trip report continued

[jim c]

well anyways I met this girl 26 cross between Michele Pfifer and Angelina Jolie no bull guys. Not saying she hasn't seen the world.  speaks english and very smart. She tells me her history and gives me a new outlook on the K 1 process. It seems that she sold her furniture, quit her job, gave away the rest of her belongings and went to --I won't say where unless the gentleman wants to crawl out of the woodwork. she lived with this "gentleman" for the required three months at which time he filed for an extension. She said he had been unfaithful and had found e-mails to prove it. He treated her like a maid. she attended driving school and he refused to take her for her driving test he then refused to buy her a ticket to return to Colombia causing her to run to san diego to stay with friends. He then sent e-mails threatening to prosecute her for fraud saying any one who helped her would be harboring a fugitive. She was able to obtain money to fly to spain and work as a hostess for a ceramic company.She has been back three weeks in Cali  and she meets me. Now normally being an old detective I would question the total honesty of the report. recalling that there are three sides to every story, his side, her side, and the truth. Well guess what fellas she produces the E-mails to the other woman , the check to her stamped stop payment and a eight page hand written tirade on how he wants his house cleaned.  an american woman would have casterated him instead of bailing. Along with this is the certificate from the driving school and the e-mail threatening prosecution. If she had contacted a lawyer she could have sued him and got a green card as well as damages. Now I am not in love with this lady but I do sympathize. After hearing her story and reading a recommendation today by another schmuck about taking a latinas passport away to keep her in control. I ask you would you let your sister come to the US on a K1 Visa to get screwed royally and literaly. jim c

[A1A]

... in response to trip report  continued, posted by jim c on Jul 11, 2001

Is there a double standard here?  A girl takes  a guy for a ride and her name and where to find her picture is given here.  You should post his name and where he is from to help warn the women of Colombia what he is like.  I hope you will finish the story.

[DallasSteve]

... in response to Why didn't you give his name?, posted by A1A on Jul 12, 2001

I don't disagree with your logic, but I don't think many women look at this website.  Most women in Latin America can't read English and fewer still have access to the Internet.  True, some get to read your emails and respond to them, but I don't believe those services include the ability to browse web pages.

Steve

[Norm]

... in response to trip report  continued, posted by jim c on Jul 11, 2001

Michele Pfifer..... I couldn't put a finger on it, but I knew those lips looked familiar.

[jim c]

... in response to Re: trip report  continued, posted by Norm on Jul 12, 2001

welllll Norman it didn't take you long to find a reason to take her picture. Give her some work she needs it, hell most guys would hire her as a translator if she didn't speak english.       jim      

by the way keep me informed on patty the missing ladron.

[bret]

... in response to Re: Re: trip report  continued, posted by jim c on Jul 12, 2001

hey, who is this michele phifer look-a-like? i'm just curious from all the talk....does she have a photo on a web site???

thanks,  bret

[buzzy]

... in response to trip report  continued, posted by jim c on Jul 11, 2001

Just proves how important each person's responsibility is in knowing and choosing the right person.  One can't be too careful.  Opinions from others is invaluable when all two can see are their reflections in each other's eyes.

[Golden]

... in response to trip report  continued, posted by jim c on Jul 11, 2001

that sux!! that someone would be so cold and manipulative to her, but is example of how someone can be. I think these woman are very brave that come here to be with us, to leave their family, their way of life, close friends, their jobs, all for the chance to spend life with someone they give all their love to. I love my wife dearly and think highly of her, she is my brave lil princess.... It really pisses me off about how someone can be such a jerk. That guy is pyscho/fatal attraction! One good thing is, that it takes money and time to go down to SA, so it cost more than most of these jerks are willing to spend, so cuts down on the number of guys who would mess it up for the rest of us. We go to find someone of will make a kind,loving, sincere, and loyal wife. And guys like one you discribe are **** *****!

[jim c]

... in response to Re: trip report  continued, posted by Golden on Jul 11, 2001

In the future I will tell all the latinas I meet not to go the K 1 way. If an american wants them he should take the time to get know them and then marry them in Colombia. If he can't afford it he should stay home. K1 is like milking the cow thru the fence and walking away when things are not perfect. The latina looses her pride ,a job, her life style, and then goes home in ridicule and the godlike american looses a few bucks but its cheaper than dating an AW. Why do you think they had to pass the laws to protect the MOB's I am sure there are plenty of green sharks out there but I have seen some really crazy americans in the agencies. Most of these girls are simple nice ladies trying to find a better life and the language and cultural barriers  force them to walk thru a minefield of neurotic and crazy guys who approach relationships with a shopping list.     thats my rant for the week  jim c

[DallasSteve]

... in response to Re: Re: trip report  continued, posted by jim c on Jul 12, 2001

This really should be a thread all it's own and an important one.  I see a lot of problems in your logic, but if someone prefers to marry first, be my guest.  First, let me say that I petitioned a visa for only one fiancee and I married her and we are still together over 1 year later.  It has certainly been on my part a sincere desire to marry and stay married.  

1 - If you marry first you must sign the onerous 10-year plus support agreement.  If you go fiancee visa that is several months down the road (in my case it was about 8 months later).  So what?  I did not know my wife very well before she got here.  I could not spend a lot of "face" time with her in Colombia.  You don't know someone that well via phone calls and emails.  I didn't want to sign that support agreement unless I was convinced my wife was really sincere.

2 - I find your comment "If he can't afford it he should stay home" to be insensitive to the realities of many men.  Most of us have to be more economical in this, but we still deserve our shot at happiness, not just the wealthy.  But not only that, your idea would hurt the women, too, because you would significantly reduce the number of men going foreign.  Marriage to a US citizen is a good thing for most of these women, and your post indicates that you recognize this, too.

3 - "The latina looses her pride, a job, her life style, and then goes home in ridicule..."  This has been covered before, but let's do it again.  There's some risk on both sides.  But more important, I think that in 90% of the K-1 visas the man will marry the woman, the only question is does she want to marry him.  Very few of these men are going to send these frequently beautiful (and often young) women back home so that they can start another long, expensive, dangerous search for a wife.  For me the 90 days let my wife get to know me.  After about 60 days she said she was sure and she "asked me to marry her".  There was never any doubt that I would.  If she wanted to back out at that point then the loss of pride, job, etc. is her decision not mine.  

4 - "A minefield of neurotic and crazy guys"?  Speak for yourself.  Are you really a man or is this an AW masquerading as a man?  Sure there are some bad apples among us, but the majority are sincere, kind men.  That does not constitute a minefield, IMHO (there, I used an acronym).

That's my rant.  Your turn.

Steve

[jim c]

... in response to Fiancee visa vs. marriage, posted by DallasSteve on Jul 13, 2001

I agree with a lot of your points. I am glad that the process worked for you. I am taking this position as a devil's advocate. Too many men go to colombia with a preception that women are available and have no feelings they embark on relationships with several women and make erratic judgements based on time available in country and  looks.  Some feel they have failed if they are not engaged by the time they leave. I have mentioned that my ex said the americans think they are buying furniture. This perception is shared by a lot of the women and I think is the basis for the green shark phenomonen. I have sat with groups of american men and listened to them whine about being unable to decide which of three women they should marry. This is not crazy? Two days later they become engaged and are still not sure if they have chosen the right one. I am aware of one gringo that met a girl at latin connections got engaged in two days by appearing at the girls house unannounced with flowers and a photographer he then got on his knees in front of her family and asked to marry her. what was she to say, she was flabbergasted. Two days later in her home he made physical advances and when she rejected them he assaulted her.  The agency was advised and guess what, six months later there he was sitting again in the same agency.I have met numereous women that have become involved with us only to be dumped with out an explaination. the communication was simply severed. I believe that there is not a lot of ground covered about the responsibilities of begining a relationship with a latina. Too many men fall in love with love and not the person. The culture is not the same. If you marry her you are responsible to support her. their culture is not based on the working partner. Do you think it is fair to bring her to the US to clean rooms in a hotel or work in McDonalds. This is what I mean about affording the process. I am not rich I am a retired cop. Yes men have a right to happiness but not based in fantasy. The truth gets mighty rare when the description of what life will be like comes out. As to the support agreement, as I understand it  that covers re embursement for any public assistance she receives not alimony and dangereous search, please jim c

[DallasSteve]

... in response to Re: Fiancee visa vs. marriage, posted by jim c on Jul 13, 2001

Jim

That is a very interesting and thoughtful response.  I see the points that you are making.  I'm embarassed to say that some of what you describe sounds like my wife search.  One hour into our first date my wife said, without being asked, that she would marry me, but she would not have sexual relations before marriage.  Sounded like a "green shark" to me.  I replied that I would marry her but I would expect physical relations before I begin the visa process.  We agreed to disagree and three days later I was engaged to another young woman.  Sounds "crazy", as you say.  The second young lady stopped returning my calls a few weeks later and my wife called me back out of the blue.  I think it was the luckiest break of my life.

In my mind the 90-day fiancee period provided the opportunity for us to get to know each other better and "un-crazy" the process a bit.  Maybe that's not the best decision, but as you say, it worked for me.  If someone has the time and money to spend weeks in her country or return multiple times to get to know her better, I think that's even better.  I felt that I could not afford that.  And remember, many of these women have been disappointed before and if you drag out the process too long they may lose faith and accept another offer.  Maybe from someone who is willing to make a rapid decision.

As far as her life here I am unashamed of how she has been treated.  At this moment she is at the community college studying English.  She drove there in the 2001 Firebird that I am paying for.  She is not working and I put hundreds of dollars in her hand each week.  I don't hit her and I am faithful to her.  I am very happy and she seems to be happy with me though we do have disagreements like every married couple.  

I read one of the regular posters here write that he didn't know if he would "let" his wife look at a certain website.  Perhaps he was careless in his choice of words.  My response was that I just hope my wife "lets" me have some tonight.  My wife in fact reads this board every day to practice her English and may soon join in, as she has some valuable knowledge from the other side of this process.  Last night while we were out walking she said that many of the women she met in the agencies keep seeing their Colombian boyfriends while they search for an American husband and that in fact my wife did so for a while, but they broke up before we met.

Regarding the support agreement I have read it carefully.  I have even discussed it with an immigration attorney here, and he knew less about it than I do.  You may review the agreement on the Internet at http://www.ins.usdoj.gov/graphics/formsfee/forms/files/I-864.pdf .  You will need Acrobat Reader which is free.

The agreement puts more of a burden on you than just reimbursing the government for payments they make to her.  You are required to maintain the woman at at least 125% of the poverty level.  That is currently around $13,000 per year, I believe.  There is a clause that allows the woman to sue you for support if you do not do so.  You may find that clause on about the fifth paragraph of page 9.  The attorney did not believe that clause existed.

I still wouldn't recommend marrying first, but if others view this differently I understand and I hope that they will see our letters here and give this some thought.  Now let's see if this website will post a letter this long.

Steve

[athanasium]

... in response to Re: Re: Fiancee visa vs. marriage, posted by DallasSteve on Jul 13, 2001

Steve: great lines! I follow the board regularly  and heve never responded before. I have been to Colombia twice and thought I knew the ropes, but boy have you taught me! The idea that women have their own agenda and games and the opportunity to see it from the womans eyes is very interesting to me. I also live in Dallas and woould love to speak with you and your wife for your insights. I also speak spanish fluently. If interested, let me know ATHA