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I have been with my Novia for six months now and she has been wonderful thus far. But she recently quit her job because of friction with her boss and is having trouble finding work. She says that the job market is bad in Barranquilla and it may take her a while to find another job.

She lives with her family and contributes with the bills. She tells me that her phone may get disconnected in a few weeks if she doesn't find a job soon. I think you can predict where this is heading.

I don't want to sound like a tightwad, but I don't want to be taken advantage of either.  To me, paying her phone bill will make her less willing to get a job. But I sure don't want to resort to only emails either.

She seems sincere and has not asked me for a dime to to this day. I think I will just see how things pan out but I don't plan to send money any time soon.

Any thoughts?

Zack

... in response to My novia is starting to..., posted by zack on Nov 24, 2003

Thoghts,yeah,whats the plan here?When do you plan to be together?
I can believe everything she says.Life is tough in Colombia.
Part of why you are actractive to her I would think.
If your serious about her you need to have a plan I think.
If its just casual or you don't trust her,then send no money,don't do anything.

pete

... in response to Re: My novia is starting to..., posted by Pete E on Nov 25, 2003

Pete,

We have talked about marriage but I'm not a typical gringo in that I like to take things very slow when it comes to such a huge decision like marriage. She, on the other hand, wanted to start the immigration process within the first month after we met. I don't know why so many people base such a huge decision largely on intuition.

Part of my hesitation is also from some previous relationships that started out great but were disappointing in the end.

To answer your question, we may get married but it won't be any time soon. Perhaps eight months, preferably longer.

I trust her enough to send the money.

Thanks for your input.

Zack

... in response to Re: Re: My novia is starting to..., posted by zack on Nov 25, 2003

Zack,
I should be the last person to say don't take your time.I'm kind of a poster boy for what can go wrong if you don't.
But if your serious,which it sounds like you are,its probably a good idea to help with the phone and you will need it to talk to her.
Another thought came up.If she sees you as the ultimate solution she might not be as motivated to try and get another job.Its probably a good idea for her to know the time lines you are thinking.And it sounds like there were no issues about money before.So I think you are proceeding wisely.I wouldn't jump right in again like I did before.

Pete

... in response to My novia is starting to..., posted by zack on Nov 24, 2003

Hi Zack!
Of course I have no advise on LA, but I have an opinion.(Someone said opinions are like as**oles, everyone has one!) Look at the situation from her perspective. If she's thinking of marriage and relocating to the USA perhaps she's trying to get a perspective on your character. Will you take care of her? Will you take care of her family? Don't know-just a couple of thoughts.

... in response to Re: My novia is starting to..., posted by Zorrowins on Nov 24, 2003

Hi Zorrowins,

Although I think she is honest about her situation,
I agree with you. There is some testing going on also.

Zack

... in response to My novia is starting to..., posted by zack on Nov 24, 2003

Hi Zack,

 I don't know how it is in Colombia but if it is at all like Ecuador the phone company first cuts the line for outgoing calls before eventually cutting it completely. I guess this allows them to still call and pester the homeowner to pay the bill :-)

If thats the case maybe you can still call her for a while after the line is cut - although i agree that it would make sense to pay the bill if you are in a relationship with her.

Steve

www.latin-women-gold.com

... in response to Re: My novia is starting to..., posted by QuitoMan on Nov 24, 2003

Steve,

I recently discovered that it is the same way in Barranquilla. They will cut the outgoing calls first. But I'll just pay the bill anyway to help her and her family.

Nice website!

Zack

... in response to Re: My novia is starting to..., posted by QuitoMan on Nov 24, 2003

Nice site - loads quick in this browser & looks good from this side of the pond.  Suerte!

-CaliGringo.com

... in response to Re: www.latin-women-gold.com, posted by cancunhound on Nov 24, 2003

Thanks Cancunhound,

your site is looking pretty cool too - and helpful. Is it easy to set up scripts for membership and forums - i'm not too techie myself - just get by in html.

good luck yourself

Steve

... in response to My novia is starting to..., posted by zack on Nov 24, 2003

It's simple. If you are in an intimate relationship with this women and you have any kind of plans of bringing her here one day, don't wait for her to ask just send the money for the phone bill.

If you are not in an intimate relationship with her, do not send a dime under any circumstances. (rule #1)

Also I wouldn't get to upset thinking that she is irresponsible for quiting her job. You know women in the work force in Colombia receive more sexual advances in one day than a topless dancer in the US gets in a month. She is probably just trying to be true to you. I can only imagine what she has been having to do to keep her job up until now in Colombia's male dominated macho society. Why don't you think Colombianos don't want their wives and girlfriends to work. It isn't because they don't need the extra income.

... in response to Re: My novia is starting to..., posted by Calipro on Nov 24, 2003

Calipro,

Interesting advice. Although I agree with your intimacy rule I also believe there are a lot of acceptions. Some ladies are in love but truly want to wait until marriage before becoming intimate. I would think that sending them money wouldn't be a problem.

I am not upset about her losing her job. I heard that the unemployment rate in Cali is 75%. Is that true?? I also heard that Barranquilla's is worse.

You said that women in the work force in Colombia receive more sexual advances in one day than a topless dancer in the US gets in a month. I would think that a beautiful woman in Colombia would get less advances because there are so many beautiful women there. The beauties that I know here in the US get tons of advances because they are not easy to find. Regardless, a Colombian beauty would get more advances here than anywhere.

Regarding my novia, I will send her the money. We may get married next year sometime but I like to take things slowly. Thanks for the advice.

Zack

and yes, we are intimate

... in response to Re: Re: My novia is starting to..., posted by zack on Nov 25, 2003

[This message has been edited by Calipro]

"Some ladies are in love but truly want to wait until marriage before becoming intimate"

There probably are some but I have never met one. But then again I never met a virgin in Colombia that I know of. I'm pretty sure you would have to start looking in the jail bait territory if you were to have any chance of finding one.

Anyway I would question a women's motive for wanting to wait until you were married if she wasn't a virgin.

The reason I said I think colombians get more sexual advances really has nothing to do with their looks just the fact that gringos are really backward compared to colombianos when it comes to soliciting sex from women especially if they work for them.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: My novia is starting to..., posted by Calipro on Nov 25, 2003

[This message has been edited by beenthere]

Calipro, are gringos REALLY backward when it comes to solicitng sex in the work place???  Or does it have something to do with a little thing called the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which was amended in the last 15-20 years to include sexual harrassment in the work place.  In layman's terms Calipro, it is against federal law to sexually harrass a member of the opposite sex in the work place. You, being a government worker, should know that more than anyone, or didn't you get the memo????
So next time you try to make the move on one of your fellow postal workers (I've seen them, they are FOXES!!)  you better think twice!!!  LOL!!!

... in response to Backward????, posted by beenthere on Nov 26, 2003

There are no sexual harrasment laws in Central or South America so the boss can use his "influence" without fear of lawsuits. i think that's what calipro is talking about

... in response to Re: Backward????, posted by hankkh on Dec 1, 2003

He said that gringos were backward, not colombianos? Are we "backward" for having these laws?

... in response to Re: Re: Re: My novia is starting to..., posted by Calipro on Nov 25, 2003

Backwards?

Funny, I always thought it was being a gentleman.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: My novia is starting to..., posted by Calipro on Nov 25, 2003

LOL!!! You are right, virgins in Colombia are very hard to find. I know of a woman in Argentina who is beautiful, 27, and still a virgin. Funny, isn't it? that I have to resort to a far away county to site just one virgin! I never met one in Cali either that I am aware of. Like you said, there are some, but very few.

I agree- I would question a woman's motive for wanting to wait until you were married if she wasn't a virgin. I learned this the hard way.

Zack

... in response to My novia is starting to..., posted by zack on Nov 24, 2003

Zack,
I think you need to ask yourself where the relationship is heading.  Are you planning on marrying anytime soon??  If so, I think it would be good to help her out a little at a time.  The phone bill can't be that expensive, and after all, you do enjoy talking to her, and it's important for the nurturing of your relationship.  In Barranquilla jobs are a little harder to come by than in Cali or Bogota.  You'll know at some point if she's taking advantage of you or not.  But if the relationship is to continue, you are going to have to help her out sooner or later, so this can be a small test to see how she responds.
Good Luck!!

... in response to Re: My novia is starting to..., posted by beenthere on Nov 24, 2003

We have talked about marriage but I like to take situations like this slowly. My life situation right now isn't suitable for marriage (long story which I explained to her). So if we do get married, it won't be for at least eight months, preferrably longer. Regardless, I agree that paying the bill is the right thing to do.

Thanks

Zack

... in response to Re: My novia is starting to..., posted by beenthere on Nov 24, 2003

Excellent advice.

Tim.