part 4

[stezo]

So the next day I went out w/  "J" the girl that hit me w/ the thunderbolt the night before (thanks Hoda) This was my 4th day there and i met her on my 3rd day and spent everyday after that with her. This girl has everything I was looking for sweet,beautiful,nice, smart etc..etc.. Man its a nice feeling to have a girlfriend who is so expressive. I mean latches on and says this is MY MAN!! As sweet as she is I did see the infamous latina jealousy first hand.
  On our 3rd day of knowing each other I was chillin in the agency waiting for her to come over. The owner of the agency brings a beautiful girl over just to chat since she sees im bored. This girl was only 18 and I told her that I had already met someone I like alot. but man this girl was so fine I couldnt resist conversating and flirting a bit. So im engrossed in conversation when all of a sudden I look up and guess whos standing there. I was like "what the hell?" this girl must be a ninja or something cuz she literally came out of nowhere. Bra she looked like her head was about to explode. I jumped up to give her a hug but she just crossed her arms. She walked straight up to that girl and said something in spanish that i didnt entirely understand but the girl sure did because she evacuated the area and I mean quick. Just then Margareth came over and explained that she had brought the girl over just to conversate and it wasnt my fault. WHEW!! Thank you Margareth.
  So i ended up finally meeting some real cool Americans. First there was my man Ruben who I liked immediatley because I could tell he wasnt just there to kick it. Then there was Scott who was a real fun guy but probaly less serious then me and Ruben. Finally there was this guy from DC. This guy was only 25 real well spoken and handsome. I let him know that he was going to have a real good time. Unfortunatly these guys came near the end of my trip when I was already w/ "J" so I couldnt have too good of a time w/ them.
 Now to the broken rule. I told myself I wasnt going to get engaged that 10 days is to soon but I did anyway. Which leads me to the second rule I broke. I said the only way id be with someone is if they came over on a fiance visa. After explaning that to "J" she wasnt with it. She said what if you decide you dont want to be with me? You just send me back after ive left my life, my family and quit my job? I thought about it and shes right. What am I really risking besides dollars? Also thats part of what I love about her she has alot of self respect and independence. So I caved on that after about 2 days of thinking about it. We email and talk over the phone all the time and I plan on going back in Feb to marry her so if any of you guys are there at that time your invited.
 ID like make one last comment about LE. Sometimes the owner there rubbed me the wrong way like guys on the board have said in the past and she definely trys to get top dollar. That said if you are a sincere guy and your not trying to play the girls she will go the extra mile for you. After I got engaged she took an entire day of her time and went with me to the familys house and basically acted as my surrogate mother. She then helped us pick out a ring and is helping "J" with visa papers and is letting us have the wedding in her home. All of free of charge.
 Well it took me 2 years to get the guts to go to colombia and thanks to guys like, Hoda,Juanfan, PeteE and others I finally did. My best friend (who is single)said I was crazy when I told him I was going to Colombia. I have a group of friends who are all good looking, succesfull, nice guys and they are all either married to real attractive women who are a pain in the Arse or average looking women who are sweet. Basically they settled. I refused to settle. I went to Cali and I found someone who is attractive and sweet to spend my life with. Whos really crazy here?
P.S. now that my best friend saw the pics of my trip hes going to Cali  with me in Feb. LOL

[Edge]

... in response to part 4, posted by stezo on Nov 20, 2001

Hello Thomas/Stezo - Congatulations to you and your fiancée.  Many times in life you have to go with what your gut tells you about someone.  My fiancée is here now and we are going to get married in a few weeks.  I brought her here on the K1 visa and I am happy I did.  I have learned things about her that I would not have known if we did not have this opportunity to be together here.  She has had the opportunity to see where and how I live and be with me and can judge whether she likes it here enough to settle down with me.  I would have probably married her in Colombia if push came to shove because my gut told me that she was the right one.  Having her here on the K1 has reinforced what my gut told me though.  Marrying a woman in Colombia without the benefit of the K1 is more of a gamble so just do your best to get to know her.

After you get her here, be very patient.  It takes time and effort to get her acclimated.  I am not sure how you are going to handle the language issue because it does not sound like she is learning English down in Colombia.  That is an issue you will have to deal with.

Take care and good luck......

[denvermike]

... in response to part 4, posted by stezo on Nov 20, 2001

Hi,

Congrats on your relationship. Everybody on this forum wishes you well. However, I would highly recommend you talk to a lawyer about your legal rights when marrying a woman in Colombia.  If you have read this forum enough, every horror story starts out just like you describe. The legal advantage (and I bet she knows it) is hers if you marry her in Colombia.  If you get married here the legal advantage is yours if things don't work out. I'm not saying you shouldn't trust her (unless she has given you reasons) but when ever you make critical life changing decisions at least be aware of ALL the potential complications that can occur. The Colombian legal system is a myriad of strange rules and regulations (plus a fair amount of graft and corruption) just like our own legal system plus it is a long way from home. Do yourself a favor and investigate it first.

A good friend of mine married a lady from Cali who happened to be studying English (and looking for a hubby I suspect) here in Denver. His first year of marriage has been a real challenge. She had lots of other Colombians friends to socialize with, so she wasn't lonely at all, but for every good thing about her there have been lots of negative things too.  As mentioned in an earlier thread the "sending" money to the relatives back home has been a real issue for him. It has taken a year for her to realize what a budget was, and that he did not have an unlimited amount of money. Fortunately, her mother has been a lot of help in explaining what is expected of a wife. But he has had to pay for lots of round trips for her mother and her sisters. Money has been their biggest issue. If you think the money drain ends after the wedding, you will likely be wrong.

The jealous behavior was cute at first for him but it has become a bit of a pain at times. He has to provide a detailed schedule of where and who has been with each time he leaves the house.  Remember Colombian women don't trust men any further than they can throw them, and for good reason.

I dated one of his wife's Colombian friends for while, and she made an interesting statement to me one time. She was very blunt, saying marriage was not necessary about love for her. She was looking for the right situation. I found that an interesting comment.  She lost interest in me when I told her that I wouldn't marry someone unless I knew them really well.  She recently married a guy she dated three times before he popped the question (funny coincidence that was just about the same time as her Student Visa ran out!).

Not to discourage you, but do yourself a favor and at least have all the facts first.

Good luck,
mike

[H2-Oh]

... in response to part 4, posted by stezo on Nov 20, 2001

Congrads, now comse the hard work. How much do you know about her family?? Is her family expecting you to send them money every month and how much. I agree with Pete, go over everything in detail. Can you afford another trip to Cali BEFORE the wedding to get things straight? I for one would insist that she come here on a fiancee visa. Test her love for you. Tell her you must have her come here on a fiancee visa and see what her reaction is? If she wants to be with you she will say OK and step out on faith and love. If she puts up a stink, you need to take some more time and visit her 2 or 3 more times. TAKE YOUR TIME. Love with all your heart but USE YOUR HEAD.
This is my 2 cents. Good Luck!!!

H2-Oh

[pack]

... in response to Re: part 4, posted by H2-Oh on Nov 21, 2001

stezo, H2-Oh is right...do your homework before jumping.i was planning to bring a girl to the states on a k-1. everything was going along just great ,in love,making plans,etc. then one day in a phone conversation she starts hitting me with a bunch of surprises. she says when i get to the states i want you to legally adopt my son. then a few minutes later she says we will have to send some money every month to my mother. thats where i cut her off...not so much that she wanted these things but she was expecting it! we had dated almost a year and she had never brought this up , now we are weeks away from the k-1 visit and i get surprises over the phone. so be careful ,ask questions.

[Wayne]

... in response to Re: part 4, posted by H2-Oh on Nov 21, 2001

I'm going to have to 2nd H2's comment about taking it slow and being a little careful.

It's much easier to get into one of these marriages, then to get out of one.  I barely knew my Russian wife, when she came to the US on her fiance visa.  She is a good person and we are still friends sort of, but it took some time to realize that we had nothing in common when it came to attitudes, and activities.  If you pick the wrong person, it can be lonelier living with them, then being a bachelor.  It's really even tough to know after a 90 day K-1 in the states.  I knew in the 1st year that I was miserable, but I just didn't have the heart to ask her to go home.  Looking back, I probably should have, because it would have saved me alot of suffering later.  

But....I do know that feeling my friend, when you just have to have her by your side now.

In my opinion, one of the most important qualities in one of these international brides, is excellent patience.  There are so many challenges and things they have to learn when they get to the states, if they aren't very patient with themselves as well as you, it usually crashes and burns.  

In my next adventure, I plan to test my girlfriend's patience a little before she gets here.  Time is our friend, and we have everything to gain by taking it slow, and much to lose in rushing into a marriage with a total stranger.

Take care,
Wayne

[Wayne]

... in response to part 4, posted by stezo on Nov 20, 2001

Thanks for a really entertaining story to read.  I had a very similar experience 5 years ago, but we were hand in hand in Red Square.  It was the best time of my entire life.
I wish you both much happiness.

I am perplexed by the state of relationships in this country.  I mean what the **** is going on when so many young successful attractive guys are leaving the country in droves to meet a good women.  It's really bazarr!

The way I see it, the more beautiful women that come into this country, the better.  It's just plain good for the ratio that we currently live under.  This is one trade deficit that I can live with.

Wayne.

[Pete E]

... in response to part 4, posted by stezo on Nov 20, 2001

Congratualations!Getting "thunderstruck" as Hoda calls it is a rare event.And I know its not just physical,there were other pretty girls,but this one had a special quality.I think its almost psychic or spiritual,like you know when you see the one.You could have lived your whole life in the states and not had that happen.Maybe you would have just "settled"for someone.I couldn't settle,so I was single for alot of years after my divorce.
Of course when this happens go slow is the last thing you want to do.I did something similar to you,I met my wife in December 1999 and got married Feb.2000.I took alot of heat for moving so fast,but as I told the guys,I was the one that didn't have the woman I loved with me yet.I wouldn't describe my experience as thunderstruck,she is  pretty but also such a good person I just felt good about her.She seemed to really want me,I wanted her so we just went for it.We didn't know each other too well when we got married and there was alot of adjusting to do afterward.I would suggest having a serious,detailed discussion of what you expect in marriage,covering all the important areas,from most important on down.Assumptions could leave you wondering what happened when things turn out different than expected.
If you avoid the truoble girls,and it sounds like you have,Colombianitas make great wifes.
Its good to have a success report.This is the experience that is really possible and when it happens to you you feel any guy could do the same.

Pete

[markxport]

... in response to part 4, posted by stezo on Nov 20, 2001

Congrats Stezo!  Please keep us informed of your progress and experiences.  Once again, congratulations and I wish you the very best!!!  Take care, Mark