Planet-Love.com Searchable Archives

My wife and I are planning a cruise in a couple months... After reading iswote's post below, I thought I'd better clarify our travel requirements... The cruise we want to take departs the US, stops in Key West, the Cayman Islands, Cosumel, Cancun and then back to the US.

From cancunhounds post, I gather that we need a visa for entry into Mexico, but does anyone have knowledge about visa requirements for my Colombian wife to enter the Cayman Islands???

Thanks in advance...

We met and talked briefly in Bogota in December. I know that you recently brought your lovely new wife here....is there anything you can share with the board about the adjustment process that you and her are going through?  I know some information maybe personnal but it is  a subject that is not covered here much and the more we can learn from one another about this entire process the better!!

Thanks in advance for anything you can share.

First, I enjoyed you recent series of posts related to the Calena you were courting... Sorry that you had to experience that, but hey, life is an adventure... At least you recognised the warning signs, which were many, prior to making any commitments...

I will post what I am comforatble in revealing... As you know, some folks take whatever personal information is posted here and use it as ammunition for future flame wars...

My wife and I have been married three months today... Without a doubt, it has been the best three months that I have had in a long time... The adjustment period has been a non-event for us... We knew each other very well before we decided to make the life-long committment... My wife speaks intermediate Ingles and since with live in an area with a LARGE latin population (Houston), there has been little or no adjustment required... I would dare say that there are more native Spanish speaking people in Houston than English speakers...

We have located grocery stores that stock all the brand names of products that my wife is accustomed to in Colombia... Even down to the brand of chocolate that she uses for hot chocolate...

My office is very close to home, so I come home daily for lunch... My wife COOKS for me daily... No, nothing zapped from the freezer... She actually cooks lunch and dinner daily... Right now, she is perfectly content in being a house-wife... Taking care of the home is second nature for her...

We have enrolled her in ESL 3 classes at a local community college... She just passed her driver's license tests and she is beginning to learn to drive (cringe)... She is anxious to find a job, but not until she is more comfortable with her Ingles on a daily basis with strangers... I don't care if she never wants to start work... Like most Colombians, she probably cannot find a comparable job here without some re-certification in her field... But that is to be expected...

She talks to her family in Colombia a few times a week and  has some Colombiana friends here in the states that she stays in contact with too... They kinda compare notes and act as a support group for each other (i.e. the Colombiana network)...

Her days are consumed with cleaning the house, cooking, going to the gym, sometimes going to the pool, studying, surfing the net, talking on the phone and sometimes reading this forum... Boy has she had some interesting comments on some of the posts here, but that's another story...

We have not had a cross word since she has been here... Knock wood... Communications is the key... Granted, I am not an over-bearing azz and she is not a femi-nazi... We complement each other well... We appreciate each other and make an effort to be there for each other... We both want to make this work... Granted, we are still in the "honeymoon period", but I don't see things changing for us... Except for only growing stronger and closer... We took the time to get to know each other BEFORE making a commitment... We comunicated daily for months and I made several trips to Bogota to be with her... We care for each other a great deal and I think that is the key... Neither one of us were in any rush to make a commitment without being postive about the motives and nature of the other person...

After many, many trips over seas, many false starts, many disappointments, I finally found "the one"... You should be half a lucky as me...

I wish all of you success in your search...

Mark

You are certainly going about it the right way. I also knew my ex very well before Marrying. I also traveled home for lunch every day if possible, or picked her up to go to lunch with some of my co workers etc. The first few months were a breeze. After about 6 months, when things started becoming "routine" was when issues arose.

She fell into a rut of curling up on the sofa and watching TV all day, and complained of being "trapped". She wanted to work very badly but due to INS complications could not. There was a gymn, 2 swimming pools aerobics and tennis classes in our Apt. complex. She never went to the pool, used the gymn maybe 6 times, never did the aerobics or tennis classes etc.

She went to ESL 3 days per week, but other than that really fell into depression. I tried to help, by taking her out for a night on the town as much as possible. We ate out a ton, movies, dancing etc etc etc. As time went on, she didn't want to go out anymore. She would want to stay in on a saturday night and watch TV. This after complaining that she had nothing to do all week but watch TV. It seems the harder I tried, the more depressed she became.

I certainly hope this is not the case for you, but just wanted to give you a "heads up" that often it takes longer than 3 months for these issues to arise. Best of luck to you, you certainly seem on the right track!

But my experience has been a lot rockier than yours.  We had her illness which of course you know about, two major fights where we actually discussed divorce (we get along most of the time but when we disagree it can be rough as we are both very stubborn and compromise has to be worked at) and her transition here was rocky despite the fact there are many Latinos and she has several friends from Bogotá living here as well several new friends.  Her learning to drive was a horrible experience.  She initially took driving classes from a Colombian instructor but even though that was sufficient to get her license, it wasn't enough for her to be comfortable to drive alone.  It took another month of me accompanying her and then a friend accompanying her (and me accompanying her was the absolute pits as her driving terrified me and I let her know about it in less than gentle ways).  And even then it was another couple months before she would drive on the freeways.

But the thing is we both want to be married to each other and we found a way to get through the difficult times.  We talked to each other as best would could (her English is improving in leaps and bounds and my Spanish is improving though not at the same rate as hers).  We apologized and adjusted and forgave and we are now closer than we ever were before.

I think everybody’s experience will be different, but you can still end up with the same result.

I have wonderful pretty American women on my boat on a daily basis.  They just aren't attracted to 10-15 year older men.  Why should they be ?  When was the last time we went out with an older wrinkled women that was 15lbs over weight and enjoyed.

Call it what it is.  There is nothing wrong with American women.  We are just not young enough to attract the ones we want anymore.

Some of us were too fat, or too much of a social recluse to ever attract one even 10 years ago.

Years down the road, there will still be that canyon between you.

We pay dear prices for these young  beautiful women.

Is it worth it in the end...probably.

That is what I think.

I can only post about my own experiences. I am an American, got married to an American woman at 25, she was 24, we were married for 23 years before we divorced and I shoud make it clear that I iniitiated the divorce.

We lived "the American dream", had an upper middle class lifestyle, owned a 2500 square foot house in the Portland suburbs (actually the bank owned most of it for the first 15 years), had one terrific son who had a 3.8 high school GPA, we had no major problems with him, we took nice vacations every year, together we earned well over a hundred thousand a year.  She was a very good mother, a hard worker, loyal and responsible.  So why did I divorce?

Most people think I had a mid life crisis (and maybe that is true.  But, I came to the conclusion that there had to be something more to marriage then what I was experiencing, no passion, no love, we were just objects to each other and I just couldn't stand the hypocrisy anymore.  Most of the people that we knew in our church group felt that I was the villain.  

I was never depressed after the divorce,I felt that I couldn't be more lonely then when I was married. I dated several women who were all divorced, on was 38, twelve eyars younger then me and I just decided that I wasn;t really attracted to American women anymore. They had forgotten how to be a woman, how to flirt, how to be seductive, how to make a man feel good.

I had always been attracted to exotic woman with curves and dark hair, but didn't marry that kind of woman.  I had seen a lot of Latinas in New York City when I grew up, but never had the guts to approach them.  It just wasn't done when I was a teenager, or I just didn't have the nerve to do it.

So at 50, I went to Colombia, just hoping to see some sights, learn something about the culture and have a good time with some attractive ladies.  I had one of the best times of my life, some ups and downs, but for the most part a terrific experience. I met more beautiful women in a month then I had seen in 30 years in the US.  Its great to go out with women who dress to enhance their figures, like to laugh and talk and have soft lips and full bodies, and I was dating women in their 30s and early 40s, not girls.

I don't know if I will marry a Latina, I certainly plan to go back to South America, as soon as October.  I know that if I marry and get a wife back to the US, there will be challenges, but there will be challenges in any marriage. I know that I don't want to die regretting things that I didn't do, there shoud be some adventure in life, and I want to be an adventurer.

I assume that most of the men on this board are either not married, or have been divorced, Comments would be welcomed, but if you want to flame me for initiating the divorce, I won't respond. Dominguin

I dated several American women after the divorce before I went to Colombia

I do wish I could have found someone in the US, so that I wouldn't have to work so hard at the relationship.  But I don't think that means there will be a gulf between us or that it won't work out, just that I have to work a whole lot harder than I really wanted to.

I do wish I could have found someone in the US, so that I wouldn't have to work so hard at the relationship.  But I don't think that means there will be a gulf between us or that it won't work out, just that I have to work a whole lot harder than I really wanted to.

After following your painful posts, "me allegra" that things are working out for you.  Continued happiness to the both of you. -TNC

Thanks,

Mark

Now, my question would be - why be cramped up on a cruise?  Stick with one country, get visa, enjoy - try the area south of Cancun, you & your wife will not be dissapointed.

(OK - I love that place, sorry)

Thanks for the info...

We are planning either a cruise or a trip to Mickey Land in the fall... Would love to get together with you and yours anytime we are in the same part of the country... Things are kinda fluid right now and our plans are not definite... We'll keep you posted as to our travel plans if we are in the sunshine state...

Mark

PS: I hope Zulma enjoys her trip back to Bogota... I'm sure after all the turmoil she has had in the past few weeks that some time with her madre will do her good... We are planning a trip back to Bogota over Christmas to spend the holiday with Francy's Mom...