... in response to What should I do?, posted by Johnny W on Dec 21, 2001
I honestly don't know that answer to your question - and it is probably not something that anyone can answer definitively from afar. However, I'll offer a couple of thoughts - for whatever they may be worth to you.
My guess is the tension is probably more the responsibility of your daughter than your new wife. I say this principally because of your characterization of here as being questioning and occasionally a bit argumentative. I also imagine that she has been through a pretty difficult recovery following her mother's death. All in all, a pretty difficult situation.
You certainly have a role to play - in that you need to make it clear to your daughter that you are firmly and permanently committed to your new wife. My guess is you have already done this - perhaps many times - and it probably ameliorates things for a brief time, but it returns to tension thereafter. Just continue to reinforce your love and commitment for your wife. Tell it to your daughter even in the presence of your wife - picking a time when tensions are not running so high. Let both of them know that you are committed to a relationship with BOTH of them.
I can imagine that it will make little tangible difference in your daughter's behavior - except for a possible temporary truce - and a great deal of that is just the age. She will continue to be problematic in this area until she is more than 18 - at least, that is my experience.
You also need to discuss the situation and it's handling with Elena - so that she fully understands your support for her and that you both will likely have a bit of a problem on your hands for another few years (at best). Elena must also understand your deep commitment and love for your daughter and your resolve to maintain a relationship with her - even during the tense times ahead.
It is a difficult situation - one that will require a delicate balance for you - between your daughter and your wife - while demonstrating commitment and love for both.
I don't envy your situation.