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For you to get the girl who's reputation has gotten raked through the coals in some threads below to come on this board to tell her side of the story?

Most of the posts below are made from one point of view and by guys playing amateur pshycologists.

I wonder if she's even aware this is going on.

It's an interesting read and I'd read the rest of the "story" on LWL but I don't have and can't get accesss to that board.

... in response to Patrick, would it be at all possible, posted by JUAN on Jul 7, 2001

Rumor has it that she is aware, and is willing to post her side of the story for only $99.99 per gringo reader.  She did say that this is a special price so act quickly!  Hey......I just tell it as I see it!

... in response to Patrick, would it be at all possible, posted by JUAN on Jul 7, 2001

Juan,
No offense, but I'm tired of hearing about this story. It took too MANY entries before Tai would spit out the story. Playing amateur judge without any rules of evidence is no better than playing amateur psychologist.

Let's not follow the liberal line of trying to figure out why they're damaged goods. If you see red flags, if you see pink flags, if you have a funny queasy feeling, cut the line. As the old saying goes, there's lots of fish in the sea.

NW Jim

... in response to Let's not go there...................., posted by NW Jim on Jul 7, 2001

You are correct. You should always use caution. I purchased my novia a cell phone. I gave her the code to pull the messages out of answering service, then I locked the code so she could not change it. When I came home I monitored her messages from my telephone line with the code. To the surprise of my pals, but not me, she was gettin' calls from form three other horndogs on my cellphone. Many people say I was untrusting, but the $200 USD I spent for the phone and 90 day service was well worth it in my eyes. What do you think?

I have done this with all of my Novias, in America and abroad (no pun). All but one have failed the test. What does this say for me? What does this say for them? But I am not the one choking on lawyer fees or wondering "where is she"? Hey, if she passes I will apologize.

And what about the one who passed the test? Her pager(no cell service at the time)  was dropped accidentally 2 weeks after I purchased it, but for those 2 weeks she was true. But then she came up pregnant by some other Anglo.

... in response to ALERT******RED*FLAG*TEST*, posted by KADAMS on Jul 8, 2001


I like your cell phone test for couples who are planning on getting engaged in a very short period of time.  If a couple could spend a few months together day in and day out, then they would have a better oppurtunity to learn about each other's character or lack thereof.  However many guys have neither the time nor the inclination and so testing your potential spouse is this way may be a good idea.  

I am a bit uncomfortable with the idea of checking messages on HER phone.  What I would do instead is buy a phone for myself (and really use it) but let her borrow it when I was not there.  I would stress that this is my phone but when I'm gone it's of no use so you are free to use it.  I would give her the code and show her how to delete messages and then see what happens.  I would not feel guilty checking messages on my phone however I would on hers.

A test that I have done with my novia in Cali is to give her my 2nd ATM card.  I along with a couple of friends keep an apartment there and I have my novia pay the bills for us each month.  I watch to see if she withdraws money only when asked to do so.  If she ever took money out without permission that would be a giant red flag.

There are other tests a guy can do without being dishonest.  Testing is a good thing but remember it works both ways.  

El Diablo

... in response to ALERT******RED*FLAG*TEST*, posted by KADAMS on Jul 8, 2001

Trust, but Verify.

or

Trust Everyone, But Cut The Cards

Ronald Reagan

... in response to ALERT******RED*FLAG*TEST*, posted by KADAMS on Jul 8, 2001

hello,

thank you for the post, and i don't blame you one bit for doing whatever it takes to protect your interests! it's a cold, cruel world out there, and one has to look out for his own interests well. it's important to not just fall for someone in the first 5 minutes, without knowing anything about the lady. and if one has to be a little sneaky to protect his interests/emotions/finances, oh well, so be it.

i read your profile and saw that you travel quite a bit for your job. i to have spent some time in s.e. asia (not much though, compared to your experiences), and i know both vietnam and laos. have you been to louangphrabang? i don't know about looking for a lady there, but it sure is a beautiful town!

anyway, since you have made a search in both l.a and asia, would you post some of your opinions comparing latinas and asians and good points and bad points about both? it can be very brief if you like; just a few notes about your personal experiences in regards to the fact that you know some ladies on BOTH continents, and not just one or the other.

my experiences in vietnam were that the ladies were open to a.m. but for me, and at that time of my life, any type of long term relationship would have been impossible for the vast cultural differences.

i know that there is an asian board also, but i'm interested in opinions from someone with experiences in both l.a. AND asia!

thanks for your time,   bret

... in response to info request!, posted by bret on Jul 8, 2001

Well to get to Laos I had to stop in HCM city. VN ladies are the cream IMHO, but hard to understand and harder to get. I see the Chicas as the best body-style, and also the quickest temper, is this worth the cost? I seem to gravitate towards my favorites. But In Asia It is tough to make first base, Latinas seem more at ease with their sexuality, which is better? I see the country girls in Asia a more long-term, and there family may help keep an eye on them, I don't know.

I did take some photos with a Singapore penpal, then when I came home I sent her a letter under a different name, and used my Mom's address. I told my Mom that a co-worker may be receiving mail at her house for a few weeks. To my surprise a letter was sent from my penpal to the "new guy" My mome fowarded the letter and to my surprise the photo she sent to me was a scan, with image removed.

I confronted her, she is gone too. I just can't seem to trust. Should I feel bad?

... in response to So far, no good, posted by KADAMS on Jul 8, 2001

Thanks for your helpful insights.  I am currently torn between LA and Vietnam.  May I ask you some questions?

Why are Vietnamese the cream of the Asian crop?

What did you mean when you said they are hard to get?

You said that Latinas are more quick-tempered.  Have you experienced the Vietnamese silent treatment when they are angry?

... in response to Re: So far, no good, posted by Hamlet on Jul 8, 2001

I thik that the VN ladies are so darn strict, most I have met cling to tradition. Most they I have me will not date you unless two family members attend. Also they are Buddhist, and that says a lot for building a foundation. The Language is difficult to understand, the Pinays are another story.

If you wish to have a good time, relax at the beach/pool and not worry about your hair, Latina is a better way, but I have Zilcho luck with long term relationships with Latinas, but they are #1 pick for me. That is why I read the posts, perhaps I am doing something incomplete.

But it is good to see that not all of the stories are fairy tales like some wish you to believe, that helps in the process.

... in response to Cream....., posted by KADAMS on Jul 9, 2001

You're just not ready...simple as that...when you are, you will set your mind to finding "ONE WOMAN" and you will...until then you're shoppin..and they can tell..:).

HD

... in response to Re: Cream....., posted by Houndog on Jul 9, 2001

You could be right, they can tell. Most complain that I am never serious, that I laugh too much and get along with strangers, hey that's normal I thought. Is it not true that is tough to meet a really good girl, are the good ones more shy and careful? I have mothers throw thier daughters on me and I have watched these ladies cry and lie when I catch them "on the take".

I guess your right, I am not ready.......maybe never.

... in response to Re: So far, no good, posted by Hamlet on Jul 8, 2001

Hi,

I don't know about you, but that silent treatment doesn't sound too bad if you ask me.  If you have ever experienced the madwoman's(not in reference to SA woman) disease then you would understand.  The symptom(s) are easy to spot.  Just look for a serious case of "diarrhea at the mouth" and personal belongings flying through the air.

Regards,

... in response to So far, no good, posted by KADAMS on Jul 8, 2001

Unfortunately, many foreign women think AM ARE very easy to manipulate. And AM prove it time and time again.Some AM are so desperate for love, they will ignore red flags and convince themselves the lady they choose is truly in love.Ignore the flirting with other men, the lies, the tendencies to be moody and run hot and cold, the greed. Excuses are made for all the bad traits the girl exhibits. There needs to be more caution in this field.

    Also, the men are mostly in search of the young ones who are trouble and try to convince themselves that these women are somehow more matue than AW. Why? Most foreign women have very bad experiences with their own men and cheating.  I would like to know how healthy their relationship patterns are. Are some bitter towards men? Do they really want a good guy forever? Or will they eventually get bored because they are used to chaos,highs and lows in relationships.It seems many claim to like older AM, but why is it they usually have a young boyfriend from their own country on the side(usually the latinas). treating him like gold but taking the gringo for a ride?Are they just looking to get out of their countries?  I am not talking about the older ladies, but the younger ones. Most really do seem to be trouble for a gringo.

 

... in response to Re: So far, no good, posted by rick13 on Jul 8, 2001

Hi Rick,

I tend to agree with your premise that people need to be more catious in this process.  As you suggest, to many of us guys are taken in by the very young and the very beautiful.    

I think we have bought into several ideas that I am not at all certain are true. But these ideas give us a foundation to then seek out what is really more of a hormonal response then one based on intellect or true love.  Some of the ideas I question are:

1. Latinas prefer older men.  Fifteen to twenty year age differences are common.

I know very few married couples in Cali who have more than a few years age difference.  The majority that I know are of the same age.  Sure there are exceptions but these are exceptions.  

However the young women I do see with older men are either  with rich mafia types, mistresses, or with gringos.  (We're are not in good company here.)

2. Latinas are more mature than AW at a young age.

This has not been my observation in Cali.  I don't see much difference.

3. The culture is more conservative.  Families are more intact. Marriage is respected as an institution.

This is a myth that doesn't exist in the Cali agency sub-culture IMO.  Many Cali women grow up in families where the father is cheating on the mother.  The families are perhaps together (although divorce is rampant) but they live together out of economic need not out of love.  In this environment, both men and women alike develop unhealthy relationship skills and ideas.  For example, distrust of men is very common among Calenas.

The ideas I've encountered in Cali among the young about marriage is really eye opening.  Many in the new generation do not believe in marriage.  The agencies are full of young women with children.  These are not necessarily women who were abandoned by men (although it happens) but women who prefered not to get married when they had a child.  I know three or four Colombian couples, who live together, have children but are in fact NOT married.  The sense of a lifetime commitment seems to be lost among the new generation.  

Anyway, I still believe LA is good hunting grounds.  But as most people agree it comes with some pretty heavy risks.  If I were starting over, I'd stay clear of Cali.  It's a fun city but in my opinion there are too many women of poor character in the agencies and they don't wear tags on their foreheads identifying thems as such.  I think the road less traveled may be a better approach especially for those who lack the time to frequently travel to LA.

El Diablo

... in response to Re: Re: So far, no good, posted by El Diablo on Jul 8, 2001

I agree with your comments...sad but true!(IMHO)  Good report.

... in response to Re: Re: So far, no good, posted by El Diablo on Jul 8, 2001

Hi,

El Diablo, could you please elaborate on the comment... the road less traveled.  I have not visited Colombia yet.  But somehow for whatever reasons, I am getting this gutwrenching feeling that what I expect to see and what I will actually see when I get there is going to be totally two different things.  I am already seeing RED FLAGS!!!

Regards

... in response to The road less traveled..., posted by yc on Jul 8, 2001


Sure YC.....

The road less traveled: Bogota, Medellin, Cartagena, Baranquilla, Guadalajara Mexico , Peru, women at least 25 to 30 years of age - women not girls

... in response to Re: The road less traveled..., posted by El Diablo on Jul 10, 2001

Is Bogota less traveled?  I wouldn't think so.  It's Colombia's largest city and it's got its share of agencies.  I'm not knocking it, though.  That's where I met my wife, but Cartagena and Baranquilla sound better, and less traveled.  But if you want the largest number of ladies looking for a foreign husband in one city, I'd bet Bogota has even more than Cali just because of population.  1995 population was estimated at 5.2 million in Bogota, 1.7 million in Cali.

Steve

... in response to The road less traveled..., posted by yc on Jul 8, 2001

Cartagena, Barranquilla, ya know....the road less traveled.

Later,
Mike

www.sparhard.com/colombia.htm

... in response to Re: The road less traveled..., posted by JunFan68 on Jul 9, 2001

Bucaramanga, now THAT'S less traveled

... in response to The road less traveled..., posted by yc on Jul 8, 2001

I have been thinking about the sames things and the way I view it is you have a real probability of success with the agencies in Colombia if you are not a total moron. You have to realize,however that this is a well-oiled MOB machine. You can't have it both ways, if you want the service, the books of girls to choose from and the "knowledge on the street " that a gringo husband is a great thing for a Colombiana, then you have to expect that there will be some bad apples thrown in there as well. Dude, you just need to GO! It will be a year before I can go, because of finances, but I am going. There are great posts from PeteE, DallasSteve,JunFanTX,and others if they can do it you can too. Hey go rent the movie, U.S. Marshals with Tommy Lee Jones. There is a scene in there where he has a drop-dead gorgeous Latina on his arm at a dinner party and it will give you a little inspiration. GO FOR IT!!!

... in response to Re: The road less traveled...- Some thou..., posted by MikePastore on Jul 9, 2001

That movie mentioned about the Columbiana with Tommy Lee is just that... only a movie! And real life would most likely go like this:

 Columbiana marries Tommy Lee in Columbia. Her American husband is the envy of all her girfriends. She is jealous of all the women that come onto him,but proud to have snagged a gringo.
 
   Tommy Lee heads back to the states with his gorgeous latina. She gets off the plane at the airport and notices a strange phenomenon.Men are tripping all over themselves when she walks by. Everywhere she goes ,the supermarket, the mall,men are trying to talk to her. Some young,some old.some even driving the lastest Mercedes.

   She goes home to Tommy Lee and realizes she did not get such a prize after all.Women in this country barely look as he passes by. None seems too interested.She wonders why?

She starts comparing him to all of the guys she meets and realizes a couple of the men hitting on her are the cream of the crop in any country.doctors,lawyers,engineers. Men who would not dare associate with her in her country,due to her lack of education,are now chasing her for serious relationships.
She has business cards,and out of curiosity she begins to talk to a few of these men.hey all declare love.These men  offer the world on a silver platter.

   One day she wakes up and takes a good look at her gringo husband as he sleeps. Older,weathered. Their home  pretty average compared to others in the neighborhood.  She wonders why she is wasting her youth and beauty on this man,when so many others with much more would spoil her. She never imagined men found her so beautiful. back home she was just a "morena".not a blond "rubia" all men desired.  But in the U.S. she is an exotic bird. a swan. She gets up and walks out the door to her new world.  Goodbye Tommy Lee.  Thank you for bringing me to this land of so much oppurtunity.

... in response to Re: Re: The road less traveled...- Some ..., posted by rick13 on Jul 9, 2001

OK guys...I am mainly a lurker because I really don't have much substance to contribute. You see, I have not gone to Colombia yet. But I think this topic is a real downer for some of us so I wanted to butt in.

Rick13, your post made me think about something that never crossed my mind before. How do you keep her? After rereading this post and thinking for a few seconds, I thought that Tommy Lee didn't pick the right Latina.

But, if this was NOT the case and she was the right one, then what is it? Is it the age difference? the money, cars and big house? all the men tripping over her?

Let say she is the one for you. I can't buy into the fact that she would be lured away by other men. Maybe the fault then lies at the person you see in the mirror every day. So my question again for you seasoned veterans is how do you keep her?

To me, it seems that being too much older than her is already two stirkes against you and you're behind in the count. I guess my point is, if you picked the right one, maybe it is up to us to keep them from wondering and wandering.

Thoughts???

... in response to He thinks he'll keep her, posted by genode on Jul 9, 2001

I agree. Getting her is the easy part, keeping her interested and loyal is something else. I think men have to be wise in this search. By that I mean

#1. Choosing a woman who is emotionally healthy.just becauseshe looks good on the outside,does not mean she is not a mess on the inside. A woman who can only site bad relationshps with men who are "no good" may have relationship issues herself.If she was "always" the "victim' and allowed men to step all over her..... RUN! But if she can tell you why things in previous relationships went wrong,and can somehow see her role in break-ups also, then she is a keeper.                                                                                                         #2. Avoid overly flirty. I cannot stress that enough. I have seen so many AM with very flirty latinas and I always wonder how long it will be before she is gone. I also wonder though how these guys can be so blind to what their woman is doing.  I do not see anything wrong with flirting, but in a relationship, I would rather not have my girl do that. Also, if she is always in search of male attention,by wearing very sexy clothing even if she is not with you, I think she is inviting trouble.  Women are not stupid. They know a short skirt,and low-cut top makes all the dogs come out. These men thinking the woman easy prey constantly get hit on women who dress that way(sorry guys, but we all know that. put 2 women together,one dressed cute, the other sexy,and watch who gets hit on all day!)

. If I had a girl who alway wants to dress sexy just to run to the store by herself(there are ways to look sexy,that are not so obvious) I would wonder about her motive. Why does she require so much attention from others.    
  #3. How well can you communicate? Do you make her laugh? are you on the same wavelength?                          

   #4. Does she find you sexually attractive? I know most men will say they find a hot girl sexually attractive, but can she say the same for you? Is she hot for you? Or are you always the one making the moves? Men will try to rationalize and say a woman is shy,ect.  But I wonder at times. Women have sexual feelings too. Why is it a woman will put up with anything from a man she is sexually attracted to? This guy could be majorly broke,cheat,lie. But she has a soft spot there.  But usually dish out sex, as though it was a chore to another guy? Men, make sure you make her hot for you too. If she looks at you with a loving look in her eyes,and at other times with a loook that says"I cannot wait to be alone with you and attack!", she will not stray.MAKE SURE SHE IS AS HOT FOR YOU!!!!

   there are so many more ways to make sure you have a keeper, but I gotta go!:)

... in response to He thinks he'll keep her, posted by genode on Jul 9, 2001

"Get a Good One to Pick You Next Time"...

Good Ones don't bail just because a guy with a busimess card tells them they are beautiful and how much he might love her if she will pull her panties down. Good Girls know the value of loving and recoieving love vs having ones ego stroked for temporary gratification.

HD

... in response to Re: Re: The road less traveled...- Some ..., posted by rick13 on Jul 9, 2001

Your story has more truth to it than many will want to believe. In fact, it sounds very simular to a story of someone I used to know. A girl from a poor family in the Rio Grande Valley, that made it to the city, was elevated to middle class status, had her self esteem raised. And then was 'noticed' as you say by men who would never have associated with her in her own element, guys with business cards, professing love, at least temporarily.

HD

... in response to Re: Re: Re: The road less traveled...- g..., posted by Houndog on Jul 9, 2001

Unfortunately Houndog, too many men believe in the fantasy of that movie. But these women have a mind,and as you expand her world,her mind begins to work like anyone's would.  If you do not choose wisely,you can get a girl who is very competitive(unfortunately many beautiful women love to compete with other women for ego's sake). A girl who gets a taste of the good life,and wants more. Sees oppurtunity wants it ALL and then some.    

An immature girl will be flattered by all this attention from AM.  I imagne it is a schock to find out an educated AM who is upper to upper middle class has no qualms about dating you because you came from a background of poverty,and have little education.  It really must come as a shock that those same type of men who would only consider her as a misstress in her country,the type that was unatainable to her now chases after her.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: The road less traveled....., posted by rick13 on Jul 9, 2001

Good tale here,

New a guy from Central Alabama, married a HOT lady, both out of high School. He brouht this gorgeous country gal to Dallas and she attended Dental Hygeine School. Well, you know the story, pretty soon she was going out for "girls night out" not coming home on time, staying out late, the usual. Well pretty soon the sex stopped and she told him "I need some time to myself (IOW, I wish to have sex with other guys).

To close this Hotty filed for the Big D and I don't mean Dallas. She married the Dentist she was working for during the breakup, what a coincidence right?

By the way, he watches this board.........

... in response to Alambama with a banjo.........., posted by KADAMS on Jul 9, 2001

Mine thought she was gonna marry the Doctor she worked for...funny how after the sex is outa the way..some guys move on...LOL...

Oh...I got the Gold Mine and She Got the Shaft...LOL my new Colombian Wife could'nt be happier about the outcome...:)

HD

... in response to Re: Re: So far, no good, posted by El Diablo on Jul 8, 2001

Good observations El Diablo. I'd like to add that a common living arrangement in Colombia is the Union Libre, a form of commonlaw marriage. I don't have the figures but I suspect it is far more common than church or civil marriages. My understanding is that if you go your separate ways after two years in a union libre the woman can make legal demands against anything acquired during the union. This was the case with a European friend of mine who lives in Trujillo north of Cali.

... in response to Re: Re: So far, no good, posted by El Diablo on Jul 8, 2001

I second everything you just said..!!!!

Many Myths run rampant in this Process !

HD