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Author Topic: money A Question for any Russian lady  (Read 12247 times)
Robert D
Guest
« on: November 30, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
As some of you know, I went to St. Petersburb for a week now one year and a half ago.   Met a nice sweet simple woman, with nice values, but decided the language, cultural, time and space thing just would not work for me, but I thought she was so nice, and not a scammer, that I continued to send her money even after I told her we had no future and I would just be her friend.   I give her advice from time to time and send her about $100 per month for the last two years.   She never asked for money, but appreciates it.  I think I will do it for a while longer.   My question is, does such a sum really help her? She lives in a small town about 3 hours out of Moscow.  
She works at a retail shop in her town.

Your thoughts.

Robert D.
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Jimmy
Guest
« Reply #1 on: December 01, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to money  A Question for any Russian lady, posted by Robert D on Nov 30, 2001

I certainly understand your desire to help this woman and I am sure many AM are doing the same to some degree for whatever reason.

But if you really want to help then I know many babuskas that would benefit from your $100.  You could divide it five ways and give $20 to each one and they would really appreciate it.  It would make her life so much better and it would really give you allot of satisfaction since she would have nothing to give back to you.

Everyday I see old women and men that have spent their entire lives doing back breaking work, bundled up against the cold bitter winters here, looking for work or food to eat, just to survive.  They have no one to look out for them, no family to help them, no future.

Recently, I met an older woman here whose husband kicked her and her daughter into the street and stole their apartment.  She had no where to go.  No one to help.

Another babuska I know lost her son. He mysteriously disappeared.  Now she must go it alone without any help.  The government may be giving her a meager pension of $10 a month to live on.  Not much.

Many young women here know that they have something that other woman of the world don't have.  They have beauty and youth.  They know that very well.  Don't kid yourself.  I have been here a year now and I see many of them that understand that aspect oh so well.  And they know AM are very curious about them and have traveled long distances just to get a look.  Plane loads of AM arriving here to find a beautiful woman.

Well, when you get here and walk the streets of Kiev then take your eyes off the short skirted girl for a moment and watch the older babuskas and others not so beautiful.  They are the real ones in real need of the generosity of others.  They don't have the necessary physical appearance to attract a man that will help.  All they have is the spirit to survive and they do it with class.  Recently I was driving my car through a village near Chernobyl and stopped to give some money to a babuska walking nearby.  She refused the gift!  Her pride would not allow her to take it.  Imagine that!  I was very embaressed.

Since I have been here the newness of the beauty of the younger woman has somewhat worn off.  I don't get in a lather like I used to.  Now I see far more.  There are women here that will use you.  There are women that won't.  You have to decide who will and who won't and do they really need your money and what can they give back to you.  If you get nothing and expect nothing for your generousity then I say let your heart rule.

Where I live $100 a month is allot of money for someone.  Especially if she is already working. The expats here employ local ladies to clean house and the average monthly wage for this is $100 a month.  Ladies here line up for the opportunity to clean house everytime someone new arrives.  For them the chance to clean an expats house is a dream come true.  To hook up with an AM is like the ultimate dream.

Well, I could go on and on about this but I only try and give you my perspective.  Yours certainly may vary. I only say be very cautious with your money and who you give it to and why.  Here survival is the word of the day.

Best Regards,

Jimmy
Ukraine, Kiev Region
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James2002
Guest
« Reply #2 on: December 01, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to You want to help?, posted by Jimmy on Dec 1, 2001

n/t
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DE
Guest
« Reply #3 on: December 01, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to You want to help?, posted by Jimmy on Dec 1, 2001

.
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Del
Guest
« Reply #4 on: December 01, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to You want to help?, posted by Jimmy on Dec 1, 2001

You'd be taken aback, especially if you've been to a school in a village or smaller town - they are trynig to teach English with almost no resources.
Every trip I take as many books as I can, and, there are several "Friendship Awards" presently in place in schools across Crimea.
These 'awards' are only 50 grivna at the Christmas/New Years break, and 100 grivna at Year-End, and there is one for the males and one for the females.
They are awarded by the teachers selecting the recipients, based upon scholastic effort, citizenship and need.
As RW has so capably stated, "sometimes it's enough to know that someone actually cares!".
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MarkInTx
Guest
« Reply #5 on: December 01, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to You want to help?, posted by Jimmy on Dec 1, 2001

This one rocked me back in my chair and made me think for a long time...

Well done...
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tim360z
Guest
« Reply #6 on: December 01, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to You want to help?, posted by Jimmy on Dec 1, 2001

Thanks for your first hand view.  I think also,  that any thinking young woman must also look at the poor babushka's and wonder if that in 25 years....that could be her lot in life.  Her fate?  I am sure some of the babushka's were once knockouts too.  How is life in Slauvich (close spelling)Huh  Best,  Tim
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Jimmy
Guest
« Reply #7 on: December 02, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Thanks Jimmy, posted by tim360z on Dec 1, 2001

Tim,

There are a couple of ways of spelling Slavutich/Slavutych.  I know some 40+ older gals that know soon they will be "grandmothers" or "babuskas" as they call it.  In reality they the meaning is not the same as we would consider in the US.  The meaning goes deeper.  It means someone that is too old to attract a man if she needs to.  It's nearly an end of life for them, end of the road.  In America we consider that the time to settle down and retire with a life of ease and travel.  Not so here.  It is not that way.  It means a harder, more difficult life.  No more youth, no more beauty, no more ability to attract a man should she lose her husband.

Most of the security felt by these woman come from "their man".  I have heard it so many times, "You're my man" or "You're my boy".  Life for a woman here revolves around her man and his ability to bring home the bread and butter.  Our country used to be like that but changed sometime in the 60's and 70's.  I remember it well.  I am 56 and remember life then.  The woman in the US changed for many reasons.  I know I can't pinpoint all the reasons but I am sure many here can give us some.

Well, I have been here over a year now and will be returning to the US in Jan or Feb.  I have mixed feeling about going home and some days are better than others.  I will sometime soon write a long post detailing some of my observations, experiences, and maybe mistakes.  I hope I can belp some of you realize what is here and how to deal with it.  It has been very difficult in some ways for me.  I am glad I did this here and not in the US.  The pain would be deep.  Take care.

Best Regards,

Jimmy
Ukraine, Kiev Region
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rojak
Guest
« Reply #8 on: November 30, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to money  A Question for any Russian lady, posted by Robert D on Nov 30, 2001

You're a saint. I understand what you are feeling. Keep it up.
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DE
Guest
« Reply #9 on: November 30, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to money  A Question for any Russian lady, posted by Robert D on Nov 30, 2001

Of course it helps her.  Heck, send me a C note every month, it would help me too.  Smiley
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Del
Guest
« Reply #10 on: November 30, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to money  A Question for any Russian lady, posted by Robert D on Nov 30, 2001

darn well that this money (about $100 per month)will really help her!
If you're seeking *kudos*, then that's OK and I will grant them to you (especially if the gift has 'no strings'!).
If you trying to promote more of the kind, I sincerely wish you luck.
There are many, many wonderful folks in the FSU that are suffering from a 'cash flow' problem - insufficient or non-existant cash flow, that is.
To selflessly 'gift' to another is truly a noble execise.
Remember, many believe in "What goes around, comes around."
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Robert D
Guest
« Reply #11 on: December 03, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to You've been there and you know......, posted by Del on Nov 30, 2001

Thanks I guess I was trying to be sure that to continue was not insulting in some way.   That was really my issue.  

Thanks
Robert D.
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tim360z
Guest
« Reply #12 on: November 30, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to money  A Question for any Russian lady, posted by Robert D on Nov 30, 2001

Well Bob,
  Heres my little take---- for what its worth.  No one person has given more to Russia/Ukraine/Fsu than Mr.  Hammer did for many decades.  Millions and millions of dollars.  By the boatload and by the convoy.
Surely,  by the people there,  he was not resented for it and certainly all,  including Uncle Joe Stalin,  Krustuahev, Brezenhev and the Politbouro were amazed.  Because,  for himself or his companies he asked for nothing.  Not one iota.  Not 1 little thing.  Shiploads of help was not a problem for him.  I think he was a very good man.  A selfless and a generous gesture.  Of course he had a special attachment because his ancestors came from there.  And he had made it bigtime in the USA.

  Now,  you have met the girl and you know both her and her situtation and you know your philanthropic budget.  Maybe this 1 person will go on to have a better life because of your generosity.  And she will touch another and then another---- in a geometric progression.  Maybe you will give her a good advantage and I think $100 per month is a great advantage there.  You do not seem to have some "romantic adgenda" with her...so I think its cool.  Some may disagree with my opinion and that is fine with me.  We all have our own conscience and our own values and few among us has the greatness to make a judgement on your selfless generosity.  Best,  Tim

Ps:  When you have the time,  check-out Mr.  Hammer.  He is an interesting person and probably the only American completely welcome in then,   the Communist USSR.  Welcome by people,  great and small.  Oh! And the sum of $100 can certainly help her....it just depends how your grant is applied....so I would check with her on how she uses it.  You may have some good advice
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johnE
Guest
« Reply #13 on: November 30, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Armund Hammer aka Arm & Hammer, posted by tim360z on Nov 30, 2001

nt.
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RW
Guest
« Reply #14 on: November 30, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to money  A Question for any Russian lady, posted by Robert D on Nov 30, 2001

I think your gift is very appreciated. Especially since she has not asked for it and you continue to be good friends.
It's hard to tell if money would be sufficient, but I think if she is careful with it, it certainly helps. Sometimes it's more important to see that somebody just simply cares and remembers about you.

Thank you,

Russian Wife
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