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I can't believe that at 49 my family still thinks they know better than I do.I plan on making a trip to cali this spring after trying and failing over and over to meet someone here.They are giving me grief about it.
 Has anyone here ever gotten approval of what they were doing? Or has it been a battle? I'm not even going to tell them I am going. I'm going to say I am in florida intstead.

... in response to family objection, posted by chevy on Jan 27, 2003

There is inner-convincing and outer-convincing. Either case
involves the possibility of deception. I was at one of the
agencies in Cali with several men in your age bracket. I
witnessed the whole gamut of motivations from these men.
If you have won the inner-arguments and feel peaceful about
your decision, the outer-arguments grow pretty dim. Or, if
your house is in order, who gives a $#@!&!! about the other
guy's.

... in response to family objection, posted by chevy on Jan 27, 2003

I think it is better to be loughed at and happily married, than respected and lonely. When things turn out to be great guess who will lough then?

... in response to family objection, posted by chevy on Jan 27, 2003

I got to agree with DallasSteve2 on this one.  You are 49 years old.  You do what you want/have to do.  I am 32, and after an ugly divorce to a AW about a year ago I decided to pursue making a match with someone special in Brazil.  I was very honest with my family.  I even told my friends at work.  The good news out of all of this is that I am getting married this March 7th to a wonderful and beautiful Brazilian woman.  My parents and a dear family friend are flying out there with me. I even have three of my friends at work who are currently talking to women in Brazil and will be going to my wedding.  So my advice is to be honest and if they don't approve, so what.  It is your life......

... in response to Re: family objection, posted by Texman on Jan 28, 2003

Gotta agree with both of the gents from Texas. The Germans
have a word for it, which my poor spelling cannot convey:
"schaudenfraude". It is that sickly feeling in the stomach
when you realize someone else is happy. It often takes the
form of what you have experienced: people taking a stance
that regards your plans, hopes, dreams as dubious.

... in response to Re: Re: family objection, posted by Celt on Jan 28, 2003

Actually, "Schadenfreude" is a word that roughly translates as joy at the misfortune of others, not anguish at another's joy.  It means you're happy because someone else is not.  

Not a criticism, just a language pointer.  Peace to all.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: family objection, posted by jumgimbo on Jan 28, 2003

Thanks for the correction.

... in response to family objection, posted by chevy on Jan 27, 2003

You're 49 and you care what they think?

I went when I was 42 and married a woman who was 21.  I'm sure everybody thought I was crazy.  So what?  I'd be crazy to marry the average 40-something American woman when I could have a stunning young Latina.

That failed after 2 years so I went back at 45 and got another, though she's not quite as young.  I didn't lie about what I was doing because I don't need anybody's approval or advice.

I told family and friends.  I didn't tell people at work.  They don't need to know my business, and society is biased in what they think about this.  But it's not illegal and it's not immoral.  Forget about them.

And if she's much younger than you, you'll get stared at all the time in the stores and on the street.  You'd better decide now if you can live with that.

Steve

... in response to family objection, posted by chevy on Jan 27, 2003

I can't believe my family is one of the few that actually support me in my quest.  My mother has traveled extensivly, been to Peru and Mexico, very open minded, and gave me her blessing. I did have one brother who asked me why the h@ll I have a mexican girlfriend, I emailed him a foto of us and got back  "WOW"  changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes, nothing remains quite the same....it will probaly take your family meeting her in person to realize what narrow minded little people they are.
A1A

... in response to family objection, posted by chevy on Jan 27, 2003

I am 44 I did not get any support from my family at all and they are Colombians! They constantly tried to discourage me from going to Cali. Now that I have a novia they do not provide any support at all and do not think I am serious. One day when I tell them I am married, are they going to be surprised. Because of my family I did not go to Colombia all these years. Ignore your family and do what you think is right. They are not capable of understanding.

... in response to family objection, posted by chevy on Jan 27, 2003

Don't you just hate when other people's fears get in the way of your better judgement??? Fear is the mind killer, the little death... It paralyzes people to the point of inaction...

Now that you've made up your mind to go, don't let anything or anyone  stand in your way... It's YOUR life, and YOUR future happiness at stake, not your family's...

The first step is always the most difficult, making the initial trip... Once you have been to "the promised land", there is no turning back... You will never think about another disappointing relationship with an AW...

Just tell your family that falling in love and marrying a beautiful latina is on your "top 100" list of things to do before you die... Then watch their eyes pop out!!!

Good Luck...

wizard

... in response to Re: family objection, posted by wizard on Jan 27, 2003

I've been trying to just read and not comment but I loved the top 100 idea.  The only problem is I couldn't tell my family my list or they might try and have me commited.

... in response to Re: Re: family objection, posted by Bubba on Jan 28, 2003

[This message has been edited by wizard]

I sometimes get strange looks when I mention items on my top 100 list... It's that look where you're not sure if they wanta have you committed, or if they're jealous...

wizard

... in response to Re: family objection, posted by wizard on Jan 27, 2003

Seriously man ya gotta do what ya gotta do!

... in response to How bout top 2?!, posted by Frank O on Jan 28, 2003

Well Frank, right now it's numero uno on my list!!!

... in response to family objection, posted by chevy on Jan 27, 2003

I feel like I was foolish to tell my parents about my plans to seek an Asian wife so early in the process because I knew they wouldn't approve.  Even worse, my father once used a racist slur to describe Asians on a later occasion.  We were in a heated argument over a completely unrelated topic, and he took a cheap shot at me by saying that I would have to find a g**k to marry me.  Since then, my plans are none of my parents' business.  That argument was so long ago that my parents probably assume that I've given up on the idea.  They won't likely hear about it again until after I'm married and my wife is in the states.  I'm not sure how I will handle it when the time comes, but there's no reason to stress over it now.

When I did take a trip to Southeast Asia in 2001, I told my parents and my coworkers that I was going to Los Angeles.  I was telling the truth, in a way.  I did have connecting flights at LAX.

In the last year, I have told a few of my coworkers that I may seek a wife internationally.  I'm not sure if they believe I'm serious, but I'm trying to see how people react.  If anyone at work gives me trouble about it, I begin to cite the obesity rates for American women.  That usually silences my critics because that point is impossible to dispute.  I have other reasons to look overseas beyond the obesity epidemic, but that's just a tactic I use if anyone wants to criticize me for the choices I'm making.

... in response to Re: family objection, posted by BradUSA on Jan 27, 2003

Brad,

I lived in Asia for five years. Another dimension to your
possible problems is her parents' feelings toward you.
That is another rich stew of racist muck. This is not
much of a problem in the PI, but often a major one in
Japan, for example.

... in response to family objection, posted by chevy on Jan 27, 2003

That should work since Florida is a Spanish speaking state so if they hear it spoken in the background when you call home it won't arouse suspicion.

... in response to family objection, posted by chevy on Jan 27, 2003

Approval? Approval? As in "But she's not our KIND"???
Tell them that Marlon Brando made an excellent movie about that in 1957. So did Sindey Poitier in 1967. Buy your family a calander, this is 2003. Don't you dare tell them you are going to Florida. Either tell them where you are going and why or tell them "none of your business".

Sorry, Chevy, but you pushed a button. Unless he's totaly dependant on the family trust fund, a 49yo does not NEED mommy's approval for who he sees. Now, with that said, if they don't like of her as an indivual AFTER they know her and she has done something to EARN that dislike, that's another story. But if their disapproval is before the fact and is simply based on where she is from, then I'd say their approval isn't worth much.

... in response to Re: family objection (minor rant), posted by Michael B on Jan 27, 2003

--Don't you dare tell them you are going to Florida. Either tell them where you are going and why or tell them "none of your business".

I have to disagree with your comment.  He should be free to tell his parents whatever he wants regarding his trip.  It's whatever he feels comfortable with.  He's taking an important step toward his goal of meeting his soulmate, and he probably wants to enjoy himself and get to know her as best he can.  For me (and probably for chevy as well), I don't want to think about the reactions of the people back in the states.  Maybe I'm obsessive, but I can't dismiss them completely.  I just want to pursue my goal with as few distractions and detractors as possible.  If something serious develops with the woman I'm visiting, then I will deal with family and friends when the time comes.  Until then, I will focus only on finding my soulmate.

... in response to Re: Re: family objection (minor rant), posted by BradUSA on Jan 27, 2003

You do what you feel you have to do. Just be honest with the lady, let her know what she's walking into. That's fair, isn't it?

... in response to family objection, posted by chevy on Jan 27, 2003

I am 48.  My mother gave me a big lecture about finding a wife abroad and said that they will all bring their extended families here and I will get stuck supporting them.

I have reason to believe my siblings laugh at me behind my back.

The next news they will get is AFTER I am married.

Hamlet

... in response to family objection, posted by chevy on Jan 27, 2003

Hey chevy, I am 49 too.  I didn't have any problem with my family but I keep having co-workers and friends giving me the third degree.  I am getting married February 6th, and today one of my female co-workers spent 20 minutes telling me how my fiancee is 99% likely just interested in a green card.  She has never met my fiancee, nor have I ever told her anything about my fiancee to give her that impression.  Believe me, getting a green card is the last thing on my fiancee's mind.

Mail order brides have a certain stigma that you just aren't going to shake from everyone's mind.  You just have to do what is right for you and to hell with everyone else's opinion.

... in response to Re: family objection, posted by lswote on Jan 27, 2003

I told some of my co-workers too, and I could tell that some of them didnt think my marriage would work. Some of them thought it was cool, and others didnt. They gave me the same green card speech. I found most of the time it was the american women who didnt like the idea. Well its been going on two years (in June) that I have been married. BOO YA! and Im even more happy now than before that I married a Latina. The people at work are always curious asking questions. Now, I just tell them all how we met on the internet. It blows their mind. Here, We all think outside the box to them. They dont get it. Well, maybe if something worh having was inside the box we wouldnt be looking for something else.

... in response to Re: Re: family objection, posted by Golden on Jan 27, 2003

I feel similar things when the SuperBowl in San Diego is
broadcast nationally. "Oh, No! Now everyone will want to
move here." The reality is that few have the nad to pick
up and try something different than their peers. They
wish for your failure in order to verify their self-image
as appropriate risk-takers.

It is a blow when they actually meet someone who
is bold--like anyone who would travel to Colombia
for love, or any reason.

... in response to appropriate risk-takers, posted by Celt on Jan 28, 2003

You know, sometimes you just have to shake things ups... So many people are "caught" by life... The wife, 2.3 kids, house w/white picket fence, mortgage, insurance, taxes, blah blah blah..... That's a part of life... You don't have to be stuck in the rut of normality...

Life is short... You have to take BIG bites...

wizard

... in response to family objection, posted by chevy on Jan 27, 2003

I got no objections from my family,but my parents are both gone.If my mother was alive I can immagine worrier that she was she would be concerned.A friend of mine got some flak from his parents,mostly his mother,but she is coming around to the idea.The girl is coming on a fiance visa.
Sometimes family will counsel safety and being conservative,but they are not the ones without the woman they want in their lives.I think in particular in bothers women about your own age who realise you would not be interested in them either.

Pete