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I would love to hear from gringos who new no spanish and brought their LA "non-english" speaking woman here to the usa. What were the first 6 months like???

... in response to No habla spanish, posted by Nevergivingup on Feb 20, 2005

I took another look at this issue last night,a little different perspective came up.
My girl friend wanted to sit and talk with my friend and his girl friend.The girls went in to a whole different level of communication.Laughing,joking,talking about things in their life.I realised by girl is very intelligent,witty and funny.And she doesn't get to express that much in our more limited communication.She could get real bored with our lack of quick fun banter.We were listening to Jaunes.They were explaining the lyrics to us.Even my friend who speaks alot more spanish than I was not getting much of it.
So,even if she should get to 80% fluent in english she will lose some of that sharp witty conversation she cann have in spanish.She needs to speak that with someone.And even if I could get to 40% spanish I could understandor pick up on it alot more,even if it would not be our primary language of communication.
SinceI will continueto live in Colombia I need to get beyond the40%,maybe to 70% or so.She would never get that good at english living here,she wouldn't need to.The numbers on profiency would be just about reveresed from living in the US where she would need to learn english,particularly if she wants to work.If I had any intention to work here,which I do not,I would need to get alot better at spanish.

Pete

... in response to No habla spanish, posted by Nevergivingup on Feb 20, 2005

Been going with the same girl for over 4 years now.  The great advantage about not speaking the same language, is there are little or no no agruments.  The last thing I needed at my age, was another intellectual woman to discuss the lact of equality of women, and all the other enequities in the world wrought by the anglo saxon male.  
ws

... in response to Re: No habla spanish, posted by WS244 on Feb 20, 2005

Now, wait just a minute.  You are not trying to actually tell me that you have problems with american women?  Not those wonderful, beautiful creatures that have made our lives a living hell?  Surely not!  If you say anymore negative comments about american women, I might have to sic my two ex-wives on you, and that would be a nightmare!  ha
No, seriously, I am not as far along as you are in this process, but I am emailing a latina in Cali, and I am hot to trot to see her very soon.  The point I want to make is that as unfortunate as it is that she does not speak english, and I speak very little spanish;  currently we are having our emails translated through the staff at Latin-Internet; and I am working on learning some spanish.  I figure if we stay together, we can work on the other aspects of our language barrier.  Naturally, it is better for any couple to learn each other's language, but sometimes we do what we can over a period of time.  I think it is a growing experience.  However, I do have a follow up question.  Not meaning to be nosy, but are you still dating the same latina, over this four year period of time?  If so, does that mean that you have no intention of getting married?  I say that because I know that some other posters on this board have been rather candid, and said that they were just wanting to date;but that they were not interested in getting married.  So, I am just curious.

                             OkieMan

... in response to Re: Re: No habla spanish, posted by OkieMan on Feb 20, 2005

Okieman,
First paragraph. The answer-is no, as I ignore them.
Yes the same one for 4 years. P.M. me and I will explain.
ws

... in response to No habla spanish, posted by Nevergivingup on Feb 20, 2005

How is this even possible? How could you possibly have a relationship if neither of you spoke the other's language? Unbelieveable.

... in response to Re: No habla spanish, posted by utopiacowboy on Feb 20, 2005

Well after over 4 years I am still with the same girl. Nothing personal, but I would suggest compared with those whom are working on their 20th trip to south america, their 2nd,3rd,4th,5th girlfriend, or number 3rd or 4th wife, language in the end seems to be a minor issue, and rather ones other misjudgements in life seem to be more of the issue.  
ws

... in response to Re: No habla spanish, posted by utopiacowboy on Feb 20, 2005

If I read this post 2 years ago, I would say "Screw these guys, you can do it!" but now, no way! No way in the world would I do this. I happily agree with Utopia... "How is this even possible?"

I'm not ragging at all, I just realized how much I can sift through with the little spanish I know.

I began with a little calculator type translator and turned on Univision. I would see "llunes 7/6 Centro" y hear "Sabado Gigante!" "el Ritmo de la Noche" etc... I would think "What is this???" and I began to type these words in the translator. In about 2 hours I knew all the days in Spanish. Univision is the best learning tool, where in the world can you learn Spanish looking at Sofia Vergara or Odalys Garcia? I LOVE YOU ODALYS!!!!!!!!!!! (ooopppsss wrong board)

Well my point: For 40 bucks and your spare time you can start talking like Don Fernando in no time.

V-Dude

... in response to Re: Re: No habla spanish, posted by valleydude on Feb 20, 2005

V-Dude,

Good points.  I am about to get me one of those translators.  I saw one at Wal-Mart for about $20.  It looked like about the size of a small, pocket-sized calculator; so I am assuming it is pretty much the same type as  you are talking about.  Anyhow, I want to use that,and my Spanish/English dictionary, and the spanish learning program I have on CD.  I figure over time I will able to habla espanol fairly well,especially for an old-fart like me.

                            OkieMan

... in response to Re: Re: Re: No habla spanish, posted by OkieMan on Feb 20, 2005

Yeah that's all mine was the $19.95 version. I lost it, but about to get another. I just typed in words at night and fell asleep to it.

It's not much, but I fired off the post above right off the top of my head just as quick as I typed this one and it wasn't  too long ago that I had no clue what "Lente Loco" meant.

(Love that show)

V-Dude

... in response to Re: No habla spanish, posted by utopiacowboy on Feb 20, 2005

I have found that my opinion on this subject has not been popular in the past.  I recently quoted Michael Mc Donald to decscribe gringoes  who make wedding plans on their second date. ------"What a fool believes --- He see's!"

   There are many reasons for being here on this quest. The search for a younger or more attractive partner. In some cases a partner that we would not ever in our life have the opportunity to approach, let alone win. Some of us have personality disfunctions, mediocre looks or a lack of social graces that are overlooked because of zero language compatability.  

   Hey we all can't be perfect right?  But to me, it is disconcerting to see grown men deceiving themselves as to the motives of the ladies as well as their own motivations. Time is the great leveler. Utilizing time often changes our initial opinions and allows us to absorb information and make better decisions.

   There seems to be an opinion here that a relationship with zero communication is possible and in  some circles even preferable. I believe that attitude is based on the amount of desperation exhibited by both parties.

   Pete recently described a choice between an emotionallly responsive wife or an intellectual partner. I personally believe if you have an intellectual partner you will have two emotionally responsive persons.  Just having emotional responses is based only on hormones, self deception or the object of your affection waiting to get her green card. If you love her only for her looks you may not even know who she is and that is a prescription for eventual failure.
SO STUDY SPANISH AND FORGET THE HYPE.  jimc

... in response to Re: Re: No habla spanish, posted by jim c on Feb 20, 2005

I wasn't on any kind of quest. I was on a web site hoping to find a Mexicana who lived nearby (I lived near the border) and I came across the woman who is now my wife. Of course knowing what I know now, I don't blame any guy for searching down south. Even if you can attract AW (and I know there are many fine AW), the quality of the Colombianas is incredible. They are the finest women in the world.

... in response to Re: Re: No habla spanish, posted by jim c on Feb 20, 2005

Jim,
I think those are wise words, but you remember what you just said, that many of us come from many different backgrounds, and abilities?  Some men just naturally have a better ability to learn a foreign language; or they may already know spanish.   But, even though I now know very little spanish, does not mean that I can't learn some more.  I believe it is a process.  In the meantime, I am doing what I can to find a special lady.  It's true, the language thing can be a tough hurdle.  But, let's face it.  Which is normally the "bigger" issue?  The language barrier, or the fact that a 45-50 year old guy is chasing a 21 year old "hottie"?  I will not try to speak for anyone else but me, but just because you can get in her pants, does not mean that your relationship will work.  To me, that is one of the more important issues.  That is assuming that marriage is the goal; or at least a serious relationship.  The rest is just playing slap and tickle games; which is fine if that is all they want to get out of it.  My goal is to meet and marry a lady I can take back to the States, and live out my days in peace.  So, for me, I am looking at much bigger issues than just skin deep. However, that does not mean that I can't enjoy the beauty too.  But, my lady is 35, not 21!  I am 51.

                               OkieMan

... in response to Re: Re: Re: No habla spanish, posted by OkieMan on Feb 20, 2005

Well said Cowboy

  It may be harder for some than others, but if you try, there is no greater reward than understanding someone you care about. Getting in her pants doesn't mean the relationship will work.  Boy do you get a gold star for that one!!!!  I wish some of the guys I have met in Cali could have read that sentence.  Living out your days in peace, while having a friend you can communicate with is very comforting and is a lot better than explaining why you don't want to go to the disco. jimc

... in response to Re: No habla spanish, posted by utopiacowboy on Feb 20, 2005

[This message has been edited by Craig]

Not only is it believable it happens often. Now I understand to you it's not gonna happen nor would you consider it. I know many people who are married speak English yet neither one understands each other. Divorce is over 50% give or take a little. Your chance of keeping your relationship together is about the same reguardless of the language you speak. It's more comlex then just language it's just one of many elements. I give credit to people willing to take a chance at happiness and willing to think oustside the box.

... in response to Re: Re: No habla spanish, posted by Craig on Feb 20, 2005

I do agree with you that sometimes a common language is not all it's cracked up to be. My ex-wife and I may as well have come from different solar systems and even when my Spanish was not that good, my current wife and I were always able to communicate. I would say that language is just a starting point. In my experience people tend to overstate the difficulties of "cultural differences" etc. Still, I wonder what kind of relationship is possible when two people cannot communicate at all. When my wife and I started, neither of us could speak the other's language but I quickly learned Spanish. I can't imagine not being able to share stories and experiences with her.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: No habla spanish, posted by utopiacowboy on Feb 20, 2005

I agree with you that a basic knowledge of Spanish is essential.

... in response to No habla spanish, posted by Nevergivingup on Feb 20, 2005

OK,I will get roasted again for this probabaly.I admit I am lazy and speak not very good but some spanish after living in Colombia 14 months.
When I met my ex wife over 5 years ago,she spoke some english.At the time my spanish was almost zero.So she was way ahead of me.And moving to the states she needed to learn english if she was ever going to work and studying english was her main effort for 2 years or so.
So her english was always way better than my spanish.SO,WHICH LANGUAGE ARE YOU GOING TO USE? The easiest one.English in our case english.If I learned more spanish were we going to speak it?No.Unless it got better than her english which was never going to happen.Think about it.She gets maybe 70% proficient in english  and you are 20 % proficient in spanish are you going to speak spanish? Not likely.
If I was FLUENT in spanish would it have helped the relationship? Probably.But its a rare person who will ever become fluent in a language of a country that he does not live in.
I have a number of friends who's wives spoke no english and they some  spanish,maybe 30-40% .They spoke spanish because the wifes english was much worse,just the opposite of my situation.In my opinion this hampered the wife learning english.Did it help the relationship?I doubt it.Communication was still poor.The wife might have felt a little less overwhelmed having to learn the language right away.But communication is limited to the best you can speak in either language.
NOW,don't misunderstand me.I think it is important to speak spanish in this endeavour.Not so much to surpass a wife who is way ahead of you in english.But its important when meeting a girl with almost no english,which is most of them.Its also important in being able to communicate with her family.Even after she learns english you will still have to try and communicate with them.
AND if a person,or a couple lives in Colombia its important for the guy to speak spanish.I know that.I am just lazy about it and one of the main reasons is I was insulated from it to an extent by a wife and novia who spoke more english than my spanish.It was a crutch,just like you speaking spanish is if your wife is in the states and needs to learn english.
One more thought.My marriage and alot of other relationships I have seen did not work because there was not love on the part of the latina.What looked like love was really desire for what was in it for them.Language will help that only to the extent of figuring out that is the situation and avoiding the relationship with the person.That is possible even if your spanish is,poor,just more difficult.BUT,when the relationship is really right you will know it.ANY doubt and you better be VERY carefull.
I have never seen a bad relationship without warning signs.
I myself had a very clever girl who fooled me to an extent.Alot of that deception was what she said.I should have been paying more attention to other non verbal signs.
AND,some guys are just very verbal.Its important for them to have long in depth conversations about everything with their girlfriend or wife.That type of guy needs a woman who speaks english or he  needs to speak spanish.Really good VERBAL communication is something that will come slowly for most guys in this endeavor.I would even say if it is that important for you this foriegn wife thing might be a bad idea for you.
Non verbal is much easier,and more important in my opinion.
I guess it comes down to do you want an emotionally responsive wife or an intellectual partner? You got a hard road here if its the second.
Yes there are all kinds of issues that need to be understood.A strong relationship will survive them.A weak relationship will buckle under them like the first snow storm in the  US.And guys will say it was the language.Or the weather.If you wife splits over the weather you didn't have much going for you.Same thing if you can't overcome language issues.

Pete

... in response to Re: No habla spanish, posted by Pete E on Feb 20, 2005

I agree with you Pete in that there is more to communication than just the verbal and to the extent of which the verbal form of communication will be primary is dependent upon the two people who are involved in the relationship's communication process.   I myself am not fluent and this past year my Spanish has not improved much since I have put my search on finding that special woman on hold.   I can say that the two different women that I was in relationships with over the past few years spoke as much English as I know Spanish, very little.   What made the learning of Spanish a little more slower for me was that whenever I did write to these two women (not at the same time, two different relationships during different years)both women always wanted me to write in English so they could improve their understanding and whenever we spoke they always wanted me to speak in English and not for me to speak in Spanish.   I was always having to go out of my way to have them teach me the proper use of Spanish.  From my perspective if I had to concentrate my time in any one area I was going to spend more of my time helping out the woman I was with learn English because it will put her in a better situation living here than for me to spend the time on me learning Spanish.   Do not get me wrong, I do need to improve my Spanish so that not only will I be able to travel more freely in other countries but also for me to better be able to communicate with her family and friends.   Another key element that does lack when two people do not speak the same language fluently is the humor (jokes) which is going to be missed or non-existant.   I agree that for all of the men who are fluent in Spanish this process of finding someone special will be easier and your options are greater... you can freely travel to all of the little towns and surrounding areas and not need any assistance etc.  

... in response to Re: No habla spanish, posted by Pete E on Feb 20, 2005

I agree that language isn't everything but it is significant. Even though I would not describe myself as fluent, my wife speaks to me in Spanish as though she was speaking to anyone. She does not "dumb" it down at all. It does hamper her learning English but int he past few months I have been making an effort to talk to her in English. It will not be until she goes to work that she will really learn English. And this is after going to ESL classes for a year, 8 hours a week.

... in response to No habla spanish, posted by Nevergivingup on Feb 20, 2005

As far as I am concerned...you are asking for trouble if you do not learn at least a little Spanish before going to South America....a small percentage of the women you meet will know a little English...most will not.

For those who complain that "they dont have time" right now let me recommend the folling for now.     Pimsluer!!

Pimsluer is a listening language program and is one of the best on the market. It comes in three levels and each program is one month. I bought it for my fiancee to learn English and I have used the Spanish program two years ago. Without it.....I never would have been able to talk to my fiancee one year ago when I met her. I am far from fluent, but the program gave me the basic foundation to communicate with her....and its now helping her with her English since I bought her the English program.

The down side is the program is expensive. New...the program is about $225. for each level.   The good thing is that you can resell it used on sites such as Amazon when you are finished and get a large percentage of your money back. I bought the Spanish for 225 on Amazon.....and when I was finished.....sold it used on Amazon for 180.

Good Luck to All!!!!!!!!

... in response to Re: No habla spanish....better learn som..., posted by Chris F on Feb 20, 2005


Not too long ago another poster referred us to www.bearshare.com where you can obtain all the levels of ingles and español lessons for free.

... in response to Re: Pimsleur for Free, posted by pablo on Feb 20, 2005

LOL!!!!  Dude that would be a he@% of a download considering you have over a total of 45 hours of material!!!!

Please try it...and report your results here later...

LOL!!

... in response to Re: Re: Pimsleur for Free...that is funn..., posted by Chris F on Feb 20, 2005


I downloaded sixty Spanish lessons (sets 1 & 2) while in Colombia using broadband.  I can't recall how long it took (a few hours) but I just started the download and did some other things.  I dunno about you but I'd rather have the little inconvenience of waiting on a download rather than shelling out $400-500 smackers.

... in response to Re: No joke intended..., posted by pablo on Feb 20, 2005

I am glad you have had success with it. But if we going to be technical here...its not "free"...its illegal downloads from the internet.......stealing....

For those that dont mind that...great...for those that do mind ...you are not shelling out "400 to 500 smackers"....like I said.....once you are done with the program...you can sell it used and get a large majority of your money back....which I did.

... in response to No habla spanish, posted by Nevergivingup on Feb 20, 2005

i'd like to know if the guys learned any spanish after 6 months.

... in response to No habla spanish, posted by Nevergivingup on Feb 20, 2005

You better learn some. I recommend you send her to English classes for a few months before she moves here as well. If you follow the "no hablo espanol" you are really making things difficult for her, her adjustment to her new country and your relationship. Life is difficult enough sometimes you are just asking for extra trouble

... in response to No habla spanish, posted by Nevergivingup on Feb 20, 2005

.