Cinderella and

[Peter Lee]

This has to make history,

She sent me back $200 Western Union yesterday.   She said the Western Union guy thought she must be pretty rich sending me money to the US, LOL.  

She said that she would understand if I dump her as she did lie to me.   But she would always love me.

Her mom told her it was the right thing to do whether I stay with her or not.   Her aunt said "it is up to her".  

She wants to know if I will leave her. Now that I have money back?

You know I chatted with her and told her how to fix the problem.  Last on the list was the money she was to send back to me.  

Originally, I met her in her Aunts house not on the net or email or chat.  I do think it is a relationship worth continuing.  

I have since chatted with some other pinays who have potential while this relationship seemed on the rocks.  

With the present one at least I know what I am dealing with and have much investment with time with her and knowing the family.  

Your comments and suggestions are appreciated so that I will think with the big head not the little head.  

Like you guys said lots more fish in the sea.  On the other hand I have never heard of Pinay sending money back if they are scammers.

[greg]

... in response to Cinderella and , posted by Peter Lee on Apr 10, 2003

Yourself a Gem, at the same time keep your options open. Gooooooooooooooooood Luck...btw, if you don't want Her, give her to me (Joking..hehe)

[Humabdos]

... in response to Cinderella and , posted by Peter Lee on Apr 10, 2003

I recommend you look for someone in her 30's or late 20's it will save you a lot of "crap" down the road.

Hum

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Cinderella and prince charming???, posted by Humabdos on Apr 10, 2003

I am surfing keeping options open.

I will visit again and if it looks good put in for a fince visa not marry her there.  I will visit others as i did before when there.

That gives me more time to be with her and one more time in US without marrying.  Also to see if other gals seem to be better.

Is that a good plan?

How,  when in the PI how do you meet the other gals and not let the other ones know.  

Last time in Jan I just told them that i was seeing other women and we would have dinner or lunch and chat.  It seemed to be ok, but in this case it would be better to not tell her I was seeing others what would be the best way to do that?

[Mita]

... in response to Re: Re: Cinderella and prince charming??..., posted by Peter Lee on Apr 11, 2003

Peter,
Make up your mind - yes or no.

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Re: Cinderella and prince charming??..., posted by Peter Lee on Apr 11, 2003

Hey Peter,

First you complain that the girl was lying to you and now you are asking for advice on the best way to lie to her about visiting other girls?

Amazing! Simply Amazing!

Ray

[nealt]

... in response to Cinderella and , posted by Peter Lee on Apr 10, 2003

she is a keeper

[Mita]

... in response to Cinderella and , posted by Peter Lee on Apr 10, 2003

I wrestled a couple hundred dollars from my then fiance when he visited me in the Philippines.  We made a bet on something very trivial I cannot even remember what it is now.  He lost and paid up.  I felt so good, not about the money but about the winning.  I did get him a nice birthday present that year with that money: expensive perfume and an Italian silk tie.
Then again, he did end up with me so he won in the end - or so I like to think....

PS.
Keep your money in your pocket unless you lose it on a genuine bet!

[Dave H]

... in response to Cinderella and , posted by Peter Lee on Apr 10, 2003

Hi Peter,

That's the first I've heard of getting money back. It is usually 'take the money and run!' I have to go along with what Mita said. People do make mistakes. Lots of bad advice and comparisons about Kanos and their generosity circulate throughout the Philippines. Balkibayan face some of the same problems.  

Good Luck!

Dave H.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Cinderella and , posted by Peter Lee on Apr 10, 2003

What do these personality traits say about her? Perhaps she really IS in love with you, and this means what???. Is her behaviour acceptable to you? DO NOT EXPECT NOR ASK HER TO CHANGE!!!! Easily the biggest mistake people make is justfying behaviours by saying, "Yes, they're that way now, but after we get married (have a child, grow a little older, save enough to buy a mercedes, or whatever) everything will be different." Don't fall into that trap. Listen to Dr. Laura a few times. Probably half the people who call her with major marriage problems begin with, "I knew that before, but I expected them to change after..." I'm not supporting you doing one thing or another, but just be CERTAIN that her behaviour, as is it today, is something you're willing to live with for the rest of your life. If it is, fine, if not, find someone whether 18 or 55, who's actions and behaviours are exactly what you are looking for and can respect. I'm not buying the youth thing and that she'll grow out of it People know right from wrong when they're MUCH younger than 19, and their behaviours demonstrate their respect for that awareness. I'm also not buying that love conquers all. It simply doesn't. There have to be plenty more things in a relationship than that.

Just my never to be humble opinion.

- Jeff

[Ray]

... in response to Let's suppose she's not a scammer., posted by Jeff S on Apr 10, 2003

n/t

[Mita]

... in response to Cinderella and , posted by Peter Lee on Apr 10, 2003

Peter,
The relationship can be a good one.  The young lady made some mistakes.  She's young and was probably listening to the wrong advisers. Frankly, you can consider this incident a blessing because your chats are getting more deeply involved and open, your doubts were clarified and you both understand each other better now.
You probably just needed more time for the relationship to grow before marriage.  It's totally worth it.  There will always be surprises after marriage and if you know the other person well enough before you took the plunge, most of it will all be pleasant.
Be more open with her.  If you have something in mind, doubts and plans and ideas and misgivings about certain things, tell her right away and don't let it stew just because you are afraid to lose her.  Encourage her to do the same - there's nothing like honesty and openness to keep a relationship strong.
Good luck.

[Mark33]

... in response to Re: Cinderella and , posted by Mita on Apr 10, 2003

Peter,

      She sounds sweet but remember she is 19 years old. She has a lot of growing up to do,and she more likely than someone a bit older will be influenced by American society. She wanted to travel and work on a cruise ship. That sort of personality(though very good I think) tells me she may be a bit adventurous and open to new possibilities. Even if she does not do that type of work, the choice says she is more open minded than most .Just my opinion.

   Also, are you a healthy 60? Remember you will age quickly in the next 15-20 years. many of us can look at our parents and grandparents and see the differences that 50 to 70 make.

   Will SHE be prepared for that, or is she looking at you now,and not seeing what 10- 15 years may bring.  many people will not like me saying this, but that is a fact you have to face. Is that 19 year old capable of understanding that when you are 75 you may not be as healthy. She may end up at 34 being solely responsible forraising the children. Doind activities with them,going on school trips, helping with homework, and on top of that,working to help provide extra income.

   A few years ago an ex-friend of mine who was 29 at the time met a Chinese girl at work. He was very attracted to her(she was about 32 at the time) but she was married with a child. The story came about that she had married a much older American man who could not work because of his health. There was a lot of resentment on her part for many things. Her sole responsibility for her family,and his poor health.

   My ex-friend ended up with this knight in shinning armour syndrome and had to "save her". He eventually allowed her and her daughter to move into his house. Took a job with another company(he is an engineer),and eventually she left her husband and they got married.

  I do not know what has happened since,because we no longer talk. But I know it was almost too easy for him to get this woman to see all of the negatives in her marriage,and leave her husband for a young man who had a great carreer and a promising future.

  19 is very young. Why not a woman who is at least 30. Peter,people change greatly from 19-30. You then have had many years to be on your own,make independent decisions away from your family,and better to understand yourself and what you want.

 
 

[Mita]

... in response to Re: Re: Cinderella and , posted by Mark33 on Apr 10, 2003

Mark, I agree with you on that.  Age is a big factor to consider.  My husband and I have 18 years between us but we manage to relate somehow - at least we both agree we do NOT appreciate rap music.
In our case, I did a lot of the adjustment, if I were younger (I'm in my late 30's) perhaps I would have found it really difficult.