no other choice

[chevy]

I am 48. I have also been "trying" to write to ladies on match.com.
I write to a lot of women in their 30's.early to late. I get NO response. One told me flat out I am too old for her. I look about 41, so I am told. When you put me next to these 30 somethings we do not look "bad" at all.
 The ones who write me are in their late 40's or early 50's. I'm
discouraged by all this but am reaching the conclusion, in a once and for all way, that my ONLY option is to go to south america.
  I don't know why I did not get married in my 20's and 30's.I've been thinking I would like a family. Why I never felt that earlier I do not know. I had opportunities. I think some women here view that as "weird" or that maybe I am gay and don't know it. Anyway I do not see any hope for happiness up here. They do not even give me a chance!

[toucanrich]

... in response to no other choice, posted by chevy on Dec 15, 2002

I think the only way is to just go.  If the chemistry is there then you are set.  In a letter you just never know.  I see a lot I would like to write but I have been through that and it did not work out.  I saw a picture of several women and meet them later in person.  A big let down.

Richard

[Kit]

... in response to no other choice, posted by chevy on Dec 15, 2002

No matter how old you are there is a women for you in SA. Just choose a place and follow through. Cali is good because this city has great infrastructure for meeting women. So if I were you I would do this:

1/ Stop using AW infested dating sites. They will only errode your ego.

2/ Familiarize yourself with 1 or 2 agencies in Cali

3/ Hop on the plane

4/ Have realistic expectations about your future wive

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: no other choice, posted by Kit on Dec 16, 2002

Yes I think there is a woman for about any guy who will treat her decently.Cali is the place with the best odds.There are probably 5000-8000 women on the books of all the agencies in Cali.Most of these ladies are getting no attention at all while most of the foriegn guys are chasing a trouble prone few.
To me it seems so easy I don't know how it is possible to fail,but the main problem seems to be chasing the wrong women who are not interested in you.Guys get caught up in trying to date the girl who looks absolutely the best in her pictures.This can be possible,she may date guys she is not really interested in.You are better off if she doesn't.Its possible to find spoiled user type girls even in an envirement where most of them are not.
The real jewels in the books may look just OK in their pictures,but can look a whole lot better in person.And there can be a real aliveness and sparkle that comes through.And  the girl who is really attracted to you will give off vibes about that that will make her attractive to you.There is nothing like a reponsive woman to get our interest,much better than indifference from a woman perhaps younger or more attractive.
Off course we want an attractive woman,thats a main reason we go south.But I think the best choice is an acceptably attractive woman of good character who is trully interested in you.When a woman is trully interested in you you will not find yourself getting excuses about why she can't see you or stories that are not believable.You will KNOW,if you don't her interest in you is suspect.Then you follow up and meet her family.The family is a huge indication of what kind of girl you are dealing with.I do know of one instance however where the family is kind of flakey but the girl is fine,she is the strong one who looks out for them.
So the trick is,in my opinion,to keep looking untill you find a good woman who is truly interested in you.If there are doubts and red flags you got the wrong one.Its easy to get carried away,the girl may be beautifull and tell you she loves you or is interested in you but on some level that does not ring true.RUN.Your red flag mechanism is trying to protect you.Ignore it at your perril.
This search may take some time,but doesn't need to if you get to that level of woman who can trully be interested in you.There are thousands,yes thousands,who will be happy to accept a decent guy.Looks and money are not even so important.That is more important if you are trying for hot chica.I hate to say be realistic because what is realistic in Colombia is so much better than what is realistic here,but it still applies.Go for character and decent looks and responsiveness to you.Regardless of your looks ,age and money there can be a girl for you,again if you are a decent guy who will treat her well.They are looking also and the good girl will have more realistic expectations also.She doesn't want Mr. Macho user any more that you want Ms.insincere user.
You will know when you find the right woman.If you don't know,you haven't found her yet.Dig deep in those books for the good ones.For just about every guy she is there.Don't get distracted by the girls who are not right for you.At best you are wasting your time.At worst you become one of our scammer stories.

Pete

[wizard]

... in response to There is the woman for you,just avoid di..., posted by Pete E on Dec 16, 2002

Pete, like you say... When you know, you know... Once you meet the right one, it makes all the time, effort and expense seem worthwhile...

But you'll never find out until you start...

Once you start this pursuit, you will never even think about beating you're head against the wall by trying to start a relationship with an AW...

Just my 2 cents...

wizard

[CaliBound]

... in response to no other choice, posted by chevy on Dec 15, 2002

Go to Cali ... Young Man!

At 48, you are still young, but there is not too much room for mistakes. Find yourself a woman that's around 35 years old for they are much more stable than the younger ones. I saw so many gorgeous ladies around that age in Cali. You will do well down there!

Best Wishes,

Frank

[Pete E]

... in response to At 48, You Are Still Young!, posted by CaliBound on Dec 15, 2002

Frank,
Including the one you found!Your lady is as pretty as you said from her picture.And 37??Wow.Guys should be encouraged here.Actually I think your trip report was one of the last good success story reports we have had here.A decent 48 year old guy who isn't trying to play with the 21 year olds can do fine indeed.

Pete

[CaliBound]

... in response to Re: At 48, You Are Still Young!, posted by Pete E on Dec 16, 2002

Pete,
Clara is the best thing that has happened to me in many, many years. She was my third date in Cali and when I saw her, I knew she was the woman I had been yearning for all my life. There was no need to set up more dates. I knew that my search had ended -- and she agreed with me.

I remember Clara smiling and saying to Margareth:
"There's no need to set up anymore dates for Frank. He search in Cali has ended.  He found what he came looking."

The next day, she asked Margareth to remove her pictures from the L.E. website because her search had also ended. I did not know about this until Margareth e-mailed me the pictures.

I regret not going to Colombia sooner. Until I met Clara, I had forgotten how it was to be treated right!

Happy Holidays to all,

Frank

[Pete E]

... in response to no other choice, posted by chevy on Dec 15, 2002

See my post below under scammer.In addition to what I said there if you want to keep your odds high you need to go where the women are.I think that is Colombia and Cali in particular.The agency is really the best friend of the guy with no experience with this.You can meet alot of women quickly and easily.You will discover if you stay at all realistic in your expectations that there are many women to choose from.Now this is where the game gets more difficult,but also more fun.Having a number of attractive women to choose from is a far cry from most guys experience here and yours also it sounds like.
I thought about going for several years,there were some things I was trying to do to get done first,like retiring from my regular job and buying the house I invisioned living in with my wife,which I am now.But once I actually went I knew right away that this was indeed the best thing going and I would stay at it for as long as it took to meet the woman of my dreams.She was the second woman I met,even though I met many others before I decided for sure it was her.
At 48 I would suggest women 28 and up.I would recommend getting caught up in the 21 year olds just because it is possible.Some guys just want the hottest looking chica available.Be carefull here unless you are also pretty young and hot looking.
Just go.Its a whole different world,you will be changed forever.You will never again want to ram your face against a brock wall like here.

Pete

[anzo]

... in response to no other choice, posted by chevy on Dec 15, 2002

Of course go to South America-that's where the South American women are. IMHO, and in my experience, writing is pretty much a waste of time. Besides, 5 minutes of face time can completely wipe out 6 months of heartfelt letters. I just joined this forum a few days ago and am surprised how little mention of the various tours are mentioned. Yea, they can be a zoo, but, believe me, your age of 48 is absolutely not a problem. And the comeraderie on the tours I've been on is a very nice surprise. Just do it. I've been to Panama (really under rated in my opinion) and to Cali twice on tours (TLC) and several times on my own. A totally grand time on each visit.
Anzo

[Darkstar]

... in response to Re: no other choice, posted by anzo on Dec 15, 2002

The tours have been discussed many times on this forum. Most prefer the agencies.

[wizard]

... in response to no other choice, posted by chevy on Dec 15, 2002

Hey chevy, I feel for ya... I had been doing the same thing until I went to LA... In a one year period I dated 14 ladies that I met online in the states... I obviously never found what I was looking for, which is why I went south...

Feel fortunate you have NOT hooked up with an AW from match.com or date.com or any one of the other 1000 dating sites in this country... Of the women I met, the vast majority fell into the 1 or 2 date scenario, after which I ran for the hills... Too many red flags to even expound upon, not to mention that these ladies were dragging around enough baggage to require a moving van...

Count your blessings, climb down off the fence, get a plane ticket and head south young man... At 48 you WILL find a lovely 30 - 40 lady that will make you wonder why you waited so long...

My 2 cents...

wizard

[papa suave]

... in response to no other choice, posted by chevy on Dec 15, 2002

Best of luck to you. My only advice: avoid being the typical gringo who at 48 is going down thinking that he's gonna score a 20 year old trophy wife. I think a woman from 28-35 is realistic for you.

[chevy]

... in response to Re: no other choice, posted by papa suave on Dec 15, 2002

I agree. I want a woman who knows what she wants. By 30 they should have a good idea

[Wasp]

... in response to Re: Re: no other choice, posted by chevy on Dec 15, 2002

Just get down there.

By the way, I thought you left SNL too early in your career.
:-)