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It's been close to a thrill but I can see it's time to move on.

I've been on this site a total of 4 days and while attempting to provide some insight and information to guys looking for a Latin wife I've already brought out the critics.

My email is posted for those who have questions. I don't have all the answers but I'll help where I can.

I hope you all can find the happiness that I have found.
Best of luck to you all and I am outahere!

... in response to I can see my work here is done., posted by Big Wally on May 9, 2003

Don't take things too seriously around here... Lots of different perspectives to be found...

Just like when you give 5 different programmers the same requirements document, for sure you're gonna get 5 different design documents... We all have the same tools at our disposal, just the means of our respective madness varies...

IMHO, you just need to get thicker skin if you're gonna run with the big dogs... lol... If not, well, you lasted about 4 days longer than some folks that have joined this forum...

... in response to Now, now Wally..., posted by wizard on May 12, 2003


Gee... and I survived a whole year having my posts snickered at, ridiculed, condemned, or ignored.  

Now I realize that my novia is correct: I .... AM....  a Papi Chulo :)

... in response to Re: Now, now Wally..., posted by valuedcustomer on May 12, 2003

[This message has been edited by wizard]

Things are relatively tame around here now... Had Wally showed up 6 - 8 months ago, he would have been tarred and feathered for sure... lol...

I know he was just trying to help, but sometimes a person can try too hard...

Oh well...

... in response to I can see my work here is done., posted by Big Wally on May 9, 2003

I have only half read this and the "1,000 Questions" threads partly because I didn't read the long list of questions that Wally posted and partly because so many posts were so immature.  I feel like adding my $0.02 because I think my experience is relevant.

On my first and second trips wife searching, to Cartagena and Cali respectively, I used a list of questions I developed to assess mutual compatibility.  It was not nearly so long as the one offered here, just 6 or 7 questions.  I memorized them in Spanish so I wouldn't need to have paper in front of me and I offered my own answers before asking hers. I relied on her answers to spur more follow up questions and on her to ask follow up questions of me.  Those experiences and the brief relationship that I developed with a calena from my second trip caused me to drastically revise the questions approach.

As many men have observed, women seem to prefer confident men.  Asking questions and waiting for answers puts the initiative and leadership of the encounter with her.  It is her answers that drive the interaction between the two of you.  What I have done subsequently with more impressive results (in terms of Latinas viewing me as confident and capable of leadership) is state my answers to the questions I would have asked.  I essentially explain in 4 or 5 minutes who I am, what my values are, and what I am looking for in a relationship.  I then ask her how closely (or not) what I described fits with the type of man she is looking for.  That leads to her responding to what I said and answering the "list of questions" without my having specifically asked them.  This method leaves the initiative and leadership of the encounter with the man since the woman is reacting to the man's statements.  The man's statements that now drive the interaction during the encounter.

This method has revealed glaring incompatibilities almost immediately (which for me have usually been religious in nature and sometimes related to the desired number of children).   But it has always left the woman with a very good impression of me and led to continued communication as friends several times.

I agree with those who discourage asking a list of questions as in a job interview.  But a list of answers that you need to assess compatibility is an excellent place to start to develop an image to present to the ladies.

Thanks for your input while you were here, Wally.  Good luck in life.

... in response to Re: I can see my work here is done., posted by Brazilophile on May 11, 2003

I agree that you don't want to make it a crude question and answer session. However, by giving lots of details before she responds aren't you setting yourself up to get the answer she thinks you want to hear?

People tend to mirror in their communcations + add in somebody who may be overly motivated would seem to lead to a false positive and a waste of your time. I'm sure over time it would become clear what the truth is, but in the mean time you would have incurred a lot of opportunity costs.

... in response to Re: Re: Questions, posted by NW Jim on May 11, 2003

What you say is very true, Jim.  I believe that happened with the calena I had a brief relationship with.  She said all the right things at our initial meetings but phone conversations and subsequent meetings revealed behavior and deep desires that were quite different from her initial statements.

Very few of the women I have met in person were insincere with me.  A few women I corresponded with only through letters DID just give a song and dance and them ask for money.  My motive for giving lots of details up front is to deflect some of the distrust that many Latinas have for men in general.  Not being secretive about oneself helps show that a man is less likely to cheat or lie.  (Or so I hope!)  The change in body language that some women showed 10 minutes into our initial meeting was remarkable and very encouraging.

On that note, I am finding that talking about your family, ie. parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews, breaks a tremendous amount of ice very quickly.  I am currently trying to collect pictures and information of my extended family to show a lady when the time is appropriate.  Women have brought pictures of their family to meetings with me.  I had a long talk with the mother of my former lady friend in which she told me the history of their family.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Questions, posted by Brazilophile on May 11, 2003

I like the idea of talking about family and relatives and perhaps even bringing their pictures. First, it goes to show that you're family oriented. Secondly, most families have lots of different personalities and situations, would be a good way to raise topics like religion, number of children, infidelity, temperament, etc.

... in response to Re: I can see my work here is done., posted by Brazilophile on May 11, 2003

Sounds like a better approach to me.

... in response to I can see my work here is done., posted by Big Wally on May 9, 2003

Hey Peter How about bouncing these negative posters off the board like Bueller and Iswrote who offer nothing positive. In the past people have been knocked off this board who are 10 times more instructive then them. At least they were funny. Clean up the dead wood... termites have infected this board.

... in response to Bounce theae BOZO's, posted by Craig on May 11, 2003

N/T

... in response to Bounce theae BOZO's, posted by Craig on May 11, 2003

By throwing out the 'dead wood', you are [1] throwing
out some of the more colorful personalities on this
board; [2] removing some educated and informative sources
of information; [3] depriving people like me of the second
thing I love about starting my day, beyond McDonald's
coffee. Iswrote in particular has taken me to task several
times, and opened my mind--no easy task. Above all, the
dead wood set excels at something quite  nice--courtesy.

... in response to Bounce theae BOZO's, posted by Craig on May 11, 2003

Craig

I haven't seen anybody more negative on this board than you.  Calling people names like Bozo, Sigmond, and pathetic psychoanalytical intellects qualifies as negative in my book.  Saying things like "you get a life" is negative and childish.  (And those are just examples from this thread)

You also told me I was lying when I said my K1 visa was approved in less than 4 weeks.  I'm still waiting for you to put money on that one.

You might also want to address the board moderator as Patrick next time.  

Steve

... in response to What is a negative poster?, posted by DallasSteve2 on May 12, 2003

Hey I thought you decided to avoid my posts. Well if you want to start up again fine. Ok Johnny come lately. Some poor sole comes on this board is attacked by what I would call "challenged people" and he leaves. Which leaves the same crew... boring self serving know it all’s in here with little to nothing to offer. You come in an what your telling me that was ok?

Put my money were my mouth is. Apparently you couldn't keep your first promise to stop responding to my posts so you have no credibility with me. Maybe you were correct but it makes no difference at this point.

Do me a favor go back to ignoring me

... in response to Bounce theae BOZO's, posted by Craig on May 11, 2003

You have been on this board a long time, why the whiney post? Do you think that your comments are always a pleasure to read. Disagree with the ideas but don't attack the posters. PS don't worry about big Wally, his work was done here and he ascended. jim c

... in response to Re: Bounce theae BOZO's, posted by jim c on May 12, 2003

Jim I try to keep and read posts on an educational bases and post on things that someone going to Colombia could use. Like restaurants reviews, hotels agency trips, who to use for marriage visa help in CALI. On occasion I get side tracked like now... but I felt like I wanted to stick up for a poster who was slighted by a group of posters who frankly I fine boring as hell. This board was great at one time... I think Patrick can vouch for that...now this board is a shell of what it was..and that's a direct reelection of the people who post on it. I’m at the point like all the other guys on this board who use to post but got tired of the termites.

... in response to Bounce theae BOZO's, posted by Craig on May 11, 2003

Peter?  Perhaps you mean Patrick.  Shows how closely you follow this board.

And since when have I not offered anything positive?  I posted the preparations before my wedding.  I posted my wedding experience and the costs.  I posted my experience going through the direct consular filing process. This was just a few months ago, were you paying attention?

Big Wally started out very good, sharing his experience, and within a couple days was posting like he knew it all.  I would have preferred he stayed and learned to be part of the give and take just like the rest of us.  Any of us in the hunt has something good to offer from time to time, and sometimes our experience is only relevant to ourselves.  What started as comments on Wally's questions, was quickly taken as a personal attack by Wally, and that got the dander up with a lot of us who have withstood criticism of our ideas without taking it personally (or have taken it personally, but chose to defend our ideas or maybe even change our minds).

... in response to Re: Bounce theae BOZO's, posted by lswote on May 11, 2003

First you have confused me with someone who gives a damm. Get a grip this is a chat board. Who cares? Are you for real? I don't read your posts mainly because they’re long and boring, but up until now I've made no comment. That's my point leave the guy alone.

... in response to Re: Re: Bounce theae BOZO's, posted by Craig on May 11, 2003

Yeah, I did confuse you with someone who gives a damn.  My mistake, won't happen again.

... in response to Bounce theae BOZO's, posted by Craig on May 11, 2003

Why?  A guy shows up for a whole 4 days and the first time someone disagrees with him he takes his toys and goes home.  It was nothing personal, nothing more than not agreeing with a post.  I have watched guys use this exact list of questions before.  I know what impression the girls had of those guys when asked to participate.  I know what a few girls think of the "wanna be" that created the list.  If I can post something to prevent a guy from going to Latin America and making an azz out of himself I will do so.  I for sure will not loose any sleep over what someone like you thinks.  Your badge doesn't work in here.  Got be in control and in authority all the time?  Yeah I know the type well.

... in response to Grow Up, posted by Hiker on May 11, 2003

You don't know me at all period. I doubt you’ve ever stuck your neck out for anybody but yourself. My comment was directed toward all the posters who spend their time posting bull on this board. It's a shame. First I don't agree with using lists/questions on a date... that's distasteful. My point is that someone who sheds a different point of view comes on this board and is attacked by a bunch of pathetic psychoanalytical intellects who think they coined the world on the "COLOMBIAN EXPERIENCE" If you don't like the guy don't read his posts. Why make him go away? What's left... you? No thanks... give me a break

... in response to Re: Grow Up, posted by Craig on May 11, 2003

It is a smaller world than you think.  I know a quite a bit about you.  You were going into business in Cali with Norm at one point.  You were shipping several PC's there starting an English school.  Every night you were in Norm's chat room.  You were a rude looser then and you are a rude looser now.  I know who you are.  I know what you are.

Go get a dozen donuts and sit around being impressed with yourself.  

There were no attacks being made on anyone.  We were discussing principal.  Then you, being the brilliant person you are, had to jump in and make it personal.  You come and go here but rarely have anything to say unless it is against another person.  

I bet you wear a superman suit under your clothes.

... in response to Re: Re: Grow Up, posted by Hiker on May 12, 2003

Wow should I be afraid. You didn't even get it I wasn't referring to actually knowing me in person but to what I believe in. What's your point anyway. Wow I guess you thought I'd be intimated. Well I don't care if you know me I would never hide behind a computer insulting others with a cloak of invisibility. You know what I mean?. If any one asks I'll give them my phone number and address I have nothing to hide. Also if you knew me from Norm's day I would have imagined in a couple of years you would have matured a little... so much for small miracles. You called me a rude looser... I guess I didn't like you then either for you to hold such a strong opinion of me. I'll tell you what you ignore me and I'll do the same other wise the moderator of this board can kick me off. Better yet for the sake of this board he can bounce me off as long as you come with me. I’d be willing to sacrifice myself for the sake of anyone else who makes the mistake of reading your posts.

... in response to Bounce theae BOZO's, posted by Craig on May 11, 2003

[This message has been edited by eddiemd]

Keep them around...someday they can tell us about the divorces and how not to do it.

It's obvious that these guys are losers.

... in response to Re: Bounce theae BOZO's, posted by eddiemd on May 11, 2003

Dear EDDIE
 I found your resume very interesting 11 years in the army and 9 in the SF. Is the sf different than the army or the nine years are part of the 11 you spent?
  Maybe you are not aware of a courtesy on this board having only arrived a month ago. We do not generally attack each other directly. "These guys are loosers" is outside the realm. "Who made you the Judge" it seems to me is rather direct. We do disagree constantly and often ridicule notions of others. Direct judgements, name calling and threats are not appreciated. Sarcasm is acceptable. Manners equals longivity. Usually people get to know the personalities on the forum before  becoming confrontational. Although occasionally one of our critters invents a new identity, and crawls out from under the bridge.
   I hope you enjoy your stay here with good humor and the understanding that it is fun to exchange ideas contrary to each other. But it is not personal. jim c

... in response to Re: Re: Bounce theae BOZO's , posted by jim c on May 12, 2003

[This message has been edited by eddiemd]

I call them as I see them.

I have been lurking on the board for a long while...never posted until the last week.

... in response to Bounce theae BOZO's, posted by Craig on May 11, 2003

I think Patrick knows how to run his own board. And if you could squelch your predictable, perennial whining, that itself would take care of a significant portion of useless messages. I'll do my part from now on too, K?

... in response to Yawn, posted by Bueller on May 11, 2003

Ok deal... you get a life and I'll squelch the predictable perennial whining... K Sigmond?

... in response to Re: Yawn, posted by Craig on May 11, 2003

As a former law enforcement officer, let me give you this clue:  This board doesn't need a self-appointed policeman.

... in response to Yo, Craig, posted by burbuja2 on May 12, 2003

What's the alternative reading worthless posts from people all day. Ask Patrick, I've seen numerous posts from him confirming how most of the stuff on this board is a waist of time. I've decided to speak my mind. You can decide not to read my posts.

... in response to I can see my work here is done., posted by Big Wally on May 9, 2003

Bro, let me tell you your first mistake....you did not read the archives!  They are so many people on this forum who have way more experience than you and shared it.  You came on this forum as if you were "In The Know".  Learn your audience first!  As matter of fact, you made a lot of rookie mistakes during your trip!  As it has already been mentioned, you were lucky.....I don't really believe that.  Don't really want to be negative, but I had to let you know what's on my mind.

... in response to I can see my work here is done., posted by Big Wally on May 9, 2003

Your info was very useful and accurate, unfortunately the arm chair quarterbacks know more than you do, try and figure that out.

... in response to I can see my work here is done., posted by Big Wally on May 9, 2003

It's a shame the first interesting poster on this board in months and he leaves. Can you blame him just read these posts. When was the last time someone did a trip report or something even relative to this board?

... in response to I can see my work here is done., posted by Big Wally on May 9, 2003

as a Lurker, I enjoyed reading your informative posts. I will keep in touch with you in private. God Bless

... in response to I can see my work here is done., posted by Big Wally on May 9, 2003

Seems to me that you overvalue your advice.  You aren't the only veteran of meeting and happily marrying a beautiful latina woman on this board.

Dude, you were more lucky than smart with meeting your wife.  A little sharing of experience is fine, but when you start dispensing a flood of how-to tips that you didn't even follow yourself, how can you not expect people to be skeptical?

Seems to me the best advice you could dispense is make sure the right woman asks you to dance.

... in response to Your work?, posted by lswote on May 9, 2003

Get over yourself.

... in response to I can see my work here is done., posted by Big Wally on May 9, 2003

Your advice and wisdom is understood and appreciated.

The critics are the losers.