REAL LIFE REAL TIME CALI STORIES

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by utopiacowboy on Sep 24, 2005

Utopiacowboy,

Yes, the whole episode was very strange indeed.  In fact, I am left to guess about much of it.  While I was in Cali, she never gave me any indication that she was "playing" me, or that she was that type of girl.  However, since I repeatedly asked her how she felt, she had many opportunities while I was writing to her, and certainly after we met to just bow out.  Then I could have moved on and looked for someone else.  I have purposely not jumped right back in- in order to let go of the emotional baggage concerning this failed attempt.  Naturally, it would have been better if I could speak her language, but I hired the interpretor to help with that.  If she did not want to continue, all she had to do was say adios.  Now, I consider myself a practical man, and so I feel like I approached it in a common sense manner.  However, I would say that she did not; why I don't  know.  And remember, she was 35, she turned 36 in July, so she is no kid!  Oh well, just a lesson learned I guess, but one that I don't want to repeat!

[stefang]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

[This message has been edited by stefang]

Deleted

[stefang]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

Okie maybe  you should spread your horizons a little and look into Asian women as well. Go to the Asian board and ask questions. Before you know it, you will probably get some introductions from some of the guys about their wives sisters or cousins looking for a possible future husband.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by stefang on Sep 25, 2005

Stefang,

Thanks for your suggestion, but I am not attracted to Asian ladies.  However, I do understand that they often make great wives.  Still, each man must find where he will feel the most comfortable.  So, how is you search going?  I can't remember if you are married or not?  Take care.

                                   OkieMan

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

Damm, I am. I was corresponding with one for a while - she was 40 and had the face and body of a school girl. The only problem was we had to correspond in English and her English did not go any further than "I am fine. How are you?". That is too much of a communication gap for a real relationship. I have to be able to joke and fool around with a woman and I couldn't do that with her so what was left? As horny as I am, even I can't have sex 24x7.

[stefang]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

I am starting over I almost married a Brazilian. Now I am chatting with a Pinay that I was given an address from the Asian board.

I found a lot of things I didn't like about Latinas but they are very beautiful. The problem is beauty does not make a long lasting relationship if the personality is horrible. I am just a long term thinker compared to the day to day life, so my personality does not match the live for today model of most Latin women.

[Avispa]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

You repeatedly asked her how she felt?
I don't know, wouldn't you find that annoying?

Also, these are not American women, they are not going to just come out and say "get lost". As in Asian culture, there is an aversion to the word no.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by Avispa on Sep 25, 2005

Avispa,

I understand what you are saying.  What I was trying to say, was that I thought it only fair that I would try to "take her temperature" over a period of time?  In these situations, it would be normal that people can change their mind; that maybe one or both people discover it's not a good fit for them.  For me, that was not the problem.  She waited until I had already come home, and then seeminly dodged me.  She never admitted to me the truth.  Finally, after I had already given up, she told the interpretor she was no longer interested; but that was about a month after I came home. That is lousy, I don't care how you slice it.  The truth is still the truth.  I could handle her changing her mind. I just thought she was less than truthful, and her timing stunk!!  But, now I am trying to learn from my past mistakes.  So, here I am again,attempting to learn more.  That's why I am asking certain questions on this board.  I think that is why all of us are sharing.  We are stronger when we "join together", so to speak. No man is an island, and all of that stuff.

                          OkieMan

[caslug]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

Okie,

"The truth is still the truth." it's NOT always the case.  Even in US, women rarely tell a guy they're not interest, they usually give you BIG Warning sign(no more calls/email or less frequent, ignoring your calls/email, giving harmless excuse, etc.,)  How many times have you heard "i'm busy, I've work, i'm doing my hair, etc.,"..ONLY when you corner them, do they come out and tell you "i'm not interested"..  PS.  Try not to corner them.  

I learn this lesson in my 2nd yr in college.  I liked this girl, she was nice to me even gave me her number(which i took as a good sign).  Well i called and called(telephone stalker! LOL!) for about a week, but she never pickup EVEN after me leaving messages.  Finally, her roomate came out and said, "she NOT interested in you, pls stop calling!".. She did me a favor, taught me to LEARN to read the signals, BEFORE it gets to a confrontational point.  This was in US.

In COL, they're even LESS willing to be direct/confrontational.  Just like Kenny Roger's song, you gotta know "when to hold'em and when to fold'em"..  That's always have plan b, c, & d ready.  You DONT need to ask if they're having a good time, or if they like you, etc., because they're action will tell you.  Especially, in COL where being nice or spending time with you DOES NOT mean they INTO YOU.  Granted it's good sign, but you have to look for other signs.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by caslug on Sep 25, 2005

Caslug,

You are right, and that is one reason why I grew tired of dating when I was in my 20's.  That's not to say I didn't date, because I did, and dated alot.  I just got tired of the games. So, when I got married the first time at age 26, I thought I was taken care of-- and we had a good marriage for several years.  But, then the weird stuff and her affair started; and it went down hill from there.  Now, I know I am not a perfect man; but then again, no one is.  Overall, I was a good husband.  But, getting back to the signals; keep in mind, I have been out of the dating game for a long time.   Then you put in the language and cultural differences-- well, we all know that there can be many "missed signals".  I am still trying to learn more spanish, and more about the latina culture.  But, by no means is this a stroll in the park. I know that you know that.  Well, life goes on, and I will still keep after it.  Take care.

                             OkieMan

[beenthere]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Just Curious..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

[This message has been edited by beenthere]

Too many gringos make the mistake of just concentrating on one woman on their virgin trips to Colombia...by virgin trips I mean first or second trip.  Hell, I've made many, many trips to Colombia over the years, and unless I have a steady girl, I NEVER zero in on just one.  Experience as many woman as you can...don't be in a rush, take your time...this is how you learn about the woman.

Secondly, you Okieman, and others are too hung up on "how a latina thinks", like it some kind of mystery...these woman are not that much different than any other women.  What you and others need to do is concentrate on YOURSELVES, and forget about what the latina thinks!!!  Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself "why would any woman be interested in me??"  How is your self-esteem??  Your etiquette??  Your hygiene?? Your teeth??  Do you smell good??  You do you dress??  Okieman, I remember before your trip to Colombia you were wanting to wear a Hawaiian shirt...how did you dress while in Colombia??
Of course Spanish is crucial...what are you doing to learn the language??  Are you an interesting person?? or are you boring??  How is your sense of humor??
Quit worrying about the latinas and work on improving yourself...If you have alot to offer, you SHOULD have no problem...also, set your sights a little lower...as TEO posted, if you are a 5, you better not try for a 7...better shoot lower...

And just because you are a gringo, don't buy the bulls&*t that any Colombiana wants you...far from it.  So many Colombianas are disilusioned with the quality of gringo that joins an agency looking for a woman, this is the reason for the high number of no-shows in the agency.  In fact, many agency women think that many of the gringos are losers, who can't get a woman in the US, thus they go to Colombia...sorry these are their words not mine...

So Okieman, start looking at yourself TODAY, and determine what you can improve on to make yourself more desireable to a woman.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Ok, a little advice since you asked...-, posted by beenthere on Sep 25, 2005

Beenthere,

You make some excellent points.  It is apparant that you have travelled to Colombia more times than I.  I commend you on that.  I noticed on your profile, that you are basically a "man of mystery".  Care to share anything else about yourself?  You age, where you live, etc?   Do you desire getting married, or are you currently married.  I am asking that because some guys on this board don't wish to get married, and I just want to make it clear that I do.  So, my goals may or may not be the same as yours.  You make very valid points about looking at one's self, but just keep in mind when you said the latinas are no different then any other women-- those are not comforting thoughts!!
Most of us, including myself would not be on this board, if we had not had some, if not many bad experiences with American women.  I have been twice divorced.  I think that is terrible, and I take responsibility for my part in those failed marriages.  But,my 2 wives both were the ones wanting out of the marriage; and it wasn't because I cheated on them, beat them, etc. In fact, my first wife was cheating on me, with 3 little boys at home!!  By the way, I got custody of my sons, and finished raising them.  There's not too many cases of that today.  Just remember that as far as most of us are concerned, the feminist movement has ruined the "marriage pool" of american women.  I must further confess that I wish things could go back to the way they were years ago-- again the "traditional marriage" concept.  After all, that is what many guys on this board claim they want.  Well, I may never get "Ozzie and Harriet", but I certainly like the concept.  The only difference is, this time around, I want her to look like Selma Hayek and screw me bow legged!! ha  But, seriously, I am still learning, and I can probably make it work.  But, in my mind, this process shouldn't be so complicated.  I am more than willing to do my part, but I don't like being played the fool either.  So, for now, I am still trying to learn more spanish, work on myself, like a good little boy, etc.  The question is-- will the latinas really give a flip?

                          OkieMan

[beenthere]

... in response to Re: Ok, a little advice since you asked...., posted by OkieMan on Sep 25, 2005

[This message has been edited by beenthere]

I'm not going to reveal too much about myself, since I have been plagued by a troll impersonating me on other boards for a long time...but many people on this board know me and my experiences...Yes, I do want to get married, but I don't make that a priority in my trips.  I just try to meet as many woman as I can, as well as, keeping in touch with some of the girls I have met in the past and have had chemistry with.  Right now I have a girl that I think I could marry, but we'll see. In the meantime I'm not burning any bridges with some other girls who are special to me, since it's too early.

Regarding American women...I think guys make a big mistake when they go to Colombia and start bashing American women in front of the Colombianas.  Many Colombian women have told me that they just HATE to hear it, and it makes the men look like bitter losers (their words not mine)...I personally don't have a huge problem with American women, and still date some here from time to time.  I know many American men who have great wives, who aren't feminist...Yes American women can present some problems, but so can some of these Latinas...we need to be realistic..

But in a nutshell when I say Colombian women aren't that much different than AW I mean, they all want a man they can adore, the guy they dreamnt about when they were children.  Someone who can provide for them, who'll be loyal, who is attractive, and a good lover, who will be a good father to their children, who is intelligent, and is a good communicator...I think as a whole these are the same things all women want in a man, not matter the country.  Now, look at the things I just listed, and ask yourself, am I all of these things to this woman (your latin woman)??  It's no mystery what these women want...Unfortunately, guys get scammed and deceived for many reasons...they are in too much of a hurry to get married (desperate), or, they can't communicate (in english and in spanish), or they don't make enough trips to Colombia to expose themselves to the maximum number of women (like anything else, it's a numbers game)...plus many more...

Okieman, this latin romance thing isn't for everyone...you might be one of the ones that it is NOT for...only you can decide.  You had bettter be financially able to make MANY trips down there to find the right one...it could take years...and you better make a HUGE effort to learn spanish...Are you ready to do these things??  If not, maybe you should re-evaluate your options here in the States...

Good Luck!!

[Hoda]

... in response to Re: Re: Ok, a little advice since you as..., posted by beenthere on Sep 25, 2005

See here O-Man, this wraps it up in a nutshell...

"Yes, I do want to get married, but I don't make that a priority in my trips."

Make it a Vacation.....

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Ok, a little advice since you as..., posted by beenthere on Sep 25, 2005

Beenthere,

I appreciate your comments.  Thanks for the tips, and I must say that I have really appreciated the help that you and many of the posters on the board have given to me, especially over the last few days.  I think that I have many of the qualities that these ladies say they want.  I am handling this situation in the best way I can.  The rest will just take time to find out.  That's all any of us can do. Thanks again for your comments and advise.

                         OkieMan