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Author Topic: Let me pose this question  (Read 20728 times)
BubbaGump
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« on: October 28, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
If there were a girl that you really wanted, but she was in the middle of Siberia, would you try to go meet her?  I've seen a girl that is making me think about it.
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Scaught
Guest
« Reply #1 on: October 28, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Let me pose this question, posted by BubbaGump on Oct 28, 2001

1) I would schedule a trip to a more accessible area when she was going to be in this other place anyway, like on her vacation. So there would be no need for you to pay for it.

2) Have backup plans in the area to meet other women in the more accessible area.

3) If things go well with your meeting, go back with her to her hometown.

This worked for me, but we're not talking Siberia here.
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BubbaGump
Guest
« Reply #2 on: October 28, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Let me pose this question, posted by BubbaGump on Oct 28, 2001

I'm not in this situation yet but I might be in the future.  There are always a couple of girls that are hard to get to and probably few people write to them.  This girl I'm thinking about is very good looking but I am wondering if I want to bring back a girl that looks like a model.  I have dated girls that are very attractive and they can be more trouble than they're worth.  Of course this girl could be a scammer too.  I always look skeptically at girls that look like models.  
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LP
Guest
« Reply #3 on: October 28, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Let me pose this question, posted by BubbaGump on Oct 28, 2001

...what you've "seen"? I assume you have had, or will have, some extensive communications with her before you roll these dice. Otherwise, at this point, it sounds like your thinking with the wrong head.

Having said that, I would go anywhere if it feels "right". Distance
is not the issue, doing your homework is. Besides, if it pans out, you'll
need to meet her family anyway.

I once had a great prospect from Omsk, the women there seem to be very nice. She was very beautiful, but she was a lawyer.

No thanks. Even I have limits.
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lebaron
Guest
« Reply #4 on: October 28, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Let me pose this question, posted by BubbaGump on Oct 28, 2001

My fiancee, who is now here in Boston (and healthy!) grew up in Surgut, Siberia.  It is a two hour plain ride from Moscow to the Eastern part of Siberia.  You will be a rock-star there as an American.  You can call the concierge at the hotel for flight information, and I suggest you stay for at least one night, and buy your ticket without advance puchase requirements after you arrive.  If you do not plan to stay in Moscow for more than one night, stay at a hotel near the airport and save yourself the ridiculous taxi fares.
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Katya
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« Reply #5 on: October 28, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Let me pose this question, posted by BubbaGump on Oct 28, 2001

yes, go to see her. But which agency did you see her on? There is an agency in Omsk which is a little suspect.
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Lynn
Guest
« Reply #6 on: October 28, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Let me pose this question, posted by BubbaGump on Oct 28, 2001

A better plan would be for her to meet you in Moscow or St. Pete. You will be able to come up with a better backup plan and it's an easier out if things don't click. If you don't do anything else, have a backup plan---- preferably with several options--------or you can just give me the money you intend to spend and I'll tell you how much fun you had when I get back Wink

Several years ago, I had a late occuring correspondance relationship with a lady from Moscow, added a side leg to a already planned trip just to see her, photos and letters were "smokin", I knew she had to be the "one", I barely made it thru lunch when we first met-------"0" chemistry, conversation was nil. We never spoke again and I spent the last four days in Moscow scrambling for something to make the trip worthwhile------------Don't put all your eggs in one basket.


Lynn
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Leslie
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« Reply #7 on: October 29, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Let me pose this question, posted by Lynn on Oct 28, 2001

SO WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU MEET IN A NETURAL COUNTRY.  I DONT HAVE A BACKUP PLAN EXCEPT TO SPEND A COUPLE OF DAYS BEFORE WE MEET I AMSTERDAM
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Katya
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« Reply #8 on: October 29, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: Let me pose this question, posted by Leslie on Oct 29, 2001

How did your girl get a visitor visa to Amsterdam?
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Lynn
Guest
« Reply #9 on: October 29, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: Let me pose this question, posted by Leslie on Oct 29, 2001

Before you meet isn't going to do you much good, unless you have already made contacts there and are planning to see them as well. I think I would search online agencies for some backup in that area or consider changing your destination. I would never agree to meet in a 3rd country without meeting her first.
But there is something to be said about the two of you going to a third country preferably somewhere where neither of you speak the language (at least not well), renting a apartment for a week or to and playing "house" later on as the relationship progresses. I have done this. If you are out of your usual comfort zone, it puts you in the situation of having to depend on each other. You can learn a lot about yourself and your prospective bride in a short time and it's a lot cheaper than the whole bit of the fiance visa. If all goes well, then I would go for the fiance visa, but I would not let this be known as the reason for the trip.

regards,

Lynn
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Katya
Guest
« Reply #10 on: October 28, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Let me pose this question, posted by Lynn on Oct 28, 2001

Lynn, I do not agree with you. Meeting a lady in her home is very important. It is a good way of finding scammers. The first trick of a scammer is to suggest meeting in a "neutral" country. They make men pay money for air tickets & then they find some excuse why they couldn't go.
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BubbaGump
Guest
« Reply #11 on: October 28, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: Let me pose this question, posted by Katya on Oct 28, 2001

I had that happen to me but I thought she had dishonesty written all over her and I never responded to her.

She said she was very attracted to me and wanted to meet me right away in Turkey.  She asked for $500 to pay for airfare and she also asked for $50 a month for her email expenses.  She seemed dishonest in every way.  Too bad for her because she was my first choice.  They only need to find one stupid man a year to make it worth their effort.
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tim360z
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« Reply #12 on: October 28, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to That's a very good tip, posted by BubbaGump on Oct 28, 2001

is precious.
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Lynn
Guest
« Reply #13 on: October 28, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: Let me pose this question, posted by Katya on Oct 28, 2001

If the initial meeting goes well, I agree meeting her in her home is important, very important. But to not ever have met this person face to face and to travel to somewhere that it is difficult to have a backup plan is not logical, nor is it practical in a cost versus return case. Which is more efficient: to be able to easily make other contacts if the first meeting goes awry and save the remainder of the trip by just paying for her transportation and stay (which ammounts to little compared to the total loss of the man's trip expenses-----visa, international flights, transportation, lodging, meals,etc.) or to travel to her home at first-----in which the man's and the lady's expectations are very high, all her friends and family know about the "visit" and are in high hopes or anticipation of the results---------hopefully the results would be positive, but one never knows, if things go well, great.
But if not, she may be in a position of being embarrassed before her friends and family. In such a case the man, unless he has very good backup plans, has forfeited his trip, his time and not only is he disappointed, he must try to salvage the remnants of the trip------not a good scenario.
I agree that scammers will sometimes ask for money for airfare and then never show, but what is wrong with her taking the train or asking her to pay for her fare to where you are and then giving her the money the round trip when she arrives (I have done this several times with good results, BUT this too is no assurance that she is not a scammer------speaking from experience). This whole venture is risky business, but as with anything the risk must be weighted against the possible gain.

best regards,

Lynn
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Katya
Guest
« Reply #14 on: October 28, 2001, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: Re: Let me pose this question, posted by Lynn on Oct 28, 2001

I don't know Lynn, some of what you say makes sense, but it's mixed up with other things that I don't think will help. I think that even looking at the RW situation a year ago, there are many more scammers around now & we have to help the men who are looking for wives.

You can visit a girl in say Odessa & still have an escape route - I don't see why you need to be in a 3rd country or town. In fact that way, you are paying more money because you must pay for her expenses & travel costs. You must send her money - which is a risk for you.

Put this against meeting a girl in her home. You can meet her parents, her friends. You can look around her apartment - does she have her own computer, scanner (red flag), printer? Does she look well-off? Is her apartment in good condition, is it in a good area? Do her parents meet you & have dinner with you?

These are all things you need to sort out early on - within 3 months of the relationship starting. There are so many advantages of meeting her at her home, I really don't see the point of taking the risk of meeting elsewhere. A girl truly intersted in you will WANT you to meet her parents & grandparents & children.

I know that some men like the supermarket approach. But do this with care. Choose 1 city & then write to a few girls from the same city. You can then visit & see all of them at once. I don't personally agree with this & most Russian women would be hurt & feel that they were not being treated right.

Here is my suggestion for any men who are still reading this. Check out ALL the web sites every day. Look at the new girls, read the profiles. Figure which ones are from agencies. A few months of this & you will learn a lot. Write to a few girls - 6 or 8. Learn about them, their families & what they want & like to do. The girl who uses a friends computer is best. Make sure that they are compatible with your true wants. Don't write to a girl who looks like a model if you look like a dustbin! Russian girls will always want their man to be taller than them, even when the girl is in high heels. As you write watch out for red flags. A good girl will never ask for money, apart from maybe email/translation costs. Pay this direct to the girl - not the agency. Get the girl's home address & phone number. Cut down your girls to 1 & get to know her deeply. Get her to find an apartment for you & fly out & meet her. See how you get on. Go home. If you are from the US you can't get her to visit you, so fly out again & meet her again, or maybe in a 3rd country this time. I don't like 3rd countries because you are trying to find a wife. You are trying to see if you can get on with this girl for the rest of your life. In a 3rd country it is a holiday for you both. It is not a real test. Get her to visit you at home - if you're not in the US. After 3 visits at least - go for the fiancee visa. If it doesn't work - start again. This is a wife that you are looking for - do it right.

Anyone close to a Russian woman will know that everyone has their "part". Your part is out there - & she's looking for you.

I wish you good luck
Katya
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