the exception or the rule?

[Philadelphia]

Two years ago I went to bogota to meet a woman I corresponded with for about 9 months.  When I arrived, I was greated with a great kiss and escorted to my hotel by the woman an some of her family.  At the hotel they gave me a couple of gifts like a doll, for my daughter; a decorative piece for my family back home; and some coffee.  I was touched.  It was around dinner time, so I invited everyone, a group of four, to dinner.  I was staying at the bogota plaza, so we ate at the resturant at the top floor.  It was nice.  That night they asked for some money for cab fare. (strange, they never thought about how they were going to get home?)

The next day, I met more of her family.  As I find out later she had quite a large number of brothers and sisters.  There was a friend of the family, who spoke very good english.  Again to thank them for their hospitality, I said I would buy dinner for them that night.  They admired my CD and American music and asked if they could have it.  They said they liked American music.  I said this was too expensive to the translator, but did offer a few CD's.  As the day progressed more family visited including her mother.  End result, dinner for ten (10).  I was asked for money for cab fare.  At this point, I am wondering if I have the letters ATM on my forehead, but I wondered how much dinner for ten would cost in Colombia, so fine.

During my stay, I was constantly asked for more money.  Early in my trip, I had a talk with the translating friend and told him that it is not customary in the United States to always ask someone for money, and it could be considered very rude.  I had thought she understood from the translation, but the request still came.  Later, with my limited spanish, I tried to communicate the message again.  I think I got through.  Later that day, her relatives asked for money and she got upset and appeared to scold them.

My Question:
Is a family value or cultural that they would asked openly on a frequent basis for money and things from me?

Have any of you had a similar experience?

[doombug]

... in response to the exception or the rule?, posted by Philadelphia on Jun 11, 2004

Wow, been reading a lot of comments about "money grubbing" as a hobby in Columbia.

Didn't notice any of this in Peru; in fact, my fiancee and her family/friends seemed ambivalent to offerings of gifts/money.

[Philadelphia]

... in response to Re: the exception or the rule?, posted by doombug on Jun 14, 2004

Thanks

[kented]

... in response to the exception or the rule?, posted by Philadelphia on Jun 11, 2004

When I went to a Cali agency, I was told I was expected to pay for cab fare which seems totally reasonable since the ladies were taking time to see me and it shouldn't cost them a fortune.  One lady even refused since she had driven her motor bike.  

We are Bill Gates to most of the women in Colombia and the difference in our relative spending power does create some interesting dynamics.  I would never continue a relationship like the one you described because as everyone else has said, Colombians with upbringing and pride will not keep asking for money.  

This is the first, most frequent and most obvious red flag.

[Heat]

... in response to the exception or the rule?, posted by Philadelphia on Jun 11, 2004

Or poor women.  You seem like Bill Gates to them.

It's really not their fault.

[Heat]

... in response to The rule for lower class women., posted by Heat on Jun 11, 2004

I have met many decent poor women and they never asked for money.

[Patrick]

... in response to the exception or the rule?, posted by Philadelphia on Jun 11, 2004

[This message has been edited by Patrick]

I'd move on if I were you unless you want to become the ATM forever.  I was never asked for money, even after marriage.  I married a woman from a somewhat upper middle class family though.  All her brothers and sisters are educated procfessionals and have cars.

One other thing-  I also met some women from poorer families.  None of them asked me for money either.

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: the exception or the rule?, posted by Patrick on Jun 11, 2004

My wife never asked me for money and still doesn't. That is not to say that I have not given her money but it's always my idea. Depends on the woman.

[Philadelphia]

... in response to Re: the exception or the rule?, posted by Patrick on Jun 11, 2004

That relationship ended for some time now, but something I read recently brought the question to me.

thanks for replying
Philadelphia

[Georgina]

... in response to the exception or the rule?, posted by Philadelphia on Jun 11, 2004

I am sure you have the letters ATM or walking charity tattoed on your forehead. Otherwise, it is rude and inconsiderate to ask somebody they just met for money.

If it is a family value that they openly ask you for money, it is a very bad habit. Stop it and stop it right now.

It's not cultural. Decent people in South American don't ask people they just met for money.

My family, which has real moral values, has never asked my husband for a penny.

Good luck!

[Philadelphia]

... in response to Yes. Solo con gringos, posted by Georgina on Jun 11, 2004

I have stopped it.  The relationship has been over for some time, but something I recently read brought the memories and the question to me.

Thanks for replying
Philadelphia

[Locii]

... in response to Yes. Solo con gringos, posted by Georgina on Jun 11, 2004

I tend to agree.  Of all of the latins I have met, I have seen a little of that type of behavior; it had nothing to do with culture, but class and upbringing.

Ciao