TRIP REPORT PART 7-

[Oscar]

So we take the plane from Dnepro to Kiev..  I've been to Kiev before and I like the city..  I meet my old interpreter there, Luda, and she meets us at the flat we are staying in.  Luda is not with Jack's agency or any agency, she is independent, I like her a lot and had used her when I was in Kiev 2 years ago..  Well, this flat is gorgeous!  Totally remodeled, newest conveniences etc.. Because we are only staying one night there, it is $35, an excellent price!  If a guy would be there for a month, it would only cost him $20 per night!  For 2 weeks, probably $25-30!  She says that she has many flats like this!  This flat was a 3 minute car ride to Krishatic street, the main drag.  Takes maybe 5 grievna to go by taxi so it is a heck of a price on flats..  If anyone would like her email I am happy to give it, she's great!

Anyway, the flat is lovely.  We get settled and it's about 1:30pm so we head into town and start looking around..  We went to this great restaurant called I think "Home Cooking"..  It was highly recommended to me by someone in Odessa.  She said that tons of locals go there as the food is very good and very cheap.  Well, it's sort of by the Opera house and it was kind of like a Ukrainian Chuck-A-Rama cafeteria..  It really was good!  We got tons of stuff to try and it was like $6 total for the two of us! LOL!

Anyway, as time had gone on the past few days, I started second guessing myself.. "Is she the one for me, should I still be meeting others.. Is she cute enough". etc..  So I basically started freaking myself out a little.  Also, I was still a little bit sick.  I had gotten a bug with sore throat in Odessa and hadn't slept well so was also tired!  One thing I realized later was that some guys (including myself I guess) need just at least a little bit of a challenge.  Well, this girl was committed from day one, it was all just handed to me on a silver Ukrainian platter!  I know this sounds stupid but I was struggling!  I kept looking for other women as we would be out walking on the street to see if it looked like there were a lot of them that were cuter than she was etc.. But there rarely was, I finally had to admit!  Once in a while I would see a major hottie but she would be like wearing expensive furs etc., rich husband and such..  But I was just scared I guess.  Perhaps it's that old thing about not wanting to be a part of any club that would have me as a member, you know?? ;-)  Anyway, we had a nice time that day and evening.  We had to get up really early to be to the airport for me to leave.  So in the morning, we got to the airport and it was tough waiting for my plane.. She was upset that I was leaving, I was torn feeling confused, unsure, etc..  She's telling me she loves me but I can't return the words..  It is just so hard being over there and trying to find a wife!  I didn't want to be hurting anyone or giving false impressions etc..  I think I just scared the heck out of myself probably because this girl could actually be "THE ONE" and like a lot of you, I have been bacheloring it for quite a while!
Anyway,  TIme comes to leave and go through the customs stuff and so we separate.  She waits for me the whole time I go through until I have to finally take the escalator up to go to the gates.. I felt really down and confused..  Go figure..  So I come home (never did lose any connections or luggage my whole trip!).  Well, I get home and I was thinking I would have an email from her letting me know that she had gotten back home to Dnepro ok, but nothing..  I had like 12 emails from Anna in Odessa waiting for me, but nothing from Alyona.  So another few days go by and still nothing!  Well, I start to get a little worried, which is good because it tells me I really do care for this girl!  Well, finally I get a letter from my interpreter there and she says that Alyona did get home ok but while we were in Kiev, her Uncle had a heart attack and was in the hospital so she had been spending a lot of time there!  
A couple of days later I called her and although she doesn't speak the best English, we can communicate pretty well.  She told me all that had happened..  Seems she had felt my indecision and it scared her a bit, so now she was a little confused etc..!  LOL!  Well, that's all I needed I guess, a little kick in the behind, to know that I had a pretty sweet thing going with her, so then I started relaxing a bit.  I think too that I was just ready to come home.  I was still sick, had to get back to work, and a million other things that I needed to do.  So I started relaxing and it was just nice to have some alone time to think and look at photos and just try to process everything.  What I concluded was that if I had met this girl where I live and she was interested in going out with me, I would be doing backflips I'm certain!  So over the next week, I called her every day (.18 per minute) and things heve been really good!  I explained what I had been feeling and how I had just needed some time to process things etc,. and she understood.  I have invited her to come to the US and she would like to come so we are just going to begin the process now!  I am NOT looking forward to this as it seems like a horrible hurdle, so I may need some help with it all!
I realized to, that no matter how cute or sexy or nice a girl you find there, there will always be a woman you see that will be cuter or sexier!  It's hard not to do the "grass is greener on the other side" thing there as there are just so many amazing women!  But of the 20 or so women I met there this trip, I can definitely say that there was no girl I met that I had more respect for, or that was kinder, more caring, sweet or classy than Alyona..  Some guys may know immediately when they find "the girl"!  For me, I think it was a love at second sight thing.  Actually, I think it was great from the first minute I saw her but I tried to talk myself out of it, and I almost did!  But thankfully, I sucked it up and got it together!  So everything is great.  When I call, it's so great to hear her say "Oh, I miss you very, very, I give you a big kiss!!"..  She askes a lot of intelligent qustions about the process, which is good.  She has never once asked for a penny, in fact when I was there, she would never take a cent from me even for the taxi!  She has never asked how big a home I have or anything because I know it just isn't a motivating factor for her.  She is convinced that I am her "destiny" and that's it!
So, I have to thank Jack, for all the help, the advice, the contacts there..  And his manager and my interpreter Galina..  I really didn't pay Jack hardly anything for all his help and imput.  He knew I was on a budget and he never pushed anything..  So thanks Jack!

Well, that's my story..  I had been to Kiev before 2 years ago, but I feel like this time, I found a pretty nice girl, very cute, but more than that, a really honest, sincere and caring girl!

Oscar

[Rags]

... in response to TRIP REPORT PART 7-, posted by Oscar on Mar 22, 2002

I just got finished reading all seven of your trip posts (at one sitting). I could see that some of the brothers were having trouble waiting for the next installment so I thought that I would try to catch them all at once.

Excellent writing Oscar. You bring back some great feelings and memories that many of us can relate to (especially "the dark time" and "the end of the quest"). Hopefully you will soon be able to relate to "the long wait" and our happy marriage endings.

As opposed to some that say that you have not spent enough time together, I think that you have paided your dues and approached this very thoughtful and logically...
GO FOR IT!

IMO, you may have come close to blowing it by not showing more commitment before you left so I would definitely push forward on the K-1. You still have a long ways to go before you walk down the aisle to sort things out.

Again, thanks for the great reports.

[Oatmeal]

... in response to TRIP REPORT PART 7-, posted by Oscar on Mar 22, 2002

I picked out something in your post that I really identified with.

I can say that I have met many truly wonderful UW/RW in my past travels and that I am sure that many of them would make a really excellent mate.  But with all the women that I had met I also had the habit of comparing them to other women that I saw on the street and wondered if there was another one that would make me a little bit happier than the one that I was with now.

Like you I feel that I am a love at second sight kind of guy and I need time to reflect and sometimes I also need the occasional kick in the rear to get me to realize just what is important.

If you are anything like me I know you will only be building on the relationship you have started now that you are apart and your feelings for this girl will get stronger over time.

I was married yesterday to my fiancee from Odessa (her name is Anna, by the way) and I can say that I made a truly wise decision to marry her and I really can't say that I have any regrets to date.  

I wish you the best of luck and hope you will have your own wedding day with "The One".

[Oscar]

... in response to Re: I think many guys experience the sam..., posted by Oatmeal on Mar 23, 2002

Oatmeal-

Hey, thanks for that nice meessage.. makes me feel better!  And a huge congrats to you and Anna!  I hopw you will both be very happy!

Oscar

[Quasimoto]

... in response to TRIP REPORT PART 7-, posted by Oscar on Mar 22, 2002

Well I got home and opened the website. And finally I got to read installment 7. I've had my fix!

Oscar, a couple of things:
First I would like Luda's email. How about helping out a fellow Utahn?
Secondly I have been to "Home Cooking". Pretty darn good food, and what a deal.
Lastly, I went through the same experience. I was in the candy store mode. I was like Linda Blair in the Exorcist. My neck hurt from turning. I was always looking elsewhere for some other hot lady, but it all ended when I met Tanya. She was just different, sweeter, more innocent in her way, and I fell for her. The truth is, she is not as attractive as all but one lady I dated over there. She is pretty. Zink has seen her photos and thinks she is really pretty, and so do I. Like you said, I would be doing back-flips here, just to talk to her. So I had to get real, and start thinking about what mattered, and what kind of chemistry we had. So it is over for me, and I hope it is settled for you as well. Somehow I think so. Seems like a bond there if you ask me!

Steve

[Oscar]

... in response to Re: TRIP REPORT PART 7-, posted by Quasimoto on Mar 23, 2002

Hey Steve!

Yes, I think a lot of guys go through what I went through at the end, perhaps a little bit of "buyers remorse" or "the grass is always greener" thing.  But as I have said before, if you are always looking for the next hotter "babe" there, you will ALWAYS find it because there are "babes" on every single street corner!  At some point, you must look deeper and decide if you have found someone very caring, trustworthy and for me, someone who will be (or is) a wonderful Mother for your future children!

Luda's email in Kiev is arhsenal@ukrpack.net

I sent you an email to your hotmail account!

Later,
Oscar

[Wayne]

... in response to Re: Re: TRIP REPORT PART 7-, posted by Oscar on Mar 23, 2002

Oscar,

I identify with the buyers remorse feeling a little.  For me it wasn't that I was looking for someone cuter or checking to see if I did as well as I could do.

It was more of a sadness for ending a really fun process.  Dating internationally is just plain fun.  Meeting so many attractive girls that are interested in dating you is very addictive.  Actually making a decision is kind of like waking up from a really good dream...you don't want it to end.

Spending more time with the girl just takes a little of the luck out of the process.  After 10 days you really don't know her well, so you will be getting to know her in the States for the 1st time.  This can be a little scary because you are just hoping that something doesn't come up in her personality, or how the two of you relate, that causes the house of cards to come down.

I brought my RW over after 8 days together in Moscow.  I can remember this feeling that came over me after about a week after she got here.  I was just getting to know her, and I was seriously thinking "Oh my God...I've ended several relationships with American girls that were half as neurotic as my new Russian Wife"  I knew pretty quickly that it wasn't going to fly.  But she was extremely sweet, and treated me better then any girl in the past.  I just didn't have the heart to send her back.  Sending her back was the correct decision looking back.  So here comes the advice...

If you have any doubts about marrying as your 90 days approaches, don't marry her.  Have her go back to Ukraine for a little break, get another k-1 visa, and have her come back for another 3 months.  If she goes back on time, you will have no problem getting her another k-1.  Don't be forced into a hasty decision because your 90 days is running out.  This is a little costly, but not nearly as expensive as a divorce later if you make the wrong decision.   This thinking may seem a little negative right now as you are on cloud 9, but you have to think about your options.  10 days with your girl just isn't that much, and anything could happen.

But if you chose the right one, life will be really, really good.  If you are like me, you will look at all your guy friends with mediocre unsatisfying marriages and just shake your head.

Best of luck to you,
Wayne

I'll add one more thing.  

When I married my Colombian wife, I did things very differently.  I spent 2 months in her country with her getting to know her.  I married her there, did a consular filing, and brought her back with me.

[Quasimoto]

... in response to Re: Re: TRIP REPORT PART 7-, posted by Oscar on Mar 23, 2002

Thanks, and good luck!

Steve

[Bobby Orr]

... in response to TRIP REPORT PART 7-, posted by Oscar on Mar 22, 2002

Thanks for a super trip report.  It sounds like even if things do not work out you had a super time.  Now you have time to really think things through.  I assume you like her son (if I remember correctly).  I suggest you take your time, slowly collect the paperwork and go visit her one more time.  See how rapidly she gets her paperwork together.  See how interested in you she really is.  If things are good after your second visit bring her back.  Then again if you are sure - go for it, bring her and her son over, and give the 90 days a whirl - best of luck.

[Oscar]

... in response to waiting, posted by Bobby Orr on Mar 22, 2002

Bobby,

Yep, we have already been talking about her coming here and we both just feel better and better about it..  Yes, her son is a great kid, no problem there.  I know she is nuts about me and she is as honest as they come..  So I think we are gonna go for it! ;-)  
As I said in my last report, you can keep on looking because there will ALWAYS be a more beautiful woman over there, but will I ever find one as honest, kind and caring as well as attractive??  Don't think I want to find out!

Later
Oscar

[tim360z]

... in response to TRIP REPORT PART 7-, posted by Oscar on Mar 22, 2002

and such a pleasure to read.  I hope,  in the future you can keep us updated as you progress.  Best of Luck and Best Wishes,  Tim