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With the girl I am interested in, we now talk on the phone every other day. When I called her on the cell phone Wednesday and Thursday at 11 PM she was at a night club. At the end of the conversation we made a date for another phone call and she asked me to call her the next day at 5 PM and than said no to make it Saturday at 5 PM. Is this woman a party girl and has a novio. I don't want to feel like I am checking up on her. But I do want to know if she is serious and available as we have gone out on about 8 dates on previous trips and I plan to make a special 10 day trip in June, just to visit her.

... in response to Does she have a novio and is a party gir..., posted by elcolombiano on May 16, 2003

Hi EC,

Before you off the deep end too much about her being a party girl and wondering about her intentions remember that she is a Latina from Cali. Going dancing is one the most important, if not the most important social activitity she has.  Going dancing with her friends both male and female is as natural to her as breathing is to you.  I never met a Latina who didn't go dancing all the time just for fun, it is what they do.  She is not likely to understand your jealousy.  When you found out she was at a club, you should say "cool" have a great time, wish I was there. Going dancing does not necessarily mean she has a novio at all.  I would not immediately jump to the worst case situation. Being jealous will get you nowhere fast. It is her job to be jealous of you!!

When I go dancing in Santiago, my friends and I dance with all kinds of people.  I usually see entire groups of women out dancing on a Girls Night Out type of situation.

Oh by the way, be prepared to take her dancing to the wee hours of the morning when you go there.  They don't understand getting tired!!

mike

... in response to Re: Does she have a novio and is a party..., posted by denvermike on May 16, 2003

[This message has been edited by markxport]

n/t   actually great "advice".....

... in response to Does she have a novio and is a party gir..., posted by elcolombiano on May 16, 2003

[This message has been edited by wizard]

Well EC,

Back again with doubts about yet another Calena... I think that you should read your own questions and then pose your own response... Read your question realistically and answer honestly... Hurts sometimes, just like looking in the mirror...

Is this girl just a friend??? If she's just a friend, you have no right to be concerned where she is or who she is with... My only concern would be that if she lies to you now, what will stop her from lying in the future... I would prefer to hear the truth, no matter how brutal it may be...

If this girl is MORE than a friend, I would move on... If I called my girl and she was in a club, I'd be pissed... I wouldn't want a girl that I felt I had to "check-up" on all the time... Or if her Mom was lying to you about where she is... Or wondering if she has another novio... Or who she's with at a club... Too many fish in the sea... But that's just me... I've been known to drop a girl if I even get a whiff of a Red Flag!!!

Don't focus too hard on any one girl... Not until you find one that you have many things in common with, you have great chemistry and the fact that SHE is bending over backwards to accomodate YOU...

I know the limited time we have in LA sometimes will cause you to act with a bit of urgency... Slow down, relax, say a little mantra and enjoy yourself...

When you meet the one, you'll know...

As always, just my 2 cents...

... in response to Does she have a novio and is a party gir..., posted by elcolombiano on May 16, 2003

It is all the matter of importance. If you had an important job interview and a friend asked you to go out for a drink the same time which of the two will you choose? Everybody has his own priorities. Also younger girls (usually 22 and below) prioritize night clubs. Now figure out where you stand on her priority list. If she is only willing to go out with you while you are in Colo it is a baaaaad sign. It doesnt really matter if she has a boyfriend or a girlfriend. What matters is her attitute towards you.

... in response to Does she have a novio and is a party gir..., posted by elcolombiano on May 16, 2003

Better have a back up plan.

... in response to Does she have a novio and is a party gir..., posted by elcolombiano on May 16, 2003

Mr. El C

I'm going to comment on this last post just a little.

With all the long distance  calls you are making and the suspicions and other things going through your mind I am sensing just a little desperation in your search.

It seems like you are missing out a little on the fun of this whole thing and taking it a little too seriously.  Relax a little, enjoy the trips while you are down there, and take it easy when you are up in the states.

Soon enough you will be a year into the relationship and the newness will have worn off.  

Have some fun right now while you are searching.  It's a great time that you will look back on.  Enjoy every minute.

Wayne

... in response to Re: Does she have a novio and is a party..., posted by Wayne11 on May 16, 2003

Thanks for the advice. You are right I do feel desperate because I have a limited number of trips per year to go to cali.

... in response to Re: Re: Does she have a novio and is a p..., posted by elcolombiano on May 17, 2003

El C.

Take your time and don't rush this thing.

You have no idea how much you can screw up your life with a bad choice.  You are playing with fire.  This hunt takes a certain amount of time and money to get it done right and then it still boils down to some luck.  You will never know what you got yourself into until she gets to the US.

You maybe lonely now and want a wife, but if you do this wrong, you will be wishing you were back in the days before you met her.

So...spend alot of time with the girl in her country before she gets up here.  If she can't wait for you to return on your schedule, don't close the deal to early.

Take it from an expert on doing it wrong.  My 1st time around really screwed up my life for a while.  I don't wish that on anyone.

So keep going back and keep it fun and not too serious too fast.

Wayne

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Does she have a novio and is..., posted by Wayne11 on May 18, 2003

Thanks for your advise. I need to get my head screwed on right.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Does she have a novio an..., posted by elcolombiano on May 19, 2003

If I remember right, you're still pretty young aren't you? If so, you have lots of time, don't worry so much.

I don't know the answer to your question because I was caught in a similar situation with an ex novia who I actually moved to Colombia to be with. She was going out with other guys as "friends". She had a lot of "friends" both Colombiano and gringo. Should I have been upset? My instincts tell me yes, but it is a completely different culture down there, I'm learining as I go and lived in the culture for almost 4 years. I did make the mistake of telling her to continue with her life as usual shortly after we first became novios, I wasn't her keeper. She even told me about one of the guys she went out with (of course she left out some important details like how she went to his hotel with him). When I got upset, she played it out as to being my fault because I didn't tell her not to go out with other guys. Oh well, live and learn I guess. Your girl may be simply going out with friends.

I don't like the idea of checking up on her, she will lose trust in you as well as your lost trust in her.

... in response to Does she have a novio and is a party gir..., posted by elcolombiano on May 16, 2003

[This message has been edited by DallasSteve2]

El Colombiano

Are you engaged to this girl?  Have you started the visa process for her yet?  If the answer to either of those questions is "No", then you can do the math.

Reverse the situation: If you were living in Colombia waiting for an American woman to come and propose to you, and meanwhile there were beautiful Colombian women asking you to go out dancing, are you going to stay home and wait for a phone call or go out and party with the babes?

This question came up on another thread last week, so I asked my wife from Cali if the girls in the agencies are dating other men or if they wait at home every night until their dream gringo arrives?   She got a good laugh out of that one.  She said most of the young, pretty girls in the agencies are college girls with boyfriends.

If you want to believe that she is at home waiting for you, then don't investigate.  Just dream the dream.  When I was engaged to a Colombiana (both times) I never tried to keep transcontinental tabs on those girls.  You can drive yourself crazy.  Come on, these girls are Colombianas!  They know how to play the game.

Steve

... in response to Dream on, posted by DallasSteve2 on May 16, 2003

If she has a boyfriend, do I expect her to dump the boyfriend for me?

... in response to Re: Dream on, posted by elcolombiano on May 17, 2003

El Colombiano

I don't know the answer to that.  It depends on the woman.  If she wants to be with you more she may just be waiting for you to commit.  Or maybe she just wants out of Colombia.  If she arrives here her boyfriend is probably history.  But will she be looking for someone new, or does she want to be with you?

Again, it depends on the woman.

Steve

... in response to Dream on, posted by DallasSteve2 on May 16, 2003

That is so right on. A rumbear is the national pastime.
When I was engaged to my wife, we would spend time on the
phone with each other on Saturday nights. So, for about
six months she was spending alot of time at home. Her
brother became livid, and accused her of being a
"santurona". (One of the big guns here can translate.)
He was outraged that she was acting like a bible-thumper,
and not going out and meeting more men while she had the
chance.

Overall, it is considered weird to be young and not
rumbearing.

... in response to Re: Dream on, posted by Celt on May 16, 2003

"Santurrona"  is basically just as you described it, a girl or person, who stays a home and doesn't want to go out.  But more ironically it is used to describe a girl who really is a party girl, but she is trying to pretend she is not, by staying in, just to impress someone.  (maybe a gringo??)

... in response to Dream on, posted by DallasSteve2 on May 16, 2003

well said.....

... in response to Does she have a novio and is a party gir..., posted by elcolombiano on May 16, 2003

I dont' know if she is a party girl or has a novia.

But, I do know that Bonnie Raitt once expressed the frustration of long distance relationships in one great line: "Honey, you can't pour sugar into a telephone."

How important is she to you?  Instead of maybe going in June, are you willing to get on a plane tomorrow and visit her, knowing you may not get answers you want?