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anybody with any experience in this area? personally, i could never have a relationship let alone get married to someone without first verifying sexual compatibility. this would take several months at a minimum to determine. how will this be perceived by columbian women? obviously, i'll be upfront honest about this when talking to these women.

... in response to pre-marital sex and Columbian women, posted by Stones on May 22, 2001

Some posts below are true that it depends on the woman,but I will venture some general observations.They are just that,a general impression from the people I have met and talked to(including my wife).
Colombiana's don't seem to be into casual sex.Sure you will find unmarried ones without children but some Colombiano probably worked on it a long time.The colombian guys seem to play this game of act serious,cort the woman,get them pregnant and then skip.It seems to be a national pastime.They may be working several at the same time.The Colombiana's in general don't want pre maritial sex because they don't want to hurt their families who they are very close to and are usually old fashioned about such things.
There is some pride in being a virgin and some women will do anything but intercourse.
Most of the women you will meet will want a very serious relationship before they will have sex with you,and even then some won't.I think if you could spend enough time with them you could score with them but you don't have that much vacation time.I think its a good idea to have sex before you marry.Most of us would never marry here without having
sex first.A good arangement might be to get the fiancee visa,that would prove sincerity on your part.Then I think the 90 day period isn't complete if you don't have sex.Otherwise you are taking a risk.
My wife is very conservative sexually and I don't think she would have gone for sex before marriage,even with the fiance visa.I just went ahead and married her and had some unplesant surprises in her attitudes about sex.We are getting it worked out slowly,and its far from what my ideal would be in this department.She is a wonderfull and honest person and I love her so I have hung in there.In retrospect we should have at least talked about it in depth.We talked about it in general.If she had told me things before marriage she told me later I wouldn't have married her,but I'm glad I have her so it worked out anyway I guess.I don't recommend proceeding this way,but its what I did.

Pete

... in response to Re: pre-marital sex and Columbian women, posted by Pete Eiguren on May 24, 2001

the icing on the cake.  Pete from the way you describe her though...you have the bakery. In time it will all come together.  May God bless your marriage and make it all that "BOTH" of your hearts desire.

David W

... in response to Re: pre-marital sex and Columbian women, posted by Pete Eiguren on May 24, 2001

d**n, brother. that was a good post!!! sincerely...if you love her, hang in there and maybe everything will work out.

... in response to pre-marital sex and Columbian women, posted by Stones on May 22, 2001

I won't say that you should or shouldn't have sex before marriage, but for me I wouldn't get a K1 visa if the woman wasn't willing to take that step first.  In many cases, and mine in particular, there is a big age difference.  I knew  I would enjoy being intimate with one of these beautiful young women, but would they want to be intimate with me, and older, average-looking guy?  Maybe you do all the visa work, she lands in the US, and some other guy is waiting for her in the airport.  What are you going to do then?

Two years ago at 43 I started writing and calling women in Colombia.  On my first trip to Colombia I met a stunning, young woman named Luz.  This lady was half my age at 21.  We went to lunch the first day and she said she wanted to marry me, but that she didn't want to have sexual relations until we were married.  Big red flag!  I didn't ask, she just broached the subject 1 hour into our first date.  I said, yes I would marry her, because hey, this is the most charming woman I have ever met.  But, not without some physical intimacy first.  She held her ground, I held mine.

I met another beautiful woman, also named Luz, the next day and she also wanted to marry me.  We made plans, I came back to the US, I started gathering documents, she stopped receiving my phone calls.  I never found out what happened, but about a week later guess who calls?  Luz number 1.  She says she'll accept my condition.  So I go back to Colombia and spend a wonderful week with her.  That was 2 years ago.  We just celebrated our first wedding anniversary.  I won the lottery.  This woman is the most beautiful, charming woman I have ever met.  I don't know why she's with me, but it looks like she's going to stay.

Bottom line, maybe her first offer without sex was legit.  Maybe not.  Do what you think is right.  You've got most of the power in this situation.  The woman in Colombia in most cases are desparate to meet a good man from the US.  But don't use these women either.  They are real human beings.

Steve Gaines

... in response to Re: pre-marital sex and Columbian women, posted by DallasSteve on May 24, 2001

Steve,   Its sounds your plan was a recipe for diaster. What you told us you did I would never do. You talk about whether you would marry someone on the first date and start the process after one trip to Cali ?  Come on !!! But it sounds like things worked just fine for you anyway. But I think I would be far more careful than you were. I also do not think I would base my decision strictly on whether she would consent to sex before marrige either.

If a girl that I met was a virgin I think I would respect her decision to stick to her guns. On the other hand if she had other sexual relationships it would be a different matter I think. Just some of my thoughts .......Ben

... in response to Re: Re: pre-marital sex and Columbian wo..., posted by BenKramer on May 25, 2001

Ben

Valid points.

Maybe I was just lucky.  I'd rather be lucky than smart.  Maybe I'm both.  I have a good friend who is methodical and careful.  He also sleeps alone.  He has been trying to find a foreign wife for 2 years.  So far he has a $30,000 hole in his bank account to show for it.

I think my plan was risky, but not reckless.  I knew that when the woman got here we would have 2 to 3 months to get to know each other much better before we got married.  Some people say that's visa abuse, but I don't see a legal prohibition against that.  I think that's part of the reason the system is set up with the waiting period.  If we changed our mind she could have gone back.

Furthermore, I was 43, twice divorced with children.  Not exactly a perfect record.  If it doesn't work out, it's not the end of the world.  So far so good.

No, she wasn't a virgin.  She knew that many foreign men are just "playing" with these women and she didn't want to be played.  That was never my plan.

One correction.  My decision to marry was never based on her consent to sex before marriage.  It was based on physical attraction and how we get along together.  She's very friendly and happy.  She makes me laugh a lot.  We listen to each other.  We exercise together, watch the same Spanish soap operas together, go shopping together. Every minute I spend with her is a blessing.  

And yes, the physical attraction is important.  I think she's the most beautiful woman in the world.  Other men find her very attractive also.  Men young and old, single and married, are constantly hitting on her.  

If I knew it was not going to last I would probably still have done it.  It's been the most wonderful year of my life.  I would do it again in a heartbeat.  I adore this woman!  I thank God for the time that I have with her.  Every marriage ends some day.  I hope this one is until death do us part.

Thanks for writing.

Steve

... in response to Re: pre-marital sex and Columbian women, posted by DallasSteve on May 24, 2001

Steve,

I like an appreciate what you have written.  Part of me wants to find out if sexual compatabilty is there with the girl I am corresponding with (and going to see in October), but also part of me wants to do this right and wait until after marriage.  In your opinion how do I bring this up, at least expectations or concerns about the sexual nature of our relationship? or what do I do if she brings it up first?

Curious and interested, but not wanting to ruin a relationship by bringing up sex if I shouldn't.

Sincerely,
David W

PS.  anyone can reply also

... in response to Re: Re: pre-marital sex and Columbian wo..., posted by David W on May 24, 2001

David

I think honesty is always the best policy.  I also think it's a good idea to get any surprises out of the way early in any relationship.  If you want a pre-nup, as I did, best to cover that early.  If you snore, or  whatever, better to find out early that there is no future in the relationship than to waste a lot of time and money and be diappointed later.

You have options.  By that I mean that you don't have to "go all the way".  It's possible to have pleasure without intercourse.  In my case, I offered the lady (who is now my wife) that we could be intimate without having actual intercourse.  As I wrote, she initially rejected the idea.  

She was no virgin.  I think she is neither promiscuous, nor a prude.  But she knew that many foreign men just want to play with these women.  She did not want to be played.  That was never my plan.

I still believe strongly, especially if the woman is much younger, that I would want a physical relationship with her before I start the visa process.  These women have a lot of incentive to get that visa.  I would want to be sure that she really can enjoy or at least accept being with me intimately.  She may actually have doubts herself, but she may want to live in the US so much that she tells herself she can accept being with an older man.  When the moment arrives she may balk.  Probably not, but...  

These are the concepts that I would want to discuss with her honestly, and early.

Good luck,

Steve

... in response to pre-marital sex and Columbian women, posted by Stones on May 22, 2001

n/t

... in response to pre-marital sex and Columbian women, posted by Stones on May 22, 2001

Stones. I am from Colombia, I could tell, upon my
personal experience, Colombian women think as you:
sexual compatibility is important.
I would not say ALL women agree pre-marital sex, but
most of them feel this is a subject which rely on the
kind of relation they establish with their partner, and
most of times this relation is (or should be) formal. I
mean this is an "only for couple" matter. Almost all
women I know near to my age, from 24 y.o. (I'm 29),
single or married, have or have had pre-marital sex. Of
course most of them, women I know, have colombian
men as their partners, however the basic rules apply to
foreign men too (for example you). Rules (I'm not trying
to say I understand women, it's just a feeling) are, they
need to feel they are begining a formal long-term
relationship, where honesty is essential. Formal
relationship often means (perhaps over there, too)
spend quality time together, to know each other likes,
preferences, and very important to latin women: you to
meet their relatives, close friends and, of course, her
family and/or parents. For latin women is very very
important you to know their life style, and see you can
respect and appreciate it.
I don't know how US women are, but latin usually (not
always, of course), if they are serious about you, won't
have sex for sex.
I hope had understood your inquiry.

... in response to Re: pre-marital sex and Columbian women, posted by odeew on May 23, 2001

Your comments make perfect sence and i understand 100%

... in response to Re: pre-marital sex and Columbian women, posted by odeew on May 23, 2001

Thank you for your post and your perspective.  What you have written, I would agree with from what experience I have had.

... in response to pre-marital sex and Columbian women, posted by Stones on May 22, 2001

.

... in response to See my Women are Women everywere post be..., posted by Jeff S on May 23, 2001

Jeff: The posts so far beg the question. If women are women and it's an individual thing between couples then why do American men travel half-way around the world to find someone? They could stay right here and find anything they're looking for! I suppose certain traits are common within a culture. American guys believe that Latin women possess certain traits which American women don't have. Is this correct? This was what my op was asking. Is pre-marital sex as accepted in Colombia as it is in the U.S.? (particularly when an American guy and Colombian woman are involved) Does anybody have any personal experience they could relate?

... in response to Re: See my Women are Women everywere pos..., posted by Stones on May 23, 2001

We don't like to see generalizations about Latinas, Colombianas, Brazilians, agency girls etc.

The very same people against that, will quickly generalize that American Women are, "cold, materialistic, femi-nazis", or that a woman you meet in a club dancing has questionable morals.

It comes down to guys not liking to see generalizations about their women, but it being fine to generalize others.

... in response to Re: See my Women are Women everywere pos..., posted by Stones on May 23, 2001

... some are and some aren't. I have a number of Mexican women working for me. Two come to mind, one a 27 year old virgin, has been on a number of dates but isn't satisfied with what she's found so far and is currently dating a doctor. They go to church and hold hands, but I think that's about as physical as they get. Another is 29, has 7 kids from 4 different men, the oldest being 15 years old - she's still not married but lives with the father of her latest baby. Which characterizes Mexicanas? Neither and both.

The reason most of us search overseas is because we haven't found anyone here. Few guys here would say there are zero women in the US that are suitable for us. Almost everyone on these boards say there are no, suitable, AVAILABLE women for them here in the US. That was certainly my case.

If you're looking for someone you can sleep with, you'll be able to find her in Columbia, the Philippines, Russia, France, Italy, the US or anywhere else. If that's important to you, fine. Remmeber, though, the character of women who'll sleep with you after getting to know you for a short time, may not be what you're looking for in a lifelong partner and mother to your children.

It's been my experience if you love someone, sexual compatability will result, because you'll do whatever it takes to make each other happy. Finding sexual compatability as a pre-requisite to love, seems to me like putting the cart before the horse. Don't get me wrong, when I was young and single I liked getting laid as much as the next guy, but now that I'm an old married fart, I have come to realize some of my earlier beliefs were just so much fantasy.

Just my 2 cents worth.

-- Jeff

... in response to pre-marital sex and Columbian women, posted by Stones on May 22, 2001

We get this sort of thing a lot over at the Russian board, where people ask questions that force one to make generalizations when it's not possible. "Do Russian women like/dislike such and such..." Some do, some don't. Every woman is different, and yet women are women all over the world. Know this before you embark on any endeavor.

Niall

... in response to pre-marital sex and Columbian women, posted by Stones on May 22, 2001

Each woman and couple is different.  The answer to whether a Colombian woman will sleep with you prior to marriage or not is easy-  Some will, some won't.  You'll have to take that up with whatever lady you meet.

... in response to It's C-o-l-o-m-b-i-a-n, posted by Patrick on May 22, 2001

Actually, in English it's Columbian
in Spanish it's either Colombiana, or una mujer de Colombia.
Never heard of C-O-L-O-M-B-I-A-N.

Mark

... in response to Re: It's C-o-l-o-m-b-i-a-n, posted by elabogado on May 23, 2001

I think the fact that we have some cities named Columbia throws people.  Every news article I've read in English spells the country name Colombia, and it's natives as Colombian.  Y no estuvé escribiendo español.

... in response to No, it's Colombia, posted by Patrick on May 23, 2001

hola hombre,

just a little question, please...how do you get your font to add the accents (i can never remember what they are called over letters for past tense and this one ~. so i don't have to write an~o. hey, thanks for you time. and for the board as well!!!

   bret

... in response to Re: No, it's Colombia, posted by bret on May 24, 2001

Press at the same time the key Alt (left bottom of your keyboard) + the numbers that are on the right of your keyboard as follow:

Alt + 160 = á
Alt + 161 = í
Alt + 162 = ó
Alt + 163 = ú
Alt + 130 = é
Alt + 164 = ñ
Alt + 165 = Ñ

After you press the Alt and type the numbers at the same time as indicated above release the key Alt and the font with the accent will show up.

... in response to Easiest and fastest way, posted by Georgina on May 24, 2001

THANKS! I've been waiting for this good suggestion! EOM

... in response to Easiest and fastest way, posted by Georgina on May 24, 2001

n/t

... in response to Re: No, it's Colombia, posted by bret on May 24, 2001

Go to your Control Panel, select keyboards, and if your ´puter is new enough you should be able to add a Spanish keyboard. As far as knowing the layout of the board, you can either buy a Spanish keyboard, or use trial and error.

... in response to Spanish fonts, posted by Bueller on May 24, 2001

what I did was as you say, go into control panel and get to keyboard, then select Internatinal - US from the menu.  It is really easy to use now.

People really interested should go to www.studyspanish.com and it will run you through it step by step and also tell about using the U.S. - International keyboard.  Es muy facil después.

¡Disfruten!

... in response to Re: otro método, posted by Edge on May 24, 2001

try www.studyspanish.com/accents/typing.htm. This is the correct page.

... in response to Re: No, it's Colombia, posted by bret on May 24, 2001

Here's what I did (there's probablbly an easier way, but...)
Find some large file full of random stuff, say a jpg or gif. Make a copy of it under the name Spanish.txt. Open it with word pad, now delete everything except the á é í ñ ó ú ¿ ¡  Á À Â Ã Ä Å Æ Ç É È Ê Í Ñ Ó Ò Ô Õ Ö Ø Ú Ù Ý Ÿ
á à â ã ä å æ ç é è ê ë í ì ï ñ ó ò ô õ ö ø ú ù ü ý ÿ
¿ ¡

and save it. Now, when you want to write in Spanish, copy this file into the beginning of your document and when you need one of these characters, use the copy and paste to copy it from the front of the file to where it is needed, finaly, when you message is about ready to send/save, cut the block of characters out and you're done.

Like I said, probably an easier way. And you don't have to open a jpg now, you should be able to cut and paste them from this message.