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Author Topic: The Saga Continues...  (Read 17697 times)
Howard
Guest
« on: December 06, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »

As you all know, Art's back.  You all know what has tried to do for my wife and I.  Art gave my wife the money she said she needed to pay the Airport tax, terminal fee and get on a plane.  He and I were lead to believe that Ayesa would redeem(sp?) her ticket and get on a plane last week.  I have been waiting for the phone call she promised to make giving me her flight inofrmation. And waiting... and waiting... and WAITING!!!  I have lost any sense of concern and now am downright pissed.  I was going to call tonight and see what I could dig up, like I might get something useful from one of those people over there... Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...  Anyway, here's where things have gone from there.

At 4am, because no matter how many times I explain the time difference that's when I get phone calls, when I am sleeping!, Ayesa's mother called me to ask me to call them tonight at 2am, when I should also be sleeping--NOT listening to more non-explanantions and hearing how my wife is ashamed over the amount of money I have sent to help her family, so she is afraid to ask for more to return to me!!!  How does that make ANY sense!?  

Supposedly, the reason Ayesa is not home is because her mother found out that she is still in Manila and told her to stay there because she was coming to find out what was going on.  Supposedly, her sister--the aunt Ayesa is staying with--called Tambis and told her mother what was going on.  Supposedly, her mother then made arrangements to come to Manila and straighten things out.  Her mother sounds very pissed.  Good!  Someone else needs to be pissed about this besides me!

According to her mother, I am supposed to call Linda at work, Ayesa will be there and she will explain things to me then.  Oh Gooooody, I'm holding my breath!!!

This is breaking me and I have no idea what to do.  The largest part of me--my BRAIN... get your minds out of the gutter!--tells me that Ayesa is just stalling, hoping to throroughly piss me off, so that I will just tell her to F@#$ OFF! and stay there or anywhere she wants as long as it's away from me and it let's me get on with my pathetic life.

Supposedly, it's the whole airport tax again.  I honestly don't know what I'm gonna do.  I'll probaly send the money and I'll probably be no better off than I am now.  I'll loose a little more money, a little more sleep and have no better answers than I do now.  But, I guess that's what I have to do.  Still the only thing that comes to mind is to get her back here so that I can find out just what the F^%^ is going on!  The cousellors I have are of a mixed marriage, maybe they can glean some answers from my wife.

I have an idea how this will all work out, but I've got to try this, don't I?  I will make it perfectly clear that this is the last donation I am making to the Filipino Flight Club.  Will that do any good?  Probably not.

I guess what my next course of action is, for enquiring minds :c), will be to send the money, but in care of her mother.  I will also tell her mother that I expect her to make sure Ayesa gets on a plane.  Beyond that what can I really do?

More later, there is no way this thing will be over without more complications.

H

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Nathan
Guest
« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to The Saga Continues..., posted by Howard on Dec 6, 2001

....Run for your life!
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Bear
Guest
« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to The Saga Continues..., posted by Howard on Dec 6, 2001

I felt okay to give her the money because I act on how the spirit makes me feel.  Actually, when I finally got to see her I was "pissed" because my wife an I were going to go to Boracay or Baguio and we ended up not going to Boracay because we thought helping Howard was more important.  I was mad because she missed the first scheduled meeting without a phone call or acknowledgement - wasting our whole day.  When I called to give Aunt Linda a piece of my mind for not showing up or calling she explained that we never said we were friends of Howards and Ayesa did not know our names, so she was afriad of coming.  That made sense to me.  And they set up the 2nd meeting which to me sounded positive also.  

When we finally met Ayesa said very little and I explained that if she wanted to break up with Howard to just come back to the Hotel and she could use my phone and she and her aunt assured me that she was "interested" in going home.  When I talked to her I felt like Ray that maybe she might be "afraid" of Howard in some way so Marissa and I explained to her how to stay in control of the situation (yes we told Howard we told her how to control him - it was more a confidence building thing than reality).  She during this conversation said things like "I might like to play the drums with his band" and "I like the snow" and "They said I could have my job back when I got there".  None of these things made me feel like she was trying to cheat Howard or that she did not want to go home.

I wanted to go to the airport and wait on the plane with her but she we were headed to Baguio at that time so I couldn't.  But like I said I felt a pretty strong spirit that she was sincere and thats what I told Howard.

I told Howard the things I mentioned above.  I also told him that one of Ayesa's Aunts told me that Ayesa had a boyfriend in Manila at one time and might be staying with him.  But I never saw any proof of that.

Bear

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Ray
Guest
« Reply #3 on: December 06, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to The Saga Continues..., posted by Howard on Dec 6, 2001

Hey Howard,

If you want to go crazy now, you have my permission. I know I probably would if I were in your shoes right now :-). But I will say that I admire your determination and your willingness to give your marriage one more chance, when it seems that most guys would have bailed long ago. I truly hope that things work out for you two, even though it doesn’t look very promising right now.

One question: How is it that her aunt was able to phone her mother in Tambis? I thought that you had no way to contact your wife while she was home. I guess that means that she could have phoned you all along if she had wanted to?

Howard, this may seem like a strange thing to say, but it sure sounds like your wife is afraid of you. Sometimes even slightly raising your voice can be quite intimidating to some of these ladies, maybe because we are so much larger than they are. I actually had a similar problem with my first wife for several years, where she was afraid that I would get mad at her, even though I never gave her any reason to think that I would ever harm her or anything like that. So, she kept a lot of things inside rather than risk a confrontation or have me criticize her. We did work it out though and the communication improved immensely in the following years.

I wish you luck dude; I'm sure you'll need it! Keep us posted…

Ray

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Howard
Guest
« Reply #4 on: December 06, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: The Saga, posted by Ray on Dec 6, 2001

R~

I was waiting for your opinion.  Usually I find you to be the voice of reason, for whatever that's worth :c)

Thanks for the compliments, but honestly... I'd rather you hated my guts and I was happily married :c)  LOL!

Thanks for all of the support, things will work out however they were meant to, I just wish the ride was a little more smooth, so I could catch a nap!

H

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donb2222
Guest
« Reply #5 on: December 06, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to The Saga Continues..., posted by Howard on Dec 6, 2001

This is what I would do:

1) Can an attorney-today.  
2) Get up and call when they want you to- the curiosity alone will make you do it.
3) Tell them that you do not have any more money, which is true.
4) Tell your friends and family what is going on.  It may be embarrassing, but you need their support to get through this.
5) Talk to your mother.  You mentioned before that she was close to Ayesa, maybe she can fill in some pieces of this puzzle.  (Maybe you should do this first).
6) Keep sharing with us as long as you feel comfortable.
Many of us have been following your posts for years, and we really do care.

Don

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Howard
Guest
« Reply #6 on: December 06, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: The Saga Continues..., posted by donb2222 on Dec 6, 2001

... I'm doing all of the above.  I appreciate everyone's input and hope that I am not wearing on evryone's nerves with the fact that I am having touble, giving up without a fight, no matter what the situation seems to be.

I will keep everyone informed as to what's going on in my head.

Thanks so much for caring, Don!  This place does make things alot easier to deal with :c)

H

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donb2222
Guest
« Reply #7 on: December 06, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Thanks Don..., posted by Howard on Dec 6, 2001

It could happen to anyone here, none of us are exempt from the possibility of being hurt.
Of course you are not "wearing on everyone's nerves". So there is no need to worry about that.
I would guess that it makes you feel a little better to be able to vent.  
It seems like the biggest problem now is that you just want some answers.  Not knowing why can make anyone crazy.
If she had just told you to drop dead and then she left that would be one thing, but to be left completely in the dark is very cruel.  One problem with Filipinos is that most of them are non-confrontational, and I think Ray is right, she is afraid to talk to you.
Hopefully you will get the answers that you seek, either way, feel free to share.

Don

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cc
Guest
« Reply #8 on: December 06, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to The Saga Continues..., posted by Howard on Dec 6, 2001

Are you sure you want Ayesa back that desperately??? Sounds, like they are either extrememly immature or extremely shy and uncommunicative or are plain and simply trying to take advantage of you. If you send money to her mother, I have the feeling that soon some more will be required, like money fo a plane to get her Mom to Manila to hand over the money, money for a hotel in Manila for Mom etc.

Oh boy, Howard, how did a good guy like you get into such a bad mess.... it makes me feel very sad...

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Howard
Guest
« Reply #9 on: December 06, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: The Saga Continues..., posted by cc on Dec 6, 2001

cc,

You bring up a point that I neglected to mention.  When I talked to her mother she made a point that the money that Ayesa needs is only for Ayesa and that she travelled to Manila to find out what was going on at her own expense and did not need, nor would not accept any money from me for her travel.

Thanks for caring bro, I'm very confused as to how this mess happened myself.

H

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panther
Guest
« Reply #10 on: December 06, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to The Saga Continues..., posted by Howard on Dec 6, 2001

Howard, I am going to go against the majority opinion and suggest sticking to your plan.  Talk to your friend Art as he was the last one who talked to her and get his take on this also.  He trusted her enough to give her the money to get the ticket.  What's changed since then?  Is there another piece in the puzzle that plays into this.  By all means get up at 4 AM and talk to whomever you have to over there to find out what the heck is going on.  You should also consider what happens if you leave her there.  Are you still considered married here?  Can you get a divorce here if she is still there?  How does all this affect your chances of remarriage here eventually?  Can she come back in 5 years, 10 years, or longer and file for divorce and claim half of your gains and file for permanent spousal support?  My feeling is I would get her back over her now and resolve this one way or the other. Get intensive counseling for both of you.  If she doesn't want to remain married with you I would initiate legal proceedings immediately here so you can resolve this and come to a closure and move on with your life. I would chance the worst case scenarios of more trouble here and the Affidavit of Support inorder to bring a resolution to this here.  You will have peace within yourself knowing that you did everything you could to save this marriage.  I would think if this is not going to work you could put your wife back on the plane with some spending money and she would go.
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Howard
Guest
« Reply #11 on: December 06, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: The Saga Continues..., posted by panther on Dec 6, 2001

Maybe we're not the best guys to be handing each other advice at the moment :c)  Hahahaha  Gotta try and find some humor in this MESS!!!  LOL!

We pretty much see eye to eye on this one.  I figure, if her parents are applying pressure for her to return, there is no way she can think clearly while in Manila.  If I can just get her back here, with the help of a couple of others--who CAN communicate with her in her own language--I may be able to get through to her.  At the very least I can tell her how I feel and not worry that she can't comprehend it.  I don't want to be married to her, if she feels she will never be able to have a normal, healthy marriage with me.  If I can get her back here, maybe we can establish that and if we aren't able to find a way to be happy, without making the other one miserable, then we can divorce and I'll send her home with the story that I got tried of her or something to that effect.  I don't care whose really to blame and whose not, I just want to find peace of mind.  Reagradless of her maturity or lack of concern for my feelings, I don't want her to be an outcast, for not being able to "play ball" to support her family.  If we can't worlk things out and I send her home it's gotta be a whole lot better for her, than if she just tries to hide from her family and me.

Of Course, I haven't pegged a thing right yet with this one

Keep me in your prayers.  I have you and your daughter in mine.

H

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Bob S.
Guest
« Reply #12 on: December 06, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: The Saga Continues..., posted by panther on Dec 6, 2001

"Can you get a divorce here if she is still there?"

Yes.  Typically the courts regard it as a case of abandonment.  Little muss and little fuss.

"Can she come back in 5 years, 10 years, or longer and file for divorce and claim half of your gains and file for permanent spousal support?"

Now that is something to consider, but I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.  Most likely she won't be able to return without another sponsor who would then be on the hook for her.  But then would she be able to come back and sue because she claims she got screwed out of a fair settlement?  I'd hope there'd be some sort of statute of limitations to prevent such shenanigans.

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Bubba
Guest
« Reply #13 on: December 06, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to The Saga Continues..., posted by Howard on Dec 6, 2001

You need to cancel the ticket she can pick up so that she has to talk to you before she can return or make her pay her own way back(not you).  If you don't cancel it she may sneak back and go straight to the lawyer's office to make sure you keep paying for a very long time.
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Mars
Guest
« Reply #14 on: December 06, 2001, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to The Saga Continues..., posted by Howard on Dec 6, 2001

Take action before you become a pawn in her plan.
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