Macho vs. Sensitive Men

[Darkstar]

Rick Johnson stated:

"You seem to have alot of insight into your conduct with women. Some would call this self-analysis while others might find this to be self-absorption. I would venture to say that Latina women might be put off by this because of the machismo culture they come from. They want men who are aggressive, masculine, and not prone to thinking about and discussing their feelings. I truly believe that "Woody Allen" types would have difficulty in these relationships"

Any thoughts? My impression was that these women were looking for a more thoughtful, sensitive type man because they were fed up with the local machismo attitude. I guess the man I have in mind would have the following attributes: sensitive, the provider, confident, in control but the best intentions of others in mind, loving, understanding, affectionate, tough when necessary, passionate, hard working, unselfish, etc.

It seems to me this would vary greatly with each individual person.

Tim.

[John O]

... in response to Macho vs. Sensitive Men, posted by Darkstar on Jul 30, 2002

Since Rick was originally referring to one of my posts, I feel free to join the fray.

First, what I post on this board and what I say to my woman are not the same. In the past, when I was young and ignorant, I used to discuss my deepest feelings at length with my AW girlfriends. It often came back to haunt me. (Surprise!) The sadder and wiser man I am now knows how much and how soon to reveal to my lady friends. I save my more embarrassing revelations and idiotic ideas for my men's team and for you fools, my online men's team. (grin)

As for the comparison to a neurotic, overanalytical Woody Allen-type... Guilty as charged! And darn proud of it. He got himself a young foreign-born bride, didn't he?

But seriously, folks, I agree with the general comments that all women are different, but that most (AW or LW) want a man who can be confident and sensitive at the same time. I like to act as the leader in a relationship, and LW seem much more comfortable with this than AW. Still, it would be exhausting to be totally in charge all the time. The doormat-type ladies who are looking for an all-powerful Daddy end up turning me off or boring me. I like a woman who is generally my equal, so we can both learn & grow from each other.

Don't you?

[Pete E]

... in response to Macho vs. Sensitive Men, posted by Darkstar on Jul 30, 2002

I don't know if Macho and sensitive are the only 2 choices.
We hear alot that the Colombianas are tired of "macho" men.I think they are tired of guys who boss them around,maybe hit them,lie to them,have other girlfriends and are personally and financially irresponsible and worst of all will not make any commitments.
That does not mean they want a whimp though.The man is expected to take charge in the latin culture.You are expected to be the provider and are allowed to make the major decisions.They want to be able to depend on you and look up to you.Its an honored position I gladly assume.Actually I enjoy planning and making decisions for us.I never get second guessed about the details as long as I include her in the big picture.
But mistreatment of any type causes much emotional concern for them,even though many of them have a history of it in their relationships.They are very senstive to critisism and
even a raised voice in a disagreement.My wife loves to watch these novelas with all this yelling and fighting but is entirely different herself.I have learned not to lose my temper or raise my voice.The original issue is gone and the new issue is you yelled at me.It can take her many hours to get over it.So regardless of the issue,even if its a something I have a well justified complaint in,yelling is definetly counterproductive.
I don't think they want to see weakness on your part.Sensitive might be ok if its not construed as week.You are their man,they want you  to be strong but also caring with them.Its important they know you love them and think they are pretty,pay attention to their appearance,clothes ect.
Kind of back to the basics.I personally like it.The responsibility causes me no problem at all.

Pete

[denvermike]

... in response to Macho vs. Sensitive Men, posted by Darkstar on Jul 30, 2002

There is an old joke that applies here.

Do you know why it is so hard for women to find a sensitive man, they already have boy friends!!

[Patrick]

... in response to Macho vs. Sensitive Men, posted by Darkstar on Jul 30, 2002

I think most women are attracted to men who are both strong and sensitive and I don't think it's only Latinas who are this way.

I think what differentiates Latinas is that many of them want their man to take charge more than the typical American woman.  My first wife (American) complained that I was too controlling and always wanted to make the decisions.  My Latin wife expects me to make the decisions, except for decorating the house!

With my wife, there seems to be almost an expectation that in any business dealing there should be a fair amount of arguing and that the other party will try to screw you if given the chance.  They tend to haggle a lot more in their culture over prices and services.  She sometimes thinks were being ripped off by contractors, etc. when I have no disagreement with them.  She's definitely good at shopping.  I've seen her talk a store owner down on a piece of merchandise several times here when I would have never thought of negotiating price.  We're all used to haggling over car prices, but not many Americans think of asking a clothing store manager to reduce a price on clothing.  Some times it works!

As you said, it will vary with the person.  Lots of guys tend to way over generalize about Latinas thinking they're somehow mass produced clones of each other.  Doesn't work that way, but I think there are cultural tendencies and you're more likely to find certain personality attributes in one culture versus another.