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Hey All,

In the latter part of June, I'm planning on going to Santa Marta, Colombia to meet in person this woman I've been communicating with for 3 months now (will be nearly 5 months at time of departure).

As I have taken this virtual journey and soon to be actual, I have only told a few friends and my brother, whom I am sure has told the rest of my family.
On occasion, people will ask what's happening in my life. Invariably, I will say, "Well, I'm planning on going to South America the latter part of June." Then, of course, they say "where?" This is when I get vague or fuzzy. I dare say Colombia because people will give me flak for going to such a "dangerous" place. Some will ask "why?" Again I become a bit vague. I dare say that I'm going to meet a Latin woman I've been chatting with over the Internet.

There are few of my acquaintances who already know I have an affinity for Latin women, so they are able to extrapolate that I am not just going to South America for the sights and sounds. One co-worker said to me, "Maybe you'll go down there to harvest yourself a wife."
Of course, he was being denigrating.

The fact of the matter is that one day, it will be self-evident that I indeed sought a Latin wife from South America, particularly when she's here in America, around my acquaintances, speaking in her broken English.

What suggestions does anyone have for dealing with the flak in terms of some of the myths, and stigmas of seeking a foreign bride?

How much or how little do you tell friends and family?

~Henry Andre'

P.S. There are other women I plan to meet, but one is more special than the others.

... in response to Harvesting A Wife, posted by hwalker7 on Apr 26, 2003

I personally don't give a fu%k what others think, so this was not a problem for me.  Your biggest problem will be the jealousy apparent in others upon meeting your latin gal should you be sucessfull in your endeavors.  Santa Marta is a favorite tourist destination for Colombians - I don't believe that it's far fetched to say that your are just taking a vacation - it is after all a vacation that you will be taking. Take a camera and snap many pictures - the proof will be obvious. When the topic of why Colombia when the safety BS comes up - just say that Colombia was your third choice, behind Afganistan and Iraq.

... in response to Re: Harvesting A Wife, posted by cancunhound on Apr 29, 2003

Cancunhound,

I love that response. I might even say Colombia was my third option behind China and Hong Kong :)

~Henry Andre'

... in response to Harvesting A Wife, posted by hwalker7 on Apr 26, 2003

Telling people in the States the absolute truth is a real stretch for me.

To tell someone that I dated 5-6 girls a day in Cali until I met my wife was just not an option.

We just tell people that we met while I was travelling.

To each his own, but people don't accept the agency thing very well.  I could really give a rip, what people think and I actually gave up a few friendships that just couldn't handle it.

Any way you stir it, it won't be easy at times.  But it's a good trade in the long run.

Wayne

... in response to Harvesting A Wife, posted by hwalker7 on Apr 26, 2003


I recommend only telling trusted friends about one's plans to go to Colombia.  

Depending on the person you talk to you may make them angry or jealous and they will lash out by making negative comments in response.  Some people are more vulnerable to negative verbal attacks than others.  If you are a sensitive person, then the negativity will undermine you psychologically and as a result sabotage your efforts, which is what the verbal attacker wants in the first place.

The other thing to keep in mind is that many people, if not most, are narrow minded and do not have the ability to think beyond the reach of their own noses.  If you require them to think outside their box, they may become hostile and lash out at you, or more likely, just ignore you.  And what your doing stretches beyond the normal.  Although, with the Internet and jet travel, and Latin America not really being that foreign of a culture with all of the Hispanics in America, it really isn't that much of a stretch, at least for me.

When you find the right woman and bring her home, this will be the winning argument.  Because even the most dense among us will believe what is in front of our faces.  They will see visually that she is a normal person and you function the same as any other couple.  Wait to tell people, when you have her in your house.  You will not have to argue and explain.  They can see for themselves.

... in response to Re: Wait to tell them, posted by valuedcustomer on Apr 27, 2003

I had a few people at work give me cr@p about going to mexico, even a brother of mine.   After returning and showing them fotos of my novia, not only did it shut them up, it turned a couple around, now they want to see more fotos of Mexico, my girl, and are actually interested in what I'm doing.  Most americans have no clue of what Mexico is like, let alone Colombia.  Go and have a great time, find a beautiful latina, and take plenty of fotos,to show them what kind of women they are, and what their country is like.  You'll open some minds in the process.
A1A

... in response to Harvesting A Wife, posted by hwalker7 on Apr 26, 2003

I asked myself these same questions when I began this quest... Do I tell people or do I not... And if I do choose to share parts of this adventure, just what do you say... Couple this with the knowledge that there is a stigma associated with the MOB industry in general and you leave yourself in a quandary...

The other posters on this thread are correct in that you should be more concerned with your own happiness as apposed to "appearances"... No one is going to live your life for you, and if you have the intestinal fortitude to see this through, more power to you... It's YOUR happiness and that of your future partner, no one elses... Most here have come to the conclusion that we can't find what we are searching for in this country for one reason or another... One option is to go where the hunting is much, much better... Doesn't take rocket science to figure it out...

Truth be known, you'll probably be the envy of you co-workers once the meet your "harvest" from LA... They will take one look at your esposa, then take a look at their middle-aged, over-weight, bad attitude American Wife and they will then understand why you looked elsewhere...

If you need to be politically correct for family, friends and co-workers, just tell them your going on a vacation to Latin America... Santa Marta is a popular vacation destination, no real need to defend that... Fear, or the perception thereof, is a powerful motivator... Couple that with ignorance of the facts and people will draw inappropriate conclusions every time...

I remember people giving me that "are you crazy" look when I told them I was on my way back to Colombia... First they thought I was a drug dealer, then they thought I was an adrenaline junky, just going to Colombia for the rush... You have to educate these folks... Just tell them Colombia is one of the most beautiful countries you've ever seen, with some of the nicest people you've ever met and that you love the latin culture... You may not have specific knowledge about this yet, but you will...

Colombia can be a dangerous place if unprepared... Do you homework and prepare yourself... To hell with what anyone else thinks...

Good Luck...

... in response to Harvesting A Wife, posted by hwalker7 on Apr 26, 2003

For the people you choose to tell, as in family or real friends,I would tell them the truth.For all of the negative perceptions it really is a good way to go I think.
One guy(not a real friend) says to me "whats the matter,can't you find a woman here?". My honest answer,not the kind of womam I am looking for.If I was willing to settle for what he did,no problem,except waking up and looking at her.
You really can get a woman of a quality you just can't match here.So if your not one of the rare young rich tall guys who can get a beautiful woman here,there is a solution.Go south.You would have to be a rock star here to get the selection available to you there.
Now there might be places,like a job,where there are alot of people who would talk about it who are not your friends where you might want to give limited imformation.
And its natural for family,especialy mothers to be concerned.You bring back the right Colmbiana and they will love her.
You have to work through your own fears and concearns,once you do that you don't have to do it again for other people.You are a mature man with good judgement who deserves to be happy,and the right woman is essential for that in my opinion.
Just go for it.

Pete

... in response to Re: Harvesting A Wife, posted by Pete E on Apr 27, 2003

So much on this board is devoted to looks.  I have been married to my Cali wife for 16 months, and the looks part fades.  They always do in a relationship.

The real question lies in asking yourself if you have anything  in common with this girl, does she have a bad temper, and will you be bored stiff intellectually after the sex wears off?

There is always trade offs in every endeavor.  How much are you willing to sacrafice for a pretty face and body.  Sometimes you can get the whole package of intelligence, and looks, but from what I see, many of these relationships are pretty unsatisfying over time.  And I'm not talking about a girl using a guy for a plane ride to the US. I'm talking about two people that just don't have anything in common.  That is why many of these relationships hit the skids over time I think.

And about the language thing.  My wife went from almost 0 english to fluent in 16 months.  So no excuses about learning english.  They have to buckle down and get it done.  My spanish is progressing at a slower pace...

Wayne

... in response to Re: Re: Harvesting A Wife, posted by Wayne11 on Apr 27, 2003

I've been in relationships with very attractive women when I was younger.  The affect the looks have on you ALWAYS fades.

Way too many guys are going South to marry a young beautiful woman that they can't get here.  There are plenty of attractive women down south.  Guys can find women aho are attractive AND have character and compatibility without going so far outside their league that the marriage ends up being a trade of the woman's looks for the man's financial stability.  That's not a good basis for a marriage in my mind.

... in response to Re: Harvesting A Wife, posted by Pete E on Apr 27, 2003

Right, Pete. If it bothers them they aren't your friends (except your mother, and other close relatives, but like you said, bring home the RIGHT one and they will love her).

To the others, here's a line from an old Irish song you can sing to them: "Well the money's me own, and them don't like it, they can leave me alone"---in other words, tell them MYOB.

... in response to Harvesting A Wife, posted by hwalker7 on Apr 26, 2003

Interesting choice of title for your post. Reminds me of a comment by Edward Abby to the effect: if people continue to move into the grizzly's habitat they're bound to harvest a human now and then.

... in response to Re: Harvesting A Wife, posted by Cali vet on Apr 27, 2003

We have some enviremental nuts in California that want to re introduce grizzly bears here.After all they were indigenous to the area before we showed up.
And you can't shoot a mountain lion.We got them wandering into town.These nuts think they are Garfield.Its probably going to take a few people being cat food to turn that over.
There was an initiative on the state ballot a few years ago to control mountain lions.To limit cost the solution was,after much evidence and proceedure,to issue a permit to shoot individual violaters(the cats) and the local rod and gun club would do it for free.The greenies turned it in to a hunting issue and it lost.It passed in most areas but not the cities,where they know nada about dangerous animals.
There was an article in the paper today about Charleton Hestons exit from the ARA.It mentioned his qoute that "if they want my gun they will have to pry it from my cold dead hands." I'm not an AMA guy at all,I haven't shot my guns in 35 years,but I had to like that  quote.I grew up in Idaho where we shot animals for recreation but I haven't done it in 35 years and wish I had other diversions as a kid.But if that lion wanders in to my yard he is gonna be a rug.

Pete

... in response to gotta love them bears, posted by Pete E on Apr 27, 2003

In Colombia it's even more entertaining: you can shoot people for recreation. If yer agin liberals for example just shoot 'em like the AUC do.

... in response to Re: gotta love them bears, posted by Cali vet on Apr 27, 2003

People can be changed or rehabilitated.Sometimes.Grizzlies and mountain lions you don't want to run in too.You move em or shoot em.
We have had this AUC discusion before.I don't think they are worse than the other guys,and a reaction to the other guys.
If Uribe gets his act together there will be nothing left for them too do.And if Colombia ever actualy got serious about the rebels there would be alot of ex rebels turned farmer fast. "They're shooting at us!" What do you expect MF?(to rebels,not you CV).Pastrana forever? War is hell.Not Marqius of Canterbury.Even if we did pretty well recently limiting civilian causualties.

Pete

... in response to Re: Re: gotta love them bears, posted by Pete E on Apr 27, 2003

There is a big hunting trophy for Uribe on CNN today.
A top-rebel commander turned himself in. He said that
he missed his children. Notice how even the most zealous
revolutionaries re-think their positions when they notice
that society is willing to fight back. The pro-Iran Shiites
should be learning that lesson around now.

... in response to Harvesting A Wife, posted by hwalker7 on Apr 26, 2003

is who are you trying to make happy in your life??  Yourself or other people, including your family?  Look to what you think will make you happy in your life.  The people who care for you want you to be happy.

 By far the best decision I have made was to go to S.A. to look for a wife.  After all is said and done all the people who know me, and now my wife, would definitely agree.

 I just said I was heading south to meet a woman I met on the internet and for a vacation, which was the truth.  I also did not tell many people what I was up to until I became certain that I had met the woman I wanted to marry.  People are naturally curious about this.

I remember talking to my dentist who I like alot (even though I cannot believe what he gets away with charging for fees).  He is about the same age.  He has told me about his divorce and how he finally found another woman to marry and now he is happy.  On later visits, I told him what I was doing and he was very curious.  He remarked that my latina wife "probabably treats me well".  After he met my wife, I could tell that he was impressed.  We talked privately and he said I really had done something good that many men might envy.  It took him a long time to find a woman here in Denver who he thought was easy going and not a "b*tch" and did not have a ton of baggage.  I met his wife and she is a very nice woman, but to be completely honest, to me she is not very attactive.  But the important thing is for him to be happy.

Some men I know have commented that I "have balls" to do what I did.  Travel to Colombia and go through the whole process to bring a woman here and get married, etc.  There is risk involved and you need to keep a clear head and make good decisions.  The payoff for me was a life of happiness with a good woman who is very attractive.

The adjustment period can be rough and that is why I think we do not hear from men after the wives get here.  Things are either going really well or they may be having problems.

Now that my family knows my wife, everyone is enamored with her, she is a sweetheart.

The bottom line is to do what you think will make you happy.  People do not need to know too much about your business now until you are sure of your course.

Good luck.

... in response to the question you need to ask yourself......, posted by Edge on Apr 27, 2003

Thanks Edge.

You speak with much wisdom.

Just recently I was talking with someone about women. We were both talking about the "package" and the "sweetness." Oh, how many times have I encountered and even dated women who had the package-- very attractive, but who were not nice. In fact, it was/is difficult for them to be nice. I remember one woman who I dated a brief while and who was quite shapely, yet was cold, rude, and moody, say to me,"I am, what I am."

On the other hand you have some women who are sweet but as we all know are not attractive. Some guys can do it, I guess. But, often I don't see that smile etched on their face when they are with their wives or girlfriends who may be nice but unattractive.

Well, I'm not settling.

I do anticipate an adjustment period. Later, I will field comments regarding that, i.e., the language barrier, culture, money, and more.

As far as telling people, I will be wise and discreet. It is MY happiness that is key.

Thanks,

~Henry Andre'

... in response to Harvesting A Wife, posted by hwalker7 on Apr 26, 2003

I have a friend that married a Woman from Cali.  He said the people that are supportive and pleased with his decision to go overseas for a wife, are in a good marriage relationship themselves.  On the other hand the people that criticize him are in bad marriages.

... in response to Harvesting A Wife, posted by hwalker7 on Apr 26, 2003

A lot of times i see this brought up. About, "What will peers think"?  "Why cant you find a woman here"? "Why is she so young"? And it really seems to worry folks. I only wish i could give anyone with that concern just a tad of my attitude. I guess i am probably self centered but i care not one bit what other people think in what i do to pursue happiness. I dont live in a vacuum but i can tell you,Its the very fact of being different and unique in your pursuit of happiness that will actually draw people to like you eventually. Dont worry about what anyone thinks unless your asking for advice because you cant find happiness on your own. Good luck