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I asked my novia if her father, who is now in his 60's, was a typical Colombian machista when he was young. To my suprise, she not only said yes, but went on to say that he had numerous affairs and fathered three children, all from different women, during his affairs. His wife is fully aware of this and is still married to him. My novia said "She just decided to forgive him."

I almost laughed at the thought of an American woman "standing by her man" after all of that. Unheard of. I'm sure it has a lot to do with the fact that affairs are more common and more accepted in Colombia. The Catholic faith, which seems to be more common in Colombia, and teaches that divorece is a sin, probably has something to do with this also.
Anything to add to this?

Zack

... in response to foreign affairs, posted by zack on Aug 28, 2003

Some years ago, my former Brazilian girlfriend told me about her parents, who were in effect separated (but still living in the same house), and both had longtime lovers outside of their marriage.  However, both parents were unwilling to divorce the other.  She told me that divorce was much more common among the younger generations, but people of her parent's age were very reluctant to go through a divorce.  Attitudes towards divorce may be more of a generational thing among Latins.  Still, across all age groups, I tend to believe that Latins are less inclined to resort to divorce at the first bump in the road due to both religious and economic considerations.  

Don't forget that until about the mid to late 1960's or so, divorce still carried a negative stigma here in the US.

... in response to Re: foreign affairs, posted by Jersey Mike on Aug 28, 2003

I think the US system with all its laws and prohibitions are making people tired. It's not only absurd the things that you mention but there's something more serious if you look deeper, american society is dehumanizing people.

... in response to foreign affairs, posted by zack on Aug 28, 2003

Zack,
She probably didn't have much choice.Whats she going to do,kick him out and be destitute?Women have it much tougher
in Colombia,a big reason lots of them would like something else.Colombia does have laws about child support but its probably very hard to actually collect.The catholic church might have some effect with its attitude about divorce,but I think its mostly economic.
On the other hand we have a system here in the US that has gone way too far the other direction.A woman can marry a guy,deside she doesn't want to be married to him,divorce him and be supported in the "style to which she has become accustomed." The lifestyle the guy who married her gave her without him being part off it.And you can't spank a kid without risking jail.Absolute nonsense we have gotten to here.
I'm so pissed off at the US system in regards to marriage I think the Colombian one is better,as bad as it is.If she doesn't want to be married,put her suitcase on the doorstep.

Pete

... in response to Re: foreign affairs, posted by Pete E on Aug 28, 2003

Pete,

I agree with you 100%. The marital courts in America are a JOKE. Men have almost no rights in divorce courts. As soon as a woman says "I do", she is basically saying "I own half of what you own". It makes me sick.

And yes, the biggest reason why Colombian wives put up with a lot more is economic. Most would end up destitute, especially if kids were involved.

Zack

... in response to foreign affairs, posted by zack on Aug 28, 2003

I'm not so sure that affairs are more accepted by women in Colombia nor do I think the Catholic faith has as much an impact on the situation as the grim reality.

The reality of the situation is that colombian guys as a rule would never consider marrying a women with someone else's child. So if she left her husband, he may stop supporting her and her child. She would be doomed to singlehood and to fend for her self, until her child leaves home which might be never in Colombia.

I guess she could always join a marriage agency and find a gringo willing to marry her and there is always the gardner!

... in response to Re: foreign affairs, posted by Calipro on Aug 28, 2003

Agreed, and a big reason why Colombian men as a rule don't marry women with another's child is because the women outnumber the men. By how much, I don't know. I have heard different numbers. But if there was a shortage of women, the men would be more flexible with this.

Zack

... in response to Re: Re: foreign affairs, posted by zack on Aug 28, 2003

It's just a rumor, you can download the actual counts at the city of Cali's website for example.

... in response to Re: The numbers myth again, posted by cancunhound on Aug 28, 2003

I'm assuming you mean the "caliescali" website. It is in Spanish- I couldn't figure out how to get this info.

It doesn't surprise me if it is a rumor. I've heard all sorts of crazy ratios but based solely on what I have seen, the numbers seem pretty equal, perhaps a little more women than men.

Zack

... in response to Re: Re: The numbers myth again, posted by zack on Aug 28, 2003

There's more info there than imagineable - yes it's in Spanish too (of course the numbers are in English).  It's really not a tourism site, just the facts and figures in downloadable pdf's - I used it extensively when deciding the appropriate barrio to purchase property there.  One thing of note is you can get the complete listing of registered businesses - like hotels, very useful.  I've been toying around with building a non-commercial site packed with Cali info of the same caliber from a gringo's perspective - check it out (I warn it's very much under construction and I need help!) - anyone interested jump on board please:

http://caligringo.lfhost.com

... in response to http://www.cali.gov.co, posted by cancunhound on Aug 28, 2003

I went to that website and never had a problem with viruses or pop-ups.

A website that serves as a guide for gringos is a great idea. I would use it frequently.

Zack

... in response to Re: http://www.cali.gov.co, posted by zack on Aug 29, 2003


Zack,

That was not the site I was referring to, rather the link that Cancunhound mentioned at the end of his post:

http://caligringo.lfhost.com

Maybe you have an antipop-up program installed but when I visited this site I had problems with a virus.  Maybe it was coincidence, but like I mentioned, I am not that computer savvy.  I do know that a virus was detected by my computer as soon as one of the two pop-ups appeared at this site.  I checked back at the site a second time and had two other pesky pop-ups appear that had to be closed many times before they finally died.  I am going to take Cancun's advice and download a antipop-up program and/or check out Mozilla.  Thanks, C.

Some info on this particular virus that I caught is here:

http://www.trendmicro.com/vinfo/virusencyclo/default5.asp?VName=JAVA_BYTVERIFY.A

And YES, I wholeheartedly agree that another web site serving as a guide for gringos is a great idea!!!  Thank you Cancunhound for devoting the time and energy to this endeavor.

Perhaps a section to include verified scammers similar to some of the Russian sites might be useful?  BTW, the guys might like the model on your site but I wonder what the Latinas that visit it will think.  Gringos only?  

Okay, the sky ain't falling yet...just some viruses.

Pablo

... in response to Not that site., posted by pablo on Aug 29, 2003

Pablo,

I went to that site, http://caligringo.Ifhost.com.

It took me to a webpage entitled "Direct NIC", and on the top it reads "The requested URL was not found on this server."

Below that is a long list of links to other sites for shopping, travel, whatever, but nothing related to gringos,
from what I could see.

I only skimmed through it, but it must not be the correct sight. Sorry, but I am not computer savvy either!

Zack

... in response to Re: Not that site., posted by zack on Aug 30, 2003


CaliCat.

(Please no CaliCopyCats. We have enough CaliWhatever names on the board already!) :-)

Close but no cigar Zack.  You must not have copied and pasted the url.  It's not ...Ifhost.com but ...lfhost.com

So, with your cookie guard up, latest update to your virus protection downloaded, and possibly an anti pop-up program in place, try again.

http://caligringo.lfhost.com

For some comic "relief" you guys might want to look at this site also:  http://www.juvalamu.com/qmarks/

Pablo

... in response to http://www.cali.gov.co, posted by cancunhound on Aug 28, 2003


Cancun and others,

As soon as I hit your link I was zapped with a virus!  It might be coincidental, but two pop ups came up after I typed in your url then my anti-virus software detected the virus.  

Check into this!

Pablo

... in response to Warning regarding Cancun's link!!!!, posted by pablo on Aug 29, 2003

Thanks Pablo for pointing that out, nothing wrong on your end.  

I checked with the webhost and they were revamping stuff on their servers, and did have some problems posted (what the heck it's a free webhost).  While the webhost is playing with their servers, and if anyone else want's to check it out and gets a popup - just Ctrl+W will kill it, clicking anything in IE is never 100% safe.  (Of course, that free google bar with filters is a must IMHO for IE users)

... in response to Mystery Solved, posted by cancunhound on Aug 29, 2003


Cancunhound,

As you know, the virus that was detected as soon as I visited that site was JAVA_BYTVERIFY.A  I am not computer savvy enough to know if it was an offending pop up redirecting me elsewhere or if it was just coincidental and occurred at the same the same time.  Thankfully, my virus protection gets updated regularly and zapped it.

Now I just need to download an anti-popup program.  Good grief Microsft!

The sky is falling, Pablo

... in response to Warning regarding Cancun's link!!!!, posted by pablo on Aug 29, 2003

Hmmm, you shouldn't have to worry about viruses by simply viewing a website.  Maybe this was just a popup?  Was this Cali's .gov website?  You may want to run pestpatrol on your PC to make sure you don't have any spyware lurking.  Also, google has a handy toolbar that eliminates popup stuff, free at http://toolbar.google.com.  It's just for IE (but I guess that's what your using if you had this occur).