Print Page - Dominican Disaster!!

I had a very young DR girl, told me she was 23, then 18, then after I was so in love, and we decided to marry (I'm 44), and compiling all the paperwork for her visa, she tells me she is 16.5. She begged me to stay with her, that she loved me so much that she was afraid to tell me her real age in the beginning for fear that I'd leave (wish I did...now, and I said I'd take the risk. I know what you are thinking, but I still fell in love and found it so hard to leave her. We had a big blow-out...mostly me, tired of the immature behavior (dahhh?!) and at under 20, they don't know what they have...I was ready to end it last Sat. She begged me for one more chance, crying and pleading (i.e., sucker me in...) and I said ok. Left back to the states (I was going every 15 days to see her and start a biz)...she disappeared. I sent a friend to check on my house...she cleaned out everything....about 100k peso worth...and no where to be found.

Lesson? Age difference IS important, but bigger lesson is Latin women are tremendous actresses, and will beat you to the puch every time!!

I thought I'd share my little heart break...for anyone who finds a beautiful (incredibly so) young woman and is blinded by it...beauty IS only skin deep...

... in response to Dominican Disaster!!, posted by Bob101 on Mar 26, 2002

Bob,
Unlike some people below believe your story.
Were there not other red flags?Girls that will lie tend to lie about lots of things.Did you ever meet her family?This can tell you alot.But cleaning out your house tells the real story about her character.
Good actress or not I think there would have to be at least some intuitive thoughts about what kind of girl you were dealing with.Being a good actress works if a guy believes the act and not all the other evidence that it probably there.
Sounds like the type of girl to have fun with but not get serious about(if thats what you want).Don't try it in the US,here 16.5 might as well be 10,they think its child abuse,which is a little rediculous.This girl is not a child.
If you brought her here you could get in big trouble and there might be ways they could cause you trouble anyway.
It drives me nuts,these politically correct types that can't tell the difference between pedofilia and a girl well in to her child bearing years.Just stupid.My grandmother was younger than that when my father was born.This rediculous thinking is anyone under 18 is a child.Next it will probably get moved up to 21,which it may already be in some states.
Reminds me of the poor character played by Jack Nicholson in one flew over the Coo Coo's nest.He was in a mental institution for having sex with a 15 year old girl.He told the director she was 15 going on 25.

Pete

... in response to Dominican Disaster!!, posted by Bob101 on Mar 26, 2002

Hello Bob! You might want to read the following article and pay close attention to the part about Michael David Rostoker. I'm not putting you in the same class as this guy, but be aware of how the US authorities view this matter. Good luck in your search!

http://sanjose.bizjournals.com/sanjose/stories/1999/12/20/focus1.html

Take care,

Mark

... in response to Are you telling you don't believe me? n/..., posted by Bob101 on Mar 27, 2002

From your story and your conclusion "lesson", you blame everything on the woman and go on to slam the character of latin women.

It seems that this is just one of the noise posts to try to get people upset about having their significant others insulted.

I think people are people all around the world, some very good, some very bad, and most in the middle. So why would someone make some sweeping statement..... Is this really something a man in his 40's would do?

So you're out 5 or 6K US$, maybe you can recover it or maybe not, that seems really apart from the character of women issue. Here again, is this really something a business man who travels twice a month to DR would complain about?

So really, from your "experience", what will you do the next time some scheming young booty shakes it in your face? It seems like a man would already know how to handle the situation by the time they reach their 40's.

It's difficult to try to explain why someone saying, "I got screwed by a women in a situation that I developed, therefore all women are bad." seems to lack credibility to me, if it does not seem clear.

But bottom line, no I don't think what you're saying is true and if it does happen to be true, then I think you might want to consider what lessons you need to learn for the next time and post them rather than try to school everyone that all latin women are schemers.

... in response to Yes., posted by HappyInBrazil on Mar 28, 2002

in my original post. Latinas are more emotional as a whole than their AW counterpart. I didn't slam anyone. I was married to a Colombian (34) lawyer, and it did not work, yet we are great friends today. This young DR lady acted as mature and sensible as my ex, in fact, had more style and common sence.

Yes, I am guilty of poor judgement...I made excuses for her and was in denial for my own benefit, I had a companion when I went 2'xs a month. I'm going back tommorow in fact. I was warned about the DR women and their crafty ways, I felt I was immune...for those that do give into their hearts for love regardless of age, I found this young lady to be more cunning than women twice her age.

The one thing that spoils this board is pompous arrogant know-it-all men who will bash a total stranger who comes here to share experiences in life...I'm sure someone who read this will learn something, others will laugh, others will feel my pain.

Regardless, I am a man, I know what I did, it is more my fault than hers, I ignored the red-flags, and sold out to my heart. I guess I wanted to be in love more that I was willing to risk some $$. Her acts were criminal...we are all vulnerable. You can heed all the red-flags, turn away a women, and choose one with few red-flags, and still get taken...some peoples sins are upfront...some will follow later...

... in response to quite an exageration from what said..., posted by Bob101 on Mar 28, 2002

I could quote from your original post for you, but it's there for everyone to read it.

People have different opinions obviously, and if it's difficult for you, then don't play in the sandbox. There are many people who live their lives differently than I would and many thoughtful posters that I don't share the same opinion with but none the less I appreciate the diversity they bring to this forum.

Really, if you want to make some pronouncement about "The one thing that spoils this board is pompous arrogant know-it-all men ...blah blah.." after posting 7 times here that's fine with me. I didn't arrive where I am in life without my own mistakes, but I don't really feel much at all when I see people on this board try to label others. The flavor of the week is usually Hoda, who someone will start to try to hang a sign on when they don't like his opinion. Usually it's him that's "ruining" the forum. And don't forget all the crybabies that say it's the "Cali" forum. I enjoy reading about people's trips, and especially when the describe the beautiful contry that Colombia is in their eyes even though it is not the path I took. I also have never experienced any resentment when I post about my experiences which don't include Colombia.

So if you had a difficult relationship, I'm sorry you had to go through it. I hope you will enjoy the support and the insight you can find from the various people that pass through this board and the moderator, who has given us this sandbox to play in.

Honestly, I see a lot wrong with what you're saying, but I can also see that you're not interested in hearing it.

... in response to quite an exageration from what said..., posted by Bob101 on Mar 28, 2002

Bob,
I agree with you.Nobody who honestly tells their experience should get flamed.
You didn't do so bad,at least you figured it out before bringing her here.Twice a month you got to go?And stay several days with a little teenage honey?Did you think you died and went to heaven?Sounds better than being stuck at a computer to me.Actually it sounds like your going back for a little more fun before you get serious about finding a wife.Nothing wrong with that.You could be married a long time.

Pete

... in response to Re: Thanks for the story Bob., posted by Pete E on Mar 28, 2002

Pete,

I'm not taking exception with the spirit of your post, but I think most of us are aware that in the US having sex with teenage girls can get you prosecuted for statutory rape. I think there is a reason that those laws were put in place, and those reasons might apply ethically even in countries where there is no law.

... in response to Nothing wrong with that? I'm really not..., posted by HappyInBrazil on Mar 29, 2002

I agree there was a reason those laws were put in place,to protect children from having sex with adults.But this lady is obviously no child.
My problem with the US laws is the age,17 years 11 months is not a child.I think the age should be 14,not 18.I'm not saying its great for adults to have sex with a 15 year old,but its not rape.Actually the whole idea of statutory rape is bogus.Sex with consent is not rape.We are such a prudish and now politically correct society.Don't confuse this at all with pedofiles,adults having sex with children.We are talking about girls several years in to child bearing age.
Again in the case we are talking about,this lady who passed herself of as 22 is definetly fair game in my mind.
The rest of the world isn't as politically correct,your a child untill 18 as we are.In many countries a girl could have 3-4 kids by then.My grandmother was 16 when my father was born.I don't think she was a child.
My first sexual experience was with a 16 year old.Off course I was 16 too.I think thats about the US average.I'm sure its alot lower in some of these other countries.

Pete

... in response to Re: This lady is no child, posted by Pete E on Mar 29, 2002

Pete,

I don't think the idea of statutory rape is bogus at all. I'm not saying that from the PC view at all, I'm saying that from the view of having talked with 13-18 year olds. I don't think it's an issue of the physical appearance, but how children at that age are not on an even footing with adults emotionally and mentally. As far as your grandmother's experience, that was another time, and I think you'll agree that society has changed.

Don't you think there is a huge imbalance between a 44 year old and a 16 year old? You come across as a very intelligent man, and I'll bet you have used your time wisely to develop that. I'd be surprised if you put yourself on the same level as a 16 year old, and barring that can you really see this sort of thing as even close to being balanced.

I'm not getting this confused with child rapists, but I do see this as the same sort of mindset. Tell me why does someone healthy need the other person to have a huge disadvantage?

As far as the In many countries they do... justification. In many countries they are Moslem too, but you won't see me whipping out the Koran any time soon.

... in response to Re: Re: This lady is no child, political..., posted by HappyInBrazil on Mar 29, 2002

I don't really disagree except for calling the laison rape and treating it with penalties similar to murder.Actually I could raise my age for sex with some penalties to 16 in some circumstances maybe even 17,as long as we don't equate it with rape and the murder like penalties.
Yes I think there is a big imbalence between a 44 year old guy and a 16 year old girl and I certainly don't recomend it,especially for marriage.
In the case of Bobs girl friend,a 16 year old who initially passed herself off as 22,she is old enough for sex without penalties or guilt,even if its not smart.I'm just glad it ended before Bob got himself in deeper.Actually the age thing would have protected him,she wouldn't have been able to get a fiance or spousal visa.
Here in San Jose there is an article in the paper this morning about a high Tech executive that was arrested before leaving the country to get together with a 13 year old Vietnamese girl.Apparently he was going to try to bring her here and basically bought her from her family for $150,000.Now I don't approve of ehat hewas doing but I still don't quite equate it with rape.What is scary is this same law,traveling to have sex with a minor could be used against a guy like Bob and his 16.5 year old or someone with a girl 17 years 11 months.One of my friends was engaged to a 18 year old Colombiana.Its hard to belive if she was a few months younger and they had sex he could get in big trouble.
I think US laws should only apply to conduct within this country,otherwise we started applying our strait laced and restrictive laws to what people do in other countries,where age is looked at entirely differently.
And again,17 years 11 months is not a child and consential sex with her should not in any way be considered any form of rape.
This law was being used recently here against an 18 year old mexican guy and his 17 year old girl friend.She had a kid by him,they were living together and planning to marry.
This should not be illegal let alone be in any way equated with rape,where a person is forcefully a violently forced to have sex.
I think they dropped the charge.It was ridiculous.

Pete

... in response to Re: Re: Re: This lady is no child, polit..., posted by Pete E on Apr 1, 2002

I think your example of the 17yr old woman and her 18yr old husband is a good example of the intent of the law getting lost.

I think we can both agree it is an arbitrary line that has been drawn, and also agree that some protections are needed as well.

Strange story about the exec, but if you're going to fix things, how about fixing the way people that marry foriegn spouses are treated by our government!

Anyway, thanks for the good discussion on this topic.

... in response to quite an exageration from what said..., posted by Bob101 on Mar 28, 2002

Here! here!, good post. Nothing ventured nothing gained! Who wants to be on his deathbed saying "I wish I had..." However I must comment that a taxi driver who took me to Los Charamicos once (near Puerta Plata) told me that 95% of the women in that town were prostitutes. In fact to anyone who goes to RP you'll find a huge proportion of the women there are "pros". It's just the way it is.

... in response to Dominican Disaster!!, posted by Bob101 on Mar 26, 2002

CHOMP, CHOMP, RIP, SNAP!!!! 23 to 18 to can't even buy beer. She was afraid to tell you her age? Going down to D.R. every 15 days? GAT DAAYYUUM!!!! Fess up right now, you didn't fall in love, you fell for the punanni!!!! The age difference between you two, didn't have a dayyuum thing to do with this breakup. This wasn't a "heartbreak", this was a "walletbreak"!

Beauty is only skin deep, but being dumb is to the bone..LOL

... in response to Dominican Disaster!!, posted by Bob101 on Mar 26, 2002

Bob,

That story is a flapping red flag if I ever heard one. You need to just take that one the chin...accept that THAT disaster was about your bad judgement...you can't pawn that one off on "Latinas".

You say that the reason she said she lied was because she was afraid that you'd leave? -She was not in love when she first met you, and she was lying from the word "go".

First she is 23, then 18, but really 16.5?... She did not need to be THAT good of an actress, because it appears you were all too ready to believe her.

"If you're bleeding in the water, the sharks WILL come."

-Tai

... in response to Dominican Disaster!!, posted by Bob101 on Mar 26, 2002

Robert,

I hope you've learned from your mistakes because you've definitely ignored the MAJOR red flags. I'm sure they were waving in the wind. No need to tell more.

Travelling to the DR every 15 days!!!!!!!!!!

DAAAAYYYUUUUUMMMMMMMM !!!!!!!!!!!

Aaron

... in response to You can't classify all Latinas as actres..., posted by Aaron on Mar 26, 2002

1/ Not all the ladies are actresses, that is for sure.

2/ And what may I ask those red flags were? Was it not the age difference by any chance? In every bad relationship first thing people reply is ... oh you ignored red flags that is why it didnt work out. As simple as that. And then what happens? A 40/50 year old goes to LA and thinks about nothing less than a teenager or low 20's. Everybody preaches relationship based on mutual respect and affection but when it comes to selecting a lady those qualities fall behind the skin-deep beauty and youth. 47-year-old woman can be affectionate too you know.

So my point is : big age gap relationship may work out but should be undertaken with great caution. The smaller the gap, the fewer red flags to spot. I think the he who says that 40 and 20 will have lots in common is simply fooling himself. Dont take my word for it. Just hang out with your daughter and see how well you mesh.

... in response to Re: You can't classify all Latinas as ac..., posted by Kit on Mar 27, 2002

I thought 18 was too young, marginally...I would see her each trip down...she looked 25 y.o. (I'll be happy to send you a photo email me at drpp123@hotmail.com) and after many months, and actually a great act by her, everyone kept asking me "where did you find her? She's so nice..." She could have got the Oscar instead of Halle. She didn't pop the age on me until the final steps of a visa ap. I hung in trying to figure out how stupid I was, and how to unravel my heart. I actually ended it last Sat., and she begged me for one more chance...I caved...I left Tues., she cleaned me out Thurs. & Fri. But, I guess allot of the guys who were critical are ones on this board who have never made a mistake...or their sh#t doesn't stink. I shared my experience for educational purposes, and warnings to others.

... in response to Re: You can't classify all Latinas as ac..., posted by Kit on Mar 27, 2002

Kit,

I'm 27, never married, and without children.

In this situation, the girl lied about her age, which is a red flag. If she lied about that, just imagine what else she could lie about.

When she told the guy that she was 18, he should have dropped her. When she said 16, he should have already been long gone; but if not, he should have definitely kicked her to the curb because she is way too young for him.

Another red flag was the difference in maturity levels.

The issue with large age differences is that both people need to take precautions, and have a high degree of maturity to make the relationship work. If she was 23, mature, and the relationship was going well, then I have no right to say they shouldn't be together as long as both people are happy. It's none of my business because they have their personal preferences, even if my preferences are different, and even if I could conjure up many reasons why they shouldn't be together.

You have your personal preferences. So why don't you be happy with them, and try to find a woman that is compatible. For myself, I wouldn't go for a woman more than 3 years older or more than 10 years younger.

I'm happy with that.

Also, don't misleadingly believe that the smaller the age gap, the fewer the red flags. That is not true. A slick woman of 30 to 40 is 1000 times slicker than a slick girl at 20. Both types are dangerous, but a slick older woman can really put a guy in misery.

Aaron

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GoodWife / Planet-Love Archives => Threads started in 2002 => Topic started by: Bob101 on March 26, 2002, 05:00:00 AM