Here is what has happened so far.

[thesearch]

... in response to Sometimes I am a jerk ; ), posted by Philb on Mar 5, 2002

Wait one minute. I do not believe what I am hearing here.

So, you did tell her you were coming back to ask her to marry you and that the only issue was her being sure about you.

That is not a commitment? Have you lied to her before? Why would she not believe you?

I am sorry, I can not agree with Mark that it is acceptable to have her options open with her understanding your intentions.  Not under these circumstances. And here you are agreeing with him?

The only acceptable situation is someone else putting those pictures and ads up. The only bad side of this is not telling you all she knew at first about this situation.

Now how do you think that guy who asked her out would get that more recent photo? What am I missing here?

I think you had better forget the whole thing and marry her.

Sitting on the fence here is not IMHO the best choice - you either test her or have total trust and forget the whole thing and just marry her. To be in the middle will only cause damage IMHO. Just my call.

Even if she did lie to you, if you are a good man and know how to make a woman feel special she may decide you were her best choice. As long as that is the outcome - what do you care.
 

[thesearch]

... in response to Re: Sometimes I am a jerk ; ), posted by thesearch on Mar 5, 2002

for me--- what would I do.

Test her. But, I would not test her if I had unlimited funds to make about three to four more trips.

"She has always been extremely cautious in regards to expressing her feelings etc.. It was not until this second trip in Jan/Feb that she seemed resonably certain of her feelings towards me."

I personally would never marry a lady  where I had these words to say about her as she related to me.

Cautious in regards to expressing her feelings?
REASONABLY certain? (Sorry about the all upper case but that word reasonably used to describe feelings toward you rubs me the wrong way.)

The words would have to be very expressive of her feelings for me and certain without a doubt.

If I can not have those words of description ---I ain't goin there point blank.

Now, maybe she will be like this next time --- but until she is forget it.

[John F]

... in response to Here is what has happened so far., posted by Philb on Mar 5, 2002

I haven't checked the board for a few days, so this is the first I've seen about this.  Let me tell you about some  information I got from a friend.

I knew a guy who owned a smaller RW agency.  Once while visiting in my home we were talking while his RW and my RW were visiting, and we began to talk about the agency business.  According to him, he had been contacted multiple times by different agencies wanting to buy some of his photo's / biographies, and others contacted him wanting to sell him photo's / biographies from their agency.

Guys, your girl may not be lying if you find her picture posted on a different site and she claims to know nothing about it.  It is a "situation" that needs to be handled "delicately" or you could end up losing a wonderful lady because of your jealosy and another man's greed.

About the claims my friend made ...... Jack can offer advice it this indeed is a common practice.

John

[Patrick]

... in response to Here is what has happened so far., posted by Philb on Mar 5, 2002

My wife and I will be celebrating our 5th anniversary in June.  I also found a new personal ad for her during our relationship.  It was placed after we became engaged. She said she knew nothing about it.  She was only 3 weeks away from her K-1 visa interview when it came and it was a different photo than her previous ad that I originally responded to.

After a brief fight to get the new ad removed, it came out that the owner bought a portfolio of women's photos and ad copy from a Colombian man (my wife's Colombian).  I believe what happened in her case was that she intially gave several photos to the first agency, then someone either working with them or who had access to their records assembled a portfolio of women's ads with several photos each and marketed it without the agency's permission (i.e. he stole them).  It does happen.

Of course, your lady is saying something different.  It could be true, but then again, a jilted suitor placing the ads does sound a bit far fetched.  Maybe she's guessing that this other man did this and it was really a case of someone selling portfolios.  Doesn't sound like there's much you can do other than play it by ear and see what happens.  Best of luck.  This doesn't sound like something easy to deal with.

[John K]

... in response to Re: Here is what has happened so far., posted by Patrick on Mar 5, 2002

My wife was getting her paperwork ready to come over on a K-1 when she accompanied a friend to an internet agency.  On the end table was a book full of "eligible bachelors" that the ladies could write to.  My name, picture and email were listed there.  My wife had a major fit over it with me later, and I had to explain that I had no clue how it got there.  

Luckily, her profile was still on the web a year after we decided to get serious with only each other.  I sent her the link and asked her if I should think that she was looking for other men, because her ad was still out there.  I got the point home to her, and it then became a nonissue.

It is possible that this is the case here, but I agree that the lady's reasoning seems a little far fetched.  It is more likely that she doesn't know what's going on and is making a guess as to how the ads got there, or else she is placing the ads and is trying to hide the fact.  Either way, it seems like going forward cautiously is a very prudent thing to do.

[John K]

... in response to Here is what has happened so far., posted by Philb on Mar 5, 2002

"But, if she is not being completely honest with me we have no future."

That is the absolute truth.  A little lie here or there left alone will only encourage bigger ones later.  Trust your instincts on this one and don't let yourself get drawn in too deep too quickly.

[Philb]

... in response to Here is what has happened so far., posted by Philb on Mar 5, 2002

Tatyana is 35. I am 43.  She is a computer programmer works with one other woman and about 20 men.  In the looks department I think we are a fairly even match.  I have gone out with AW who are more attractive then her and who are not as attractive as her.  I have also dated AW who are younger than her.

[Natalya]

... in response to a little more info, posted by Philb on Mar 5, 2002

I completely agree with JohnK. Just listen your instincts. I don't want to offend you but my impression that you both trying really hard to make these relationship work.Look if spark, feelings, chemistry is there then why do you wait so long to propose her? If not than may be it didn't meant to be and no need to push it.Again it is my impression but may be I'm wrong.I have to tell you that I do think that she placed ads but I completely understand why she did it (since you didn't propose her).I don't believe in story with playing jokes coworker who has 4 different pictures of her.The only thing that botheres me that she came up with this story rather tell you the truth what cause her to do this.

[BarryM]

... in response to Philb,, posted by Natalya on Mar 5, 2002

Her story could be true. If she works as a computer programmer and she placed the ads from her computer at work, her co-workers could easily have access to her pictures. If her internet browser has autocomplete and saves passwords, any co-worker could sign on to her accounts and access her personal ads or even web based email. Now most people who are computer knowledgable are wise enough to secure their personal information at work, but she could have been foolish and left her computer unsecure.

You would be surprised what a person with malicious intent can do with a computer if they are clever enough.

-blm

[thesearch]

... in response to Natalya...., posted by BarryM on Mar 5, 2002

one of the photo's was taken at their last meeting. This photo would not have been available to this guy unless they are actually seeing each other on the sly.

Besides if this guy was trying to break things up, he would not go to all this work to just hope that phlib found it.

If he was smart and did have Phlib's e-mail if he should have sent Phlib a photo of a drop dead gorgeous woman who found him on the Inter net to show Tatyana that her man was not loyal. He could create a fake e-mail from Phlib showing that he responded. He would not leave this up for chance.  That is my call.

Until  the timing of the photo and its appearance are explained this is all BS.

[Philb]

... in response to One problem Barry, posted by thesearch on Mar 6, 2002

nt

[thesearch]

... in response to I am still not buying it but the photos ..., posted by Philb on Mar 6, 2002

So, the latest photos were on her PC at work? Well yes they could be retrieved.

Have you asked her what this guy's name is? I think that you should get a real name for this supposedly real person.

[Natalya]

... in response to Natalya...., posted by BarryM on Mar 5, 2002

I know exactly what are you talking about.My husband is computer guy himself. But! Postingher ad by coworker with 4 different pictures doesn't really sound to me like somebody is "playing jokes", more like guy intentionally  trying to break her relationship with Philb. If this is the case she must have known how desperate her coworker to win her back or play revenge ( who knows) and she must have let Philb know that this could happen so it wouldn't be a problem later.

[Philb]

... in response to BarryM,, posted by Natalya on Mar 5, 2002

This is one of the concerns I expressed to her, why if this was such a problem for her at work she had not told me about this.  Her response was that she felt that what was important was her and I and this did not concern her and I.  I told her that because we were a couple what affects one of us affects us both.