... in response to Re: Kids and school, posted by BruceS on Jul 4, 2002OK, a small disclaimer...
You will note that both of these titles are from "Christian Books" imprints.
I don't know how you feel about that. The information in them is good, and applies no matter what religion you practice, but it is given from a Biblical perspective.
With that disclaimer out of the way...
The books are:
"Boundaries ... with kids"
by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
Zondervan Publishing House
www.Zondervan.com
Subtitle: "When to say YES, when to so NO, to help your children gain control of their lives."
From your post, I think this will give your natural parenting style some structure. I think you will like this book a lot.
Should be in the Psychology/Parenting Section of your bookstore. I found it at B&N. You can almost always find it at a Christian Bookstore. You may have to order it, as it has been out for awhile.
A lot of church's "Single Parent" groups will do this book as a book study. I know of several around the DFW area that have used it.
Second Book:
The Five Love Languages of Children
by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, MD
Northfield Publishing
This is also very good. I think that it will be of particular interest to you, since languages is something we all will struggle with in a foreign marriage. This book takes the concept beyond the way we think of it (English vs. Russian language) and takes it to the fact that everyone has a "Love Language" -- meaning a language that we speak in when we want to express love.
The five languages are: "Quality Time", "Words of Affirmation", "Gifts", "Acts of Service", and "Physical Touch".
For instance, suppose a child has a love language of "Words of Affirmation." That means that he feels most loved when his father tells him what a great job he is doing. But suppose his Dad's love language is Gifts.
So, the father buys him a new bike, and thinks that he is really telling his son that he loves him. But the son doesn't see it that way. He wants to hear it from his mouth.
There is a disconnect that would surprise the dad.
One thing I learned in the book is that one language is not "better" than another.
I had a step-son who's language was gifts. That didn't make him greedy. It's just that he really treasured anything I bought him. It didn't have to be an expensive thing.
When he got interested in dirt bikes, I would buy him magazines I would see at the airport when I was away on a trip. When I came home and gave them to him, you should have seen his eyes light up. It was my way of telling him that I was thinking about him when I was away.
My daughter's language is quality time.
The thing is, she doesn't even know it. Sometimes, she will retreat to her room to watch TV. If I let her, she is feeling lonely, without even knowing why.
So, I'll "make her" shut off her TV and join me in the living room, where we'll watch something together. Sometimes it isn't even a show she fully understands (like Friends or something.) But she loves being there, and us being together. If she doesn't get regular doses of that, she starts feeling lonely. She hasn't yet identified her needs, feelings and causes.
That's why it's my job to do it.
Anyway, I highly recommend both books. You will get a lot out of them, I think.
BTW, I can also probably also give you a list of books that were recommended to me that I found pretty useless... LOL. Parenting is an Art, not a science.
Every kid is different, and every parent is.
Forget the naysayers (and they will come out of the woodwork!) who tell you that it is harder than you think, and that you will have to change everything about your life... and that nephews and neices are VERY different than your own kids...etc, etc. (Which is all quite true, BTW...) The fact is that NO ONE is ready to be a parent. It's always an on the job training kind of thing.
WANTING to be a good parent is the start of everything.
And showing your new son how much you love his mother is always a good thing...
