There are a lot of different ways that people find that "special someone" over there.  Going on "love tours", one on one correspondence, personalized tours are all options available to men looking for that special someone.  I chose to do things a little differently.

A long time ago, when I was a sophomore in college, I did something similar to a "resumé flood", except I was simply asking for information regarding the companies I wrote to, regarding my chosen major.  Imagine my surprise when I actually got some requests to apply for a job amongst all the information I received back!  This little incident would remain etched in my memory, teaching me the value of "volume correspondence".

Many years later, after I finally decided it was time to settle down, this little incident was jarred by something that I had read on the internet at the time.  A Russian lady was giving various tips on men writing to ladies.  "Don't concentrate on just one." she admonished, "You will receive one response out of ten women that you write to."  It was then I did the math and decided that to get into correspondence with 10 women (a decent number to choose among, or so I thought), I would need to write to about 100 women.  So I began my campaign of volume.

Basically, all I did was go to a number of free or low cost sights and looked at ladies ranging from 17 to 32 (I was 34 at the time).  I had pretty loose critera for my selection process.  She had to be decent looking (not a show stopping beauty, but also didn't look like her face got caved in by a shovel either), good physical shape, and her profile had to mention more than just finding a rich man.  I wasn't too worried about children, but I tried to look more for those without, as I wasn't too sure how well I would do as a parent in addition to a husband.

After starting correspondence, I wrote to about 75 or 80 women.  I received close to 60 replies!  This was way off from the 10% estimate!  To manage all these correspondences, I had to go and purchase manila folders for each lady and put our letters to each other in each respective folder.  On the front of the folder, I taped a picture or printout of the lady, as well as personal stats (age, marital status (single, divorced, widowed), smoker, children, etc.)  Thus, I could in a few minutes refresh myself with whatever conversation we had going.

While the number of women I corresponded with was quite large, there were some distinct advantages I enjoyed with this method:

First, it became easy to pick out scammers in a short amount of time.  You get a feel for what's not right, when comparing a woman's correspondence to many others.  

Second, it is quicker and easier to let a questionable woman go, because you have enough others of quality to concentrate on.  You realize that you need to spend your time on those who have a definate interest in you, and who definately appeal to you.  

Third, you find points of conversation that will stick with you, reminding you what you want, or don't want.  Then, you can bring the same points up to other ladies and see how they feel and react.  This allows you to compare and contrast the ladies' personalities, helping you to find someone more your specific match.

Fourth, for those of you who are unsure of what you want, this method gives you the opportunity to find out the type of woman you want and what it's going to take to win her heart.  I went into this process thinking I wanted one kind of woman, but I ended up marrying another.  It is important to keep an open mind when doing this, as your end result should be your happiness.

Fifth, because of the numbers of ladies involved, it is more likely that you will find the woman of your dreams faster.  This is akin to finding a needle in a haystack.  Do you want to do it one straw at a time, or would you rather use a pitchfork and a sorting table?  The volume method seems to give you an accelerated learning curve in what Russian women are all about.

Some people feel that this method is impersonal, but how personal can you get with someone you don't feel comfortable with?  As you quickly begin to weed out the scammers, the unrealistic dreamers, those who are undesireable, you will soon end up with a few that you can start a meaningful correspondence with.  That's what happened to me.  Out of some 60 replies, I quickly cut it down to a dozen, then 6, then 3, eventually two, and finally one.  The more I reduced my number, the better the quality of correspondences I had.  That's because I was able to reduce the candidates to those who were more my type.

What are some lessons that I learned along the way?  Here are a few:

1) Take some time and think about what you want in a woman.  What phyical characteristics (height, weight, hair/eye color, body type, etc.) are you looking for?  What type of personality do you want?  Will this personality work well with yours?  What age do you want?  Is this a realistic age for yours?  Can you handle a woman with children?  Let's rephrase that, can *you* handle children in addition to a wife?  Can you tolerate a smoker?  A drinker?  Think about what you want and write down what is your ideal woman, and what is your realistic woman.  The key is to find as close to your ideal woman as you can among the realistic choices you make.

2) Write a good introductory letter.  Don't just say "Hi, I saw your profile and I'm interested in you.  Please write me."  Do you have any idea how many letters these ladies get like this?  Email costs money for most of these women.  Why should they write you?  Instead, spend a good time crafting your first letter.  Explain who you are and what specifically you are looking for.  Let them know up front what you are looking for and that you are serious about what you are doing.  Include a portrait style photo if you can.  Wear a suit and tie in the photo, as that seems to get you a better return reply ratio.

3) Always ask questions in your letters.  You want to know if this is the right girl, correct?  You can't know that if you don't ask.  Also, don't give your opinion on something at the same time you are asking a girl hers.  Scammers live for these opportunities.  I always asked the girl her opinion, and once I got it, I replied with my own opinion.  If a girl asks your feelings on something and she seems to agree with everything you say, watch out!  She may be "fishing" and you're the "fish"!  Besides, asking a girl about herself shows her that you are interested in her.

4) Email is fast, very fast.  I wrote to some ladies via the postal system, and I did get a couple of replies, two to three months later.  By this time I was well on my way towards settling into correspondence with a handful of ladies.  Mail is slow and not secure.  If you must send postal mail, send it registered or insured.  If the letter is tracked, it will get there.  If it isn't, expect Yuri the postal worker to open it, looking for money.

5) Avoid talking about sex.  I once made a joking remark about sex in one of my correspondences to a lady.  She didn't ever write to me again.  Even if it is only in humor, don't do it.  Talking about sex is poor manners and most Russian ladies will be offended by it.  What may seem like an innocent statement to you can carry loads of connotations to her.  It's best to avoid it altogether, until you are deeply involved with a woman.

6) Be organized.  If you do the volume correspondence method, you can expect to be deluged with countless emails.  You must keep all your correspondences organized if you are going to make sense of all these girls.  As I mentioned earlier, I printed out all their letters and my responses and put each correspondence in a specific folder for each lady.  Doing this, allowed me to pick up a conversation where we left off.  If you don't know what you already talked about or what you want to talk about, how can you correspond effectively.  By organizing, you will be able to provide many "one on one" correspondences at the same time.

7) Email costs money.  Most of these ladies pay for their email service.  Some agencies force the cost onto you, instead.  Regardless, expect that there is a cost somewhere, otherwise how could an agency stay in business?  If you write a lady more than three or four times and intend to write her more, then you should be willing to cover email costs.  It's cheap for you, but not for them.  I know that many people disagree with me on that, but I'm stating what worked for me.

There are many ways to find a lady out there.  This is what worked for me.  It may not be right for you.  If you don't know how to start, however, this might just fit the bill.

As always, this is simply my 2¢ and my own personal experience.  Your mileage may vary...

... in response to How this old timer did it..., posted by John K on Feb 25, 2002

Your post is ok,
but somewhere you do say that  "she may be fishing and you're the fish".
Don't you think that you and I are also fishing when writing and that they are the fish.

They are as we are taking our best shot.

... in response to How this old timer did it..., posted by John K on Feb 25, 2002

nt

... in response to Sounds like a good approach, posted by BubbaGump on Feb 25, 2002

Be positive.  I think cautionary comments or negative comments are exagerated when the women read the letters.

... in response to Similiar....in many respects for me,  ye..., posted by tim360z on Feb 25, 2002

Which method a man chooses to take has to be based on his own attitudes and preferences.  I think the majority go to visit more than one woman at a time and that's probably the best way for the majority of men.

I do believe that just contacting one woman you see on a site with expectations of success is a very long shot though.  I'm sure even that's been done with success, but the odds are against it.  You can't judge compatibility and chemistry based on a photo and brief self-description and by only attempting to contact one at a time, it's most likely going to take a veeeeery long time to find the right one.  That's what I see the majority of men doing though.  I think they believe that their being American will make them attractive to any woman they write to because they assume the women must be desparate to escape their situation.  I work with Latin women and know that's not often the case.  I assume it's most likely the same with East European women.

... in response to Re: There are many ways, posted by Mike on Feb 26, 2002

mike, the scammers will!

... in response to There are many ways, posted by Patrick on Feb 25, 2002

maybe being American may cut you a little slack...but,  with a good quality intelligent girl...not so much slack that being American will make up for various deficits.  Perhaps with a very poor girl?  My experience with this began as a purely cultural thing...being 1/2 Russian in my ethnic heritage.  I wanted to understand more of life where my greatgrandparents and their progeny originated from.  In the course of it...I got to know such nice ladies with a breathtaking intelligence and character and physical beauty.  I don't know where it will lead to...but I take a chance.

... in response to Sounds very familiar, posted by Patrick on Feb 25, 2002

I think out of some 60 responses, I got 3 scammers and 2 or 3 "questionables".  Of course, I took my time looking at the profiles before writing any of the ladies.  Any that looked too provocative, I didn't bother to write to.  I looked for the ones that seemed more real and down to earth.  It isn't easy to fake that.

As far as the proportion of scammers on pay versus free, I'm not sure.  That was over 3 years back when I did this, but the bulk of my addresses were free.  I do recall one being specifically on a pay site.

Most of the free sites were that, free.  If they charged money, they were up front about it.  If it looked like I would be in a long term correspondence, I contacted the site and set up payment arrangements so that the lady would not need to pay.  In my wife's case, I sent her $40 to cover the email costs, but that was the exception to the rule.

There was one site that gave you the first email for free, but you paid for the rest.  I wasn't sure if it was a marketing gimmick or a scam.  I wrote to one lady there, but I dropped her after 3 or 4 exchanges, as she didn't seem serious enough to keep my interest.  But I wouldn't count that as a scammer necessarily.  A lot of the girls I wrote to for free really weren't sure of what they wanted either.  A lot of them were doing it on a lark, hoping that prince charming might come along and rescue them, and I left them with their pie-in-the-sky dreams.

Personally, I think if you go into this focused and make sure the girls know you are serious about what you are doing, you probably won't hit as many scammers.  Scammers are looking for an easy mark.  They look for the men wearing their hearts on their sleeves, who tell them how beautiful and sexy they are in their first letter.  I made little or no mention of their looks in my first few letters, instead concentrating on seeing if I could establish a more detailed correspondence with the lady.  If the lady wasn't willing to "open up" about herself and discuss things like child rearing, family, and her opinions regarding marriage and family roles, I dropped her.

It may seem like that may be coming on too strong, but with Russian women this pragmatic approach seemed to work very well.  The scammers, players and undecideds were quickly sorted out.  What was left was a small core of ladies who were indeed serious about marriage.  From there, it was a matter of determining if we were going to be compatible or not.

The compatibility part is the most time consuming part of the correspondence.  I started my correspondence with one basic form letter with a few varients, tailored to the circumstances.  In fact, probably the first 2 or 3 letters in any correspondence were close to a similar format.  At times I would cut and paste parts or even entire letters I had written for one girl into another letter for a different girl.  While this seems cold and calculating, it was done also in the matter of fairness.  I wanted each girl to have her equal chance to reply.  

It actually worked quite well.  Within 3 or 4 well written and defining letter exchanges, the bulk of the women were weeded out.  90% were gone within 10 to 12 letters.  Getting down below the final 5 or 6 was tough.  Getting below 3 was much tougher.  Making a final choice as for whom to concentrate on was extremely difficult, as Katya and Marina both had qualities I admired and enjoyed.  Each had her pluses and minuses.  In the end, I decided on Marina, but it was a decision that took a long bout of soul searching.

While I am quite happy with my married life, in retrospect, I think I ought to have taken more time with my search.  I started in October of 98 and had basically made my decision by February or March of 99.  Had I taken more time and written more women, I might have possibly found somebody more appealing than my wife.  Then again, I would just as likely now be ruing the "one that got away".  It's pointless to play those "what if" games and instead I look at the end result.  I'm happy and my life is several times better than prior to marriage.  I consider myself a success, at least in my terms, and that's what counts.