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Title: The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get real here Post by: newby Jim on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM OK here's my beef with this whole process. Why would a really pretty girl from Columbia want to marry someone 20 years older and 100lbs heavier than her if it were'nt for a better life ? If I were one of you (I want this for my sweet bro, too) I'd want someone who wants YOU and not your lifestyle. Call me Mrs Skeptical...
Title: Speaking without thinking Post by: HappyIdiot on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get..., posted by newby Jim on Jul 9, 2001
I think if you truely want to educate yourself, you might want to make more effort to separate the many myths from the reality of (for lack of a better term) intercultural relationships. As with many myths, there are some people that "prove" the validity of them, but if you keep an open mind, you might find that this is an oversimplification. I don't know how accurate the stereotype is about AM and LW as far as the age difference. In my case it is not true. I am 37 years old, 5'11" and weigh 165 and have a 31 inch waist (It should be 30 inch but I've been lazy to go to the gym recently). So for what you said to be true I would have to find a LW that was 17 and weighed 65lbs. I can assure you this is not the case. Since you have a "beef" with the process, why don't you introduce your brother to some of the many fine AW that you know? I think you will find this explains why someone would go to the trouble of considering other alternatives in spite of the complications. If you don't like what he is doing, why not offer him a better choice, that you would support? Title: The process Post by: El Diablo on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get..., posted by newby Jim on Jul 9, 2001
The whole MOB process is a study in human behavior IMHO. The choices people make are both interesting and somewhat predictable. They are predictable because as a people we make choices that we perceive will be in our best interest. Our perception however is influened by many things; culture, family, values, religion and the list could go on. The culture here in North America is extremely materialistic and superficial. Women often choose men not on character but rather on wealth and position. For those of you who are AW bashers, consider that men choose women more often than not, soley on beauty. Really think about this -- a women's VALUE is tied to a totally random event in nature and something that she has no control of or ability to change. Our culture is much more forgiving to men. We can control to some extent the way we are perceived by women. We can at least try to be successful in the things that we do. We may ultimately fail but at least there is hope. I think AW or AM bashing is really a sign of frustation. People feel that they are being judged unfairly and so they lash out at the opposite sex. But the problem exists not so much with this sex or that sex, but rather with the culture at large. I am speaking the obvious but we travel to Colombia or LA because we perceive the situation to be better there then it is here. What "better" means is open to some debate here on the board however. I think some men believe that the choices a LW makes are in general based less on materialism and superficiality than the choices an AW makes. I think this position is open to some debate and somewhat self serving, however I agree that is an appealing reason for looking South. Whether it is true or not, are the guys who travel South less materialistic and superficial than AM or AW who don't? I don't think so, too many of us want what I described above however we are unwilling to put it into practice ourselves. It's the proverbial having your cake and eating it to. Doug Y and Patrick are the only guys on this board that I know of who are even remotely close in age to their novia or spousa. Sit in Latin Love for two or three months as I have and watch what women are chosen for appointments. Men are looking for young attractive women first and foremost. If I can come full circle, men and women do what they perceive to be in their best interest. Those of us who look South or North are no different than those who don't in this respect. When I am in Cali, I can date women who in terms of their looks and age are not attainable to me here in California. The same may be said for the women of the agencies, with an AM many oppurtunities open up that would not exist otherwise. As long as both parties are sincere, realistic and truly understand the comittment they make to one another, I see no harm in these relationships. My thoughts on our culture and the MOB process may be a bit too Darwanian for some, however ask yourself the following questions. Would you travel to Colombia for matrimony if you could only meet women who were your own age as is predominately the case here? Do you believe the MOB business would exist as it does today in Colombia, if the economy and stability of their government was equal to our own? My answer to both questions is a resounding NO however that does not mean that I am against the process nor do I apologize for it. It is what it is. El Diablo Title: Bashin' Post by: KADAMS on July 11, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to The process, posted by El Diablo on Jul 10, 2001
I don't understand, why is it so that when poor qualities of AW's are pointed out, it is bashing? They do it to us and it is cute, I saw an rootbeer commercial where they called the man "thick-headed", would they do that for a woman, no. AW's have the luxury of the Media, they have biased laws dealing with Divorce and Child custody, they can be anything they want. Look at the result, they have really let themselves go. If you walk into the Grocery store and look at all of the women, how many would you consider worth your time? Go ahead and look, and we are not even talking about personality yet. Title: Re: The process Post by: Jeff S on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to The process, posted by El Diablo on Jul 10, 2001
My wife is a couple years older than I (but lots better looking) You know why, I ended up marrying her. She was the FIRST woman I'd dated in over 18 years of looking, who didn't look at me as a project - something to be altered into something SHE wanted. My wife accepted me as I was. -- Jeff S Title: Re: Re: The process Post by: Houndog on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: The process, posted by Jeff S on Jul 10, 2001
I'm with you all the way. One of the most enduring features of my wife is that she accepts Me for Me and not a project like you say. I've dated a lot of AW and even married one...all the serious ones felt compelled to whip me into shape/submission. Yet they were attracted to me for my Independence, Individuality, Strenght, etc.....an enigma I finally just got tired of fighting and dealing with. HD Title: Re: The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get real here Post by: buzzy on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get..., posted by newby Jim on Jul 9, 2001
Ok..you remember that movie where Richard Dreyfess gets mentally obsessed with building a mound of dirt and clay after an encounter with aliens? Then he sees the object of his obsession on tv and realizes that is where he has to go? Ok well in this movie if you just substitute a latina MOB instead of that obsession of the Colorado mountain.... you will begin to understand what we gringos have experienced. It's a mental spiritual connection so to speak that yearns to be continually satisfied. We are no longer satisfied with status quo. There are only a few of us with this mission. We are committed to this end come heck or high water. It's not something we can control. Not now. It's much bigger than that. I hope you understand now a little bit more what we're trying to do here. And if you don't we understand. Take care and good luck. Title: It's your turn to get real here Post by: DallasSteve on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get..., posted by newby Jim on Jul 9, 2001
sis OK, now I can talk. My wife and I worked out, washed off, engaged in other activities ;-), and then we logged back on to Planet-love. She's learning English and she has started lurking here. Over the years I've seen the young men that young women pick in this country to father their children and sometimes marry. A large percentage of them are bad apples and you know it. If you think the young men are any better in Colombia I think you're dreaming. A better question is why would an attractive woman want an unfaithful, insensitive, unsuccessful, lazy, beer-drinking, computer-game playing boy when she could have a man like me? And why should I want an out-of-shape 40-something American Woman who wants to complain and dress like a man? And in case it matters, I'm 5'9", 150 dripping wet after I run 3 miles or lift weights like a madman. My wife wants me to gain weight, but I know how hard it is to take it off. I will still have ripped abs when I turn 50 thank you very much. You should be so lucky. Steve Title: Re: The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get real here Post by: FenixRises on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get..., posted by newby Jim on Jul 9, 2001
I just returned from Cali, Colombia last night. I have never thought that I was more than average in appearance. I'm 52, 5'8", 160 lbs, fair skinned with light brown hair and hazel eyes. I went to Cali hoping to find a woman who was between 30 and 40 years old. I stayed at one agency the entire time. Many of the Calenas that came to the agency did not have appointments to see anyone specific. Some were interested in joining and some were already members. And some were just checking out the new meat, I am sure. As I said I was only interested in meeting what I considered age appropriate (for me) women. Yet I often noticed that women, in their very early twenties and sometimes only 18 to 20 of age, were looking at me with appearant and sustained interest and ready to return my glance in their direction with a big and warm hearted smile. Where they only being friendly? Or maybe I am being a bit conceited and was only dreaming or maybe they perceived $$ stamped on my forehead, my reality would have disappointed them, or maybe some really were interested in someone who appeared stable, polite, kind and considerate and when looked at did not require the need for a flight sickness bag. But one thing is for sure, AW of similar caliber and age have never looked at me in quite that way. Fred Title: Re: The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get real here Post by: Pete E on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get..., posted by newby Jim on Jul 9, 2001
The answer,sis,is that in Colombia it is hard for a woman to find a good man.Just being a good man doesn't get you much in the states unless you are also young,tall good looking and rich or at least have a very good job.Women here,particularly if they are good looking,are very spoiled and tend to treat men badly.Also,lets look at their other choices a woman in Colombia has.She can get a good looking young guy,but he will probably never marry her,and if he does he is almost certain to fool around on her,it's a Colombiano pastime.In defense of the guys,getting married probably means a hard life so why not stay with momma till she dies and just fool around.They don't have alot of money but if they live at home they can afford to play around. I like to use the word opportunity,not desperation.Most of these women are not desperate,they can continue to live with the family and get by.But they,as I think all people,want opportunity,a chance for a better life.Marrying an American can give them a better life and also a more faithfull and supportive husband. Also,big age differences are common down there.Marrying an older man means stability.Young guys there are not likely to have much going for them,so they are already used to that part. Its a whole different world down there.Its hard to shift your thinking from what the expectations are here.For a guy who actually goes down there its hard to believe at first,but you get used to it and don't want to settle for any less.For an american women,who seems to care about her brother,I would say hide and watch.If he is serious and carefull enough to avoid the problem women,who may be 10% of the women,you will see him come home with a sweet,loving wife who will treat him very well and stick with him through about anything.You,as well as he,will be amazed.You can't help but like most of these women. You have to see it to believe it.No amount of analysis from afar will get the point across. So guys,catch a plane,look for character over beauty,because you can get enough beauty in the good ones to suffice,and more beauty in a bad one is just trouble. For American women,if you are a family member or friend who has the guys best interest at heart you will be pleased.If you are an ex girl friend or wife you will be jealous. Pete Title: My sis...hmmm... Post by: newby Jim on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys,..., posted by Pete E on Jul 9, 2001
Thanks for all of the responses.. I've learned quite a bit watching the posts here, and it seems to me a real opportunity that sure does'nt seem to exist here. Sis wants me to marry good the 2nd time; she hated my first wife, and it turns out for d@mn good reasons. After reading your posts, she's a little more comfortable with it also (until next week); she especially took heart in hearing descriptions of the Colombian guys who are available. I'm more comfortable with the notion of latina/gringo marriages are in part because of the riches & stability we have here.. it's part of what a woman looks for, and it's perfectly fine, so long as it's not the primary reason. Still, I'm going to be lookin for someone in their 30s; for me, there's a maturity and an appreciation for a good,decent,stable guy that does'nt exist in many younger gals. Title: Re: My sis...hmmm... Post by: Hamlet on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to My sis...hmmm..., posted by newby Jim on Jul 10, 2001
Your sister may derive motivation from comments one of my Panamanian pen friends made to me last week: It's strange, Latin men don't like Latinas so much. They are MAD about tall, blond, American, Canadian or Russian women. They (Latin males) would lick the dirty floor for marrying an Anglo-Saxon woman. Title: Re: My sis...hmmm... Post by: rick13 on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to My sis...hmmm..., posted by newby Jim on Jul 10, 2001
Jim, tell your sister she has no need to worry about you whatsoever. Unlike many on this search you are a realist. In search of a stable appreciative woman,not a girl who still needs "to get it all out of her system" before she can even think of becoming a wife.This whole process can be a bit tricky though. I am finding out a lot of foreign women think that all AM are rich and really do not believe if you say otherwise.I am trying to be careful because though we accuse AW of greed, there seems to be a level of greed in most women no matter what her country. Though I understand no woman wants a man without goals, I think many foreign women(notall) see us as meal tickets for themselves,and at times even their family. It seems some family members always need financial help somehow. I am not saying this to discourage you, but just to warn you not to be too trusting. There is lots of advice on this board,some good,some not too good. But it's always up to you to weed out useless information. Good luck with everything. Your sister seems very nice. Tell her if she wants to meet a nice guy,try some of the internet dating websites that has pics and a bio. There are many nice guys out there who are shy (the kind you should look for), but will use those forums to meet women. No,they are not loosers,but the search for a good AW is booming.There are few to be found. She would be suprised at the high caliber of men that join. Tell her to get a free trial membership:)If a man is out there and willing to pay a membership fee to meet someone. Sit there and get to know her through e-mail he is more sincere than most who just want to play. Title: Re: Re: My sis...hmmm...Colombiano? Post by: Cali vet on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: My sis...hmmm..., posted by rick13 on Jul 10, 2001
As a matter of fact of I've met a goodly number of Colombian men who are dying to meet a real American gringa. Sis could probobly have her pick if she learns a little Spanish and heads south with her brother. Title: You've Finally figured it out guys Post by: JUAN on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: My sis...hmmm...Colombiano?, posted by Cali vet on Jul 10, 2001
As attractive, as exotic, as different as latinas are to some AM that is how exotic, attractive and different a blonde, blue eyed or red haired AW is to a good # of latinos.
Look around, you'll see plenty of AW with latinos, it's going both ways guys.
Title: Re: You've Finally figured it out guys Post by: yc on July 11, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to You've Finally figured it out guys, posted by JUAN on Jul 10, 2001
One other thing JUAN, just out of curiosity. How receptive were these AW to being hit on by LM? I hope you are not talking about "College Girls Going Wild!!!" Title: Re: Re: You've Finally figured it out guys Post by: JUAN on July 11, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: You've Finally figured it out guys, posted by yc on Jul 11, 2001
yc, some women weren't very receptive while others were, it depended on the individual doing the pickup attempt.
Title: Re: You've Finally figured it out guys Post by: yc on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to You've Finally figured it out guys, posted by JUAN on Jul 10, 2001
Hey, I don't have a problem with it. If LM love AW, the more power to them. Just because I find AW unsuitable does not mean I think she should be alone. I try to be as objective as I possibly can. If I desire a latina, she, the AW, should be able to desire LM or who she choose to desire. To each their own, and every is happy. At least in theory that is. Title: Re: You've Finally figured it out guys Post by: rick13 on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to You've Finally figured it out guys, posted by JUAN on Jul 10, 2001
It really is funny how foreign men love AW,but none on this board wants to admit it. I find it quite puzzlig at times that the plain redhead is a knock-out to many of these foreign guys. In fact, if I were a slighly chubby blond chick, I would run over to LA and get myself a guy that would never look at me twice in the U.S.:):) Lots of Latinos love blond women with pale skin, so I really don't think Aw would really get jealous of AM with foreign wives. Also,there are pleny of foreign men more than willing to marry AW if nt for her exotic looks:):) then for a VISA and a better life.Just as there are plenty of foreign ladies ready to do the same. I truly believe women are more practical and logical when it comes to looking into intercultural relationships.Also, there is usually a stigma associated with a woman if she dates outside her culture or race. (that is unfortunate but true) I am sure many of us know of the reverse case where a plain,or older AW married a foreign good-looking man. My friend has an aunt who did just that last year. She is pretty plain and really spinster looking. The funny thing is, she is blond and he was all hot for her because in his country a blond white woman is the prize. Now she is complaining he is out all the time and she is finding phone #'s from women all over. White women! I do no mean this as an insult to anyone, but i does seem in his country, he was impressed with her blond hair. But once here,he is begining to see she is not what is considered attractive by the average AM.And he is telling her how other women are always coming on to him and tell him he is good-looking. She is extremely upset by this,and cannot believe the change in a man who once declared his total devotion,and left his country and family to be with her. Title: Re: Re: You've Finally figured it out guys Post by: Pete E on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: You've Finally figured it out guys, posted by rick13 on Jul 10, 2001
The latino male,particularly in Colombia,seems to enjoy the challenge of trying to seduce a new woman.American women are viewed as not only exotic but easy,and this might be the case for an AW on vacation.Where an American man might get tired of rejection these guys just try and try.Its a fun game for them I think.I think they can even be quite charming and seem to have alot of confidence.I think they are raised differently.Males are put on a pedistall and and not reprimanded or critisized much,so they don't lack confidence.Also there is an attitude about women I heard where a Costa Rican father tells his son" you will not be able to have sex with every woman you you meet,but of course you must try." My wife was telling me stories about what womanizers her grandfathers were,it was kind of funny to her in retrospect.Probably wasn't funny to grandma at the time. Pete Pete Title: Re: The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get real here Post by: KADAMS on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get..., posted by newby Jim on Jul 9, 2001
I feel your pain, I have a mother and sister, (both divorced). Listening to an AW to me is like watching Sesame Street with the Sound off, lots of lip movement, but nothing worthwhile to be heard. You know like " you guys are desparte, she won't love you blah blah blah blah, .........." see? Go ahead, pike and poke, I still be at the pool in Belize drinking a Pina and Ms. November will be oiling my back. And you can sit at home and watch your toenails turn yellow with age.. Cheers Title: we are not all desperate, thanks! Post by: bret on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get..., posted by newby Jim on Jul 9, 2001
why would a pretty american girl want to marry someone 20 years older and 100lbs heavier, if it were not for a better life? american women marry for money and lifestyle everyday! the goal in "the process" is to choose someone within one's age group, or near it, mos o menos. anyone who marries someone much younger IS taking a big risk, no matter the nationality of the bride. of course, some of the marriges do work, regardless of the age difference or country. but, as far as your BEEF is concerned, most american women marry in order to enhance their lifestyle. didn't your mother tell you to shop around, or did you go for the first loser/unemployed/fat guy to come along? oh, by the way, some of us are young and in excellent shape! Title: Re: The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get real here Post by: acatman on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get..., posted by newby Jim on Jul 9, 2001
Want a better life!!!! Yes you bet BOB... Would you marry a man your age with a 6 grade education, work at a job making $6:50 an hour. Rent a trailer and watch fishing on TV.?? I bet you want a better life, nice vaction, money in the bank and all the perk that goes with success. I have work all my life trying to have something and now i have made it. I am marred to a beautiful Colombia women for almost 3 years. Some facts,,I am 40 lbs more than her and 29 years older. As the song say " she light up my life". You should wish your brother good luck and let him do his business,,, Title: Not all of us are 20 years older and 100 lbs heavier! Post by: genode on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get..., posted by newby Jim on Jul 9, 2001
I'm going to throw a little water on this fire with some light heartedness before the flames get out of control. Some of us are quite young yet and looking for that someone special our own age. Actually, I still date AW occasionally. And who knows, I just might meet that someone special tomorrow. But I am most physically attracted to Latinas. Besides, how can an exotically beautiful Latina resist a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, young Minnesotan stud such as myself. :) Dontcha know, eh? BTW...I'm coming home to MN from KC next weekend. Single? Would you like to go out and see for yourself? jajaja Title: Re: Not all of us are 20 years older and 100 lbs heavier! Post by: Houndog on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Not all of us are 20 years older and 100..., posted by genode on Jul 9, 2001
Yea, I made the mistake of still dating AW, while writing foriegn women myself about 9 yrs ago. Oh well...live and learn. HD Title: I hope I can break the habit...I am weak. :) n/m Post by: genode on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM Title: Re: The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get real here Post by: Houndog on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get..., posted by newby Jim on Jul 9, 2001
Honestly most of us were Desperate to find women that were absolutely NOTHING like overwieght(or will be soon), materialistic, naggy, shallow, selfish, dishonest AW. And when we looked around we finally found the Mother Load of 'Dream Ladies'in LA...and words can't describe what a blessing Globalization is to guys that want a younger, slimmer, more beautiful, loyal and faithful loving woman as a spouse. For the mere price of a plane ticket south we never have to date another AW for as long as we live. Thank You Lord ! HD Title: Re: Re: The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get real here Post by: pack on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys,..., posted by Houndog on Jul 9, 2001
hound is right on target! thank you american airlines for setting us free! Title: Re: Re: Re: The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get real here Amen Post by: Diego A. on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: The Desperation Factor.. C'mon g..., posted by pack on Jul 9, 2001
When you get the Latina bug it doesn't go away. the new american dream is the south american(including central/mexico/spain) woman. The dream of a wife that is younger, attractive, yes BUT also more traditional more family oriented kinder, SUPPORTING will love not antagonize her husband, in short marraige they way it should be instead of competition when compared to what we have experienced with the AW (especially those of us who have been married before) we could never go back. Especially to find someone who can appreciate what we have to offer. After being mistreated by the American woman we've had it! We're not having it. If my being an American can get me the wife of my dreams then I'm going to use it ya mi voy! Having seen the dream realized in others We are ready to boldly go where few american men have gone before: LATINALAND Title: And about dating AW Post by: genode on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys,..., posted by Houndog on Jul 9, 2001
Nothing invigorates me more to go south than after dating an AW. It just reminds me time and time again that going to Latin America WILL be worth the effort and it WILL be worth the time. I get tired of the pettiness sometimes. Title: Re: And about dating AW Post by: Rich on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to And about dating AW, posted by genode on Jul 9, 2001
I quite like american women (there are loads of them in London ). Strange accents though and they don't seem to speak the Queens english ! Title: KIbbles and bits*************** Post by: KADAMS on July 13, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: And about dating AW, posted by Rich on Jul 10, 2001
I date AW's just for fun, I tell them I have no money, they won't last long. We usually go to the movies, many times they show vacation photos, including the boyfriends. I whip out the wallet and show them a vacation pic of me at the pool in Los Cabos with Ms. Noviembre, first thing they say is "wow, she is thin". don't bother me a bit! Title: Re: And about dating AW Post by: pack on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to And about dating AW, posted by genode on Jul 9, 2001
last time i dated an american woman was 1994, never again! Title: Re: Re: And about dating AW Post by: yc on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: And about dating AW, posted by pack on Jul 10, 2001
I understand where you are coming from. It has been since 1993 or 1994 since I last dated an AW. Like yourself, never again!!! Title: American men... Post by: newby Jim on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to And about dating AW, posted by genode on Jul 9, 2001
Not all gals are like that. I'm not going to get into the battle of the sexes, but think of it this way.. how many guys do you know that are 1.controllong/jealous 2.druggies 3.in love with their ex, still depressed 4.no ambition 5.don't even make an effort to be attractive 6.in love with themselves so much they cant love anyone else 7.too into their careers to have any time 8.broke, or 9.has massive problems with the ex/kid ?? If you only knew how hard it is to find a cute, nice, ambitious guy. On the other hand, I know a lot of cute gals that are just plain nuts or like guys who treat them like sh!t also. It goes both ways, guys. Title: Re: American men... Post by: Pete E on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to American men..., posted by newby Jim on Jul 9, 2001
I'm not an american woman basher,I know there are lots of nice women out there,but usually the ones who are available to us we are not interested in.Looks is very important to a guy,and most of us are looking for what we can't have here. My theory of why most people who are single are not in a relationship is they can't have what they want and don't want what they can have.I think if you look at your choices you will find the same.In Colombia there are younger and prettier women availiable to the average guy,so a guy can have what he wants.Guys tend to be very visual.One thing you notice in Colombia is very few people,particularly women,are fat.They take great care in their appearance and are very femine. So guys have a magic solution,Colombia.For a woman I would say get your body in very good shape.I hung out in singles groups for years and saw alot of fat women wondering why no guy was interested in them.Take a good look at the clothes you wear,not that they have to be especially stylish,but do they make your body look good?Guys don't care if you wear the same dress every day if you look good in it.Join a Gym. The other question,is there some magical geographic shift that would change your odds?Probably not to the extent we get by shopping Colombia,but where I live,San Jose,California,just passed Alaska as the worst place for a guy so I think that makes it the best place for a woman.There are lots of guys who have good educations and good jobs that can't find a woman they are interested in. It's just like economics 1A,supply and demand.About love and feelings,when you find what you are looking for then that can develop,for men and women. Just give your brother a kick in the butt to go to Colombia.He won't be sorry. Personal note.I married a woman who is very beautifull to me and is also a very good person,everybody loves her,including me.She is 23 years younger than me and there is no way in the world I ever could have found someone like her here. Pete Title: Re: Re: American men... Post by: yc on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: American men..., posted by Pete E on Jul 9, 2001
I beg to differ on the comment regarding looks. I admit, looks does play a role. But women are just as much into looks as men are. At one time I use to think differently. But after over hearing so many conversation between women where a man's look was at the center of the discussion, I had to rechanged my thinking. Women are just as much visual creatures as men are. I honestly believe most of the AM(those with noble intentions) that go to SA are not going solely to find a pretty face to marry. That is just the icing on the cake. They are going because there is a shortage of good AW. Besides, is it fair to ask a nice guy to seach the nation over just to find a good AW whenever and wherever one become available. That would be ludicrous. Why not just fly southward or wherever to choose from a more plentiful supply. Most people that are against this method think it is all about looks... or a control thing. But that is simply not the case, attractive women can be found right here in the US. Personally speaking, there is no shortage of attractive AW. The problem lies with those choice AW attitude and their expectations. Their demands are so high, no one but the top 1% can possibly meet them. And if that does seem insurmountable enough, try finding a nice ugly women. That is just as difficult. Title: Re: Re: Re: American men... Post by: El Diablo on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: American men..., posted by yc on Jul 9, 2001
My experiences at least as I interpret them suggest something quite different. At Latin Love where I would often hang out, I witnessed the selection process of many men. Very few guys were even the slightest bit interested in anything other than the photos -- a bikini shot even better. Women over 30 were rarely selected for appointments and if they were, they were most likely not pursued. This is not a case of insufficient quantities of good AW IMO. There are plenty of good American women. The problem is that for too many guys a good woman is defined more in terms of her looks than in terms of her character. I think both men and women have unrealistic expectations about the opposite sex. Pete hit it right on. We want a woman to match the image we have of ourselves however our image is not in touch with reality. (-: Average Joe who is a nice guy wants a pretty sexy wife and he's bitter when the pretty gal at work prefers the more attractive guy. Well this is life.... A lot of guys have figured that they can beat the system by traveling South. I say go for it and more power to them. I travel South as frequently as I can. I do take exception however to simplistic notions of culture where AW are portrayed as evil and manipulative and AM as victims. Come on we can do better than that..... El Diablo Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: American men... Post by: yc on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: American men..., posted by El Diablo on Jul 10, 2001
Hi, I am in total agreement with your observations. I have observed similar instances myself. AM as well as AW can have unrealistic expectations. To be totally objective here, I attributed quite abit of my own mis-adventures with AW to the fact that I placed such a high value on looks. But that was my younger days too. It wasn't until I re-evaluated my proirities, that I realized the problem lied with me as well as the EX. From that point onward, I began viewing life through a different lens. Here is what I've learned: 1) A person's character is not considered until way too late in to the relationship. 2) Women go into a relationship thinking they will mold a man into what they believe he should be. 3) Men go into a relationship thinking she will not change(I'm not refering to the negative). 4) A person always puts on their best face in at the beginning of a relationship... unless he/she is a total jerk. 5) Success, huge bank account, big house(s) and cars does not make a good or suitable husband(although that would depend on who the women is)... THIS IS NOT PLAYA HATING. Just being real. 6) Having a beautiful woman on your arm that make other men envy you does not mean she'll make a good wife(That is dabatable depending on the guy). Anyways, I was hoping that the crop of men flying south would be more in touch with reality then trying to even the odds. Having a beautiful wife is great, but I do not believe it is a God given right... some guys would say that is dabatable. Sooner or later her looks is going to wear-off. If you are hoping for that 50 or 60 Year Anniversary there is going to have to be something of substance there... and I don't mean sex(That's debatable also). As you said, if can find a beautiful latina for a wife the more power to you. But if the sole reason for doing so is to even the odds, then I believe these guys are missing the mark... and doing these women(especially of she is a good person) a dis-service. No offense intended. Just my .02 Thanks for the response. Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: American men... Post by: rick13 on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: American men..., posted by yc on Jul 10, 2001
Right on the money. It's funny how soooo many AM are just as shallow and picky as the AW they accuse. SO Much anger is directed at the Aw for putting such premium on looks and money.Yet these guys go south and become total hypocrites. Doing exactly what they are angry at AW for doing. Why are you angry at AW who will not date men 20 years older? Most men would not. For not dating men who are overweight or not good looking enough? How many men would date that type of woman? When most men go south, They seek the most beautiful woman they can get,and get pickier than any AW they accuse.. They choose a woman,not truly knowing her charecter,her deepest hopes and dreams,but mostly by outer appearance. because few even take time to learn her language. So how in the world can you really get to know each other? Many men will pass up a good foreign woman with English skills,for a knock-out who cannot speak a word of English.`Yeah! most are in search of a soulmate alright! Nope! Unfortunately,most are in search of a trophy. Then, money is thrown around to lure her. But it is justified by saying no woman wants a man who has no ambition. Yet,everyone is angry at the AW for asking what his profession is. Why ? Don't you know all women want a man with ambition. How different is the typical AM,compared to the typical AW? Not much. Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: American men... Post by: El Diablo on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: American men..., posted by yc on Jul 10, 2001
Hey YC, No offense taken. I was only suggesting that it's a two way street. I also think it's a bit unfair and self serving for us to point our fingers only at AW and entirely overlook our own shortcomings. I understand why men and women both feel frustrated however the solution is not served by pointing fingers. The solution is to get on a plane and go South. (That was a joke!) El Diablo Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: American men... Post by: yc on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: American men..., posted by El Diablo on Jul 10, 2001
You are absolutely correct El Diablo. It is a two way street and finger pointing is useless activity best avoided. I understand your argument regarding problematic AM. I know my share of them. They are mostly to blame for many their own problems... not to mention partially responsible for some of the bad AW out there and the mess good AM have gotten from these women. The same would hold true for bad AW(not all AW) out there. I was just making an argument for AM with noble intentions at heart. It just seems that their side of the story is never heard. I would even expand on that by saying "any noble person." I would have and have made the same argument in favor of AW that had good intentions at heart. Good people are good people, regardless of their sex, race or color. It is usually good people who is left with the mess created by these problematic individuals. It is just ashame that so few good people ever make to the point of actually getting together. More can be said on this subject but I think you got the message. Take care!!! PS: I am going to the better hunting grounds!!! It would be a tragedy to know of the opportunity down there and not take advantage of it. Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: American men... Post by: rick13 on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: American men..., posted by El Diablo on Jul 10, 2001
El Diablo, you are right on the money on your post.AM are not victims as they claim. There are plenty of AM who cheat,abuse,are unemplyed,fat,unmotivated,socially enept,sloppy,lazy ect. AM do ave a choice to say no. I think it angers men that AW are too picky and do not find them attractive. Meanwhile, most of these men are truly in denial of what they really look like. Do men like dating older women they do not find attractive? I think you are correct in assuming if a man could not get a young cute girl in a foreign country,he would not take a chance of flying to Columbia,deal with language and cultural barriers,and most likely have to be sole provider and baby sitter till she gets her feet wet.Also, taking the risk that she may become a different person over time. No,what we do for pretty women we will not do for plain older ones. Women have low threshold for old and poor. But will put up with alot from a penny less young stud. Why??? I guess the younger man is the true preference (looks and age do matter to more than you think) ,but women are very practial and will take the man with a future. Is that about love?...... don't know.` I heard many women do not marry the man they were truly in love with. The men that truly made her feel love were either undependable or did not ask he to marry him. So many marry the one who does ask, the dependable one,though she may love him ,she is not in love with him. I thought that was a bit sad. I want a woman who would choose me in any situation. Not because I am the practical choice.I want her to think I am the best thing that ever happened to her. I want to feel that. I think many men settle for that feeling in order to have a beautiful woman. I thrive on a woman who also is willing to say often that she finds me sexy. I thrive on her prodly taking my hands as we walk along the street. Nuzzling up to me for a kiss. Hey! I need to hear compliments too! I need to feel special too. It shoul dnot be one sided,with me being the one always trying to keep her happy and make her feel wanted. And no, I am not a hypocrite, there are times in choosing two women I chose the one who was not so pretty but she made me feel special. Someone said if you want to keep a woman make her feel wanted and safe. I agree in part,but I think many of the men who lose their wives do just that,and she still leaves.That is why so many get discouraged and bitter. I bet most of the divorced men here treated their wives just like that,and she left anyway. I have seen more success when a man makes the woman sweat. I know men with latina girls that treat them like gold,and the women are not such angels.latinas for some reason hate calm and love conflict.But ultimately, if you want to keep her,make sure she is madly and wildly in love with you first. Otherwise nothing you can do will guarentee she stays for the long haul. Also, though some here love to bash AW,it is commonly known that many latin and foreign men think to attain an American blond woman is the ultimate prize. I have seen plain chubby blond women go to a latin party and get hit on all night as though she were Catherine Zeta-Jones.I am not making this up, I think the latin men on this board can confirm that.I guess the grass is always greener. These LM treat the AW better than they would treat their LW. AW will always have a choice, but I think they have high standards,and no patience when it omes to language and cultural barriers. I hate to say this, but it seems most would rather turn to women then try to date foreig men:) Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: American men... Post by: Pete E on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: American men..., posted by rick13 on Jul 10, 2001
Rick, A couple of comments.What really jumped out at me was your statement that latin women love conflict.There are many different latin cultures,so what is true in northern Mexico can be untrue in Colombia.My Colombian wife hates conflict.If I even raise my voice to make a point on something it bothers her,so I have had to avoid doing that.Whats funny is she likes to watch these Novelas(spanish soap opera)where there is all this conflict,but it is definetly not what she wants in her personal life. Second,I think the Colombiana will look at the whole picture in choosing a husband.By being Americans our status and value is elevated.America is looked up to because we seem to have so many things going for us that others do not.And of course we can offer a better lifestyle for them and their children.Of course this is part of the appeal. The best candidate for a wife is one that has life experience and maybe has been burned real bad by some Colombian playboy.Now looks are not as important as stability,opportunity and faithfullness.So when we can offer the lifestyle she wants it is easier for her to fall in love with us. This may sound very materialistic but let me give you an american example.Say a guy goes to medical school and becomes a doctor.Now he has alot more appeal to a woman,not only because of money but social status.Many women will be attracted to him that would not if he was a factory worker.Because they are attracted to the status and the lifestyle it is easier for them to fall in love with him. Yes you want to see that they love you,but it may not be entirely for your good looks and dynamic personality.Other factors are important. So in Colombia we have the kind of social and economic power that the MD does here.We are in high demand.Its hard to believe untill you have experienced it.There is nothing like having alot of good looking women interested in you to boost your spirits.Its downright addicting!Of course you want to be carefull what type of girl you are getting,but there are many very sweet sincere ones.The chances of getting a woman of extremely high moral character is much higher than here I think,because oif their family and religious culture.Just the opposite of Russia but thats another story. Pete Title: Very true! I agree! Post by: genode on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to American men..., posted by newby Jim on Jul 9, 2001
I don't want to escalate this anymore either. I see it on both sides of the sexual coin as well. The dating scene does suck, big time. I just wish it wasn't so hard for the rest of us without baggage to hook up. I did not mean to offend you if I did earlier, but that has been my experience. It really seems most of the good ones are taken. All I want is to find a woman who will love me for who I am and be my best friend. Make the same effort to look appealing to me as I would to her so that we can romance and love each other to no end(emotionally and physically) and share the same beliefs and goals in life. It really doesn't matter where I find her but it is hard to find here. Off to the gym...see you all tomorrow. Title: Also thanks for posting.... Post by: genode on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Very true! I agree!, posted by genode on Jul 9, 2001
....it is nice to hear all points of view. I wish the best for your brother. I hope we all find what we are looking for in matters of the heart that is all that counts. You have a very good head on your shoulders and I'm sure an equally passionate heart. If you haven't already, you will make some man happy and you'll be happy too. NOW it is off to the gym. Peace?....Peace. Skol Vikings! Title: Re: American men... Post by: bret on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to American men..., posted by newby Jim on Jul 9, 2001
all women want a man with a good career and a future. but to get a good job and have a future, he has to dedicate most of his time to the job, so he can have a good career and a future. understand? i do agree with the lady that it cuts both ways. most men want young and beautiful, and most women want rich and powerfull, and somewhere in the middle, almost nobody finds what they are looking for. but, point is, a guy can't have a good career and all his time free to keep a lady pampered and happy. anyway, no smart, attractive woman is going to go for a guy that lays around the house all day! we gotta bring home the bacon, so YOU can relax, not us! Title: Re: American men... Post by: Houndog on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to American men..., posted by newby Jim on Jul 9, 2001
***7.too into their careers to have any time *** ^^^If you only knew how hard it is to find a cute, nice, ambitious guy. ^^^ doesn't the guy need a career or at least a job to satisfy this ambition ?? Doesn't that take time ? Sounds like you want what most AW want...something that probably does;nt exist..or at the best is very rare....A guy with nothing but time on his hands to give you attention....yet ambitious, which means makes plenty of money...Hmmmmm.... HD Title: Re: Re: American men... BTW Post by: Houndog on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: American men..., posted by Houndog on Jul 9, 2001
I forgot to mention...when you do find that guy you'll NEED to CHANGE HIM...to conform EXACTLY to YOU'RE IDEA of What He SHOULD Be and Act like....try heavy doses of Negative Reinforcement...nagging when he's late, nagging when he's tired, nagging when he wants to play hooky from work(to spend time with you) because he won't be making MONEY to buy the newer car, the bigger house, more STUFF to make you feel equal to your GF's and their husbands. After a couple of years you'll have him beat down into a shadow of his former self that you will have complete controll over. Just the way you want him...compliant....Hey Wait a MINUTE...NOW HE'S BORING....but the guy down the road isn't..... See Ya !!! HD Title: Tell him to get real Post by: Patrick on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get..., posted by newby Jim on Jul 9, 2001
I married a woman who was 2 1/2 years younger than me, 50 lbs less (and 10 inches shorter) and we're very happy after 4 years of marriage. I think the guys who try to push the limits do stand a much better chance of finding someone who's more interested in what they can do for them than how they feel about them. One thing that very few on this board talk about though is the other side. How many men are marrying women simply because they're young and beautiful? Sounds like there's two people potentially using each other to me and from what little I've seen of divorces that occur, the women suffer at least as much as the men do. Title: The Latin factor Post by: newby Jim on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Tell him to get real, posted by Patrick on Jul 9, 2001
We grew up in an area where there were a lot of Hispanics, and the guys treated the girls like sh!t.. controlling, cheating little @ssh0les. Are columbian guys like that ? If so, I can see where the gals would like to marry a white guy (or black guy).. they treat women better. A lot of the cute girls where we grew up wound up marrying white guys for that very reason. Title: Like you said in your post above Post by: JUAN on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to The Latin factor, posted by newby Jim on Jul 9, 2001
You know plenty of cute chicks who go nuts for guys that treat them like ****......it goes both ways, in every ethnic group/race their are a-holes, don't put us all in the same bunch.
I've been told by several AW that they will NEVER date an AM again. Title: Re: Like you said in your post above Post by: rick13 on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Like you said in your post above, posted by JUAN on Jul 10, 2001
I know a few latinos who treat their women like gold,and the women are the ones I would watch out for. Just because a girl is from a certain country does not mean she will appreciate a nice guy. Yeah, the interracial and latino thing is big in certain areas,with many AW preferring not to date white AM. That is a choice I respect. If a woman prefers black,Asian, latino, so what. But lots of guys have a problem with it. Much more so than with men dating a different culture. I think on the whole,men tend to be very possesive. A man may not even be interesed in woman of his culture, but is highly offended if she dates outside of it. Title: Re: Like you said in your post above Post by: Pete E on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Like you said in your post above, posted by JUAN on Jul 10, 2001
If they like being treated like sh-t a Colombiano can be their guy.We could have a little exchange student program here and send some AW south as we bring the Colombianas north.Maybe they wouldn't find nice guys so boring after a little bit of this kind of treatment.I think a big difference is because of their poor economy the guys playing around is not just a personal rejection but endangers the family welfare. Pete Title: Re: Re: Like you said in your post above Post by: JUAN on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Like you said in your post above, posted by Pete E on Jul 10, 2001
Why does a latino have to treat his woman in that way iyo? We're not all like that, I was taught at an early age that men who hit women are cowards, none of the men in my family beat their wives or girlfriends.
The reverse can be said for AM that want latinas. Title: Re: The Latin factor Post by: Red Clay on July 10, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to The Latin factor, posted by newby Jim on Jul 9, 2001
Sis, I corresponded with around 30-40 Latinas before I met and became engaged to the lady who is now my wife. They lived in Colombia, Peru, Venezuela, Argentina, Mexico, Bolivia, Brazil. Almost all of them volunteered to me the reason they were looking to meet a gringo was that Latin men don't treat women well. I didn't even have to ask. Title: Re: The Latin factor Post by: yc on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to The Latin factor, posted by newby Jim on Jul 9, 2001
Well, I can't vouch for or deny that notion about Hispanics eventhough I live in an area with a large population of Hispanics. I have yet to witness that kind of behavior eventhough I've heard negative rumors. What I have witnessed is that the men(Mexicans) as well as the women are very hard working. As far as foreign women seeking AM for marriage, one of the claims is that the local men are bad. They beat their wives, drink all the time, stay out all night, disrespect and sleep around on them. Many of these women believe AM are a better crop(we know this is not all entirely true) and for all intended purposes rich by their standards. See, we are not deluded about the money and material factor. At the same time, I do not believe these women are deluded either about their expectation regarding AM. The choice comes down to this, would you rather live in the tropics or hell? Both places are hot, but the tropics can be a paradise where hell can never be. Regards Title: Re: The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get real here Post by: DallasSteve on July 09, 2001, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to The Desperation Factor.. C'mon guys, get..., posted by newby Jim on Jul 9, 2001
If we wanted "someone who wants YOU and not your lifestyle" that would exclude the majority of American Women, too, now wouldn't it. Gotta go home now to my beautiful Colombian wife who's 21+ years younger than I. I love to see steam come out of an AW's ears. Steve |