The Saga Continues...

[Howard]

... in response to What they said below....., posted by Mars on Dec 6, 2001

Guys,

I don't mean to seem hardheaded, I really don't.  And PLEASE don't for one second think that I am not appreciative of your support or that I do not value your opinion, because that is NOT the case.  I just have one ounce of "try" left in me.

I am at my limit and based on what shs has to say to me tonight, I will stand my ground, but I can't help but feel that she and I would be better off if we were able to work on this together, here.

Not that I'm belittling anyone, but I think it's easier to cut and run, or say you would, when it's someone else's wife your cutting in comparison to what you preceive your losses might be at a similar point.  Oh GREAT!, I sound like a LAWYER!!! Sorry, Stephen :c)  I just have trouble believing that if any of you, except Mars--he's a HARDA.$.$ :c)--were in my position that you would walk if there was a shred of hope.  Hopefully, we'll never know if I'm correct or not!

For the record, my hope is that I might be able to really know what's going on.  Even with her return, Ayesa would have to make an uncharacteristic amount of effort for me to even begin to believe that our marriage could be saved.  But I feel I have to make this last offering to the Filipino God of Decency, in order to know that there is or isn't a chance that, while we may not be able to be married, we may be able to find a way to be happy, while not making each other miserable.

Maybe I'm a fool.  Maybe I'm a prophet.  I have no intentions of being a Martyr, I just have to go with my gut.  I hope I haven't pissed anyone off, made you write me off as hopeless or pushed anyone away.  I truely appreciate the fact that you guys care, it makes an intolerable situation a little more tolerable :c)

Either way, I'll no more in a week than I do now.

H

[Jeff S]

... in response to Mars/Jeff/Stephen/Tom/etc..., posted by Howard on Dec 6, 2001

Howard:
You're right - it is easier for us to give advice when we're talking about someone else's situation. But sometimes not being in the midst of the trees allows you to see the forest better. I guess that's why you're posting here and we're responding. I know I'm interested in helping, if I can, and suspect all the others giving advice, are too. We all look at the world filtered by our own set of life experiences, expectations, and tolerance. We're all behind you and hoping you can make lemonade of this.
-- Jeff S.

[Jimbo]

... in response to Re: Mars/Jeff/Stephen/Tom/etc..., posted by Jeff S on Dec 7, 2001

We all have those filters, each of us his own personal and unique set of biases.  I hope and expect that Howard can only benefit from hearing and considering them all; that they help him to find his own truth in this difficult time of his life.

"Every man, wherever he goes, is encompassed by a cloud of comforting convictions that move with him like flies on a summer's day."

--Bertrand Russell

[Mars]

... in response to Mars/Jeff/Stephen/Tom/etc..., posted by Howard on Dec 6, 2001

Easier to cut and run? I don't think so Howard. I had to fight tooth and nail to get out of the mess I was in...as you will soon learn. Good Luck Dude.....You are going to need all you can get.

[Howard]

... in response to Re: Mars/Jeff/Stephen/Tom/etc..., posted by Mars on Dec 7, 2001

Mars,

Read what I said.  Maybe in my exhaustion, I'm making less sense than usual, but what I meant to say, and thought I did, was that "with someone else's wife" it's alot easier to say "just cut and run" than it would be if it were your own.  I know your story well and have nothing but admiration for the balls you had to do the right thing for your kids!  

Please don't think that I am somehow mocking you, because I wouldn't do that.  Well... not about that anyway :c)

H

[Mars]

... in response to Re: Re: Mars/Jeff/Stephen/Tom/etc..., posted by Howard on Dec 7, 2001

No Problemo

[Jeff S]

... in response to The Saga Continues..., posted by Howard on Dec 6, 2001

WAKE UP! - THINK! - What kind wife disappers in strange city without telling her husband or family? .. stands up a friend who's trying to help after agreeing to meet her? .. who never calls? .. and who's only excuse passed on through third parties is, they ran out of money? Sounds like a little girl to me. Here the US, we call them teenage runaways and the streets of Hollywood are littered with them. You think this is some mature solution to some life problem? You want to raise children with her? Even if you were a total a_hole, this kind of behavior is not what I'd call wife and mother material. I thought we went to Asia to avoid this kind of juvenile behavior. You need a real woman - one who'll at least face your and her problems head on - not cut and run. I'm with Stephen - if she comes back, the problems will multiply by about 10. Just my 2 cents.
-- Jeff S.

[Stephen]

... in response to The Saga Continues..., posted by Howard on Dec 6, 2001

H:

First, if there is this much drama and confusion when she is in Manila and you are in Detroit....just imagine how bad it's gonna be if both of you are in Detroit.  You won't get any more explanation out of her if you bring her back.

Second, you recall that Tim and some others posted about how she can still have some rights because she is your spouse.  If you get her back over here to America then what about the Affidavit of Support that you signed?  That could come back to bite you in the butt.  I'm saying that Manila is just the place you want her to be....out of your hair.  If you bring her back to America then you're bringing danger right into you own home.  You may not know all the answers you want to know....BUT YOU KNOW ENOUGH TO MAKE A GOOD DECISION ON THIS MATTER.  She's not going to stay with you.

Third, the only call you should make to the Philippines is to a hit-man.

Howard....you're becoming a masochist.(sp)  Get on with you life.  Don't hurt yourself anymore.

Stephen

PS:

Of course, Stephen & I still want you & Ayesa together but I don't think that thing is going to happen. Best of luck to you.

Tess

[tomtneal]

... in response to The Saga Continues..., posted by Howard on Dec 6, 2001

Howard
I have stayed out of this so far but i believe you have been scamed maybe not at first but are now,there is NO WAY she will be happy if she is forced to get on a plane by her mother and come back to her bank (you)it is time to move on to greener pasture
tneal

[Mars]

... in response to The Saga Continues..., posted by Howard on Dec 6, 2001

I wouldn't waste another minute of my precious life span on that mess if I were you Howard.