My Horrible Russian Experience

[Stan B]

... in response to Re: Uhhh - Not That I Don't Believe You,..., posted by doctahd on Dec 15, 2001

you weren't thinking clearly when you wrote your profile and likewise when you you thought that you would be a knight in shining armor, saving this poor lady from her life of misery. And not meeting her son before you brought him over is in my book 1 of the dumbest of all. Then when you realize that you have no relationship, you offer her to be roommates w/ you. And now you come crying to us, what do you expect, a shoulder to cry on?
But now that you've been ridiculed, why not get a lawyer and maybe think about sueing for false charges and then your lawyer can offer her to drop the suit after she drops the charges, after putting some major pressure on her. And maybe call the cops and press charges of theft of your computer and the other missing items. And lastly grow up and take responcibility for yourself.

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Uhhh - Not That I Don't Believe You, But..., posted by Dan on Dec 14, 2001

We can smell BS a mile away.  Trolls should write out their story line and get their dates right before they start posting.

[BarryM]

... in response to You have an excellent eye Dan, posted by BubbaGump on Dec 14, 2001

Whenever I see a post such as the one above, I consider it an automatic flame. Anyone who is authentic would not make such a post on here, especially his first post. Someone who starts posting here without taking the time to read the content of this forum is an idiot. I lurked on here for close to 3 months before I started posting.

As far as I'm concerned, such trolls are open season and I have no problem nuking them. I don't believe in that touchy feely "lets be nice to the stupid nasty people and have an open mind" type of crap that some seem to espouse on here.

Flame them.

-blm

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Those bozos are easy to spot., posted by BarryM on Dec 14, 2001

Not that that bothers me any.  Flame on young Barry.  Somebody has to take the lead flame role.

[Jeff S]

... in response to My Horrible Russian Experience, posted by doctahd on Dec 14, 2001

You married her without her ever saying she loved you? and married he and took on responsibility for her son without ever having spoken to him? Maybe you should read Dr. Laura's book, "Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives."
-- Jeff S.

[mdante99]

... in response to Re: My Horrible Russian Experience, posted by Jeff S on Dec 14, 2001

I don't want to blame him; he is already hurting. This is not a blame game. If the woman said " I love you " and if he had spoken to the son, would the outcome be any different? I have heard plenty of similar stoies in which the woman prefessed her love for the man... ten times a day before the marriage.

Mark

[doctahd]

... in response to Re: Re: My Horrible Russian Experience, posted by mdante99 on Dec 14, 2001

Thanks.

And you make a very good point. It's difficult to detect true love, and it's doubly difficult when there are language barriers and culture clashes involved.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Re: My Horrible Russian Experience, posted by mdante99 on Dec 14, 2001

I'm not trying to start a blame game here and I am truly sympathetic to what happened to him. I also feel that false domestic violence charges are unconscionable, not just because they screw up the life of the accused, but they also dilute truly dangerous situations with a lot of crying wolf. That being said, though, by his own admission:

"We were married .. after a whirlwind .. Internet romance. My idea was that, even if the marriage did not work, at least I would be rescuing a woman and her son from a terrible existance in St. Petersburg."

It doesn't sound like the basis for a strong, close marriage to me. For any newbys or lurkers out there (this site gets over 30,000 hits a day and only a couple dozen posts) anyone naieve enough to think that they're some knight in shining armour out to rescue a sweet young thing from the horrors of a third world existance should be plenty aware of the fallacy of that kind of thinking.

-- Jeff S.

[doctahd]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: My Horrible Russian Experien..., posted by Jeff S on Dec 14, 2001

Jeff,

I'm now aware of the fallacy of that kind of thinking.

Admittedly, I've been a slow learner.

[mdante99]

... in response to My Horrible Russian Experience, posted by doctahd on Dec 14, 2001

I have to assume that your story is true.
At least some lessons can be learned.

1. A cool temper is very paramount; for those without one, marriage in general and AM/RW relationship in particular is not adisable. This though is easier said than done.

2. There are  considerable cultural differences, a clear understanding of those is very essential. RW are not American, they don't think like one, act like one, or behave like one and marriage with one is NOT a cakewalk.

3. When you bring a child with the woman, you are bringing additional responsibilities that make the relationship even more vulnerable, and you must be prepared for it.

4. The first year is the most crucial year; if you see that it is not working out, it is best to very amicably buy her a plane ticket home.

5. Vindictiveness does not solve the problem; " getting even" does very little to improve either party financially or emotionally. Accept that the marriage did not work out, and offer to pay her to go back; inter-cultural marriage did not work for you... without putting the blame on anyone. People are different; that does not make them either good or bad. I respectfully disagree with the general notion that there are some " bad " RW; and somehow one can avoid these bad ones and a find a " good " one; and then life will be hunky dory. The problem is in interpersonal relationship which is made at least ten times more difficult with cultural differences between the parties.

6. A carefully drawn pre-nuptial agreement prepared by a Russian speaking lawyer should be a "sine que non" for such marriages; a pre-nupt usually spells out what would happen in your circumstances, among other things... mine does.

I am sure there are other lessons.

Mark

[doctahd]

... in response to Lessons Learned, posted by mdante99 on Dec 14, 2001

Thanks for your points.

The trouble began when I did suggest she return to Russia about four months into the marriage. She had absolutely no desire to return and stated such in no uncertain terms. It was then, I think, that she saw me as a threat to her well-being and the die was cast for her eventual escape from the marriage.

As for a pre-nuptial agreement, it just never occured to me.

[Dan]

... in response to Lessons Learned, posted by mdante99 on Dec 14, 2001

On Pre-nuptials.

- Dan