Once again every story is different...

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Never consider myself an expert,, posted by Natalya on Mar 1, 2002

These women are expecting a better life than what they have now or else they would not make such a tough decision.  Why bring them from poverty overseas to poverty in the USA.  There will only be dissapointment.  If I'm trying to get a very good wife (and I am), then I better have that better life to offer.  I think your point last week about letting the Russian woman know what type of lifestyle to expect before she comes over was good.  I assure you, at least I am not trying to fool any Russian women.  

We can talk about how the RW/UW should love us for who we are but love will have to come in time.  I want to be the husband they were looking for and not the husband they had to accept.

[Natalya]

... in response to At least I agree with you, posted by BubbaGump on Mar 2, 2002

In Russia we have saying " Boat of love was crashed by rocks of reality" This means that you can be in love together but if your life "reality" consist from more problems than good these everyday problems will kill the love. Thats what I was trying to explain AM and I'm glad that atleast few men here understand my point of view.

[keith]

... in response to Never consider myself an expert,, posted by Natalya on Mar 1, 2002

I think the difference between not being that well off in USA and the Ukraine is quite large... so I will leave it at that...
Keith

[Natalya]

... in response to Re: Never consider myself an expert,, posted by keith on Mar 1, 2002

Just a question.Where would you prefer to be poor at USA or in Ukraine with loving but poor wife.And leave it at that....

[keith]

... in response to Yes, Keith leave it at that, posted by Natalya on Mar 1, 2002

I would rather be poor in the USA with my loving Ukranian wife!

sorry ... I think that is checkmate!!  LOL

[Ryan]

... in response to Never consider myself an expert,, posted by Natalya on Mar 1, 2002

I just want to express how scary this point of view that you have presented to me sounds.  We are giving so much of ourselves to make these women happy and she does not want to put forward anything on her end to make this happen.   These women sit with their hand open waiting for us to feed them, get them here and make sure she is all happy?  Let's not even begin to open the subject about opportunity here in America and how behind every great man is a great woman.  How their love can spark each other to a new level and money will come in due time..  I guess I am living in La la land..

[Natalya]

... in response to Re: Never consider myself an expert,, posted by Ryan on Mar 1, 2002

Ryan, the conclusion you made is scaring me too :)Well first of all it is not in culture of RW to "sit with our hands open and waiting to be feed", it is more like opposite.My husband always says "I knew that RW are strong , but never could have guesed how strong!" This is mean that RW are used to working their butts of to make their living and in many cases to support RM, who's out of work or having drinking problems etc.Ask men on this board who's wife acting as you described.I'm sure none.My husband alot of times complains that I'm acting kinda bossy and can't loosen up,especially in connection with financial security.It is because for many years I was relying only on myself in supporting me and my child that any financial problems in our family scaring the light out of me. Another thing. I did stand by my man in hard time and we made it, but I'm not so sure I could do this if the hard times would happen right after my arriving here.Lack of language, not knowing how things work in this country,insecurity, fear for what tomorrow will bring probably would destroy my feelings.Do you know how it feels for woman to feel helpless in new country?Even if my poor AM would tell me evryday that everything will be OK, I doubt that this would be enought to make me feel secure instantly.My husband knows that even after 6 years when things not going smoothly, I can tell him that I fear that we'll end up in the box on the street.Somebody on this board wrote that RW tend to blow things out of proportions and make things look more negative that they are in real.It is so true.I don't think it is fare for AM bring RW here and put through bunch of problems at once along with all natural adaptation process she'll go through.Not too many women can go through such tough time and chances that this family will fall apart are pretty big.So why even go there? Just because you want to test how strong RW are?

[Dude]

... in response to Re: Re: Never consider myself an expert,, posted by Natalya on Mar 1, 2002

Natalya,

 I agree with you in what you say about security for a RW or CIS woman in regards to culture/security etc...
 On my trip last week I thought to myself how hard it would be for me to adapt to the Russian culture if the shoe was on the other foot so to speak. I think a plan must be made to secure a smooth transition for the Russian woman to adapt in a way that can take stress away from the relationship.
 Learning new things must be fun if possible but also a regress area must be found for the person who is having trouble adapting. Possibly a place or a time to gather thought process and to relax mentally should be identified and nurtured with care.
 So many little things can be trouble but patience and the ability to want to learn those little details may be helpful and most rewarding in the long run.

DUDE

[Natalya]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Never consider myself an exp..., posted by Dude on Mar 1, 2002

point of view.You sound like caring and wise person.Did you find RW already or still looking?

[Dude]

... in response to Thanks for  understanding correctly my, posted by Natalya on Mar 2, 2002

Hi Natalya,

 Thank you for the nice words and understanding of my message here in regards to yours.
 You are correct in what you say about the ability of the CIS woman to feel secure in a new life far away from her home. It seems that since my first marriage was to an Australian and we both spoke the same language all would be okay. In truth the marrige lasted 7 years but the reason for the divorce was because we were not actually complimentary of each other in many ways. We could speak and communicate but in reality we had very different interests in life. Little cultural things made big problems for her because she assumed things here should be like Australia...lol  She still lives here but I have custody of our daughter so you can figure it from there.
 I have found a nice woman in Russia and she is one year older than myself. I'm 42 years old. At this time I am not looking for anyone new because I feel this relationship can work with our ability to communicate to each others needs and to also be there for each other in the learning process.
 It will not be easy to make all things great but in the long run I do believe it will work with love and patience.

DUDE

[Ryan]

... in response to Never consider myself an expert,, posted by Natalya on Mar 1, 2002

Your point of view in this matter is a striking contrast to what many say about FSU women.  I have heard things like "FSU women stick by their men no matter what."  FSU woman take care of their RM and hold the family together while the RM drinks and womanizes etc.. Yes I realize that these are general statements about people in the FSU society and that not everyone is like this. (Just more selling points for marriage agencies) But if she really loves him and he really loves her is this money really the issue?  Or yes I am probably living in the past again or in a unrealistic world (Fantasy land) but for all these FSU women to jump on this man or tell this woman to not give up the apartment is a one sided standard.  We as AM give up so much to make things the best we can for the FSU woman but she is going to cry and pout that she has to give up an apartment back in her country?  

"I'd rather be married to poor RM and leave in my country where still my friends, family, work then to poor AM and have nothing."  

Look this statement does not take into any consideration the Love for each other that brought them together in the first place.  (Or does RW only work hard for love if it is a RM) Or are you trying to tell me it was the AM lying about what he had and that the RW was just a gold digger.    So money is everything is that what we are talking about?

I feel that no one on that RW message board could answer this woman's question but the woman herself, as she only knows how much she loves this man.  The only sound advice that the RW could have given her is maybe what price the apartment could go for.  

[Dude]

... in response to Re: Never consider myself an expert,, posted by Ryan on Mar 1, 2002

Greetings,

  In regards to RW staying in Russia rather than getting hooked up with a poor AM is good advice to the RW. Why should she risk everything with a poor man in the USA when she has that aspect in CIS already. Love is a great thing but if the man does not support his wife or appear to be able to support her in America then what is she to do but support him?

DUDE

[ron]

... in response to Once again every story is different..., posted by keith on Mar 1, 2002

good advice keith.
may i ask if went about this on your own or did you benefit from anyone's help or expertise?