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American's reading habits

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the
country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the
country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run
the country and who are very good at crossword
puzzles.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the
country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running
the country -- if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the
country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure
who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running
the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another
country but need the baseball scores.

10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure
there is a country ... or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.
 
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the
grocery store.
 
12. None of these are read by the guy currently in office.

... in response to America's reading habits, posted by Luther on Apr 12, 2005

Why read that liberal garbage.  He reads the Bible and gets the truth.

The Bear Family

... in response to Hmmm..., posted by Bear on Apr 12, 2005

Preach on Brother, Hell Ain't Half Full

Texas Preacher

The Texas preacher rose with an angry red face. "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who
did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke. "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I just told a couple of
my girlfriends that you are a wizard under the sheets!"

The preacher fainted.

... in response to Mark 10: 13-31, posted by Luther on Apr 14, 2005

I sure hate to be you.  When its good you make it bad. When its bad you make it worse.  You look for friends then insult them, you ask for advice and criticize their experiences.  You take the things that made you what you are for granted and deny them.  You'll never be happy coz you got a full time hard on effort going at being miserable.  Wake up dude and smell the coffee.

Bear

... in response to ya know dude, posted by Bear on Apr 16, 2005

[This message has been edited by Luther]

"It does me no injury for my neighbor to say that there are 20 gods or no god.  It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg."
--Thomas Jefferson

In answer to your comments about my social abilities or lack thereof, I am somewhat autistic like Thomas Jefferson, Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, Nikola Tesla, and others.  I got mad when you responded to the joke I posted, which made fun of liberals as much as it made fun of Bush, by using the term liberal garbage and then saying that Bush reads the Bible.  I will eat any page of the New Testament that George W. Bush can quote from or pass a quiz on.

I do not claim to be socially acceptable, to know how to make friends or keep them, or to understand how to let go of things that make me mad without wanting to start a big fight.  Maybe you could teach me how by being better than me, instead of stooping to my level by taking the bait and getting involved in mud flinging.  By posting jokes on the forum I was trying to keep it light but obviously it didn't work.  If you're going to clue me in maybe you could do it by posting jokes back instead of responding to my jokes with generalizations about whole classes of people who differ from you on political issues.  If you're better than me, prove it and do the right thing socially.  I suspect that we actually have a lot in common.  I hope I'm wrong.  I hope you have a lot of friends, people you can talk to about anything without being condemned or rejected.  I hope your social abilities are way beyond mine, that you are a lot happier than me, and that your occasional need to snap at me is the exception in your way of doing things, rather than the rule.

Here's a quote from the joke I posted that you called "liberal garbage:"

"10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure
there is a country ... or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course, that they are not Republicans."

Don't you get it?  The joke was making fun of everybody, not just your president.

If you don't want to be my friend, then let's just ignore each other.  I don't like having to defend myself from someone because I posted a joke.  That's not fair, I was trying to be nice and the joke was making fun of liberals too.

... in response to Jefferson on religious freedom, posted by Luther on Apr 16, 2005

Actually, you'd have to eat a lot of paper. GWB can quote from the good book extensively from memory. We wwere at a rally very early on in the first campaign (Honey is a die-hard republican). It was at the behest of a Catholic organization. Dubya answered questions and discussed the Bible quite intelligently on the subject of war and government and general morals, all without a Bible or crib sheets in his hand. He quoted the passages, from memory, that helped him the most in overcoming alcoholism. Better than I could by a long shot, but I'm a backslider in religious matters and a Catholic in name, mostly. Honey's the religious scholar in our home. Heck, Adam and Eve were the first two disciples as far as I remember.

Honey on the other hand, can quote chapter and verse like a priest and will at the drop of a hat; especially when I am outside her good graces. Instead of yelling at me she'll begin to quote scripture. That's when I know I'm in trouble.

... in response to ya know dude, posted by Bear on Apr 16, 2005

[This message has been edited by Luther]

Thanks for your advice.  I will think about what you said.  I will try to ignore the tone you said it in.

Well I tried but I couldn't.

My initial response would be to ask you how you can be so informed about who I am and what I do when you don't know me, and how you can claim to be such a Christian when you obviously don't know anything about the teachings of Jesus.  Wasn't Jesus interested in things like tolerance, love, patience, and understanding?  Your world is apparently upheld by a "Christian" ethic that allows for dropping bombs on poor countries that have done nothing to hurt us.  You dismiss and excuse the acts of a sneering preppy rich kid president who has no conscience, AS IF he knew or cared anything about the Bible. AS IF he wasn't from a wealthy oil family and friends with the Bin Ladens.  Your president is an alcoholic cokehead jerk with no conscience and I don't care what you or anyone else thinks of me for saying it.  If you think spending another $81 billion on the war in Iraq was influenced by anyone's reading the Bible, then it's no surprise that you are ready to push my nose in the mud for posting JOKES on the forum.

If you think that anything ever changes for the better without thinking people going out on a limb and speaking their mind and risking ridicule for it, then OK, that is your thought process, and I can't take it away from you.  I don't think I have insulted you, and if so I certainly didn't intend to.  It is not an insult to disagree with someone.

I could go to a liberal forum and preach to the converted but that would be boring and pointless.  As it is I try to keep my mouth shut but I am so astounded to see otherwise intelligent people blindly following a hitleresque president into hateful, genocidal, multi-billion dollar conflicts, that I'd rather lose you for a friend than be polite, subdued and proper.

... in response to Re: ya know dude, posted by Luther on Apr 16, 2005

Nothing I said has anything to do with religion, nor was it a response to your post and if that was a joke post, I'm sorry but it went over my head.  

It was just what it was - information you need.  You ignore truth and embrace lies.  You preach the retoric but you clearly never read it nor practice what you preach.  Like liberals you try to associate yourself with heros and men of substance and intelligence throwing out name after name but you spew filth and deceit while claiming that its actually others that are really doing it.

If you were a top you'd win records for the speed of your spin.  Wake up dude.  Your racing at hundreds mph towards one miserable existence.  Can't you tell?

Bear

... in response to Re: Re: ya know dude, posted by Bear on Apr 17, 2005

That's what we used to say as kids when we were riding on our high horse.

Whoa Nellie!

Sorry my friend (OK you don't have to be my friend) but you have got me confused with someone else.

Luther

... in response to Re: ya know dude, posted by Luther on Apr 16, 2005

Hey Luther,

You really should consider not listening to dorks like Michael Moore any more. Your head is becoming full of mush.

I just love it when the liberals go berserk with all this hatred for GWB. I guess that shows he is doing something right…LOL!

How’s the wife doing?

Ray

... in response to Re: ya know dude, posted by Luther on Apr 16, 2005

I'm sure your right.