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The first lady I met, in Medellin, was very nice, very pretty, a great hostess but had some qualities I didn't want in a wife - she was moody, opinionated, and needed to always have the last word. I had picked my last girlfriend all over again but in a prettier Colombian body. Well, I figured that out quickly enough and moved on.

The lady I'm about to propose to is sweet, home oriented, wants to be a wife, lover, mother, friend, she is pretty, but not a model, is crazy about me, comes from a good home, has never even hinted at my giving her money, is very patient, appreciative of what I bring to the relationship, passionate, romantic, a great dancer, has very compatible values, and is emotionally very STABLE. Plus, I'm very clear that I have a tremendous amount to offer to this sweet lady.

It is my experience that we attract people into our lives who are at the same emotional level that we are. Until I *emotionally* cleaned up tons of baggage that I got from my mom and past relationships I kept looking for women who needed to do the same cleaning up that I needed to do. It wasn't their fault that they showed up in my life - I drew them to me! Had I not done my homework I would have kept finding the same kinds of crummy relationships in Colombia, with the added danger that these women might use me to come to the U.S. or to seduce me into giving them money.

If you've read old posts of mine it might now make sense why I am partial to letter writing first. I want the comfort of developing a common base first so I'm not as easily seduced by these gorgeous women.

So, I agree with everyone else who says that there are way too many attractive women who are sweet and good marriage material but until you can see past your patterns you'll never notice them.

Something to think about!

Sol"

Although I might have rearranged the words a bit this is IMO the best advice to you that I have read.
You did indeed have a "heart-attack" in the same sense that disease is really "dis-ease".
Fred

You need to move on and kiss this friend of yours good-bye-
You've been pursuing her for 3 or 4 years and always yearning for a hint of affection from her. Post after post you let this be known. She kisses you "on the mouth" only after you buy her a mattress. Well, this is hardly sincere true love.
She has absolutely no affection for you except that of a convenient friend to go out with and spend some quality time on material entertainment. Also, the overall theme of your posts is that you did not go to Cali to really pursue true love but to revive a lost hope.
Girls like your friend are best described in spanish as "ataconas and lagartonas" hardly the type that will make any good man's wife. This is a different type of a shark. This is one is not interested in a green card but on your wallet-This is a wallet shark.
I learned from your posts, and I thank you for being candid but the world is still full of good women, so, move on friend and pick out a better hunting ground.

Jes

As for me, meeting my novia was unplanned. I was in South America on business, and when we met it was instant mutual attraction. Big surprise to both of us!

Pack, my 2 cent's worth is to go and enjoy Colombia and you'll see just how surprising your future will be if you're open to the possibilities.

what Craig said about enjoying yourself was great.  visit some of the country.  17 days is a pretty good time to do a couple of things besides go from agency to agency.

seems you may have let events control the trip rather than you controlling the trip.  on a related note, it also seems your main romantic interest was the one controlling the situation.  you should be in charge.  I think women respect this more.  

also, it probably would be a good idea to set up a few contacts prior to the trip not just one.  

most importantly, I hope your health situation improves.  

I will probably making a trip in November, but I plan on going to Cartagena, Cali, and Bogota.  If something happens while I'm there fine, but if not I'll be enjoying some of the attractions the country has to offer.  No great expectations.

It sounds like you've got a lot on your mind since your return.

My first comment is off topic, so I will keep it short.  A couple years ago  I was diagnosed with a heart problem.  At the time it was very scarey and combined with a questionable cardiogist, I was very concerned, to say the least.  My best wishes to you on this heath issue and I would really urge you to get a doctor that you can talk with and have explain issues and options.  This is not the kind of thing where you want to have a doctor that seems "too busy" to answer all of your questions to your satisfaction.  

One of the things that I have wondered since you told your story is if "L" has some reason to be on again and off again with you.  You seem to have known her for a significant period of time, and yet you did not go down there to see her, and yet you did many of the things that a person would do if you were committed to her.  To compound things, it sounds like she may be having trouble with her finances for whatever reason.  It seems like there is some implication that she may be seeing other people, which doesn't seem like such a crime since you two broke up months ago and also you went down there for the express purpose of seeing others.  She may or may not be a good person, and I'd suggest you try to collect your thoughts and decide a few things.  Here's the stuff I'd ask myself.  Is this person a friend?  Has enough damage been done that our relationship is not repairable?  Can we both forgive the past and let it go?  If you have doubts about any of these (I think) you should really talk with her to clear them up.  If you can't talk with her, I'd really take a hard look at how you can have any sort of sustainable relationship with her.  Also, this doesn't sound like you, but check with yourself and make sure your motives for keeping going with "L" are not to keep her from moving on.  I can understand it hurts to let go, and it also hurts to see someone move on.  This might be a way you can help her future if you don't think you two will have something that can last.

As far as "A" is concerned, you'll have time to correspond with her, and get to know her.  Hopefully the agency that you stayed at will keep an eye open for you for other good matches.  If it is realistic, maybe you can send him a small gift while you are still fresh in his mind to grease the wheels on this.

Take care, and I wish you success.  I hope things don't seem too overwhelming to you.

you have alot of good questions and im not sure if i can answer them right now. i find myself questioning why i even went down there at this particular time.i have alot to think about and some decisions to make.

Hey Pack here are some things you might consider the next time you go to Cali:

1. Stay at one agency like Ricardo's or consider renting an apartment.  All that switching from agency to agency would have caused me some major anxiety and frustration.  I like having my own place to come home to and escape the agency craziness.  Also I feel much more comfortable having friends come by at my own place.  If you get an apartment you can probably work some kind of short term deal with the agency owner also.

2.  I think you said you were in your 50's.  Leave the 20 year old crowd of women behind and stick to the 30's.  Pete's an example of someone in his 50's and his wife is 35 I believe.  It seems to be working really well for both of them.

3.  Don't waste a lot of time on women who can't seem to find the time to see you. If she's interested, she'll find the time in her shedule.  

4.  Pay close attention to a woman's character.  Does she do what she says and do her morals match your own.  Is her family honorable or are they riddled with problems.

5.  Avoid L and her family, friends, or whatever at all costs.  Do not write her, call her, or even mention her name. (-:  I know you like her child but sometimes you have to just move on if only to save yourself. I can see you stopping off at her place to give her child a gift and then getting sucked into her lure all over again.

6.  As you did this last time, hook up with some other gringos of like mind while you are down there.  For me, half the fun of Cali is getting together with the gringos down in Cali.   A couple of non-romantic Calena friends is great too.

Anyway, these are a few thoughts that a had.

El Diablo

"3. Don't waste a lot of time on women who can't seem to find the time to see you. If she's interested, she'll find the time in her shedule."

  The only thing I can add to the above is, "don't waste ANY time..."

As a Cali regular for the past couple of years and currently not engaged, I'm not trying to set myself up as some glowing example of what to do.  Far from it, I've messed up a bunch of times but unlike you, I kept my stories more private than public. (-:  Most of what I learned in these adventures came from my mistakes and failures rather than anything I knew on my own.  But having said that, every person will approach this adventure differently.  There isn't one way or even two, there are many and it's a fool who thinks his way is the only way.

Anyway I thought I may have come off as preachy in my last post and I just wanted to set the record straight.

eL dIABLO