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I've been off the board for about 3 weeks and just spent this morning catching up and reading. I didn't take my laptop to Colombia this time and decided just to focus on the relationship I was trying to devlop in Cartagena.  I been back from a week in Cartagena for a week and am just starting to get my bearings.

A lot has happened in 3 weeks.  I'm sorry to see that Pete's marriage went "south", but him going south seems to have him happy and excited and hopeful.  Good luck, Pete, in whatever you decide to do.  You have a lot of guts to tell the story.  And we have the trolls..,no sense in wasting time on them.

As for Cartagena, four words, "it didn't work out."  I had met a beautiful 36 year old divorcee with an 18 year old daughter in Cartegena,in July, duirng my last week in Colombia.  We had emailed just about every day, talked to each other at least twice a week, she had never aked me for anything or tried to play me, and when I left I had promised that I would come back within a couple of months. I was late by 30 days, but I did go back.

What I learned from experience (although I had figured out most of it before I left) was that the lady''s family dynamics were important. She wes stunningly beautiful, sweet, gracious, quite intelligent, everything I was looking for, what she didn't have was the personality to want to change her life.  And she was emotionally controlled by a very strong, willful daughter.  I could see that even if they came to the US, I would have a perpetual war with the daughter and they came together as a package.  

A poster some ago, (John O) wrote an interesting post aobut using personality analysis (he talked about the Meyer Briggs test) to better understand the personality of the women that interest a man.  I use another system, called The Color Code and although Spanish is a second language for me and it took a little longer for me, watching her interact with her family confirmed my analysis.  She suggested that we keep writing and talking with each other, and I said that the chances of it working out were very slim, so I would prefer a clean break.  I think the daughter succeeded in what she was trying to achieve.  

It was over in about 4 days, I spent a couople of days walking around Cartagena and I had 2 sitas with an agency, but my heart wasn't really in it. I think some lessons are learned by experiencing them, no matter what the advice on the board is. if I had to do it all over, I'm not sure that I would done anything differently.  It was just two decent, good people who were at different points in their life.  

I am still convinced that a lady in her mid to late 30 is right for me, younger girls just don;t have enough depth for me, but perhaps a younger child or no children would be a better situation. So after 2 visits to Colombia, I am back to square one.  I would gladly go through the experience again, the women are beautiful, they act like women and my dream of bringing a Latina to the US as my wife is still intact. I think I will go back in February somewhere in South America, not sure where right now.

Have a good rest of the weekend, everyone.

Dominguin

I'm glad to see you posting again. Sorry though that the relationship didn't work out as intended or hoped for.  Hang in there because I know there is a sweetheart just waiting for you, you just haven't found each other yet.  

Pablo

Hi Pablo:

Thanks for the suppoort. Any luck with selling the store in McM?

Dominguin

I didn't meet my wife until my sixth trip to Latin America...

Buena suerte...

Mark

The Color Code divides all people into four colors

Red: Dominant, directors, pushy to authoritarian, hard chargers, task oriented, not much empathy, they want respect, exercise leadership.

Blue: analytical, extremely reliable and responsible overachievers, critical, extremely loyal to those they commit to, stubborm, very committed to relationships, often feel low self esteem and guilty. They want to be appreciated for what they do.

Yellow.  Feel good people that feed off other people, liek to be in the limelight, good at performance and face to face selling, can be very charistmatic leaders, quite empathetic not reliable, "life's a party", not dependable over the long haul. They want freedom

White. Passive, avoid conflict, can get along with a wide variety of people, do not not like to say no, but will do what they want behind your back, simply because they want to avoid conflict, they are very good conversationalists, especially at chit chat, itsd hard to get them to revela their innermost feelings, they want peace at all costs.

According to the author, everyone has two colors, a dominant and a recessive color.  If you can figure out a person's two "colors", (and they may have all four colors, but two that usually stand out), and understand what the traits of those colors are, you generally have a good read on about 75% of their personality, especially if the dominant color is very pronounced.  For example, (and using people that we all have some idea about) "Dubya" is probably a yellow, with red as a recessive color, Jimmy Carter was a fairly evenly split white/blue, Bill Clinton a yellow that goers off the chart but with an incredible ability to stay focused (some red, Arnold Schwarzenegger (red off the chart, and a very strong secondary blue.

I've used the code for years, because in my business as a large loss commercial insurance adjuster, I have to read people very quickly and decide what to say and how to say it, in order to get them to trust me.  My job is to represent my company's financial interests and if possible to save them money when they pay out a claim, so everything that I know about a person's personality is important.

The company has a 39 item questionaire, you complete it, score yourself or others, and its a very useful tool. I took some Spanish language questionnaire forms with me to Colombia but with the one exception of the woman I went back to see and only after 6 weeks of emailing every day, I never actually explained the color code and had anyone esle fill it out a questionnaire.

Now just my two cents, when men get to be older (and I'm 50), if they don't take the time to understand the personalities of the women they are pursuing, then they are damn fools.  Sorry, but it has to be said.

Pete's story (and I'm not calling Pete a damned fool, he has beaten himself up enough and is very courageous for telling his story) is instructive. Generally speaking, and its only MHO, I think that if you understand a woman's personality well before you are sexually intimate, you will have a pretty good idea of her behavior in bed.  Not will she touch your penis or not, but will she be submissive, will she be assertive, will she be open to experimentation, etc.  That is why I smile to myself when men think that if a woman is "hot" looking , then she should be "hot" in bed.  Physical appearance has nothing to do with sex!!!  

Dominguin

Let me clarify what I meant. In describing the colors, I just highlighted some of the extreme personality characteristics just to give quick impressions of the basic personality. When people are under stress, their most extreme personality traits come out and then the personality types are most recognizable. The traits that I mentioned are just the "tip of the iceberg for each color." And of course there are tremendous positives for every color. Personality characteristics can either be positive or negative, depending on what the individual thinks of them self, as well as what others think of them. Someone can say about someone else, "you know that guy really is hard to deal with because he is so stubborn. But, the subject can say about himself: "You know, if I wasn't so stubborn, I wouldn't have gotten anywhere in this world." Its all a matter of perception. All people have great strengths and some weaknesses, I think that when we commit to living with a woman, especially in a marriage, we learn things about them, they learn about us, we take each other's strengths for granted and we get exposed to each other's personality weaknesses. Its then that the work, endurance and commitment comes in. I think its what makes life and romance interesting. And part of truly loving someone is recognizing the personality weaknesses in your mate, overlooking them, tolerating and/or accepting them. I'm not a person who judges people in their most negative light. When I meet someone, and I meet a lot of people every year, I start off with a clean slate and I form my impression son two characteristics, what they say and what they do. But having an understanding of what their colors are help me to understand their motivations. And B, their motivations will dictate what they do; I know I can't change anyone.

Dominguin

 Just having a little fun ;-) Calipro

You explained how the color code works. But what is it good for?

Would you really stop seeing a women because you didn't like her color?

What if you two of you had lot of chemistry but you didn't like her color?

Sounds like borderline discrimination if you ask me.

hehehe!!

No argument on your first point, I would hope that I would always be excited about taking a woman to bed the first time.

The point of the color code is that it’s a key to understanding people's personalities. And yes, I would choose not to go out with someone any more if I understood enough of their personality. And no matter how good the sexual chemistry is, if a man and a woman can’t find other ways to communicate, its going to be a stormy relationship.  And from where I’m coming from, a woman has the right to do the same.  Let me see…I think its called breaking up….And breaking up is generally a lot easier on the nerves and the wallet then divorces.

There are certain personality characteristics I avoid because I know (based on my personality) its a tough relationship.  I married and lived with a woman who was a blue/red for 23 years.  We had our ups and downs and even if a woman looked like Sonia Braga or Natividad Abascal (let me see how many serious movie Latina actress fans are out there) I would not marry her if she was another  blue/red.  Personally, I like women who are blue/yellows, they are serious and responsible but the yellow is the playful, fun side, and they usually are great fun to be with in bed.  

Calipro, frankly, I think your view of feminine personality is based on whether you're getting laid.  You don’t seem to be that concerned about a woman’s input, you’re just concerned with how quickly and how may times you can “put it in.”  Sorry, couldn;t resist it!  Whether your “numbers” are real, or you’re a gringo Wilt Chamberlain “wannabe”, I really don’t know or much care.   But, if I read you right, and if you want to sleep with a chica and she is willing, who are you to complicate the issue with personality, common interests, goals, any of that meaningless crap? Right?  

You described in a recent post having a lookout sending girls to your table, taking them back to your hotel room in Cali, giving them money in the morning and sending them on their way.  Call it what you want, recreational sex, punching notches in the belt, implicit prostitution, one night stands, whatever...its not my style, I haven’t done it in about 26 or 27 years, and IMHO, its like shooting fish in a barrel, it does nothing to advance manhood.  

Men on the board are constantly posting about not understanding the Latinas they are interested in, pursuing, married to.  Sometimes we want a woman so badly, that our judgment is blinded,  And, I think it happens to all men. I just went to Cartagena to see a lady the second time after 3 months of daily emails and at least twice a week conversations, and it didn't work out. But I went there not blind, with my eyes open and really had them opened when I saw her interact with her family.  Before I left, my heart was hoping it would work, but my head was not very surprised that it didn't work out. And, if we choose to remain blind, especially as we get older, then we sow what we reap, deserve what we get...

Regards,

Dominguin

I can't believe you really bought your own bull. Are we really supposed to believe that no red/blue women is worthy of your love and commitment. I can't believe you are such an egotistical pompous a**. What about love and emotions? Or should we start calling you "Spock". I submit that deciding who your marriage prospects are based on a personality test is as cold, calculated and callous as using a womans bra size.

What about this fine women that you met in Cartagena. You dumped her just because you didn't want to deal with the daughter. You self centered PIG!!! If you had stopped analizing her for a minute and actually got to know her, you may have found out you two could have made each other happy inspite of the strong willed daughter. But, we're to good for that aren't we!!!

Sorry I had to be so hard on you. But you definately need some tuff love and I'am here to give it to you!

It's to bad you have such a low opinion of me when it comes to women. But, I have found that this is often the case when the guy can not enjoy the company of a women even if it is only for one night. Don't you think that a women that you took home the first night you met her might feel sexy. She might feel wanted and desired. Not to mention the physical pleasure of having sex with someone she is attracted to.

If you really see no value in two people sharing a mutually enjoyable intimate moment together (even if they don't know each other that well),I feel sorry for you and I suggest that you OPEN YOUR EYES, stop for a moment and smell the roses. Life doesn't always have to be as complicated as you appear to be making it. You can just stop and take a little rest and enjoy life one moment at a time without trying to look ten years into the future. It's OK!! And no I don't think people who engage in casual sex are doing mankind a diservice. LOL!!

Of course there is more to a good relationship than just sex. Nobody wants to find themselves reading the cereal box in the morning instead of having a conversation with their spouse. But, I truly believe that two people that have a mutually loving and sexualy satisfying relation can get through anything including conflicting personalities;-)
I'll take a stubborn pig headed wife over a frigid one any day!!!!

Have a good one,  Calipro

Here's the difference between you and I.  I am trying to reflect and learn from my past, I want to live my future differently and I do enjoy the present.  You don't much care about the future, you haven't learned diddly from your past and won't think about it--and the present (as far as I can determine) is the next trip to Cali and the next batch of 19 year old calenas. I think you are absolutely clueless and oblivious about your actions and how they affect others.

1. I won't apologize for being interested in a woman's personality and how it interacts with mine.

2. I did care a great deal for the lady in Cartagena, I remember posting when i came back last July that I thought I was in love.  And after meeting her, we emailed daily for 3 months, called 2-3 times a week and I went back to visit her for parts of 6 days, met her daughter, had dinner with her brother and his family at their home.  "That is called getting to know her".  It strikes me as a slightly beter method then shoving 150,000 pesos at them, and then thinking to yourself "Proximo!"

3. The daughter of the woman had the emotional maturity of a 5 year old, the drive and toughness of an adult shark.  I couldn't blame her, she had no adult role model, her father left the family in a disgraceful manner, she didn't really trust anyone and she didn't anyone want to take her mother from her. Unless I'm mistaken, you've never had had kids and raised them, so you don't know the challenges of raising a family.  Even more streesful is trying to make a blended family work with a step daughter who has aleady had her personality formed by being emotionally neglected and abused.  Even if the mother had loved me enough to leave everything, the daughter's temperment would have made life tense.  One of the hardesat relationships to make work is a triangle, especially if two of the 3 are antagonists. But I digress, you don't do relationships...  

4.And the mother liked me a great deal, told me so, but didn't love me. Not much sense in trying to make it work, is there?    

5. I don't have a problem with casual sex, right woman, right situation, no expectations, sure, why not.  I just don't trawl for teenagers on the street.

'Nuff said.

Dominguin

1) I wasn't looking for an apology. I was just hopeing that you would realize that selecting a women based on a personality test has nothing to do with real love and a strong attraction to one another which IMHO is what life and relationships are all about.

2)I don't think you should compare one of my one night stands with your fuitless love affair eventhough I think we were probably both sincere in the moment.

3)I do relationships but you are right I have never tried to under take a relationship with a women that had a child old enough to cause problems. But, if I had a mind to, I wouldn't let a child stop me. I know of very few people that can be more antagonistic than myself so the child would have stopped or she would be coming to you for therapy later in life. I think you need to toughen up on this or forget about women with children because they will all test you.

4) You are right there! I always say if a women can say she doesn't love me than it's time for me to go.

5) I already knew that you didn't like the young ones. But, you'll never know what it's like to be the lover and mentor of your 19 year old wife. Some times  I think about my ex-wife and laugh thinking about the little monster I helped to create. Be careful guys she's out there somewhere!

At this point you're 95% predictable in your responses. I sometimes think I'm posting emails to a Martian, you probably feel the same about me.  I'm going to back off for a while.

Hasta la vista
Dominguin

If you had stopped analizing her for a minute and actually got to know her,

WR, is this a misspelling or just you BUMbling your way through sex????

Dominguin

If I'm reading you correctly, you're anal retentive.

hehehe!

Not yet ready to put this behind us?

Let me frame things in another way. Are you going to tell me that if you met a woman in Cali whose personality was absolutely lovely, had most every trait that you find desirable in that regard, but was about 100 lbs. overweight (which, BTW, is a clue to her personality), that you would court her simply because she was “worthy of your love”? Of course not, and no one here expects that you would. Neither would any of us, I might add.

The question is not whether or not a woman is worthy of our love. Rather, it’s whether or not two particular personality types in the long run form a good “match”. I know many good woman, very sweet woman, here in the US, they are all worthy of my love, but not all of them would make a good match for me.  The point is that similar personality traits play a more important role than whether or not the sex is good in the long term success of marriages. Look at the stats, I think any divorce lawyer out there will back me up on this sex (or lack thereof) is way down the list as reasons for divorce. And any of the guys here who’ve been married for any length of time will likely agree that in the long run, good sex just isn’t enough. There has to be more or the relationship is doomed.

Now, don’t misunderstand me, I am NOT saying that good sex is not important. What I am saying is that is needs to be placed in the correct frame of reference. We men tend to use sex as the frame around which all else in the relationship is surrounded. I think that the point that DOM is making, and certainly the point that I am making is that this is incorrectly framing the problem. Sex, when properly understood should be placed INSIDE the larger framework of personality, family, etc. Good sex alone can’t make for a good relationship. But good sex in the context of compatible personalities, intellect, stations in life, etc. certainly can make for a GREAT relationship.

It’s difficult for the rest of us to take you seriously when you rake another member over the coals for deeming a woman unworthy of his love base on her personality when you regularly deem woman unworthy of your love based on looks. Now, if that is mischaracterizing you, my apologies and by all means clarify for us. But that’s certainly the impression you’ve left me with. Not trying to be combative here. I make the point again that over the years we’ve seen many of the guys choose a woman blindly based on looks and hots alone, and not too much later, find themselves divorced. Love and sex, while paramount, are simply not enough. There has to be commonalities, and the better we become at recognizing and making choices based on these, the more successful we’ll be.

JR

I'm sorry things didn't work out between you and your lady friend. Dust yourself off and get back on that horse, cowboy!

IMHO, Bogota is the best bet for your demographic. But maybe I'm a little biased, huh?

JR