the Problem is...

[Howard]

...that my wife seems to not only be running--for lack of a better term--from me, but her parents as well!  Anybody I have contact with, and it's a short list, doesn't know exactly where she is.  So talking to my wife isn't really an option I have.

There isn't a whole lot to be learned from this beyond the fact that actions speak louder than words and that silence can be deafening.  The only thing(s) I did wrong was to ignore the warning signs.  Any oldtimers here no how well I treated my wife.  If my wife left due to any problems with me, they are problems I can not change.  I can not change who I am.  I have a heart of gold and would give a stranger the shirt off of my back.  There were no mind games on my part and I never made her do anything she didn't want to.  I was a good husband to her, she was just a crappy wife.  There's nothing to be learned from that except to choose better next time.

I don't know any alterior motives.  It doesn't seem to make sense that it was about money and if she's staying in the Philippines, she certainly wasn't a Green Card Shark.  I don't know why she thought she'd like to be married, but she must now have decided that she made a mistake.  Oooooopsie...

The real failure is, I went to the Philippines and found a wife that acts American.  How ya gonna see that before it's too late?

H

[cc]

... in response to the Problem is..., posted by Howard on Nov 19, 2001

Can you talk to her parents? Does anyone in her village have a phone? There must be a way to reach them, maybe not Ayesa, but Ayesa's parents. If I were you, I would not take any action until I find out for sure what is happening there.
"How ya gonna see that before it is too late"? I don't think anyone could have seen, and I am pretty sure Ayesa herself dd not forsee this. Hang in there Howard, it's still time to file for divorce when you have the whole story together. And if worse comes to worst, you will find someone who will make you happy. It is very very sad to see this happening to a goodhearted guy like you!!!

[Carrisse]

... in response to the Problem is..., posted by Howard on Nov 19, 2001

Sorry for my intrusion Howard but I find it fishy that even her family doesn't her whereabouts.

Can you fly over and check out the real story for yourself then make your decision?

[Howard]

... in response to Something's wrong here...., posted by Carrisse on Nov 19, 2001

Carrisse

I just don't have the resources.  I spent every last dime we had and borrowed some to pay her father's medical bills.  I can't see borrowing money to go to Manila to have her refuse to talk to me in person or worse yet, not find her at all.  She KNOWS that she can depend on me no matter what is going on.  I have proven it time and time again over the last three years.  If she chooses to remain silent now, I won't pressure her.

Hopefully, her family will know something and tell me by letter.  They know they can call me too.

H

[Mars]

... in response to Re: Something's wrong here...., posted by Howard on Nov 19, 2001

Howard.....I hate to repeat myself but my message has been pretty consistent right from the start. Get out and get out as quickly as you can. Screw all the rest of the advice here...just get out of the situation. See an attorney....file for divorce. Simple as that. I wouldn't waste another second of my life span trying to figure out what is going through her head or anyone elses over there. What good will the answers do you anyway? No good at all. It is obvious that she does not share your value system.....it is a good bet she does not share a rational view of events with you either.

.......My opinion

[kevin]

... in response to Re: Re: Something's wrong here...., posted by Mars on Nov 19, 2001

I strongly agree with you.  Howard has given this more than a fair shot.  He has tried everything.  Even when he mentioned a new twist of events, supposedly for the better, it was only wishful thinking.  (Like the impression that in just xxx weeks, she's going to return home, she says she misses me, etc.)  I just can't beleive whatever Howard says that Ayesa says that in any way can be perceived as encouraging.  After all of this, Ayesa has established a track record.

In my personal opinion, I think it is flagrantly irresponsible for anybody, at this point, to encourage Howard to save his marriage.  To try to hold it together would be foolish, and hell could only get worse.  At this stage, it is only right to encourage Howard to go through with a divorce as soon as he can, while he can, before he has a nervous breakdown, goes bankrupt, or whatever.

Some might critize me on this matter for encouraging divorce.  But there is a good reason.  In contrast this reason is certainly alot more valid than the pinay friend of my ex-wife who encouraged her to divorce me so that she could marry a man that made more money.  The image of that woman makes me sick and I always can picture her face, and the words "Divorce him!".  She encourages alot of pinays to divorce first husbands in order to get ahead.  A pinay friend I keep in touch with now, this witch encouraged her to divorce her husband when they were fairly newly married, because this is America, and she could do much better with somebody with more money, younger and handsome.  Well I want to drive a point that in some cases, it's necessary to encourage divorce, in other cases it's an act of malice.

Howard, I have been thinking of you and praying for you.  I just don't post here as often.  Please do what you have to do.  Accept things as they really are, and do what you have to do in order to survive this mess.  I'll be thinking of you.

- Kevin

[NoNamePinay]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Something's wrong here...., posted by kevin on Nov 19, 2001


I hate divorce too but if both parties are not happy to each other why continue living together?
Yeah, there's a lot of whys people do this and do that and there's so many reasons too it's so confusing ain't it?
Anyway my story is opposite of yours. I knew a Pinay who just got a divorce last year from her american husband and the reason is NOT 'money' or 'luxury' but 'TIME' to each other.
This Filipina is married to an american guy who makes 85k a year as a computer programmer/analyst or something... I'm not sure the guy is always out of town on a business trip, busy working for his family but the Pinay wife is bored and lonely so she applied to work part time when her two kids started school, her husband told her she don't need to go to work as his salary is more than enough and she can buy everything she wanted but she didn't listen and continue working until she met a guy from her work, they were close friends first then became lovers, one night she thought that her husband wasn't coming home that night she invited this guy to come over for a dinner at their house so he stayed there late until her husband came home and caught them in the act so they both filed for a divorce. The Filipina reason is, she wasn't happy because her husband don't have much time or they don't have much time to each other. Now, she is living with her lover (now boyfriend) in the apartment and still working together in a low-payment job. Her and her ex-husband have both custody of their kids. now go figure why she would rather live with this guy than her ex-husband?

oh well such life.....

[Mars]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Something's wrong here...., posted by kevin on Nov 19, 2001

Another sane voice in the wilderness. Bravo!