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My wife is very jealous, and she's very hypocritical about it.  The rules she wants me to adhere to are so strict you will probably laugh.  But she doesn't attempt to behave that way herself.

My wife does not want me to look at other women.  It is true is that when we go out I often look at other women.  I don't stare, I don't flirt, I don't talk, I just look.  If that's wrong, get used to it.  It's never going to change.  I like to look at other women.  She probably looks at other men, too, though she denies it.

My wife is so jealous that she doesn't even want me to look at other women on TV.  If a Spanish talk show has a cute woman in a sexy dress and I stop to look at her she will change the channel.  

An extension of that rule is that she doesn't want me to smile or talk to other women.  But she regularly smiles and talks to the men who are flirting with her.

She would be furious if I talked to my ex-wife on the phone.  But she regularly talks to the father of her children who mainly calls just to beg her to come back.  He spends more time talking to her on the phone than to his children.  

My ex-wife used to call me occasionally at work and my wife made me promise that I would hang up and not talk to her.  But when her other ex-boyfriend calls her to beg her to come back to Cali she talks to him for a half hour.

A girlfriend of hers came over one night and extended her hand to me.  I shook her hand.  Later my wife told me she wants me to never shake a woman's hand again.

She erased all photos of my ex from the computer.  She destroyed all wedding pictures in my family album.  But she was keeping a photo of the father of her children in her wallet and she was hiding fotos of her other ex-boyfriend in her email account.

I can probably come up with a dozen more examples of her crazy jealous behavior, but I'll pause and see if anyone is listening.

Steve

PS to Cancunhound:

Thanks for the tip about SnoopBlocker.com.  You win the grand prize  which is equal to my total profits in the stock market last month.  Ooh, sorry.  Better luck next time.

... in response to Crazy jealous Latina wife stories, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 9, 2003

Wow!  My question is, was this jealosy the same in Colombia,
or did it develope on her arrival in here the US?  I don't think I could handle this type of situation.
A1A

... in response to Re: Crazy jealous Latina wife stories, posted by A1A on Dec 10, 2003

A1A

She exhibited jealous behavior in Colombia, but it was to a lesser degree.  She's gotten more possessive and more insecure since she arrived.

Steve

... in response to Crazy jealous Latina wife stories, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 9, 2003

Steve,
       You are a nice guy. Perhaps too nice. My question with your wife is how men are allowed to give her phone #'s?.(ex: the truck driver who wrote his phone # on his wife's mail)
    I had an ex who was a coctail waitress,and though I did not like it, she accepted phone #'s from men at work because a huge part of her tips were made by flirting with the men. But I never liked it,and since I was not paying her bills I really had nothing to say.
    But in the real world, every guy understand when he approaches a hot woman chances are she will tell him she is married or has a boyfriend(whether it is true or not, it seems to be the #1 reason women use to politely say no.)
   No man runs out after a woman with a phone #,forces it in her hand ,makes her put it in her purse and runs off. There has to be some sort of interaction and it takes time to find a pen and paper and write it down. A woman should never take the card or phone #, unless it has to do with business. Otherwise why is she being so nice? She knows what these guys are after. She really has to understand how to be honest and walk away. How would she like it if the situation was reversed?
     
    Mark
   

... in response to Crazy jealous Latina wife stories, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 9, 2003

I must be lucky. Alejandra gets a little jealous from time to time but not overly so. We have lived in Europe and LA - no difference in her behaviour. My ex-wife was simarlar.    

 I'm really into easy going relationships. Hate arguments - love understanding and tranquility in a relationship. Considering that every week I'm out meeting and taking photos of different women seems Alejandra is very tolerant compared to some of your partners. Even though we have a son and that is a VERY strong anchor point, I still couldn't put up with crap.
   But this jealousy is the negative side of passion. It also shows an in-balance in the relationship - jealousy is a form of fear - fear of loss of possession. Take away the root cause of fear and the jealousy should go to. In other words balance up the relationship if possible.
  If you represent the 'jackpot won' to your woman then this may be difficult. She will see you as irreplaceable. Maybe her self-esteem needs to be higher. Alejandra for example was an aupair in Germany and had several German boyfriends before we met. She knows that I am not irreplaceable in the event we split up.

... in response to Crazy jealous Latina wife stories, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 9, 2003

I read your story and had to respond. Is there a rule that if you meet a jealous latina, you have to give up your manhood. No woman should be telling any man what he can't and cannot do. What is really troubling is that you allow her to dictate what you can and cannot do, and she is doing exactly what she doesn't want you to do. Everything with her ex, that you allow her to get away with is ridiculous, especially since she destroyed any memories you've had of past relationships. Time to get a backbone and put a stop to this nonsense, immediatly. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but what's going on in your house is a disgrace, and must be stopped.
Bryan

... in response to Re: Crazy jealous Latina wife stories, posted by chizz on Dec 10, 2003

I have to 2nd that motion. There is a two way street that exists in all relationships. If one insists on 'my way or the hiway', there is real trouble brewing. I don't believe respect is a word that can be used freely in this situation.
Or to short and sweet it, take your cojones back.
JS

... in response to Crazy jealous Latina wife stories, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 9, 2003

What is it with these Latinas and their jealous behavior? I know a gringo who may get divorced because of the same problem. I know these are extreme cases, but what made Latinas in general so crazy about jealousy?

Zack

... in response to Crazy jealous Latina wife stories, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 9, 2003

This behavior is only somewhat crazy.  I am not married to a latina but I have experienced a lot of what I considered extremely jealous behavior.

One example of extreme jealousy was witn an ex-palola and my cell phone. One night this woman took my cell phone, locked herself in the bathroom, and called every female name on my directory demanding to know who they were and how they knew me and the like.  She called my Citibank representative, my son´s Spanish teacher and the like.  After I found out what happened I had to do some damage control about this late night calling spree. Since that valuable lesson, I have code words for everyone in my phone directory, I don´t use their real names anymore.

I have had some women pick up and answer my phone in my apartment, and if it is a female voice, I am in trouble.

Almost all of them are jealous of my maid!!

I have also noticed that latinas rarely introduce me to their good looking friends, sisters, or any other woman who could be competition for them. There maybe a good reason for that one. The other night, the woman I am dating now brought her male cousin over and his girlfriend to meet me. The other woman secretly gave me her phone number when the others weren´t looking. This is not the first time this has happened to me.  

Believe me I am just an average looking guy but I do live a nice liftstyle by local standards.  So, female competition is a blood sport in LA in my experience.

Since I am not married I use their jealous feelings to keep them in line.  If they become difficult over an issue, I make sure to stare at a good looking woman if we are out. The other women almost always look back giving a dirty look to the woman that I am with.  They can get a little upset, but then I usually laugh it off with a joke or two. Believe me she is not laughing. It does put in their mind how easily replaced they are.  It just keeps in line. However, this MCP behavior may not work in the USA.

One thought to you gringos bringing a young cutie back to the States, she may do exactly to you what I do to them here. The balance of relationship power has shifted when she is in the USA. This is just something to keep in mind.

Oce in awhile a lady tries to pull the jealous string on me, if they do, I dump them instantly on the spot.

... in response to Crazy jealous Latina wife stories, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 9, 2003

Kinda like an AW. Ummmm remind me of my AW Pinay's behavior toward me. She was knock out Gorgeous, just like your attractive wife..She flirted, talked, smiled at Guys. After two years of he nonsense, Enough was Enough

... in response to Crazy jealous Latina wife stories, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 9, 2003

Sounds like you need to lay down the law and who her who is wearing the pants in this relationship. Her behavior is unexcusable and I would be worried if I where you. Isnt this how Pete got into so much trouble - letting his wife push him around and being way to lenient with her?

... in response to Re: Crazy jealous Latina wife stories, posted by CaliAdvisor on Dec 9, 2003

In Pete's case there was also a lack of affection.  That's not happening here.  She dragged out the lingerie and high heels last night about 8:30.  Pretty soon I wasn't wearing the pants anymore.  I did lay down something, but it wasn't the law.  (He he he)

But seriously, we are going to have another talk.  I think she's gone around the bend and needs to tone it down.  

When I got home last night I thought something was wrong.  I asked her and she said she was watching out the window for me to arrive.  She saw another car that looked like mine (it was dark out).  A woman got into the car and started talking to the man.  She raced downstairs, but then realized it wasn't me.  She said she doesn't know what she would've done if it was me.

Steve

... in response to Reply and another story, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 9, 2003

It could be just simple lack of a "life" that has your wife acting this way. How does she keep busy. Lack of activity could be turning itself into jealous obsession because she has nothing else to concentrate on. Just a thought.

... in response to Re: Reply and another story, posted by CaliAdvisor on Dec 9, 2003

Now that's a real possibility.  We're trying to solve that problem, but the government moves like molasses.

Steve

... in response to Re: Crazy jealous Latina wife stories, posted by CaliAdvisor on Dec 9, 2003

sorry if I Blew your cover. :O)

... in response to Re: Crazy jealous Latina wife stories, posted by CaliAdvisor on Dec 9, 2003

While my wife isn't as extreme as DallasSteve's (mine acutally calls me into the living room to see babes on Univision) but she is fiercely jealous and admits getting a little crazy.

I won't go into details what set this latest episode off but all I can do is keep telling her there is no other woman, I'm not looking for another woman and I have no email or phone number for another woman.

The hard part is proving THERE ISN'T ANOTHER WOMAN!

How in the heck could there even BE another woman? I spent all my time either at work or at home. In 3 1/2 years of marriage I've only been out without her many 6 times and those were usually to a ball game where I came home right after.

This past weekend we went through all 4 of my email accounts and went over every incoming, sent and deleted email. That was only a mild comfort.

It's pretty hard to prove something that doesn't exist.

The really bad part is I'm no great value in the husband department anyway. She could have almost any man she wanted. I guess I should get down on my knees everynight and thank God for having her in my life but it's fine line between being alone and unhappy and having a younger, beautiful wife who is driving you crazy with combination of jealousy, being self-centered, unreasonable and stubborn.

She and I have gone 'round and 'round almost monthly for at least 2 years about her attitude and tendancy to 'go off' about the most minor of things.

It doesn't even have to be the "other woman" issue. It can be ANYTHING that doesn't suit her at that moment. Fortunately she gets over it but this cycle of Bad Attitude/Fight/Being Mad/Discussion/Repenting/ Forgiveness/Happy Home/Bad Attitude/Fight etc. is getting to be more trouble than it's worth.

Be forewarned, Gentleman, this is often the life when marrying a younger,  attractive Latin woman. The passion they have permiates all areas of their being. You just have to take the good with the bad, I guess.

... in response to CaliAdvisor - It isn't that easy., posted by Freddie on Dec 9, 2003

Freddie,
Both you and Steve are patient men, this would litterly drive me nuts. Not that I don't have patience, one can expect a certain amount of reasonable jealousy, but out-of-control and unprovoked jealousy says more about ones own insecurity rather than  how much love the jealous party has for the object of that jealousy.
That is such a negative emotion that tends to get worst before it gets better, not to mention all of the effort and time spent dealing with that monster. A great body and a beautiful face is what most of us(men)seek, but give me personality and temperment as well. And I know that this doesn't rear its ugly head until well past the point of commitment in most cases, still doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

Think I will stay single a little longer!

PS. You guys are champs!

... in response to CaliAdvisor - It isn't that easy., posted by Freddie on Dec 9, 2003

I understand your dilema. But as someone who knows a ton of latin women and has dated many of them (I am currently in a serious relationship with a younger Caleña) let me give you some advice. I often ask myself, why is it that I only see Caleña's exhibit this type of behavior with gringos? I don't see them pulling this type of stuff with latin men. In fact, I often see the opposite behavior, the man is the one who is difficult and the women the one who puts up with the crap. Most latin men treat there women as another peice of their property.

Now you don't necesarilly need to take it that far, BUT YOU NEED TO REALIZE THAT YOUR LACK OF JEALOUS OR POSSESIVE BEHAVIOR MIGHT BE GETTING MISINTERPRETED BY HER. If you dont act jealous and possesive she might think that you don't really care that much and you've got someone else on the side.

I often have to tell my girlfriend what to do. If I pick her up and I dont like what she is wearing, I tell her to go back inside and put something else on. If the new outfit is no good, I tell her to change again or I go inside and just pick out the clothes for her. You might think this would frustrate her. Well just the oposite, she loves it. Because it shows her that I care and it also shows that while she may be confused at times about what is the apropriate thing to do, she can count on me to have the answers. This is very reashuring for her.

... in response to Re: CaliAdvisor - It isn't that easy., posted by CaliAdvisor on Dec 9, 2003

I had a long-term Brazilian girlfriend who was incredibly jealous.  On the other hand, my natural inclination is not to be very jealous.  You are right - she interpreted my lack of jealosy as a lack of affection and passion for her.

It seems that latinas want their men to show some jealosy towards them.  I would bet that when they are talking with their latina friends, they complain/brag about whose man is more jealous.  It is part of the culture, and jealosy does not carry the same negative stigma that it does among some other cultures.  To a latina, some jealosy from you shows her you still care about her.

... in response to Re: CaliAdvisor - It isn't that easy., posted by CaliAdvisor on Dec 9, 2003

Trust me, I've played this game before (married twice to AW). I've even been classified as a moderate "hard ass" as it pertains to women.

But as I get older (I'm 50) I'm losing my desire to "play this game" and I long for a "mas tranquillo" home life.

I can play the macho role or the sweet, romantic role. I just want her to drop some of the drama and begin to mature (she's 31 going on 18 sometimes).

Fortunately I've never had to raise a teenage girl but I'm sure it's similar to this.

I keep a pretty firm grasp on things but there is a limit as to how far even I can go. She has her Latin girlfriends and you know how they all talk and compare notes.

The thing you must keep in mind is she really has nothing to lose. She came here with 1 suitcase NOTHING MORE! Now she has a Green Card, a job, her clothes, her car, her gold cards and her name is on my mortgage.

I've lost it all before (twice) and it wouldn't phase me too much if I lost it all again but I just don't want to live like this. It's either get with the program or get out and I've told her such. Then she swears her undying love and devotion to me and we start the cycle again.

Keep in mind, mi amigo, I ain't no stud like you and I don't spend the majority of my time in Latin America or the haunts of the young and famous in the U.S.

BUT, if she decides to leave, and I'll send her off with my blessing, I'll be right back in the swing of things whether it is in Cali, San Jose, Rio, Angeles City or Bangkok.

Life is for living and this little bump in the road won't keep me from tapping my toes to the beat.

... in response to Yes, I agree., posted by Freddie on Dec 9, 2003

Freddie, that is the right attitude!!! When one determines that THE BUCK STOPS HERE, it usually does. People will get away with as much as they are allowed, even in a marriage.
CaliAdvisor has a point when he spoke of how men and women behave in relationships in SA, when more men in the US  worry less about what they will lose and remember to reach down and grab'em, then women here will adjust their rotten attitude. Nice guys really do finish last, there is a big difference between Ahole, sucker/doormat, and being a man.

Freddie you don't listen to Tom Lykes, do you?

... in response to Re: Yes, I agree., posted by moam on Dec 10, 2003

Who is he? Singer, poet, activist, NPR talking head?

I pretty much march to my own drummer.

For those of you scoring at home I think we got things worked out, AGAIN. We'll see how long it lasts this time.

... in response to Tom Lykes? Never heard of him., posted by Freddie on Dec 10, 2003

Freddie I think you got it right with "NPR talking head"

... in response to Yes, I agree., posted by Freddie on Dec 9, 2003

[This message has been edited by mar33]

Sorry to hear about this situation Fred. I hope it works out in the long run.
   But if you do decide to look elsewhere in the future, try the Philippines. Most of the ladies are fluent in English and calm. Some of the ladies I see down there are gorgeous. I saw a girl there last time I visisted who was married to an Australian jerk in his 60's. This girl was definately a mix and of supermodel looks. 24 years old,About 5'7", fluent in English. My fiance is also a sweetheart.
    No disrespect to the latin board(I like this board because there is action:)

... in response to CaliAdvisor - It isn't that easy., posted by Freddie on Dec 9, 2003

isn't worth it. I rather be alone. Maybe it's time YOU put YOUR foot down.