I wake up early this morning,my number one issue in my mind.My girlfriend.Is she the one for me?Is there sufficient romantic love there on my part for her?I hug her and kiss her.She makes these cooing purring little sounds.She totally loves ME.Its apparent by her EVERY action,even her automatic reactions to a hug in the night.My ex would get pissed off at me if I did that.I was disturbing her sleep.And she never wanted a hug from me anyway,let alone the middle of the night.
It hits me.My fate is sealed.I will NEVER throw away this woman who loves me so much.Its just not in me to do that,I am not capabel of that,I know myself too well.
My experience has been in every relationship there is always one person who cares more.I wouild like to hear stories of mutual equal love,so tell me.But I have NEVER experienced it.I have been on both sides of being the person who cares more or cares less than the other.I my 2 marriages and 2 other women I dated I was the guy who loved more.Lots more.They were disasters.I was never good enough,never respected much,always taken for granted,always the LAST person they cared about.Its a downer when the person you love does not love you,when you are in effect the fool to the person you most care about.
I have been the other side to.I just used them and didn't call them back. I remembrer probably the most besautifull woman I ever dated trying to pin me down for a reltionship.I didn't go for it.She was ditzy,I couldn't wait for her to go home asfter sex.I go away for 2 weeks,come home horny.She found anothr guy.She is appologising,saying I tried to talk to you,what I got was real casual.I am just laughing to myself.Its funny to me,I don't give a sh!t.She is despersate,goes for a fat slob of a guy who will marry her. I can't say I did not remember her in my horny momemts,she was HOT.But so was I.I was a 36 year old stud going through chicas.
Now,my attitude is not that for Beatriz.I like everything about her.I am proud of her.She is not second rate to me,I just realise She cares more than me.
My other girl Friend Angela is my friend and also the hottest lover I have EVER had.But you know what?That is not so important to me,at least I tell myself that untill I see her.I never think of a long term relationship with her.She doesn't fit,as much as I like her.
And If I was with her all the time I think the magic would go away.She is not comfortable in social situations,caused a big scene at my Halloween party last year.People were probably thinking what is he doing with her?She is not as attractive as Beatriz but dies have this WILD sexuality.I can live withoiut it.And it may sound funny but for all the hot sex she is first my friend.I want to help her if I can.See her occasionally.She is SO understanding but it has to be somewhast painfull for her also,but nothing like it is for Beatriz.I have not seen her for 2 weeks.Last time was fun,no pressure,like kids in High School.I remember a line from" Night Moves" by Bob Seeger,"I used her,she used me,we neither one cared,we were getting our share."
Time to move on.I do not want to hurt a person who trully loves me more than I want a little fun and excitement.We will see if I can pull it off.Breaking up is always hard for me to do unless the person has mistreated me.But she is not gettint her share either.She deserves better too.Its just hard for a woman to come by in Cali.So this disparity which works so well for guys is tough on women.Maybe in her next life she can be a american women.Or maybe she was last time and she is paying for it !
This is Not to Say Beartiz is not also hot.And she is so trainable,anything lacking she would eagerly fix if she could,so I have lots to work with.Soltero is her good friend also as well as mine.He knows what I like in a body,because we think alike.Bestriz is just slightly off.Most people wouldn't notice.If we move a little fat from stomach area to butt we have my perfect woman,she is close already.He says if thats what it takes for you then you should do it,because you will NEVER find a better woman.Easier to modify this one.Bestriz actually talks about this.I ask her if she iss erious.She says no.As a nurse she has watched lots of lipos and thinks its a bad thing to do to your body.Ok,how about just the butt injections then?I am sure she would do it for me.This might sound like shallow Hal here but if I can get a little more excited about her that would be good.The one thing I WILL NOT ask her to do is leavre CALI.Her family is too important to her.She probably would even do that for me,but it would cause her pain.
Speaking of Cali, I just found where I want to live.South of Cali toward Jarmondy.I can buy a one acre lot in a gated community with a LAKE and a clubhouse and 2 pools for $35,000.I could have a 3 million dollar San Jose type house,5000 sq ft,for less than $200,000.If you know San Jose its like Gillroy or Morgan Hill down there,except greener.And only 11 kilometers south of Carefore,about 6 miles.People have asked why don't I do real estate here?Well I never saw anything to get me at all excited untill Sunday.I can afford the lot,not the total consruction yet I want to do land development,subdivisions1.Plus.for 23 years working for the City Of San Jose I do development review.I see everything that is built,sign off on every project for about 5 years.3 guys I worked with from the other side of the counter,developers, are worth more than one billion according to Forbes.Several guys in the 100's of millions,while I am working days, partying nights and selling a little existing residential real estate on the .I know how it works in the US,how to put it together.I have seen it done 100's of times.Here it might be alot different.I will spend the next year finding out,while if nothing else trying to put away the money for the construction of the house.I am going to buy a car right away,because I now need one to be looking at lots of property.My cousin is even a golf course designer,lives in Nevada,does little 6 months a year.But that would proably over price it too much,but thats a possibilty too.
So at 62 what do I want?.Might be different than alot of you guys,different than when I was younger. I keep thinking of a Tom T hall song " I DID IT ALL when I was young and in my natural prime,now its old dogs and children, and watermelon wine"
Family is important.Mine is pretty much gone.With Beatriz I get a new big one.Its fun.At the quince anos party my friend is saying you are comfortable with these people.I say yeah,but now there is a whole second tier I have yet to meet.Lots of Contacts.Beatriz counsin an architect,maybe one of the first people who's brain I will pick.
And, my other goal,I want to be the Golden retriever breeder for Colombia.I love those dogs.Love on 4 feet.My gift to my adopted country.
Thinking of advice from Kiltboy,who DOES have strong opinions.
" Damm man,what ARE you looking for?You are 62 f - - king years old.She is a winner."
Not one person has disagreed with that.
Pete
