MY 2 Cents...

[Craig]

Just a comment about money dating a Colombian girl/novia and other comments. I've seen some posts on the subject lately, and when I'm in Colombia/Cali I've seen it in action. First I'm aware and agree that you must be extra careful when it comes to giving out money...period. I'm also aware when you are in a relationship with a women from say Cali, and she's not from great means then you can expect that your gonna be helping her financially...period. Let's face it to her ... most gringos are making more then Colombian, doctors, actors and in their eyes your wealthy. Also for whatever reason when I've been to Colombia some cheap gringos seem to gravitate there. Guys who won't pay cab fare, foot the bill for a dinner, or hit a cheap place to save money, all kinds of the same crap. I seen guys refuse to pay on dates with my own eyes. This is what Colombian women  deal with to some extent. I just don't get it. Maybe the gringos traveling feel they can get away with it thinking it's just some third world country and I'm calling the shots? It's pathetic and I feel bad for the girls and I'm embarrassed by the behavior I've seen by gringos. So all this talk of ringers and sharks which is true to some extent, but I say there are just as many misfits and tightwads and players who travel there from this country. So it's  a draw... Just my 2 cents

[valuedcustomer]

... in response to MY 2 Cents..., posted by Craig on Nov 13, 2002


If a man manages to go to Colombia, doesn't pay for dinners, cabs, and whatever and still manages to still bring back a nice wife, I am having a hard time seeing the downside to this behavior.  

The guys who are really in danger are the ones who have been conditioned from boyhood to throw money at a woman in the belief that this is what gentlemen do.  This is really deadly.  First, he is distorting his source of information from the start because he has no idea whether the lady wants him for his money or whether she wants him for himself.  He has never had an opportunity to see if she will stick around when the gravy train stops.  Furthermore, this type of behavior will tend to attract the most money hungry ladies.  Moreover, even if by some miracle he actually finds a descent lady he may end up changing her behavior and corrupting her.  There will be no end of torment for this man.  He will end up paying for kidney operations of fourth cousins removed and finally he can just fork it all over at the divorce.

I am in the middle.  I did pay for dinners at modest restaurants and cab fares.  Although some of those dinners came out to $20 a plate which is luxurious for an average Colombian.  The lady I finally ended up with I never paid her cab fares.  I actually spent more money on the woman I narrowly avoided and it would have been a disaster if I had fallen for her.

Maybe some of these tight wads can get on Planet Love and teach us a thing or two.  

But then,..... they are probably too lazy to write.

[El Diablo]

... in response to Re: MY 2 Cents..., posted by valuedcustomer on Nov 15, 2002

I'm with Craig on this one.  I think being overly cheap is a big red flag and a possible sign that a guy will be controlling with the family income if not other things.  What you desribe as in the middle strikes me as extreme.  No one expects the gringo to go out to lavish places or shower gifts but not picking up the tab for your date's taxi would in my opinion be considered extremely rude.  A classy thing to do is to accompany your date home in the taxi making sure she gets home safely and returning to where ever it is your staying and picking up the taxi bill.  It will cost you double but even at that it will 9 times out of 10 be less than $5.

I'm not trying to sound arrogant but have you learned some of the basic etiquetes of the culture you are visiting?  On a date, there's no such thing as dutch, the man is expected to pay.  If the woman says she wants to pay in Colombia, it means she really really doesn't like you and she wants to send you a clear signal.  Another custom, among friends is that the person making the invite pays.  If you say to a group of people, hey lets go to a movie, you'll be expected to pay.  The last time I was in Cali, my fiancee's best friend and her novio suggested we go out.  They payed the 120,000 pesos for our cover and drinks even though I offered to pay.  They actually insisted because the invite was theirs not mine.  A couple days later, my fiancee and I invited them to dinner, this time I payed.

El Diablo

[valuedcustomer]

... in response to MY 2 Cents..., posted by El Diablo on Nov 16, 2002

[This message has been edited by valuedcustomer]

I met my novia in Bogota.  In Cali all the ladies expected taxi fare.  In Bogota, it was just the opposite. The ladies in Bogota didn't expect taxi fare.  So, I was following the customs.

Also, as for customs, I have personally witnessed Latin women give their novios sex, buy him stuff, and have his children without taking a dime.  This should make you feel just a little uncomfortable when you are shelling out the money.

[El Diablo]

... in response to Re: MY 2 Cents..., posted by valuedcustomer on Nov 17, 2002

Your description doesn't make me uncomfortable in the least.  I don't "shell" out the money for the taxi my fiancee takes home out of resentment,  I pay because I want to and because I believe that's what a gentleman does whether he's in Cali or in Bogota.  Also if a woman is making babies and creating a family with a guy, the money stops becoming mine and is ours no matter who earned it initially.  When you use language like "taking a dime" it gives me the impression that you see the income as yours and not hers also.

El Diablo

[Craig]

... in response to Re: MY 2 Cents..., posted by valuedcustomer on Nov 15, 2002

With all do respect I don't buy your argument. I avoid people with that attitude and when I'm in Cali I try to tip off the women to avoid the American's who treat them this way. I feel if I educate the women these cheap asses will go home with their pockets full but alone.

[valuedcustomer]

... in response to Re: Re: MY 2 Cents..., posted by Craig on Nov 16, 2002

[This message has been edited by valuedcustomer]

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am actually a moderate on this.  In my opinion, I seriously doubt that most of these cheap guys are the type who are going to ever read Planet Love.  So you are preaching the wrong message to the wrong audience.  The guys who read Planet Love are the type who believe in doing their homework and probably tend to be the type who will be more generous and polite then is good for them.  They need to know that South of the Border, the man still wears the pants.  Don't be a wimp.  

I'm not trying to be negative on the ladies.  I actually love Latin women for their passion and affection.  But the game playing atmosphere in Cali really turns me off.  I think there are nice ladies there but I man better be very aware and be able to sort out the good from the bad.  I am in favor of good men meeting good women and leaving the players in the dust.

[puckster]

... in response to MY 2 Cents..., posted by Craig on Nov 13, 2002

Could not agree with you more. However, it does get a little old when they invite there girl friend, two sister, and ten cousins for beer and wine and I get stuck with the tab every time. A guy's got to draw the line somewhere.
How about buying a nice sexy dress and a pair of high heals, just to see your girl walking around like that, WOW!

[oakham]

... in response to MY 2 Cents..., posted by Craig on Nov 13, 2002

Good comments. I don't have alot of financial resources.  So I am looking only at Mexico in search of a wife.  I learned many want a gentleman with moderate to high income.  So I am always honest when I correspond so there is no disappointment by them on the issue of money. Many blessings to you.

[Aaron]

... in response to MY 2 Cents..., posted by Craig on Nov 13, 2002

On my last trip, a girl I met told me that she heard of guys taking them out, and not even spending money for a bottle of water. Let alone a dinner date and movies. That's ridiculous.

[JSlo]

... in response to Good point......, posted by Aaron on Nov 13, 2002

Being a tightwad and insisting on going dutch in Colombia, which is not attractive to any woman is the preference of the man, you never know, he may have been burned before. If a woman goes for someone like that then she deserves him, there is no need to be embarrassed for her.  If a woman uses a man for money, there is no need to feel bad for him either as there are no children on this board. With all of the advice furnished on this board, all eyes should be wide open. It is a draw when observing in that light, however, there are certain things that can not be overlooked and that is giving a woman money after only a couple of conversations. Whatever the reason, (going for english, no money in the house) it is still not appropriate to request cash from a stranger.Of course, if you are taking the relationship to the next level, then there should be no question of helping out according to your means. It goes both ways. Bottom line, there is no crying allowed by either side, especially if you tolerate things that are out of the norm.
Nuff said,
JAS