I have no doubts the two of you will have a long and happy life together.

[Rags]

... in response to The last days of my Trip and Final Thoug..., posted by BruceS on Jul 3, 2002

Congrats to the three of you and thanks for your reports. They bring back many feelings and memories that I expirienced with my fiancee/wife and her family.

I will never forget the evening after our second dinner together with her family when our daughter came bouncing in, grabbed me in a hug, and said that she wanted me to be her "papa". I didn't understand any of her words except me, want, and papa but I knew what she meant. I started to cry while her Mom and Babushka stood there with their mouths agape. (Dasha would have nothing to do with her biological father.)

My best wishes and I hope that your K-1 goes smoothly and quickly.

[Charles]

... in response to The last days of my Trip and Final Thoug..., posted by BruceS on Jul 3, 2002

Bruce, I enjoyed your posts and I think one of the reasons for your success is that you took the time to meet her family as well as have a great time with her.  There has been a lot of discussion about divorce, and one of the common denominators in the several AM/RW divorces that I am aware is that the AM never met the woman's family.  It's great that you got to do this and I wish you all the best.

[James B]

... in response to The last days of my Trip and Final Thoug..., posted by BruceS on Jul 3, 2002

Bruce,

I enjoyed thoroughly you posts and your details about all the thoughts, emotions and cultural experiences.  You trip was longer than most and you were wise to make this visit long enough to see your prospective spouse in different situations.  It's important to learn how you both resolve conflict, because it's inevitable in any relationship.  I must say that she sounds much like my Ukrainian fiancee and is very transparent and wasn't going to "fake" her feelings for marriage.  I think you found a very traditional woman who will always love you deeply and stay by your side through anything...although I don't personally know her.  She will continue to read you and listen to every word you communicate, because I have had this experience for two years.  I am always very careful not to be lazy in my communication, but too have had small conflicts over a word said that was misunderstood.  The wonderful thing is that after you have fully explained yourself, your wife appreciates you more and cozy's up to you.  My fiancee to had always gone to church and prayed often.  In the last year, we have begun praying together every night and she is reading the bible for the first time.  For us, it's brought us much closer and she has become addicted to the truth that she reads in the bible.  We are extremely close the with each day feel our love grow.  The feeling we have for each other cannot be explained in words, but the bond is incredible.  I know that with all relationships, that it must be continually nurtured with understanding and care.  I am learning about love and know that when we find our soulmate that we will do anything to make this person feel the most loved person in the world.  Best of luck to you in the future and hope all goes well.  Jim.

[KenC]

... in response to The last days of my Trip and Final Thoug..., posted by BruceS on Jul 3, 2002

Bruce,
Very nice report.  You seem to have a very down to earth approach to this.  Communication is the key to success in any marriage but even more difficult with a foreign wife.  The couple is best to build in a mind set that before jumping to any conclusions, they first had better consider the possibility that they do not understand the meaning of what was said.  Taking the time to re-evaluate the offending comments will help avoid unnecessary conflicts.  This is one of many small burdens of having a foreign wife.  Of course the advantages are priceless.  Best of luck to you.
KenC

[Michael B]

... in response to thanks for sharing, posted by KenC on Jul 4, 2002

Yes. Yes. Yes! In my case it's Spanish instead of Russian, but the principle is the same. I speak very good Spanish (notice I did NOT say perfect), but that doesn't mean I can't misunderstand something or accidently say something wrong. M. & I have an agreement ......

If I say something that does not sound right to you, sounds like it might hurt you or that we have a problem, ASK me and let me EXPLAIN it, do not get angry before we are both SURE you understand what I mean.....If you say something that I do not like, I'm sure you didn't mean to hurt me, just that you made a mistake in the language....I will try to explain what you SAID and what I think you MEANT to say and give you a chance to explain better before I get angry.

To give proper credit, she was the one who thought it up, but she's right, and it WORKS. So far we've had to "explain" maybe 3 times, but all 3 times neither of us got angry, they were just miscommunications or a case of not my knowing the "polite" word and not realizing that the only word I did know was the "nasty" word.

[BruceS]

... in response to thanks for sharing, posted by KenC on Jul 4, 2002

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[Ramblin]

... in response to The last days of my Trip and Final Thoug..., posted by BruceS on Jul 3, 2002

Congratulations on your engagement.  The only thing an informed and intelligent man would do differently is not smoke.

[BruceS]

... in response to Re: The last days of my Trip and Final T..., posted by Ramblin on Jul 4, 2002

Well I didn't have a reason not to smoke before. I'm going
to surprise her when she comes over and be smoke free. That's
my plan and now the hard, but very good part quitting.

Thanks for the congrats.

Cheers,
Bruce

[greg2]

... in response to YES not smoke. 8-(, posted by BruceS on Jul 4, 2002

sdf

[MarkInTx]

... in response to The last days of my Trip and Final Thoug..., posted by BruceS on Jul 3, 2002


You took a much more "scientific" approach than I did.

For instance, I corresponded a lot, and we asked and answered a lot of question, but I wasn't working from a prepared list Not that there is anything wrong with that, I just didn't do it that way...

Also, I thought it was interesting that you looked for a reason to discipline her son, to see what would happen. That was probably a good idea, but if she sensed it, it may have led her to the "you have a grudge" feeling. Women are very intuitive, and FSU women seem even more so!

An interesting report, though, and it sounds like you had a definite plan, and it worked for you!

How well does yur lady speak English, btw? And how well does her son? (What grade is he in, btw... And do you have any other kids?)

Thanks again for the great report!

[BruceS]

... in response to Interesting report, and congrats!, posted by MarkInTx on Jul 3, 2002

Mark,

   I didn't ask every question on the lists per say as some
really didn't apply for use in writing to FSU ladies.
"Scientific" well you could say that.  *-) I figured the way
I had been doing things which didnt work so good; with this LONG
distance deal we have, this would be I hoped a better way.

   Her English I'd say is fair to poor. Not really hard to
carry on a conversation with if you use commonly used words.
Her son is better and I'd say fair to good. The have a great
teacher now in the University that speaks American English
fluently. Her son is 11 and has done an exceptionally good in
school.
   I haven't any children, but have spent alot of time with
the nephews. Our family is very close.

   Maybe she could sense my wanting to find out about her
reaction to me correcting her son. (well my son now) Couldn't
tell you, but I had to know. I'm glad all worked out well with
this though.

Cheers,
Bruce

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Re: Interesting report, and congrats!, posted by BruceS on Jul 4, 2002

Well, welcome to the world of fatherhood!

Have you talked to the local school district about your new son? He probably won't be fluent when he starts school here. You might want to check what kind of programs they have.

Although I doubt you'll have any Russian speaking teachers!

In Texas, all kids are tested by a Test called the TAAS. This is how they are determined ready for the next grade. If you have a slow learner (which might be the case here, even though he is NOT a traditional slow learner, language might hold him back the first year) you need to get special permission to get them out of the mainstream testing.

This allows thye school to structure a learning program for your child's special needs

It takes a good deal of time to do that if the teacher starts the process and a little less time if you do.

I don't know how it is in your state, I can only speak for Texas...

You might want to schedule an appointment with the school principal.

Also, the two most helpful books on parenting I've ever read (and I have read a lot!) are: "Boundaries for Kids," and "Love Languages for Children." (if you are interested, I can get the author's names as well so you can find them on Amazon, ro whatever -- although I found both at Barnes and Noble) These two books changed my parenting style completely! (I wish I could find the Boundaries book in Russian!)

Once again, congrats!