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Starting a relationship with women via correspondence (mail, email, chat, etc.) has gotten a lot of attention here lately.  I've gone both routes.  In 1999 I wrote to women for several months and then went to Bogota to meet a few of them.  Last year I joined 2 agencies, looked over their profiles on the Internet, set up a few interviews, and then got on a plane.  I did not correspond with any women before I landed in Cali.

My opinion is:

Corresponding with women long distance is to romance as Microsoft Flight Simulator is to flying.

In other words, it's a nice passtime, but even after hundreds of hours at the joystick I wouldn't want to ride on a plane that I was flying.  Until you meet her in person, neither of you has any real idea who they're dealing with.  But it can be very entertaining for someone who is starved for attention from women (speaking from experience).  

My Colombian peso's worth.

Steve

... in response to Letter writing, posted by DallasSteve2 on Nov 2, 2003

Dallas Steve, sorry for confusing you with the Grumpster earlier. Where is he?
I feel I am in a good position to comment on the letter writing process. I have made numerous trips to Colombia, lived in another spanish speaking country, visited agencies (never joined), picked up women on my own, was set up with others, and the bottom line is: this is not a one size fits all proposition. My belief is that I work better alone just approaching women, but my best 'catch' came after writing several women a few months and narrowing that list to one that I truly wanted to meet. When I met her (two weeks ago), she was everything that I envisioned and more. This is coming from a guy who would have said just 1 year ago that letter writing is a complete waste of time. In reality, the more avenues you open, the odds increase accordingly in your favor. I wish JStL the best and would encourage all to increase your odds by being open to riding more than one vehicle to success.

Nuff said,
JSlo

... in response to Re: Letter writing, posted by JSlo on Nov 3, 2003

I agree that letter writing is one avenue to meet potential wives.  I don't agree that a man can be in love with a woman he has never met.  And a man is setting himself and/or herself up for possible heartbreak if they start building up such unreasonable expectations.  Irresponsible.

Steve

... in response to Letter writing, posted by DallasSteve2 on Nov 2, 2003

For most of the American guys, letter writing is a way to break the ice and get to know them, but it is absolutely
esential that you meet the lady in person. I have written
to ladies via email and mail, it just isn't the same as
being with the lady and talking with her. I think that you
should send some quality time with the lady to really get to know her.

Another point is that visiting her just once isn't going to cut it. I feel that several visits to see her is a must
to ensure that it is the real thing and that both you and the lady are on the same track.I believe that some time must past between you and the lady to develope a good
relationship, if that is what you are after.

... in response to Letter writing, posted by DallasSteve2 on Nov 2, 2003

[This message has been edited by Red Clay]

I wouldn't know about being starved for attention from women, but writing WAS entertaining AND very productive for me. I understand the agencies are even better places for those starved for attention from women. I do agree that jumping to very many conclusions about someone before meeting them is a bad idea. I am a little concerned about JimmySTL and his expectations.

... in response to Re: Letter writing, posted by Red Clay on Nov 2, 2003

Clay

I agree with all your points.  However, I wouldn't write off agencies just because they create an artificial and exaggerated environment.  If a man can't afford to spend months in a foreign country they are often useful and can produce successful relationships.  Like any tool they must be used correctly.

Steve

... in response to Re: Re: Letter writing, posted by DallasSteve2 on Nov 3, 2003

Completely agree, I considered visiting agencies had my first plan not worked out.

... in response to Letter writing, posted by DallasSteve2 on Nov 2, 2003

Steve,
I agree.Lets hope Jimmy SL or the girl he is going to meet are not in for a huge disapointment.Worse yet lets hope if that does happen that his whole trip is not a waste if he doesn't have a back up plan.
I think most likely they will know the answer in the first 60 seconds.Another year of writting wouldn't get them any closer to reality.There is something about actually meeting the persom that cannot be replaced with any amount of long distance communication.

Pete

... in response to Re: Letter writing, posted by Pete E on Nov 2, 2003

Pete

I don't want to rag on Jimmy because I think he's got his heart in the right place.  But I think he's misunderstanding his situation.  He used the "e" word (enamorado).  I think what he's really got is the "i" word (ilusionado) which could quickly turn into the "d" word (desilusionado).  (If that sends some of you looking for your Spanish dictionaries then I have done at least one good deed today) ;-)

When Jimmy meets Miss Peru they may hit it off and a great love may be born.  Or maybe not.  I wonder what would happen if he meets her and she doesn't look quite like her photo.  Maybe she puts on a few pounds.  Will he still feel the same?  If it's love he will.  If not, what he had was an infatuation.  An infatuation with a few photographic images.

I wouldn't put all my eggs in one long distance basket unless I was rich and could make as many trips as I want for as long as I want.  I remember watching John Stossel's great special on Greed.  He interviewed one Silicon Valley CEO who built a fortune with his high tech company.  John asked him how much money he has and he replied that he has enough money that he doesn't have to spend two nights in the same city for the rest of his life if he doesn't want to.  I'm not that rich.

I wish Jimmy and his friend the best.  

Steve

... in response to Re: Letter writing, posted by Pete E on Nov 2, 2003

Gee guys
thanks for all the concern about me! Aw shucks!

I can agree with some your points about all of this. I agree that what I am doing is putting all of my eggs in one basket. But is was Andrew Carnegie who said
“Put all your eggs in one basket and watch that basket!”

I also know that there is a downside to this method. But lets examine both sides of the coin:

Writing only to one women
Upside
you can really go deep into feeling and communication
you can be totally honest about everything
you can develop a trust and a bond
you can let everything go and fall in love
POSSIBLE RESULT: the girl of your dreams

Downside
It might not work out
POSSIBLE RESULT: try again

Gee Wiz- it would not be the first time something didnt work out for me. Who cares - I will move on then.

I have time, money and FF miles. So to me the upsides FAR pass the downsides.

I am not too sure how a guy can expect to find a sincere honest girl when the guy is not returning the favor? If you want to play the field then your girl should be able to interview gringos all day long too. My girl gets quite a few letters from Gringos and the go un answered. Should I risk losing that loyalty? Nope.
I give all and I expect all. Thats what I want in a relationship. Total 100 percent IN. No holding back.

If you want to be a player than expect to find a player.

OK now that I said all of that - it could turn out that this doesnt work out for me. You know what - big deal - I tried my best and thats all I can do.

I can you that this girl I am going down there for is worth everything I have put into this and more. You guys are here for the reason as me - to find a great girl who is nice looking, loyal and adores you.

I think I have found it - dont be hating! ;)

jim

... in response to Re: Re: Letter writing - ONE GIRL = LOVE, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Nov 2, 2003

Jimmy-

I wrote to a young lady in Cali for almost one year before I met her in Colombia. We met last year and she was average in appearance (she looked better in her picture), personality, and intelligence. Since my pen pal was crazy about me, a Colombiano friend asked what would I do with the beautiful women that I met in Cali on a previous trip. I told him that I liked the young lady, but I would continue to meet and date other women in Cali. I did not want to hurt the young lady's feelings, but she did not move me enough to spend two weeks in Colombia only with her. Perhaps the Peruviana with whom you corresponded will sweep you off your feet when you meet her in person. However, I would advise lining up a few other women in the event things do not work out with your first choice. You do not want to end up alone in a Lima hotel room.

Good luck.

Peace.

Cybear

... in response to Re: Re: Letter writing - ONE GIRL = LOVE, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Nov 2, 2003

Preach on Brother Jim. I hear you and am with you all the way !!!

... in response to Re: Re: Letter writing - ONE GIRL = LOVE, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Nov 2, 2003

[This message has been edited by DallasSteve2]

I hope you understand my Subject line.  This website won't post "greater than" or "less than" symbols so I used the C language version of not equal (!=).

Jimmy, you're still missing the real world points:

1 - You don't have a relationship yet.  You've never even sat across the table and looked her in the eyes, much less held her hand.  If you have a relationship with her then I have a relationship with my congressman, because I've written to him and he's written me back (and I've seen his photo).

2 - I never cease to be amazed that gringos think that women in foreign chatrooms (or foreign bride agencies) owe them some loyalty.  At this point in the process they have every right to be talking to other men just like you have every right to be talking to other women.  There's a time and a place for 100% loyalty.  You two aren't there yet.

3 - You insinuated that corresponding or meeting more than one woman is being a "player".  You are using a powerful word with negative connotations in an inaccurate way to try to make your point.  Meeting more than one woman before you decide who you want to marry is not being a "player", it's being "smart".  And as long as you don't lie or break any promises you are both consenting adults and not IMHO players.

This isn't "hating" (another use of a powerful word with negative connotations in an inaccurate way to try to make your point).  This is trying to keep older, otherwise intelligent men from being tricked by their emotions when they don't yet have anything to base those emotions on.  If I didn't care I would just chuckle at your posts and move on to the next.

Steve

... in response to Letter writing + ONE GIRL  != LOVE, posted by DallasSteve2 on Nov 2, 2003

Steve

I do appreciate the concern. Please dont take my comments such as "dont be hating" to heart. That by the way is a line from the Jamie Kennedy movie Mailbu's Most Wanted.
I can be serious but I am always smiling!

Just so you know - I am not in some chat room or loser tour majic bus ride with this girl. She speaks english so communciation is great.
I have over 90 hours of phone time with her (and the phone card bils to prove it). I also have about 40-50 e-mails from her with the same anount sent be me. I also know we have spent over 40 hours in Yahoo Messenger. Today I spent 45 min on Yahoo messenger and 2 hours on the phone with her. I call her everyday at all hours of the day. We both have a lot of emotion into this. I have perfomed a small honesty test with her and she passed. Looks will change but a good honest GIVING person is the best.
I hope you and your congressman are not this close!

Maybe you guys dont know about Yahoo messenger and web cams? You can pretty much see everything and talk with voice and text. I know she has seem my grande self plenty of times ;)
She is not perfect but she is cute. Maybe I could e-mail you some pictures of the AW I have dated for a side by side comparison?

You know I always say that this could not work out. I feel that I try 100 percent and thats all I can do.

I guess instead of putting so much time into a sexy sweet young girl - I could be crying my eyes out over my ex - or washing the Lexus for another date with "MS. Perfect (in her mind anyway)  

Hang Loose Brah

jim

... in response to Re: Letter writing + ONE GIRL  != LOVE, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Nov 2, 2003

I can't imagine someone investing so much time in someone they have never even met. My cousin in Cali told me when he was single he got fixed up with a woman in Bogota. He talked to her on the phone and fell in love. Then he bought a plane ticket to Bogota. When he stepped of the plane he saw her. She was huge. He turned around and got back on the plane to Cali.

... in response to Re: Re: Letter writing + ONE GIRL  != LO..., posted by elcolombiano on Nov 2, 2003

[This message has been edited by DallasSteve2]

El C

That's my point.  These guys think they have found love.  Where did the love go when he saw that she was huge?  A man is setting himself and/or herself up for possible heartbreak if they start building up such unreasonable expectations. If he really cares about the woman he would be more careful and proceed more slowly.  

My wife met a Dallas Transit policeman who did the same irresponsible thing.  He started playing electronic Post Office with a woman in Cali.  He defrauded the INS for a K1 visa when he had never even met her.  Then when he went to Cali to meet her in person she wasn't the hot babe he thought she was.  So he quickly dumped her and returned to the US alone breaking her heart in the process.  What a jerk!

Steve

... in response to Re: Re: Letter writing - ONE GIRL = LOVE, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Nov 2, 2003

Hey, Go for it!!!  It could work out. I did it recently and the girl was more wonderful in person than on the telephone and in the letters.  Sometimes it works like that.  As for a back up plan, I would have the address and telephone number of an agency in the area.  Thats good enough at a minimum.  

In my case, I had made several trips to Colombia and I had memberships to several agencies so going to see one girl was not a big issue.  I knew if things didn't go well, I would just go and visit the agency.  Luckily for me, I didn't need to do that nor do I think I ever will again.  

So go on ahead, visit the girl , put your best foot forward and enjoy the moment for what its worth.  If you don't like her when you get there or vice versa, then and only then go visit an agency.  Only you know for sure now, if you are living in reality and have the proper expecatations. You are the only one that has talked to this girl and you know you better than we know you.  Be sensible, logical, and most of all, follow your heart.  

one.

... in response to Re: Re: Letter writing - ONE GIRL = LOVE, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Nov 2, 2003

Jimmy, I sincerely hope this works out for you, but as someone who's been down this road I'd suggest you ratchet down your expectations a few notches and let yourself be pleasantly surprised if it DOES pan out. Just do us a favor and tell us all about it whichever way it breaks for you, OK?

... in response to Re: Re: Letter writing - ONE GIRL = LOVE, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Nov 2, 2003

There are plenty of us who are happily married and only visited one girl in our travels. Not that it's the best approach for everyone, but as another poster said, if what you're after is to find sincerity and loyalty, there's nothing like demonstrating it. Besides, as you said, what's the downside? You have a nice vacation and have to start over looking for another potential mate. This isn't a contest to see who can get married using the least anount of time and money, it's about finding a soul mate you can spend the rest of your life loving. If a guy can only afford one trip, he probably shouldn't be looking for a wife overseas anyway.

- Jeff

... in response to Re: Re: Letter writing - ONE GIRL = LOVE, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Nov 2, 2003

Jimmy,
Good luck,I hope it works out for you just as you are hoping.

Pete

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Letter writing - ONE GIRL = ..., posted by Pete E on Nov 2, 2003

Jimmy,
 I would say, "Go for it."  I met a guy that wrote an agency gal for three months.  He arrived in Colombia and everything worked out.  They are now married.  As a precaution I would suggest you must be completely convinced with her looks.  Make sure you are looking at a photo of her with snug jeans (or something like that).  If the photo is only of her face or she is wearing black clothing then this is not a good sign.